DISCLAIMER: Don't own anything associated with the show… I just like playing with the characters in it from time to time. Dance Monkeys! Dance!
RATING: Teen/PG
SPOILERS: Season 8
PAIRINGS: Nick/Mandy and a glimpse of GSR
SUMMARY: In the aftermath of Warrick's death and his friends moving on, Nick ends up losing so much more when he makes a life altering mistake.
A/N: I blame this story entirely on Beelzabunny. That rabid demon plot rodent chomped down on my brain and wouldn't let go until I finished this story. MAJOR angst alert! For the record, there are a total of 4 chapters, and they are all done except for the tweaking. Probably end up posting every other day or so, depending on how I resolve the ending.
REVIEWS: Reviews are the way I know if people are enjoying the work or not. So, if you leave one, THANKS! And if not, I hope you found at least a little something to brighten your day, and thanks for taking the time to read.


Chapter 1

It had been eleven very long months. Long and horrible. In that time, he'd lost two of his best friends, his boss and mentor, and his temper on more occasions than he wanted to recall. But none of that mattered. Nothing compared to the loss that ate at his gut every time he rolled over in that empty bed.

Losing Mandy was the worst thing that had ever happened to him. Nothing else cut him to the quick quite the way her absence did; not a hundred funerals, not a thousand Walter and Kelly Gordons, not a million friends moving on. He could endure them all, as long as he had her. But he didn't have her any longer.

Staring at the cold, smooth pillow beside him, he wondered what in the world possessed him to make the biggest mistake of his entire life. He still remembered the way she looked that last day, her mouth trembling as she desperately tried to hold back the emotions he could see in her glassy eyes. She wouldn't ask him to go, she wouldn't put that burden on him, but he still resented her because she didn't.

He knew the day would come that she'd have to start looking for another job, but he ignored it. She hated working for Ecklie, and she hated what the lab was turning into more than she could ever express with words. He saw it in her eyes, her lack of appetite, and the nervous ticks she seemed to collect on a daily basis. It was killing her to stay there, but she did stay…for him. He couldn't leave, not like that. Not without knowing what had happened to Warrick. But even when that day came, and the answers were in his hands, he kept finding reasons to stay.

When she got the call from the state lab in California, he knew she had to go. She was dying in Vegas, and he hated to see her in so much pain and misery, becoming someone he didn't even recognize. As he watched her shoulders slump after ending the call, he felt every ounce of her sadness, and he knew what she was about to do. She was going to turn down the offer to stay with him. He just couldn't let that happen, he couldn't put her through anymore of that pain, but he knew he couldn't leave with her either.

Without wasting a single breath, he went to the closet and pulled out his suitcase. As he began throwing everything from the closet into the bag, Mandy came into the bedroom. "What are you doing? What's wrong?"

He steeled his shoulders and took a few breaths before saying the words that still echoed in his head. "I can't do this anymore. You're falling apart every time I turn around, you hate it here, and you hate me for keeping you here. Well fine! I'm not keeping you anywhere, anymore." He stomped to the dresser and scooped up an armful of underwear which he then hurled into the suitcase. "You can't use me as an excuse for being miserable any longer. I'm gone!"

As he zipped up the case she rushed to his side and tried to stop him. "Nick, what are you saying? I've never-"

"Of course not!" He left the case on the bed and spun around to grab her by her now bony arms. "You just sigh and slump, and sit quietly on the couch waiting. Waiting for what? For me to take you out of here? To read your mind? I'm tired of it!" He swallowed the lump in his throat as he looked down into her frightened and deeply injured eyes. "I won't be anybody's burden, Mandy. I won't be the yoke around your neck. Go find some other sucker to do that for you."

He watched as she choked back her sobs. She tried to straighten up when she finally said, "If that's what you think, how you feel, then there's nothing I can say to change that." He saw the tears about to break free from the corners of her eyes "I'll go. If that's really how you feel. I'll go."

She took her emergency overnight bag from the hall closet, picked up her purse, looked back at him one last time, and with her hand on the door, she and then she bravely said goodbye, uttering the words that would be forever etched into his soul.. "I'm sorry that my loving you was such a burden. I hope you'll be happy now."

And that was the last time he ever saw her.