A/N: This is not related to the Young Gods Arc at all.
This is a standalone, it was meant to be a one shot, but I enjoyed writing this so there will be a second part haha!
Welcome to the early days of the King and Queen...
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Trials and Tribulations
Harleen waited patiently in the darkness of an alley way in the Bay Side area of Gotham City. She felt woefully ill-prepared for her next trial, whatever it may be. She'd fashioned herself a mask to disguise her face, just a simple black piece that wound around her eyes, hoping that it would be enough to throw anyone that tried to recognise her. She'd been on the run since the break out. Her head was a soupy mess of morals, rules, murder and Joker. But nevertheless, she was waiting for him as always. He hated tardiness, so she was always early at meet points. Always a good ten minutes early. It put her at risk of the Batman finding her, but the risk was worth it.
It had been a month since the incident at Arkham, she'd told Joker that she'd forgiven him. That she still loved him, but it didn't seem to be enough. He pushed her aside, he put her down like an unwanted puppy. She could make him love her, she knew it. She knew he was capable, but she had to prove herself worthy. She'd watched enough bad movies to know that unrequited love always ended with long passionate kisses in pouring rain. This was Gotham, rain was guaranteed. The kissing? Not so much. But oh how she wanted to…
"You want to love him, you want to kiss him, you want to fuck him-"
"Harleen, come on, go home, forget about all of this obsession!"
"You've learned a lot already, you could really put these skills to good use on your own."
"I'm shocked we can even hold a gun, let alone shoot someone, luck's a funny thing."
"Shut up," Harleen hissed as the voices in her head became talkative and loud.
"Doctor, you're here early," that voice called out from a car that had appeared in front of her somehow. "Again."
She jumped at his voice, but then a smile spread over her face. She was always happy to see him, regardless of what her new task was and her heart skipped a couple of beats as she studied him in the low light of the car. His green hair, pale skin and red lips were the stuff of her dreams and nightmares.
"I didn't want to be late-" Harleen started but he held his pastel white hand up, telling her to shut up. He got out of the car and she bit her lip, trying to hold back her smile. She was always happy to see him, always eager to know what he wanted her to do for him. She'd do it, she'd do anything he asked her to.
"Push him back in the car, rip his shirt off and do what you want with him, it's what he would do to you!"
"Your eagerness is… quaint," Joker told her. "But it'll get you done over by the Bat. Or the cops. I wonder how doctors fair inside Arkham?"
"Mister J-"
"With the accent, please, Harleen," Joker smirked. "You know how much I… enjoy your little Brooklyn secret."
He wanted Brooklyn? He'd get Brooklyn.
"Mistah J, I just don't wanna miss ya," Harleen told him. "I'm only early cos I don't wanna disappoint ya." He let out a quiet chuckle and she watched as the tip of his tongue ran out against the metal grill. She swallowed a hard lump in her throat as she looked into his eyes again. He smirked at her and he waved his hand at the other guy in the car.
"He has no idea what he's doing to you!"
"You're gonna have to get a bit harder to turn on, Harl, this just isn't okay anymore."
"Of course he knows, he's the Joker! He knows everything about us! He knows!"
"Harley, you couldn't disappoint me," Joker purred and he moved closer. She never knew what to do when he did this. Did she back out of his space, or let him get as close as he could? Her body screamed at her to let him touch her, it desperately needed him to give her some kind of contact, but the stubbornly rational little dark corner of her brain told her to run and run fast. She took a step back and slipped a little on the damp sidewalk. She lurched forward and landed on his chest.
"Hell yes!" all the voices cheered as his firm lean body pressed against her softer curves.
"Shit, I'm-I'm-" God you're a beautiful human being, she thought to the voices inside her mind, causing a giggle from the more immature ones. "Sir, I'm sorry sir, I didn't mean to-"
"Shh, Doctor," Joker grinned. She felt his hands slide around her waist and her heart thudded in her chest. He suddenly pushed her away and she felt like the air had been knocked from her lungs. He ran his hand through his hair and clenched his jaw. He snaked his head to the museum across the road. She saw each vein, one in particular that wound its way up his neck and all she wanted to do was lick and bite at it. Her mouth went dry at the thought and her eyes felt heavy.
