Alpacas

"B-b-but, EDWARD!"

"What?"

"I wanna keep the llama."

"It's an alpaca, Bella."

-overdramatic theatrical sigh- "Does it look like I care?"

"Actually, yes, it really does."

"Don't mess with me, Edward. I want to keep the lla- alpaca."

"Where the hell are we gonna put it?"

-pause- "In our room?"

"No way. I don't want a freaking alpaca thing the size of Emmett sneaking up and nuzzling our noses while we're having sex or something."

"How about in your closet?"

"Absolutely not! If it gets to one of my cashmere sweaters, I will not hesitate to rip it into miniscule pieces and feed it to the ducks near our house."

"Don't talk about him that way!"

"Him?"

"Yes, him. His name is Emmward because he really is the size of Emmett but…"

"But what?"

"He kinda reminds me of you."

"How so?"

"He's cute!"

"You think I'm cute?"

"Of course."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Wait, say it again, I couldn't hear you the first time…"

"YOU'RE CUTE, Edward."

-grins- "You are too."

"Don't call me cute. Call me sexy or beautiful or something."

"Fine, sexy. Then what gives you permission to call me cute?"

"I dunno… okay, you're incredibly handsome."

"That works."

-makes out-

"So… what were we talking about before this?"

"I don't know. Wasn't it something about a llama or something?"

"Oh yeah, the alpaca."

-silence-

"So can we keep it?"

"No!"

"Fine."

-makes out again-

TEH END, woah.