Author's Note: This is just a random parody-ish one-shot idea that popped into my head when I was talking with a friend of mine about things. I hope you like this one. Also, it doesn't hurt to assume that people will understand the reference before I clarify what it is at the end of this. So… here goes! I apologize if it starts off pretty dark…
Disclaimer: I don't own any intellectual properties that just happen to be brought up in this story.
Titan Hauntings I Turn Loose
Raven, mystical half-demon empath that she was, had seen her share of bad missions, but nothing could have prepared her for what would be called the Titans' worst mission ever. There were multiple factors to indicate this. The first was the fact that Gizmo managed to figure out how to murder Cyborg. How tragically ironic it was that the first rule of zombie-fighting (Aim for the head!) happened to apply to one of the Titans' two biggest horror movie fans… Why tinker with the body when aiming his sharp-ended spider legs at Cyborg's skull would do just fine for Gizmo? Morbidly speaking, Raven noted that some grudges can only be one-sided for so long before the losing rival finally snaps and figures something out.
What was worse was the fate of the second Titan to fall in combat in what seemed to turn from a typical crime bust at an abandoned factory into a desperate last-team-living battle royale. Her poor beloved Beast Boy… For quite some time, she had struggled emotionally with her growing feelings for the kind-hearted green boy. If it wasn't her usual dilemma of her powers clashing with emotions, it was questioning herself about her perceived standards of guys, considering that Beast Boy was still the annoying, loud, reckless, dorky nerd he's always been. Wasn't she the kind of girl that wanted someone classy? Intelligent? Someone who can at least carry a stimulating conversation? Someone who actually has his life together (even though being a superhero did have certain perks)?
But, long story short, she ended up confessing her feelings anyway, an incident that was marred with an empath-induced exploding GameStation (to which, Beast Boy didn't care since he just heard the best news he would ever hear).
Luck seem to continue to be perpetually sour for the half-demon, as that confession was merely two weeks ago. Control Freak had used his remote to conjure up a pissed-off incarnation of Shao Kahn from the Mortal Kombat games. What truly was terrible was that the final boss was as 'cheap' as he was in the games, constantly pummeling Beast Boy with a rapid barrage of shoulder blocks, energy spears, and that damn war-hammer… Too bad that the changeling didn't have the superpowered endurance of the game's fighters…
Moments later, grieved by the sudden death of her long-time crush/new boyfriend, Raven had let Rage emerge in her four-eyed glory. The British thug of illusion, Mad Mod, has the unfortunate timing of being the current opponent of the empath at the time. Jump City Penitentiary wouldn't miss the arrogant wanker… A claw of black energy roughly grabbed the crazed redhead and tossed him aside in her initial outburst, sending him into the side of a broken-down manufacturing machine, leaving a body-shaped dent. Rage, like a living red-cloaked shadow, floated menacingly toward Control Freak, ignoring Starfire and Robin's own conflicts against Blackfire and Deathstroke. His video game minion tried to use his cheap move-set again, but Rage managed to 'glitch the system' by yanking the swinging hammer away from him and crushing his helmeted head into his chest. Fatality, indeed.
"Eep…! Uhh, look… Raven? Come on now… Easy… Titans don't kill, right?" stammered the rotund nerd, backing away. The four Trigon-style eyes glowed intensely.
"How dare you ask that after you killed my mate!" The duality of feminine and gutturally-demonic voices that was Rage was enough for Control Freak to literally soil himself. Moments later, the pungently foul smell of fat-guy excrement managed to piss the angry Emoticlone off even more, if such a thing was possible.
"Hey, don't blame me! You know how these things work! The better person won, fair and square! I mean, yeah, that's rough to lose a loved one, but he knew what he was getting into! He lost! I won!" Control Freak exclaimed cowardly as he ran backward as fast as possible. As typical coward's luck would go, he ended up tripping over a loose wooden pallet and fell backward, his ass cracking some of the wood on impact.
"Time to pay, tubby! Say goodbye to your bone marrow!" Rage exclaimed, baring her razor-sharp teeth at him in a sinister growl. In what would seem to be the only (somewhat) good-natured thought in the Emoticlone's mind, Rage would make sure that Beast Boy could rest easy.
