A/N: The sequel to "A Series of Very Criminal Activities".

This is a very weird and… crazy story. It's not much of an action story (though of course with the Ryodan involved, you can't avoid all the violence and gore etc entirely). The Ryodan wouldn't appear much either, because it is a romance story and the Ryodan isn't very romantic in my opinion, so for those who wanted to see more of the Ryodan, I apologise.

And… I have nothing else to say but this: after you're done reading this chapter, please forgive me, I knew not what I have done.

Hunter X Hunter does not belong to me.


A Series of Romantic Burning Buildings

The building was on fire but that was the least of his worries. Kuroro leaned back on bruised, broken arms and coughed violently into his hand. Black phlegm came out, tinged with blood. That… didn't look too good. With a sigh, he leaned his head back and stared through the smog filling the room. Across from him stood a woman, as bloodied and as bruised as he was, staring into the darkness with a look of intense concentration on her face. Then when she felt his gaze on her, she turned and looked at him, giving him a full view of her face drenched in blood.

For a moment, Kuroro and Midoya could only stare at each other over the expanse of black smoke rolling around them. Then Midoya started to laugh, painfully at first, but gaining strength and momentum as hilarity built. After a while, Kuroro joined her and they collapsed on the ground, laughing hysterically together.

And so this was how it would end. Kuroro smiled ironically as smoke filled his lungs. Who would have known?


The box in front of him had been sitting there for a while, but no matter how much Kuroro stared at it, it just didn't seem to make sense. Neither did the letter that had come with the box. Glancing at the piece of paper in his hand, Kuroro turned it over and over, just as he had been doing for the past hour.

There were clues that hinted and suggested things to him. Midoya's neat, elegant handwriting, for example, told him that the letter was addressed to him. That was simple enough. However, the contents of the letter, a mere five sentences, did not make any sense to him at all.

Finally, Kuroro got to his feet, put the letter in his pocket to free his hands, and picked up the box. With a firm and quick stride, he walked out of his private quarters and into the common space of the base. It was a lot emptier than usual. Since the Ryodan wasn't on any mission in particular and since Kuroro wouldn't be well enough to plan anything for a while, most of the members had gone off to do whatever it was they did in their free time. Still, a few members had stayed behind, mainly, Kuroro suspected, to watch over him. Given how the members present changed every couple of days, he had a feeling that someone, most likely Shalnark, had come up with a roster for 'Dancho watch duty'. He didn't actually mind it that much since it was surprisingly nice to have someone around at his beck and call at all hours. All he needed to do was cough and look as sick as he could, and he could get them to do just about anything for him, including shining his boots, laundering his coat and buying his meals for him.

Though Kuroro was aware that Machi and Nobunaga were around somewhere, the first member he caught sight of was Shizuku, curled up on a piece of card box as she read a book. Immediately, Kuroro changed his course and headed straight for her.

"Shizuku," he said solemnly.

Shizuku looked up from the book and blinked at him. "Hello Dancho," she greeted formally.

"Shizuku, look at this." With a flourish, Kuroro presented the box to her. "Tell me what you see."

Obediently, Shizuku peered into the box. "A toothbrush," she replied after a while and with obvious pride. "And a razor."

"A most succinct observation, Shizuku. What else do you see?"

"A can of shaving cream and a pair of shades," she said immediately, getting into the swing of things. "And… a belt."

"Correct. And?"

"Underwear. Male briefs, grey, in a medium size," Shizuku declared, obviously harnessing the observational skills that made her an excellent fighter. "Is that right?"

"Yes, you are absolutely correct."

Shizuku peered up at him curiously from over the rims of her glasses. "Is this important?" she asked. "Are we going to steal underwear during our next mission?"

"No, Shizuku. The significance of these items lies not in their value but their owner." Kuroro frowned at the contents of the box. "Those are not just any briefs. They are my briefs."

Shizuku observed said article of clothing a while more and nodded solemnly. "They are about your size," she agreed.

"In point of fact," Kuroro went on, delving deeper into the box, "this is my shirt, my trousers, my belt, my comb, my razor, my toothbrush, my cologne and my hair gel."

"You're right, Dancho. I've seen you wear them before and that cologne smells like you."

"But," Kuroro continued, "these are not just my possessions. They are the very same possessions I leave at Midoya's penthouse. They are my spare outfit and toiletries for the odd occasion when I stay over at her place."

Shizuku frowned, obviously thinking hard about that. "Well then you're not doing a very good job of leaving them at her place since the items are here," she pointed out reasonably.

Since that was impeccable logic, Kuroro had to grant her the point. "Yes," he agreed. "And the reason for that is because Midoya had sent them to this place. To me."

"Huh? Why? You can't use them at her house if they are here."

"That is the question," Kuroro declared, "and here is a clue." With another flourish, he whipped the letter out of his pocket and presented it to Shizuku. "Read it."

Obediently, Shizuku took the letter and opened it. "Kuroro," she read, "I think it is best if you never come by my place again. Here are the items you left with me. If I missed out anything, contact Julius and he will let me know. Thank you for the many pleasant times we spent together. Goodbye. Midoya."

"What do you think that means?" Kuroro asked, bemused. "I do not understand it. Where am I to meet her, if not at her place? Could she possibly be moving? If that is so, why didn't she just send me her new address? Why should I contact Julius for help if I have her number?"

