Disclaimer: Downton Abbey and its characters belong to Julian Fellowes.
She had changed her hair. For many endless hours he had admired her from afar; her hair, her eyes, her beautiful pale skin that only appeared at the top of her neckline and in her perfect delicate hands. Everything else was covered, but his imagination would run wild with the whole picture of her. He knew the sways of her body and the sounds of her steps and her breathing so yes, the first thing he noticed was her hair, and then her demanding eyes.
She asked him why he was there, why he didn't say anything, why was he hiding, and he answered to all her questions as best as he could, as honest as he knew how. And then, her demanding eyes turned into longing ones. The eyes he knew all too well. The ones he feared to spoil with painful tears and shattered dreams.
She managed a smile when he spoke about her new hairstyle and asked him what he thought of it.
Why would she ask something like that? Didn't she know the answer already? He loved her, however, whatever, whenever...and forever. To him, she was the epitome of beauty,grace and kindness. A true perfect being walking the Earth. A perfect being that had decided to be his with her all heart, soul and body. And for as long as he lived, he would never stop asking why she had chosen him. Why would she want to give her youth and the rest of her life to such an imperfect man. He would always find himself the luckiest man that ever lived, all because of her.
Then she said something he was not expecting. She had told him once,just before he left, that she would live with him in sin and he hated himself for that. That she was ready to throw away her honour and reputation for him and even so he left her there crying, without an explanation, without the answers she so needed to hear.
'It's not against the law to take a mistress, Mr Bates.'
Her words echoed in his mind, making it so hard to resist her. He was only a man after all. A man who loved her with all his heart and who wanted her more than anything else. But she was his Anna. His sweet and kind Anna, and he would not allow his lust to come before what was best for her. As difficult as it was to refuse her, he had to do it. But in that moment he loved her more than ever before, and he knew his love for her would grow with every passing second.
He told her he loved her and that it wouldn't be long until they were able to be together, as husband and wife, and she believed him. He saw hope and happiness in her eyes, and he only hoped he could keep them there,until their dying day.
Their goodbyes were difficult, for neither wanted to part. Seconds away from each other seemed as painful as trying to breath under water, but he promised her he would visit when everything was settled, and with his visit he would bring a wedding invitation for all their friends. He kissed her hand softly and caressed her cheek before she left, and for a moment longer he stayed there, watching as the bus drove off with his most beloved one.
That night, in his tiny room, lying on his small bed, he longed for her more than ever, but at the same time he was glad of his control. She would be in his bed soon, and he would love her wholly and truly, worship her every inch, and when morning arrived he would long for the night to come so he could love her all over again.
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