The pallet that Control Freak was quivering on was suddenly covered in black energy and started to rise, hauling the overweight two-bit criminal up toward the high ceiling, Control Freak screaming all the way. The pallet suddenly floated over toward an imposing-looking machine with a conveyor belt. Rage ignored the concerned voice of Robin, who seemed to have somehow dealt with Deathstroke for the time being, noticed both Beast Boy's mutilated corpse and the tall red-cloaked demonic version of Raven, and had put two and two together.
"Raven? What are you going to do…?" he asked warily. The former protégé of Batman knew to be cautious as he knew the repercussions of what happened. He had figured that it would be extremely difficult for Raven to have a love life due to her powers. To have come to terms with new feelings after a hard struggle (it wasn't too hard for an observant leader like himself to notice at times, no matter how much of an expert 'poker face' she had) only to lose the one she loves that soon afterward… He could sort of understand how maddening that must be for her. Not completely, obviously. But enough.
He watched as the pallet carrying Control Freak suddenly broke apart, sending him falling onto the conveyor belt. Rage then concentrated her energy to activate and power the machine, which was some sort of crusher. The conveyor belt activated, pulling the scrambling nerd toward the entryway of the crushing device. However, the motion of the belt kept preventing him from getting to a stable standing position due to his body weight and center of gravity. He then tried rolling off, but at the last second, noticed that there was a drop of a few feet to the ground. And so he fell, landing on his side and ending up cracking his hip badly. Better to end up in a hospital than a cemetery, he supposed.
"I'd say he's beat…" Robin said dryly, knowing that the angry empath would've preferred a different outcome. Rage was about to snap at the 'walking traffic light' when she suddenly felt something in her chest. Something painful. She looked down.
The sharp end of a stalactite was sticking out of her chest… She stared at the piece of rock as her form already started to shrink to normal and the pain began to intensify. She couldn't believe it.
Someone had actually got her. And not just anybody, for she knew of only one person that could actually have a stalactite on hand in a factory, much less hurl one…
The empath, back to normal, collapsed to the ground, blood beginning to pool everywhere. Just how the hell did Terra come back anyway?
As she died, her last thoughts were of her green beau. Specifically, how she hopes that he won't end up where she knows she's going in the afterlife.
At first, she felt nothing. Literally, nothing. Not even the feeling of her own body. What was going on? Was this the start of her afterlife or was her soul still on her way there? She had little doubt of her destination, practically etched in stone due to her unholy genetics. She was Hell-bound, like her father. Having heard that Hell was a particularly vast realm of evil, she could only pray that she didn't end up within the direct vicinity of Trigon. Lord knows that particular devil would have a field day (or perhaps, a "field millennium"?) exacting revenge upon her…
After what seemed like days, she finally felt something. A warm, solid, flat rock-like surface, pressed upon her chest, torso, arms, legs, and a side of her face. She had apparently been lying face-down somewhere outdoors. 'Probably some barren waste not too far from some lava' she thought, not yet realizing that her eyes were simply closed. Minutes later, she had enough energy to move her right hand one inch. This transition to the afterlife was going to take a while. Either that, or perhaps this was the start of her sentence in Hell with torture yet to come.
Fifteen more minutes passed, or at least it seemed like a reasonable guess of time… In any case, she could move her head around slowly. With a soft groan, she opened her eyes, expecting the horrid hues of evil red. Instead, what she got was… a yellow-ish rocky path, black asphalt of the road that was paved upon the path, an orange-ish/pink-ish sky, and a bright sun? As her bearings slowly came back to her, she couldn't help but notice that this definitely wasn't Earth. For instance, the road and rocky 'sidewalks' were just that. Nothing else. It was just a long zig-zaggy strip of road hanging up over some extreme height. She noticed a couple of other hovering roads in the distance.