Shizuku blinked up at him from over her glasses. "Oh Dancho, you silly. It's so obvious," she said brightly.

"What is it?" Kuroro asked surprised Shizuku could comprehend this when he couldn't. "What does this all mean?"

"Easy." Shizuku beamed with pride. "You've just gotten dumped."


At first, Kuroro was inclined to dismiss Shizuku's conclusion as incorrect. Why would Midoya dump him? What had he done to incur her displeasure? Nothing that he knew of at least. If anything, she had been the one who had gone out of her way to annoy him, with the whole Infinity Gem episode. If anyone was dumping anyone, it should be him dumping her. That she would initiate a break-up was beyond the scope of reasonable speculation.

However, when he located Machi and shared the perplexing package and Shizuku's conclusion with her, he was shocked to discover that she was in agreement with Shizuku.

"She's dumping you, Dancho," Machi told him.

"No," Kuroro protested stubbornly. "What logical reason would she have for dumping me?"

"I have no idea, but the evidence is there," Machi argued. "The only reason she would return your possessions to you is if you wouldn't ever need to use them in her presence anymore, right? And under what situation would you never have to use them in her presence again? A situation whereby you wouldn't be staying over at her place for any length of time: i.e. a situation where you wouldn't be sleeping at her place."

Kuroro wanted to protest more, but Machi's train of logic was regrettably sound for someone who relied so much on intuition. Deciding that a second opinion was insufficient, he had next hunted down Nobunaga to acquire a third opinion.

"She isn't dumping me, right?" Kuroro demanded after showing Nobunaga the evidence.

"Uh… sorry, Dancho," Nobunaga replied, and the expression on his face was enough answer.

Miffed, Kuroro sat back on his cardboard box and surveyed the cringing Ryodan members with an air of disbelief. "I still cannot believe she is really breaking up with me," he said, chin in hand as he frowned elegantly at the items in the box. "What logical reason would she have for breaking up with me? Midoya is a very rational person, and I cannot imagine her doing anything without a perfectly reasonable explanation for it."

"Well," Machi said with a shrug, "there is one way to find out."

"Indeed," Kuroro said and drew out his phone. "Excuse me for a minute while I call my lover and ask her what on earth she thinks she is doing."


It was that time of the day where it was too early to be dawn and too late to be night. It was the intermediate stage, the in-between, the liminal space of the day, in other words, the point in thirty-six hours where nothings happens, which was why Midoya was sound asleep when the call came.

The phone ringing drew Midoya out of a restful, dreamless sleep. Groggily, she tried to reach for her phone, but couldn't seem to get her hands out from under her pillow. It took her a while to realise that it was because her head was lying on top of her hands and she had to raise her head to release them.

Clumsily, she extracted her hands and tried to sit up. The world tilted like the craziest rollercoaster ever, and Midoya groaned in agony. She was really hung over. Pepeka and she had gone out last night and boy had it gotten wild. It wasn't easy to get her drunk but when she did, she did. Fortunately Pepeka had left before the wild things began. Come to think of it, what were the wild things that had begun? Midoya had the vaguest memories of smashing a bottle over someone's head. That someone may or may not have been Pepeka. Or maybe it was the bartender. Or a random stranger. It could have been anyone. She might even have smashed it over her own head. It would explain the awful pounding in her head…

Her fingers finally found the bloody phone, and she brought it to her eyes, squinting at the Caller ID.

Oh. Midoya closed her eyes. She had been expecting this, but she really didn't feel like dealing with it at the moment. Especially not when she couldn't remember how many vodka shots she had last night. As any good Hunter will tell you, it is always dangerous fighting an intelligent, powerful… enemy when you're drunk, and there are few as intelligent and as powerful as the Dancho of the Genei Ryodan.

It was easier when she dated disposable men, she thought wistfully, they just ended up dead and she needn't have to ever bother about them ever again. It's so much easier to date an idiot she could just kill when he got unbearable. It's just so much easier…

The phone stopped ringing, and Midoya sighed with relief. Thank whatever deity it was that may or may not exist that depending on which theological perspective she was in that particular day…

The phone started ringing again.

Midoya sat up painfully and stared at the phone. He wasn't going to stop, she realised with a sigh. She should have known. He was absolutely relentless once he sets his mind on something. It was endearing - except when that 'something' was her.

Ignoring the way the world spun around her like a demented marry-go-round, Midoya stumbled to the toilet and dropped the phone inside. Then the effort of walking proved too much for her so she ended up vomiting over it. Choosing to take that as a divine sign that she should never talk to him ever again (obviously she was in the ancient Grecian pagan mood today), she flushed everything down with a sense of satisfaction. There. There went the phone. Good riddance too. She felt so much better now. Oh wait, wasn't that her Hunter phone, the one where all Two Star Blacklist Hunter Midoya's contacts were on? Oh… bugger. No matter. Fortunately, she had all her contacts saved in her diary.

Stumbling back into the bedroom, she managed to drag herself to the house phone and call Julius. Within minutes, that number of the phone she had just thrown up on was no longer valid. Instead, she had a brand new number, and within the next two hours, a brand new phone.

