He told himself it was just a short look, that he was just going to check on her, make sure she was ok, that she was…happy. But he knew why he was there, he heard the voice screaming in the back of his mind, compelling him toward her, forcing his feet to walk, no, run through the woods toward her house.
He missed her.
No, there was more to it then that when he actually thought about it. He didn't just miss her, he was useless without her. He couldn't do anything, couldn't stand to be around happiness. That was why he had left his family. For the first time in over 80 years he left them, devastating Esme, and hid out, letting the misery overtake him. There was the distraction of tracking Victoria, but it was minor, and she was always there, calling him back to her…Bella. Even thinking the name hurt him, cut him to the core. He tried to avoid it, tried to avoid thinking about her at all, but his mind was vast and had the capacity to handle multiple thoughts at the same time, so, in truth, he was always thinking about her, and sometimes, only once in a while because he knew the pain of it would overwhelm him when he came back from it, he imagined being with her again. He imagined their reunion, where nothing had changed, where he confessed his undying, he smirked at the word because of the truth that it rang, love for her and his unyielding apology. That the words he said 5 months before were nothing more than lies in a misguided attempt to protect her, because he thought it was best for her. But she didn't care, she took him back, held him in her arms and assured him that her love hadn't, couldn't wane in the slightest, that she was undeniably his.
He pulled himself back from this fantasy before it went any further. The pain from knowing that this was not the case, could not be the case was exquisite. He had left for safety, because he loved her, and he could only hope that she had moved on, found something new, someone else besides him.