It was a half hour before Raven could push herself up to a kneeling position. Immediately, she noticed a change. Her cloak was red, like Rage's. But it seemed to fit differently. Reaching up to adjust her hood, she was surprised to find that the hood was completely gone! Looking at herself more, she seemed to think her attire was now a poncho…. And what was with the black spider-web pattern sewn along the whole thing? Lifting the poncho, she noticed that she was wearing a very form-fitting black bodysuit underneath it, leaving her head and her fingers bare.
All in all, it seemed strange that whoever ran the afterlife would randomly change a deceased's clothing… A few moments more and Raven managed to get to her feet. Other than the outfit, nothing else about herself seemed different. Still grey-skinned, still in shape, her hair just as she left it. She would trust that her face was probably unaffected as well. Raven took it as a bright side that her chest and back looked like it wasn't impaled by anything at all.
And so, with no clue as to where she is or what's supposed to happen now, she took one tentative step. Her legs were shaky but proved stable. Good. Progress, although Raven suspected that her empath powers were now gone and useless. But what could she do with them now? She was dead and couldn't get back to Jump City. Not much to do but put one foot in front of the other.
Time passed. How much was a mystery to Raven, since it didn't feel like time was passing in this realm and yet time still kept going. Bizarre, but Raven's readings into the supernatural had hinted at the possibility of realms with strange properties. Her musings almost caused her to not notice a couple of landmarks, placed on opposite sides of the road. Buildings placed on their own 'islands' of ground. The one on her right seemed to draw the most attention. How could it not with its ramshackle gaudy appearance. It almost seemed like somebody tried to create the Frankenstein of houses, what with different designs and pieces of house clashing with each other in a way that seemingly works.
Her eyes widened a bit at the huge sign near the top of the cobbled together home. 'It couldn't be… Could it…?' she thought with a sad glimmer of hope, staring at the two words embossed in giant letters…
'BB's Roadhouse'
Before she realized it, she walked upon the metal sheet that passed for a bridge. In the fleeting moments on it, her mind raced. 'It couldn't be him… BB could mean anybody. Besides, he just got here too… Didn't he? How could he already have a house? Unless whatever's in charge here assigned him it. Hmm… Strange.' As intelligent as Raven genuinely was, she was ever-so-confused about this place. Was this Hell? The area did seem sort of bleak...
She found herself standing before the double-doors of the Roadhouse. Socially awkward as she was due to her power struggles, she hesitated from knocking, the question 'What if it's not him?' blaring in her mind like a klaxon alarm. Two minutes later, she shook her head. What was she doing? She was Raven, Teen Titan, ass-kicking superheroine, and intellectual. She wasn't going to let the idea of mistaken identity take her down like this.
She pulled the little chain beside the door, causing a little hammer to smack a tiny skull, causing an off-sounding 'clink-clank!' to ring out. She had to smirk, it was a nice touch. It would've looked great in her old room back in the Tower… The Tower…. She sighed. She wondered how Robin and Starfire fared… 'No, can't think like that… I'm sure they did alright…' she thought just before the door opened and a familiar voice huffed…
"Whaddya want? Can't you…. Huh?"
Raven's eyes widened. It really was him. Beast Boy. Sure, his skin was a slightly paler shade of green with bags under his eyes and his hair even messier than usual. And yeah, his old Doom Patrol uniform seemed to have disappeared in favor of a slightly-filthy pinstripe black-n-white suit. But it was him!
"Raven…? Aw, no…" Beast Boy felt like the wind had gotten knocked out of him. Raven was HERE…. which meant… "They killed you too…?" he asked in a whisper. Raven, not knowing what to say, simply nodded. She could understand his reaction. Having known his happy-go-lucky self for a few years now, she wasn't surprised that he would be someone that would've preferred that she lived a long life with a lot of good events, happiness, and all that other sappy stuff, even if he couldn't…
Beast Boy sighed, that little action somehow conveying to Raven a lot of sorrow. "I'm sorry, Rae... Was it Shao Kahn?" he asked, feeling like he needed to know, not just for conversation. Raven tilted her head slightly to the side, a blank look on her face. A usual silent indicator that she didn't understand the reference, something Beast Boy was too familiar with. "Video game villain. He was that big barbarian guy that Control Freak killed me with…"
"No. I definitely recall Rage taking over when he… killed you… I was so angry…" she trailed off slightly, again wondering briefly how the surviving Titans are faring. "I smashed that guy with his own hammer." This caused Beast Boy to break out in laughter. Bittersweet reunion or not, she was slightly annoyed that she was interrupted.