In fact, within the next two hours, she had an entirely brand new penthouse to go with her entirely brand new phone. If she could uplift her mansion and move it somewhere else, she would. Since she couldn't (and since a house as big as the Kito mansion was just too distinctive anyway), she would just have to avoid that place for now.

Yes, she was avoiding him, and yes she was aware that would probably drive him up the wall, but she was certain he would get over it. He wasn't the type of person to get sentimental and clingy after all. Besides, Midoya thought as she splashed water on her face, 'Midoya' has had too much fun lately. It was time to return to her other life, which she had been neglecting for a while.

Straightening up, Midoya looked at the face in the mirror, and her face but not her face looked back. It was frozen, she saw, in an expression of cold cruelty, so unmoving it appeared to be carved from marble. There was no warmth in the eyes, no kindness or humanity; her eyes could have been solid balls of coal. Her mouth was a hard, thin line that moved only when she spoke. There would be no smiles from her, no humour, no mercy.

With a brush of her straightened hair, June Kito contemptuously flicked water off her fingers and strode out of the bathroom, her back straight and her head held high. Forget the nausea raging in her stomach, forget the heavy weight that was her head; June Kito had things to do, businesses to ruin and money to make. June Kito didn't have time for meagre things like illnesses or spurned lovers.

As she left the penthouse for the last time, June Kito didn't look back at the apartment she had lived in for years. Instead, she walked straight past a bowing Julius with hardly a glance and headed straight for the garage. There, June Kito climbed into her limousine and set off at a smooth, steady pace, well within the speed limit. The city, brilliant in the early morning sun greeted her as she edged into the streets, gliding past steel buildings glowing in the sun. Already, her mind was filled with investment plans, the stock market and business schemes. Finances needed to be managed, legal issues needed to be cleared, and partners needed to be met.

In June Kito's mind, with just the slightest exertion of will, Kuroro Lucifer ceased to exist entirely.

In hindsight, that was a really dumb thing to do.


Nobunaga, Machi and Shizuku were practically huddled together as Dancho absently picked up a random novel Shalnark had bought him and systematically started tearing pages out. With that same blank, mildly pensive look on his face, he wandered idly around the base, leaving shreds of paper behind him as he did.

It wasn't a good idea, Nobunaga desperately wanted to tell Dancho, to pace around so much when you had been stabbed through the heart just a few months ago. Yes, Machi is an excellent seamstress and very good with wounds, but it's the fucking heart in question here. Without it, people like totally die. Dancho needed to sit down and stop doing stuff that makes his heart work harder. In fact, Dancho should just crawl back into bed and not get up until the wound was totally, fully, absolutely closed.

All those thoughts went through his mind, but Nobunaga didn't say a thing. It might have been the look on Dancho's face, the one that said he was taking a nice, long walk in a peaceful little garden while contemplating starting a third world war, just because it would be charming to do so.

He was on his seventh round when Nobunaga finally felt the thin strand of patience in him break. "Uh… Dancho?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yes, Nobu?" Dancho replied, still looking like he was taking a nice stroll in a pretty little garden with singing zombie birds and wilting, screaming flowers all around him.

"Uh… why… I mean… are you okay? What's up?"

"Oddly enough, I have no idea," Dancho replied, his eyes glassy with either illness or exhaustion or madness. "Midoya isn't picking up her phone."

"Maybe she's busy," Machi suggested warily, her eyes moving from one side to the other endlessly as she diligently tracked Dancho's progress around the base.

Dancho's foot hit an uneven patch of ground and he stumbled a little. All three of them almost shot up to catch him, but he caught his balance easily enough. "Shortly after I called for the fourth time, her number went out of service," he said as he straightened up, pale, elegant fingers still mechanically shredding the book to pieces.

"Oh," Machi said awkwardly and fell silent.

"I called Julius, her doorman," Dancho went on, his eyes becoming even more unfocused, "and was told Miss Midoya Kito was no longer living at that address. There was no… forwarding address."

"Oh," Machi repeated in the same tone and looked like she wanted to crawl into a small, dark place and never come out ever again. Nobunaga would gladly joined her if she found a hole big enough.

"I then called the Kito mansion," Dancho continued, and his eyes were so glazed over by now that he looked dead. "But I was told Lady Kito is on an extended trip and the mansion staff does not expect to hear from her for at least half a year."

"That has to be a lie!" Nobunaga exclaimed, jumping to his feet. "They must hear from her regularly! She's Head of the Kito family and…"

Dancho stopped and gave Nobunaga a mild look that sent him quivering back to his seat. "I am aware of that, Nobu," he said in a voice filled with such infinite kindness and mercy that it sent terror screaming through their veins. "Just as I am aware she must have left some kind of contact detail with Julius. As a blacklist hunter, she operated out of that penthouse, and most of her Hunter allies know to find her there. Julius must have a way of letting her know if someone comes looking for her." Pursing his lips, Dancho started pacing again. "No, Nobu, Julius's little lie is not what bothers me. What bothers me is that Midoya is quite deliberately avoiding me." The book finally fell apart completely in Dancho's hands and he stared at it in surprise as if he hadn't been aware of what he had done.