"Get in there, steal the Harlequin diamond," Joker told her.
"But I haven't-"
"Go get it, meet me at the Iceberg Lounge," he continued. He sneered at the look on her face, she looked like a teenager, practically swooning in front of him. It made his skin crawl. Her pretty little body would be one nights worth of fun, but she'd been such an annoyance that not even a crash course in Joker-style BDSM would make it okay.
"I don't know anythin' about this place, Mistah J," Harleen told him. "My exits, my target, anythin'."
"Make it up as you go along," Joker said with a wave of his hand. "If you're going to be a part of my team, you need to be able to handle yourself. Get in there, get the damned diamond and then bring it to me at Cobblepot's place."
"Yessir," Harleen nodded. She stepped into the road and walked across, checking over her shoulder for any cops or security guards. She pulled two hair pins from the pocket of her jeans and she knelt in front of the door.
"One more thing, Harleen," Joker called out. She turned round with such force, she felt a little bit dizzy. "Take that stupid mask off. You're not a hero or a villain." She nodded and took the mask off with a slight pout. She was proud of it, maybe she should put it back on when she was out of his sight. She inserted the pins and swiftly unlocked the door, she scrambled inside and adjusted her glasses. She gave herself a second to get used to the darkness and started to make her way into the heavily fortified museum.
Joker watched as she disappeared through the doors and a wide smile split his face. He threw his head back with a loud laugh and he rubbed his hands together. Oh the joy of it, she'd fallen for his bait back in Arkham and now she was trotting like a gay lamb all the way to the madhouse. She'd been such easy prey, his only surprise had been the insanity that already lurked in Harleen Quinzel. Apart from that, she was a typical young woman. He'd used her low self-esteem, her intelligence, her desire to be taken seriously against her and now… now he had a problem. He didn't do 'side kicks'. That was Batman's job.
"Frost, drop our friends at the GCPD a tip off that the deranged and armed Harleen Quinzel is robbing the museum," Joker cackled. "It's our duty as decent citizens to report a disturbance such as this."
"But the girl-"
"I think she needs an extended taste of her own treatment," Joker said and straightened his jacket. "A few years in the Nut House should do the trick." Jonny looked at the museum and back to Joker before he started the car again. The Clown waited and listened as Frost disguised his voice and alerted Jim Gordon. Joker reached inside his jacket and pulled out his gun, he fired a shot through a window and he laughed again as the alarms rang out. Metal guards dropped over the windows and doorways. She was canned bait. His problem would be gone.
"Let's get out of here," he grinned. "We don't want to give her any ideas about her escape, do we?"
"Nah, boss," Frost nodded and sped away from the museum.
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~~~ HQ ~~~
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Harleen jumped when she heard a window above smash and then just a second later, the alarms started. She swore as the metal bars slid across the windows and doorways, how the hell was she meant to get out? Or get the diamond in the first place?
"Use your head, it's a test."
"Is there anything you can hide in?"
"What about that ventilation shaft?"
Harleen looked up to the ceiling and frowned. She saw the grate of said ventilation shaft and looked around the room. She could probably use her body weight to open it, but first she had to get up there. She was in a room of taxidermy and preserved animals, nothing that was obviously going to help her. There was a large glass jar of some kind of preserved whale foetus and she undid the lid. She managed to wedge the glass on the door frame, so when it was forcibly opened, the formalin would drench the cops beneath. She smashed a glass case and carefully placed the smaller preserved mammals on the floor. She dragged stand to stand underneath the vent and climbed upwards. Her finger tips brushed the vent grate and she growled in annoyance. She bent her knees and bit her lip, she had one shot, the old stand would break with the force of her jump and then she'd be a sitting duck.