"No joke? You hammered the hammer man!? Aw, that's hilarious! Guy wins all his fights by flattening people like nails only to be flattened himself! Ha!" As he guffawed, he himself suddenly got flattened literally. Raven took a step back cautiously, not expecting the sudden action. "Ow!" he exclaimed, despite still chuckling.
"What happened, Gar?" she asked, calling him by her preferred version of his first name. She knew they were both dead, but she still became concerned for his safety. He was clumsy enough when he was alive…
"Ah, yeah. Probably should've warned ya… I can't morph into animals anymore. Well, not at will, anyway. Not too sure what's going on, but when I say stuff, stuff happens…" the flattened pinstriped poltergeist explained, still amused by the fate of Shao Kahn. Raven raised an eyebrow.
"That explanation's real illuminating, Gar…" she deadpanned sarcastically. Already things seemed normal again, although there would still be some major things to get used to… Meanwhile, the green, black, and white 'street pizza' flustered.
"But that's all I know about it! I kinda just died too. Let's not blow up about it." he said, his body instantly inflating back up to normal proportions. "Hey, see? I say stuff and it happens. This time I said 'blow up' and…"
A soft explosion cut him off as his body literally exploded, leaving him a charred pile of ashes. "Dammit, I did it again…" the pile muttered, defeated. Raven could barely contain a smirk from her face. Then, realizing her predicament, she decided to smirk anyway. Even dead, Beast Boy was still the perpetual clown. If this kept up, she definitely wouldn't have a bored afterlife… Although she would still like to have a library of books and a supply of herbal tea around as well, of course.
"Alright, I see what you mean. Phrase-based powers, similar to how magical metahumans access their powers. Although yours seems to subconsciously react to whatever it is you happen to say. I would imagine it reflects your 'dynamite' personality." Raven explained, her smirk growing in amusement. Beast Boy had looked surprised as he regained his form.
"You… made a joke? You actually made a joke!" A grin broke out on his face. Perhaps he was indeed rubbing off on her after all.
"I guess I did. After all, why not? I seem to have lost my powers…" Raven explained. It appeared to be true enough, since she had felt emotions from the confusion of her awakening in this realm up to now and not even one rock was disturbed from any renegade bursts of power.
"Really? Even with your Azarath Metrion Zinthos?" Beast Boy asked. He wasn't sure what to feel, besides sympathy. On one hand, not having to deal with strict control of her powers would perhaps make way for a somewhat more expressive girlfriend (although he did love her sarcasm…when it wasn't directed at him, anyway. Well… admittedly, he sometimes DID like it when she zinged him with a good one for something he did). But at the same time, one of the things he really admired about her was how awesomely skilled she was with those powers in combat. If magical fighting could be considered an art form, Beast Boy would consider the half-demon a prime example.
"Haven't tried it yet. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm still trying to comprehend all this. All I know is that nothing seems to have blown up or gotten thrown around yet. Also, I can't seem to read your emotions anymore. Not that I have a problem with that, since you're so easy to read on the outside." she said, shrugging. Beast Boy frowned.
"You gonna be alright if your powers turn out to be completely gone?" he asked. After all, death can cause enough change to bring people way out of their comfort zone, in other ways than the fact that they're not living anymore. He knew that first hand with his new 'skill' before Raven's arrival.
"Yes, Gar. I should be fine. We don't seem to need to be superheroes anymore, so… Yeah." she answered, stepping into the Roadhouse. However, she was suddenly stopped by Beast Boy grabbing her arm. He seemed to look like he just remembered something interesting. Knowing him, it might not be all that good…
"Rae, I almost forgot. Come out here a second." he said, almost dragging her along as he floated over back toward the road, across the bridge. Raven almost snickered at the irony that Beast Boy could now fly (in human form) and Raven couldn't. Almost.