Dancho has lost it, Nobunaga realised with a shudder. Dancho has totally, fucking lost it, and it was obvious to everyone here. They had to do something, like maybe slowly, carefully coax him back to bed. Maybe he just needed to lie down a little. Maybe they wouldn't have to knock him out. Just keep calm… don't agitate him…

"Ah, if she's avoiding you, it means she doesn't want to fuck you anymore," Shizuku said brightly and Nobunaga damned near passed out.

"Shizuku! What the fuck!" he shouted, half-worried that Dancho would come over and remove her head, and half-tempted to remove her own head his damned self.

"It is true," Dancho said thoughtfully, interrupting Nobunaga's outburst. "Avoidance is generally an indication that it is… over between lovers, isn't it?" That brought about another long minute of silence as the Ryodan members stared at Dancho, wondered whether he was going to do something violent and damaging, and tried to decide whether they should stop him or join him.

"Well shit," Machi commented awkwardly after Dancho had been silent for way too long. "Guess that means it's over for good?"

Dancho gave her a look over his shoulder. "Of course it's not," he said sternly. "I haven't decided if I want to end this relationship. If anything, these past few days, I have been leaning more towards forgiving Midoya and moving on from her little game. All of you were right of course; ultimately, her actions had not harmed the Ryodan so I have no reason as Dancho of the Genei Ryodan to move against her. As for her betrayal of me, I have decided that it didn't happen. Technically, the one who needed the Infinity Gem was June Kito, not Midoya, while the person I am dating is Midoya, not June Kito. In short, June Kito was our enemy the last time, and was the one who got Basilio to attack us and all that. Since Midoya wasn't the one who instigated Basilio's attack on the Ryodan, she didn't betray me. I'm sure most of you have noticed by now that they are two different people, June Kito and Midoya Kito."

All of that flew right past his Ryodan, but Dancho ignored their confused look in favour of pacing more vigorously around the base. Nobunaga cringed and quickly reviewed the things he had learned in the first-aid classes he started taking shortly after Ubo's death.

Machi coughed. "Well okay, Dancho," she said slowly. "What do you intend to do about this then?"

Colour rushed into Dancho's face at that. None of them had ever seen Dancho that flushed before. It had to be the fever, Nobunaga realised with a jolt of panic, Dancho must still be ill or something. "Interesting question," he said, sounding almost like an evil scientist being asked exactly what he intended to do with that diabolical machine he had invented. However, instead of answering the question in a suitably evil voice, Dancho turned around and headed back to his bedroom. "I'm going to take a nap and think this over," he announced over his shoulder. "Don't disturb me."

"Alright. Don't think too hard," Nobunaga couldn't resist saying. "And remember to eat your antibiotics! And uh… let us know when you decide!"

"Yes, Nobu," Dancho said, suddenly seemingly amiable and in a good mood. "Of course I will. Goodnight." The last thing they saw before the door closed was Dancho's smile, as innocent as a child's and as sweet as a heavenly chorus of angels.

"Huh," Nobunaga commented, breaking the silence in the wake of Dancho's departure. "What do you think Dancho will do?"

Machi shrugged. "Beats me," she said. "I think we will be pitying Kito by the end of it though."

"Huh," Nobunaga repeated, looking disheartened. "Fuck. And I liked the two of them together too."

"That's life for you, always ruining everything nice and stuff," Machi said philosophically and settled down to take her nap herself.

Three hours and forty-two minutes later, they discovered Dancho was gone.


Shalnark was sitting in his apartment, smashing in the head of the wicked Goblin King of Westshire when the call came in. Frowning, Shalnark glanced at the phone and wondered if it was something he could put off. But no, of course not. Very few people knew his personal phone number, and almost all of those people were Ryodan members. No matter what, Ryodan business was not something that he could just ignore.

Sighing, Shalnark paused the game and picked up the phone. "Hello," he greeted cheerfully, just in case it was Dancho on the phone. A torrent of incoherent babble that sounded nothing like the man he admired greeted him back. "Slow down!" Shalnark protested. "Who is this and what is this about?"

"It's Nobu! Argh, fuck it! That's not important, you stupid dork! Shalnark! You've got to come back! Dancho's gone bonkers! He's gone motherfucking bonkers!"

Shalnark stared at the phone. "Have you been drinking, Nobu?" he asked warily. "I mean, most of the time, Dancho is a little insane anyway, even by Meteor City standards. What's new?"

"What's new? What's NEW?"

"That's what I asked!" Shalnark shouted. "Hurry up! I'm in the middle of a game."

"Fuck your game! Shalnark, you've seriously got to help us! Dancho's gone off to York Shin!"

"So?" Shalnark asked confusedly. "If he's going to York Shin, he's probably just looking for Kito right? If anything happens to him, Kito will take care of him. She did send those doctors over the last time so we know she wants Dancho alive."

"Yes! No! I mean… Yes! Argh! No, you don't get it! She's doing the box thing and I think Dancho's pretty pissed off with her! I think he's going to do stuff to her!"

Shalnark frowned. "What 'stuff' are you talking about?" he asked patiently, because getting upset with Nobunaga only made him more incoherent. "You think Dancho intends to hurt Kito? Not to be mean or anything because I do respect Kito a fair bit, but is that really any of our business? If Dancho decides to kill Kito, I mean… really now… that's something between them, isn't it? We really shouldn't interfere at all."