"Come on, Harls," she mumbled. She sprung upwards and grabbed the metal bars. The wooden stand clattered to the floor and broke into several pieces. She used her bodyweight to tug on the metal and one side of the bolts snapped and the grate was held by two only. Harleen managed to swing herself just right to be able to clamber into the shaft.
"Gymnastics paid off finally."
"Mom would be so proud."
"Mom would be too drunk to notice."
"Shut up!" Harleen demanded. She crawled as quickly as she could through the cold metal shaft. She peered down through the grates as she passed different rooms. She finally found the room with the harlequin diamond, but her stomach dropped as she saw red lasers surrounding the glass case in which the diamond was held. She heard the clatter of feet and she saw some GCPD cops arrive in the room below. They were armed and torch light lit the way ahead of them. They checked the room before they mumbled a clear and moved onto the next. Harleen took a deep breath and counted to ten before she dropped down. She landed quietly and stayed squatted down on the floor for a moment, just to make sure she was alone. The Alarms were still blaring so she walked over to the case containing the Harlequin diamond.
"Huh, this is what Mistah J's got his knickers in a knot for," Harleen mumbled. "It's just another rock." She used the butt of her gun to smash the glass casing and she picked the diamond up off it's holder. She pulled a small black material bag from her pocket and she put it inside. She looped the handles around her belt loops and secured it so the package wasn't going to be separated from her. She ransacked the rest of the room and added a few more pretties to her collection before she clambered back up into the ventilation shaft.
"Right, now how do we get out of here?" Harleen sighed.
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~~ HQ ~~
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"And she just walked straight into the museum?" Oswald Cobblepot asked, a glass tumbler of whiskey in his hand. He downed the alcohol and let out a laugh. "Joker, it's good to have you back, but why couldn't you have brought her here? We always need girls that are easy to manipulate."
For some reason Joker felt a flash of possessiveness and jealous rage. His blue eyes darted up at Penguin and he clenched his jaw tightly. His hand fisted in the table cloth and he tensed his back a little bit. His mind whirled. No, he didn't want Harleen. But he wasn't about to let Penguin talk about his project like that. He rolled his head on his neck and jerked his chin to the side to stretch the tight tendon in his neck.
"She would've looked good on one of the podiums," Cobblepot continued. "A pretty little fake blonde would go nicely with the rest of these skanks."
"If you'd like a beak to go with your wings, carry on," Joker snarled. "She'll be well on her way to Arkham now."
"Touch a nerve, did I, Joker?" the cockney man smirked. "I thought you were getting rid of her. Arkham's turned you soft in your old age."
"She's gone," Joker hissed. He pulled his gun and fired a bullet into the head of Penguin's right hand man. "Soft? You want to do this, Pingu?" there was a frustrated silence from Cobblepot and he growled out his orders to clear up the mess. More drink was brought to the table and Joker swirled his whiskey around his glass. Despite his heinous attitude, Penguin did get the best drink in Gotham. He made a mental note to blow up the truck that would deliver the next order to the Iceberg Lounge. Joker was about to speak again when he felt a hand touch his shoulder. He looked round to see Frost and he wrinkled his nose irritably.
"Boss, she's… she's here," Frost said, a slightly bemused look on his face.
"Who?" Joker asked, frowning.
"Mistah J!" Harleen cheered from the doorway.
"You've got to be kidding me," Joker sighed and took a deep breath with his eyes closed.
"What do you want me to do with her?" Frost prompted.
"Shoot her and throw her in the river," Joker muttered, making Jonny smirk. Joker kept his eyes closed and waved his hand in Harleen's general direction. Jonny moved to the side and Penguin watched with a smug grin as Harleen pretty much skipped over to their table. Joker felt his anger double and he looked up at her finally as a black cotton bag touched the table.