They approached the other 'island'. Sitting in the middle of it was what appeared to be a giant bull's skull. "HEY!" Beast Boy called out. "Good news and bad news for ya, ol' buddy! Come out, would ya?"
A moment passed. Then, the front door opened to reveal another familiar face. Although no longer robotic and looking 100% human again, Raven could never mistake her unofficial 'big brother' for anybody else.
"Raven…? Damn, I'm not sure whether to say it's good to see you or not…" Cyborg said, his usual boisterous voice tinted with momentary regret.
"Hello, Cyborg. Although it seems that name died along with you. Umm… No offense." Raven quipped, adding a quick apology.
"None taken, girl. If anything, I seem to be just The Cyborg Across The Street. But if that's too long for you, call me Victor." he answered, a somber smile forming. He couldn't stay too down forever. The past was the past.
"Why do I suddenly feel a prank coming on?" Beast Boy suddenly asked, the urge to prank seemed even too obscure for him. Cyborg shrugged and Raven rolled her eyes. Although, something about this whole situation… It just seemed a little too surreal. Probably just that feeling trying to be used to being newly dead…
"By the way, Babes. Nice outfit. Love the poncho." Beast Boy quipped, playfully tugging at the poncho. Raven turned her head toward her dead boyfriend, feeling particularly irked.
"Did you just call me… 'Babes'?" she said, the frosty tone of voice being a clear warning for anyone to steer clear. The green poltergeist's response started with a confused shrug. Perhaps her tone was a warning to ALMOST anyone…
"Yeah, guess I did. I dunno. It just felt… right." he finished lamely. As if he could explain why he was compelled to call her that. Truth be told, Raven couldn't explain why she began to feel like she had heard this before somewhere. And so she settled for a slap upside his head. "Ow!"
"Whatever. So… What now?" she asked. For it was a good question: What did they do now?
"Road trip?" Beast Boy suggested, somehow already wearing a Hawaiian shirt and carrying two overstuffed suitcases.
"A hoedown?" exclaimed The Cyborg Across The Street as he grabbed an acoustic guitar and a cowboy hat.
Somehow, a loud record scratch was heard. Everything stopped.
Cyborg? Doing a hoedown? And not even using a scrap of technology?
What. The. Hell?
Raven sat up in her bed, sweating. Taking a nervous glance, she started to calm down. She was in her room, same as it always was (save for a few of Beast Boy's favorite comics and toys, which Raven had organized). Looking next to her, she felt relieved. There lay her forest-green beau, sleeping peacefully with a dopey smile on his face. She rolled her eyes at that sight, figuring that he was probably dreaming about either the alleged 'next great video game' or Raven herself.
Part of her hoped it was the latter. In fact, she could immediately tell he was dreaming of her, since her empath senses started feeling a growing wave of lust tempered with love emanating from him.
Going back to her current troubles, she lightly facepalmed herself for having such a ridiculous dream about death. This kind of thing was more suitable for her boyfriend than her. Then again, it was amenably better than another dream about Trigon… But even so.
Tea. She needed tea.
Lightly slipping off the bed so as to not disturb her partner, she quietly left the room. Her dream seemed to follow her like a dark cloud. Or at least, a pinstriped one… Of all the abominable things to bother her… Entering the Common Room, she had immediately set forth toward the kitchen area, until her peripheral vision caught something in the light of the full moon. Curious, she walked over. A couple of DVD cases… Ones that belonged to Beast Boy.
It was then that she remembered what she and her boyfriend were doing before bedtime. Damn that insufferable 'imp' and his random TV urges…
This was the last time she would agree to a kill-em-all horror movie, immediately followed by a marathon of Beetlejuice cartoons…
Author's Note: Yep, Raven goes to the Neitherworld….sorta. Anybody else remember the early-90's Beetlejuice cartoon series? Man, good times… But seriously, this idea just came to me and I decided to type it up.
Curious question for all: Should I have kept going? Maybe make this a multi-part small series? Or shall I have not made this simply a dream? Feel free to answer by way of Reviews! I always appreciate reviews of any kind. So do please REVIEW. Thank you in advance.