"Oh really? And what if I told you he took all the explosives we accumulated for her funeral?"

Now that got Shalnark's attention. "He took all of it?" he asked hesitantly. "We had an entire warehouse full. What does he intend to do with that?"

"I'm not sure! That's the problem!"

That was a problem indeed. "Nobu," he said very slowly, "what is going on?"

"It's the worst! Kito's gave Dancho back his underwear and now he's gone motherfucking bonkers!"

"Underwear? Why one earth would Dancho go bonkers because she returned his underwear to him? I would be quite pleased if someone returned lost underwear to me. Not that I would ever dare wear it again, because who knows where it has been in that period of…"

"It's not the underwear! It's what it means, you dumbass! She DUMPED him! She fucking dumped Dancho!"

Oh… no. Shalnark closed his eyes and slowly considered the possible scenarios before him. All of them involved a very obsessive and possessive Dancho with a hole in his heart running around York Shin doing very dangerous and life-threatening things. Most of them featured Dancho smiling happily, his eyes glowing blue and orange, as the entire city burned to the ground. None of them ended well. "Nobu," he said calmly. "Start from the beginning and tell me what the hell is going on."

Finally, Nobunaga took a deep breath and started telling Shalnark what had happened. He talked about the box, Dancho's underwear and the now missing Kito. By the time Nobu got to the part where Kito was no longer living at her old penthouse, Shalnark had gotten a very clear and very scary idea of what was happening at the moment.

"Okay, I got it," he told Nobunaga. "Listen, just keep it between the four of us first. I'm going to head to York Shin. I'll meet you guys there by tomorrow latest. I know where all our bases in York Shin are. We can probably locate Dancho quite easily if he goes to any of them. So, just keep it together, okay? And wait for me."

"Okay," Nobunaga replied, sounding a lot more relieved. "Hurry, man! We're going to catch the flight now."

"I'll try," Shalnark promised. Hanging up, he stared sightlessly at the paused game. This was… not good. Was Dancho planning some kind of mass destruction? That was certainly what the acquisition of the explosives suggested. If he was… and if he was planning to wreck destruction on Midoya June Kito, he was essentially kicking over a very, very big bee hive. The consequences would be unimportant if the Ryodan was involved and if Dancho was in perfect health. However, with the Ryodan members scattered all over the globe and Dancho still recovering… the consequences of messing with a powerful Hunter and honourary Mafioso would be… disastrous.

Well, no point worrying about it. Quickly, Shalnark closed the game and started to load a webpage. The only thing he could do now was get to York Shin and hope Dancho actually had a plan in mind.


The meeting was long and it was boring. Absorbed in the fact sheets before him, the accountant barely even met her eyes as he read in a shaky voice from them.

June Kito glanced out of the window of her office, at the cold winter sun and overcast clouds.

What a beautiful day it was.

-break-

The last time he had been in York Shin had been barely a month ago. At that time, the weather had been cold and chilly. Unfortunately, Kuroro mused, as he dragged on a pair of leather gloves and pulled his coat closer around him, that hadn't changed within that month. The wind was as cold as ever, and York Shin's ever-present rain had turned into snow. It wasn't so deep that Kuroro would need a shovel to get through, but it was high enough that his feet felt cold in his boots. In fact, though he was currently nestled in the newly-acquired abandoned warehouse (aka base), Kuroro was still shivering in his coat.

"Dancho, you okay?" Nobunaga asked "Do you need another sweater or something?"

Kuroro glanced at the laptop screen in front of him and had to smile. Shortly after landing in the York Shin airport, he had gotten a call from Shalnark informing him that the Nobu, Machi and Shizuku were coming to York Shin to find him. Immediately, Kuroro had protested that he didn't want them around and that he wasn't going back to Meteor City until he had resolved this issue with Midoya. However, Shalnark had pointed out, quite reasonably, that Kuroro was firstly, going against the highly elusive Blacklist Hunter Midoya and could definitely use more help when hunting her down, and secondly, trying to escape his relentless, stubborn Ryodan keen on making sure he didn't kneel over at the slightest rise in heart rate. "Just let them hang out with you," Shalnark had pleaded. "They could come in useful, and it will stop them from doing stupid things in York Shin looking for you."

Stubbornly, Kuroro had refused to allow the Ryodan to interfere. This was his private affair, and he had no intention of letting them meddle with it. However, he did agree to keep in contact with the Ryodan, so they at least knew he was alive, hence, the current video conference. It wasn't the safest way to communicate, but it was the only way he could talk with all of the Ryodan members at the same time without giving away his location.

"I am fine, Nobu," he said finally since the wrinkles on Nobunaga's face were getting more and more pronounced the longer he was silent. "Perfectly fine."

"If you're sure, Dancho," Machi said, coming up from behind Nobunaga and peering at the screen in a way that told him his nose was probably turning blue.

"I am absolutely positive," Kuroro assured her.

"Your nose is turning blue," Machi observed critically, cementing his hypothesis.

"As are your lips," Shizuku agreed, peeking over Kuroro's other shoulder.

