Disclaimer: All that is romyness is not mine, and neither is any of the other x-men stuff. Yah...
This was written in response to Jaganashi's song fic challenge posted on her message board. The requirement was that it be written around the song "Loser," by 3 Doors Down. I also must recognize "Romeo and Juliet," by William Shakespeare (or more, Edward deVere), and The Lovely Bones, by Alice Sebold, as obvious inspiration behind my story. Enjoy!
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I still remember the feel of his lips against mine. I still remember the taste, the moment. It's the only thing I have to cling to now. The only thing that keeps me from being driven insane by that song. Everywhere I turn here it's playing. All is tailored in my personal hell...
~ ~ ~
I laid back on my bed, listening to my favorite CD, The Better Life, by 3 Doors Down. I had just put it in, after putting away my journal, which was now comfortably sandwiched between my mattress and my box spring.
The first song echoed through the strangely quiet room (Kitty wasn't home). That song has always given me strength. Every time I hear it, I feel so empowered and so safe. Maybe, if that song had been playing, I would have been stronger. But it wasn't.
Silence filled the room, and the CD went on to the next track. Heavy, more somber music radiated from the speakers, casting a mood less than pleasant.
I closed my eyes, and let it take me, feeling the words flowing through my being, and believing every one of them as truth, as natural.
Breathe in right away, nothing seems to fill this place
I need this every time, take your lies get, off my case
Some day I will find, a love that flows through me like this
This will fall away, this will fall away
A rap at the window caught my attention, and I pulled myself away. There was Remy, looking in pleadingly. I opened it quickly, and he fell inside, spilling blood onto the carpet. It flowed heavily from a hole, a gaping, ragged hole in his stomach, staining the carpet scarlet. He looked up at me with his dark eyes, but they were near empty and bloodless, faded almost to that point of obscurity that haunts the living.
I fell quickly to his side, holding him up, trying to ease the pain. "What happened?" I asked, voice frantic.
"Sabretooth," he managed to mutter. He had been slowly getting to his feet with my help, but now he fell again, pulling me down under his weight.
He looked at me with those eyes, so different than how I had once known them. How could this be happening? Through tears, I tried to calm him, stroking his face. "It's goin' to be okay. Ah'll go get Mr. McCoy, and everything'll be okay."
"No," he said, shaking his head sadly. He had given up on moving, and now had speech under his power instead. "It's over."
He sounded so ready, but I still couldn't accept it. "But why?" I sobbed.
"Since Magneto lef' us, not'in's been right. De fights..." he trailed off, closing his eyes as the pain gripped him. "We were neve' a team."
He opened his eyes again, and looked into mine. I became lost in their loneliness.
You're getting closer, to pushing me off of life's little edge
Cause I'm a loser and sooner or later you know I'll be dead
You're getting closer, you're holding the rope and I'm taking the fall
Cause I'm a loser, I'm a loser, yeah
My tears splashed onto his face, and he slowly and painfully wiped them away with his gloved hand.
"Do you love me?" he asked, tenderly.
"Yes," I whispered, clutching at his hand and holding it by my face.
His head fell a bit, and he struggled to breath, finally managing to say, "den end dis."
I raised my head, lowering his hand and loosening my grip. "What?"
"End dis now. Fo' me. Please." The last word came out as a gasp, a plea for mercy.
This is getting old
I can't break these chains that I hold
My body's growing cold
there's nothin' left of this mind or my soul
Addiction needs a pacifier
the buzz of this poison is taking me higher
This will fall away, this will fall away
"But..." I stammered, "I can't lose you! Never." I stood, ready to fetch Mr. McCoy.
"Rogue, no," he said, clutching at my pajama leg. He gathered himself, and spoke steadily. "It's gonna end. I jus' want it to be beautiful. Please, Rogue, let my las' moments here be beautiful."
Mesmerized by his eyes, I kneeled again to the floor. He grabbed my hand, and placed it on his waist, then leaned in. It was so magnificent, yet it was hideous. His lips were chapped, and felt rough against my own. He pushed himself against me, working his tongue into my mouth, obviously trying to savor the moment. It was only a second, though, before he began to shake. I could feel myself absorbing his powers, his memories, his thoughts... his life. His life flowed into me, merging his own soul with mine. He was making a second home within my brain, a place where he would be perpetually present as a leech, never to die until his dependency was cut short by my own death.
As he fell away, my tears fell onto the carpet, mingling with his blood. I could feel him in my head, taking root.
"Why?" I screamed as loud as I could, falling down on top of Remy's prone body. "Why do ya have to go? You cared... Ah cared... you're me now." Drawing myself up, I punched his still form. "If you're goin' to die, then die, damnit!!"
Sniffling, I stood, and staggered over to my bed, muttering to myself:
"Ya stole the sweet poison from mah lips, but ya left none fo' me, dear Remy, ya left none fo' me. It's so cold now, so cold. Can ya feel the stillness now, Remy? 'Cause Ah can't. The air is full of you. Ah'm full of you." Tucking the sheets around myself, then over my head, I screamed into the covers, "Ya've stained me! Go away!"
You're getting closer, to pushing me off of life's little edge
Cause I'm a loser and sooner or later you know I'll be dead
You're getting closer, you're holding the rope and I'm taking the fall
Cause I'm a loser, I'm a loser!
Pulling the covers back under my chin, I whispered hoarsely. "But ya won'. Ah have ta go with you. But, Ah guess tha's just what ya wanted. An' now, it's what Ah want too."
Concentrating, I pulled Remy's powers forward, and focused them all around me. The bed and sheets began to glow, but I didn't release it. Focusing all of my energy, the light of the sheets began to pulsate, and they became hot around my body.
At that moment, my bedroom door slammed open, and Scott and Jean and Kurt filled the door, blocking out some of the light that spilled in from the hallway.
"Rogue, vat the hell are you doing?" Kurt cried, taking in the pool of blood that surrounded my dear Remy and the pulsating, sickly air that surrounded me all at once. Jean just stood there in shock, already knowing the whole story, while Scott could not find words.
"Ah'm givin' him an end," I responded, though my voice seemed to go beyond Kurt's ears, like they were never meant for him in the first place. They weren't. They were for me. I spoke in a monotone voice one last thought before setting myself ablaze: "He stole mah poison, so now Ah'm takin' his."
With that, I let go. The room was filled with a magnificent light before reality was torn apart. Jean and Scott and Kurt were thrown back into the hallway as my bed flew in all directions at once, taking pieces of myself with it. The force of my exit blew Remy's body apart too, and our bodies once again mingled in the blood and gore that now covered the walls of Kitty's room.
You're getting closer, to pushing me off of life's little edge
Cause I'm a loser and sooner or later you know I'll be dead
You're getting closer, you're holding the rope and I'm taking the fall
Cause I'm a loser
~ ~ ~
Kitty doesn't go into that room anymore. No one does...
Remy and I see each other here, every now and then. We haunt each other, and torment each other's souls, and it is only when we both hate that we appear to each other's eyes. And that song... that song is always around, filling my brain and my insides and my blood. The same blood still dried into that wall. The same blood that used to be red but is now black. The same blood that has wrapped itself around the blood of my Remy... my love... my destroyer.
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Author's Note: I'm crying... poor Rogue... poor Remy... why does my mind have to harbor this kind of stuff?
Well, review, please. This is my first song fic ever, so I hope it's not disappointing. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go cry some more.