"Mistah J, I did it," Harleen told him excitedly. She tipped the contents of the black bag onto the table in front of the Clown Prince. "I didn't just get you the harlequin diamond, I got you more. I figured why not, the Bat wasn't there and the police went straight passed-"
"You managed to break out the Harlequin and the twenty smaller diamonds out of a locked down building?" Joker growled.
"Yeah… I mean, that's what you wanted me to do, right?" Harleen said cautiously.
"Of course, pumpkin pie," Joker cooed and Harleen felt her heart flutter. He stood up and smoothed his hand over her cheek. He wanted to hit her, he needed to hit her, but he couldn't. Not here and not now. But the lovesick Doe eyes were driving him to distraction. Those pretty lips begged him to claim them, he wanted to tangle his hands in her long golden waves and curls and he wanted so much that in that instant he didn't want her near him at all.
He needed to destroy her.
He picked up the Harlequin diamond and smiled at the sight of it. Free of it's protective cases, it was so much more beautiful than he'd remembered from his first attempt to rescue it. It was such a shame to have such a pretty thing locked away, especially when it was worth so much on the black market. His eyes drifted up to Harleen and he studied her again.
"I did good, didn't I puddin'?" Harleen asked.
He couldn't help himself.
His hand flung out and his palm caught her cheek with surprising speed and force. He grabbed and handful of her hair and made her look at him. His eyes were wild and everything screamed at him to just get rid of her there and then. A few strikes with the diamond would turn her brain into soup, the knife in his pocket would be good for an amateur dissection. He could've blown her head to pieces, watched it spatter over Penguin and laugh as her body slumped to the floor.
Not enough. Not good enough for her.
So he slammed her head on the table and watched as she fell into unconsciousness. He gathered his diamonds up and left her on the ground. He stepped over her body and looked back round to Penguin.
"Nice doing business, Blubber-butt," Joker told him. "Frost, take care of our merchandise. I'm going for a drive." He cast one last look down at Harleen and turned on his heel. He grabbed his cane and strode out of the Iceberg Lounge. He got back into the solitary space of his car and started to drive around Gotham. How the hell had she gotten away from the cops and Batman? How had she managed to get around Gotham so fast too? She was definitely a special kind of insane and under different circumstances he might have appreciated it.
Circumstances weren't different. He didn't need a side-kick, much less a girl to get in his way. At least Frost was helpful. At least Frost knew how to pull the henchmen together. But the blonde? She was a distraction at best, an actual emotional attachment at worst and he wasn't going to figure out which one it was, if he could help it of course. He was driving down the highway when he saw a motorbike in his rear-view mirror.
"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" Joker shouted. He put his foot down and tried to pull away, but the bike caught up. He kept his eyes dead ahead as his anger grew again. She pulled alongside and he stupidly looked. Something about this particular female, with a look of anger in her eyes and that pretty body of hers on a bike definitely did something to his blood pressure. She took off in front of the car and he prepared himself to run her down as she put her bike on its side in the middle of the road.
"Do it, do it," he told himself before he lifted his foot off the gas and slammed down on the brake. "You."
"You're not leaving me! You're not leaving me!" Harleen shouted and slammed her hands down on the bonnet.
"You, you, you are a pain the ass," Joker said lowly before he threw open his door and got out, a look of disbelief on his face. She was tenacious, he'd give her that.
So he took her to ACE when she didn't leave, when she refused to let him go. He made her make promises that he had no intention of letting her keep. He watched as she lined herself up at the edge of the walkway. A slight breeze in the wrong direction and she'd splatter on the floor like an egg from a kitchen counter. He watched as she dived down into the acid and for a moment, he smiled. His problem was gone. He walked away and left her to drown.
Until he couldn't.
His chest tightened, the voices in his own head screamed at him to go for her. He felt emotional pain, something he'd not felt since before his transformation. It hit him like a train and he pulled off his jacket. He jumped in after her and brought her to the surface. He pushed air into her lungs and allowed himself to enjoy the press of her womanly body against his as she kissed him.
"This is going to be fun," he grinned.
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