"I am as warm as I'm going to get," Kuroro said with a sigh. How unfortunate that it was the truth. Today, he was wearing not just a shirt, but a thick woolly sweater and a scarf as well. He had never worn so much clothing in his life, and he was positive his skin was going to break out in rash from it. But he didn't have a choice. Ever since he had been stabbed in the heart by Midoya, he had been, for lack of a better phrase, feeling changes in temperature more acutely than he used to, and the cold right now was just about killing him. "Besides, I like blue," Kuroro replied with a shrug and Machi gave him a glare that would have sent most hardened war veterans running. "I honestly don't know why all of you had to come along anyway," he went on, ignoring Machi's death-glare with the confidence brought on by the knowledge that she couldn't thwack his head through the laptop screen. "This is a rather personal mission, if I must say so."

"You're fucking insane, Dancho," Machi said bluntly, and that was enough to let him know she was genuinely worried. "But since our Dancho is going mental, we're just going to have to go along with it. We're your arms and legs, remember?"

"If you're going insane, we're going insane with you," Nobunaga agreed and there was an embarrassing glint of tears in his eyes.

"This is a personal mission," Kuroro repeated for what had to be the twentieth time. "Go back to Meteor City and wait for my orders."

"But we're already on a blimp," Nobunaga protested. "We're only three hours away from you. Let us help you, please! I swear, we will only do what you tell us to. We'll follow your orders strictly, to the words. Promise."

It seemed like Shalnark had a point. Kuroro sighed. "Alright," he finally conceded, " you can help, but only with logistics. I don't intend to let any of you take part in my mission against Midoya. It will be counter-productive in so many ways. For that purpose, I am not letting any of you know where I am."

"But Dancho…" Nobunaga whined then stopped with a frustrated sigh. "You're not going to relent, are you?"

"Just be glad Dancho's willing to compromise," Machi advised and Kuroro nodded sagely.

"I am at the limits of my patience," Kuroro scolded sternly. "Do not ask anymore of me or I shall truly get angry."

"Okay, okay," Nobunaga grumbled. "We'll help with logistics. Let's wait for Shal? He's coming online soon."

Kuroro tilted his head in confusion at that statement. "Why must we wait for Shalnark, the only person in the Ryodan who has difficulty getting laid, despite looking relatively normal and harmless?" he asked bluntly.

All three Ryodan members stared at him with varying degrees of confusion. "What…" Machi began, "what does Shalnark's inability to get laid have to do with this? I mean, I get what a joke he is, but…?"

Kuroro stared back with an equal degree of confusion. "How does it not have anything to do with this?" he countered. "I would have thought the ability to attract a partner would be very useful in a case like this."

Now all three Ryodan members were looking at him like he was perhaps not quite there. "Dancho," Nobunaga said cautiously, "exactly what are you doing in York Shin?"

"What am I doing?" Kuroro cocked his head curiously at them then gestured to the pile of explosives behind him, tilting the laptop so they could see it. "You mean you can't tell?" he asked incredulously. "Is there not enough evidence here for you?"

Three sets of eyes went to the explosives. "You are going to attack Kito?" Nobunaga hazarded.

"Attack? God forbid," Kuroro said, surprised, "I'm not going to attack Midoya. Why would I do that? What made you think that?"

"Uh…" Nobunaga's eyes flickered to the explosives. "Nothing?"

"Oh! Are you throwing a party because we couldn't do a funeral for Kito the last time?" Shizuku ventured hopefully.

"No," Kuroro said. "I'm not throwing a party. It is a much better guess than Nobu's though. I congratulate you, Shizuku."

"Then what do you intend to do?" Nobunaga asked in a frustrated voice as Shizuku beamed proudly behind him.

"Isn't it obvious?" Lightning flashed in the distance, turning Kuroro's face into a stark picture of white skin, black hollowed cheeks and an eerie smile "I'm going to find Midoya and I am going to make her my lover again."


"You are going to make her your lover again?" That was the first thing Shalnark heard the moment he entered into the video conference with Dancho.

Shortly after getting on the blimp to York Shin, Shalnark's first act had been to attempt to contact Kito. Unfortunately, all that accomplished was affirming that what Nobunaga told him had been correct: Kito's number was no longer in service. Secondly, he briefly considered contacting Timbal, but then he remembered that Timbal hadn't been part of the Infinity Gem mess. It was best to just leave him out of the equation or he could risk complicating the situation even more, especially if Dancho truly intended to kill Kito. Now that he knew that route was a dead end, the third thing he did was to join the video conference with Dancho in order to confirm what Dancho had in mind.

Of all the things he had been expecting Dancho to say, he certainly hadn't expected that.

From the look of mild surprise on Dancho's face, he had obviously thought that his actions and motives had been very easy to read. The man, Shalnark felt, obviously over-estimated them quite a bit. Not all the members of the Ryodan were famous for having a marvellously astute intellect like Dancho. But in their defence, Shalnark thought, after hearing a summary of the discussion so far, "The explosives seem kind of… unromantic, don't they?" he pointed out with what he felt was a great deal of reason.

Dancho cocked his head at him curiously. "Is it?" he asked with genuine curiosity. "I always thought explosions are rather sexual. There are so many love songs about fires and burning and heat after all. And what generates more fire, heat and burning things than a good block of dynamite? I know from experience that this is true. Once, in the Lori Swamps, Midoya and I got rather aroused after blowing up a giant spider with fireworks. Though some might claim it might have simply been the beer, I personally feel the fireworks, mayhem and death around led to us almost coupling in the middle of a swamp." Dancho paused. "We stopped only because it started to rain. Rain is not arousing in any way whatsoever. It is wet, cold, uncomfortable and makes you vulnerable to pneumonia. Pneumonia isn't sexy either. Fluid in the lungs generally doesn't make for good sex."

Dancho's logic, Shalnark thought, highly impressed, was quite impeccable. "I suppose that is true," he admitted. "So that's your game plan? Set off explosives around Kito's house or something like that?"

"Don't be silly, Shal, of course that's not what I plan to do," Dancho replied sternly. "I don't even know where she is living at the moment so I can't exactly set off explosives around her 'house'. Since she hasn't been answering my calls and has, as the saying goes, disappeared off my radar entirely, there is only one other way left to meet her and that is to draw her out of hiding. Those explosives will be for that."

Yet again, Dancho's logic was faultless. "Good point," Shalnark said with great admiration. "Anyone would notice if explosives were going off all around York Shin. That will surely draw her out into the open."

"Yes, but that is not enough," Shizuku added. "I think winning a girl's heart back needs to be personal. That's what the television says about winning back a woman's heart. Make it personal. And nostalgic. Remind her of the good times and all that sort of things. I mean, you wouldn't want her to think that every time we blow up something, we're courting the owner of whichever building we blow up. It'll just make her feel weird every time she hears that we've attacked the mafia auctions again. You have to make her feel special." She blinked at them. "That is… who are we talking about again?"

"I was going to say that!" Nobunaga blurted out in a rush. From the flushed look on his face, Shalnark guessed that Nobu had been holding in his words for a long time. "You know, Dancho," Nobunaga said, sounding almost desperate, "there's more to winning back a girl's heart than blowing up stuff. I mean, women like… nice stuff. Pretty stuff."

"Pretty stuff?" Dancho questioned. "What do you mean by that, Nobunaga?" His eyes darted from screen to screen, obviously observing their expressions. "I have never attempted to court a woman, much less a woman brought up in normal society before so I am quite open to suggestions here. Is Nobunaga suggesting I rob an art gallery or something like that?"

"Yes! That would be a great idea! I mean, if Kito likes art, that is. Or… or… you could get her like… jewellery or ribbons or…"

"Makeup!" Dancho said, his expression lighting up. "Midoya likes makeup, which is, as I understand it, also a way of beautifying oneself, though the way Midoya uses it sometimes makes me suspect she does it to do quite the opposite. Yes, I see your point, Nobunaga; it is always a good idea to give a person what they like when trying to re-establish a relationship." He paused, frowning as he rubbed his chin. "The problem is incorporating that into an explosion."

"Perhaps we can load the bomb with lipsticks so they shoot out when the bomb goes off?" Shizuku suggested brightly.

"Wouldn't be nice if one of them hits Kito though," Shalnark pointed out logically. "Death by lipstick; that's not a way I want to go."

"Don't be silly, Shalnark," Dancho scolded. "Midoya's not the kind of person who can be killed by cosmetic products travelling faster than the speed of sound."

"True, Dancho."

Nobunaga made a distressed sound. "There's more than just makeup," he groaned. "I mean… flowers! Women like flowers, right Machi?"

Machi, who had obviously been daydreaming in the background, started and flushed as the other four looked at her. "I… guess?" she said hesitantly, because though she had never really acquired a taste for flowers, she had seen women enjoy receiving bouquets on television. And since television was where Machi turned to when she needed to fake normality, she supposed it was alright to say so. Not that Kito struck her as being normal or anything like that…

"Flowers. There might be something to that, Nobu," Dancho mused, his hand on his chin as he thought. "I have given Midoya flowers before."

"You have?" Nobunaga asked, brightening up. "Did she like them?"

"Of course she did," Dancho said patiently, "they came from her own kitchen. She must like them if she puts them there."

For a moment, Nobu looked like he was going to pass out. Shalnark had no idea why; Dancho was making as much sense as he normally did. "And there's more!" Nobu cried wretchedly. "Women like soft things, like teddy bears… and… and pretty clothes and underwear… and music! That's what women like to get when being courted!"

"Really?" Shizuku asked Machi.

"Uh… I suppose?" Machi replied with a shrug. "I'm not sure about the teddy bears, but once this guy once bought me a thong that was kind of more string than cloth. That was pretty hot."

"See?" Nobunaga exclaimed. Then what Machi just said struck him and his jaw dropped in shock. "That is disgusting!" he cried, horrified.

"How the hell is that disgusting? You were the one who mentioned underwear in the first place, and thongs are fucking sexy, alright?"

"Machi, you obviously have a different opinion from Nobu," Dancho interrupted. "Since we've heard his perspective already, let's hear yours now."

Distracted from her argument with Nobunaga, Machi blinked and scratched her head. "Uh… how do I normally get laid," she muttered. "Well, normally I walk into a bar, and walk up to the cutest guy, and pretty much go, 'Hey, let's fuck'. Then we end up in the toilet or a hotel if I'm in the mood for something a little longer than a quickie. And then I take their wallets and clothes, and leave them naked and unconscious or screaming obscenities after me. Sometimes I kill them if they really get on my nerves."

"That's not very helpful," Dancho frowned, "Midoya and I are, I believe, beyond the stage of spontaneous one-night stands. The opportunity for regular, free sex that wouldn't end in bloodshed is one of the benefits of being with her." Ignoring the way Nobunaga's face was going into spasms, Dancho added, "How about you, Shizuku?"

"Umm," Shizuku said thoughtfully as she twiddled her fingers. "I normally whack them over the head with Deme-chan then vacuum their remains up."

The spasms stopped in favour of frozen horror. "What?" Nobunaga exclaimed with a look of horror on his face. "You whack your lovers over the head with your vacuum cleaner and then vacuum them up?"

"Lovers?" Shizuku tilted her head in surprise. "We are talking about killing people, right? Oh, I get it! Are we using 'lovers' as a euphemism for people we killed?"

Dancho shook his head disappointedly as Nobunaga howled with frustration. "I do not think that these methods will work," he said firmly. "I believe I should simply find Midoya and lay out to her in a logical and reasonable fashion why I believe we should continue our relationship of mutual benefit. Both Midoya and I are cerebrally-inclined individuals, so it makes sense to do that. If the logic is sound, I do not see why she wouldn't agree with me."

"Dancho! You don't get it! Love… isn't about the brain! It's about here!" Nobunaga protested, thumping his chest with a clenched fist.

Dancho cocked his head and stared at the area Nobunaga was passionately pounding against. "The sternum?" he questioned dubiously.

"Not the sternum! The heart!"

"That's not where your heart is, Nobu. The heart is a little lower…"

"I know where the heart is! I've stabbed enough hearts in my time to know, damn it!" Nobunaga howled. "My point is, love isn't about the brain!"

"Actually," Shalnark said brightly, "love is about the brain. When a person experiences sensations of sexual desire or affection, hormones like oxytocin and doramine are produced in the…"

"That's not the point!' Nobunaga interrupted. "I mean love is about feelings damn it!"

"Yes, and feelings are caused by hormones that…"

"Well you shut the fuck up, nerd?" Nobunaga snapped. "Dancho! Listen to me, not him! At least write Kito a love poem! Women like love poems!"

Dancho, who had been frowning at their bickering, blinked at that. "A poem?" he mused. "It is possible, I suppose. Midoya is very fond of literature, though I have found her tastes run more towards prose than verse. Furthermore, I must confess that I have never seen her read a love poem in all the years we've been together. I am really not sure this poem thing works, Nobu. Besides, I don't love Midoya. I simply desire her many talents and her quite stimulating company."

"Stimulating," Machi sniggered.

"Okay, how about this," Nobunaga said desperately, "how did you first pursue her, Dancho? I mean, you must have done something to get together with her in the first place, right?"

Dancho blinked and stared at the ceiling pensively. "I didn't," he said slowly, "she was the one who initiated our first contact."

"And how did she do that?"

Dancho's eyes lost focus as he thought. "She broke an intruder's back, asked me if the couch was really that comfortable then pushed me onto the bed before giving me a very pleasant if somewhat premature orgasm," he finally announced.

Nobunaga started to splutter incoherently while Machi pointed out that she thought that that was a pretty darn good way of courting anyone.

"Actually," Shalnark said reasonably, "it can't hurt to try all the methods, right Dancho? I mean, since according to Nobu, these things, these poems, flowers and so on, are acceptable ways of courting a woman in normal society, presumably some of them must work. And since Kito is from normal society, no matter how eccentric she is, some of them must appeal to her. However, given that we don't know what Kito likes personally, since she courted Dancho first, we don't know which method in particular. If we try them all, at least one method will succeed."

Dancho's face lit up at that. "That is an excellent suggestion, Shalnark," he said, sounding pleased. "Yes, you are right. Midoya is her own person after all, so surely she must have her own preferences on how she likes to be courted. Furthermore, she is an extremely complex person with a very complicated life. I should have foreseen that no one method will work on her. It is best to present a combination of various tried and tested methods, and see how the results pan out."

"So you are going to give her flowers and a love poem?" Nobunaga asked hopefully.

"And fireworks," Dancho said decisively as he started rubbing his chin again. "Midoya likes fireworks, especially blue and white ones. She also likes hunting occasionally, but only certain animals. I know she doesn't like to hunt cats, but not much else. Just to be safe, we should get her the trophy of an animal I have seen her hunt before. Shalnark, help me obtain a specimen of an alligator from the Lori Swamps."

"Live one?" Shalnark asked with barely a twitch, because that wasn't even close to the weirdest order Dancho had ever given.

"Either way works." Dancho smiled in that way that always sent chills down their spines. "I doubt it will survive if it's still alive anyway."

"Survive what?" Shalnark asked as Nobunaga, obviously having given up, sulked in silence. "How are you planning on doing this, Dancho?"

At that, Dancho's eyes started to glow an eerie blue. "The only way, Shalnark," he said, his voice soft and even, "the Ryodan way." Looking around at them, Dancho's smile widened into a sweet, innocent, child-like smile. "So," he said, his tone suddenly light and conversational, "how many of you have been to a brothel before?"


A/N: Really, please forgive me. Yeah… I did say this story is going to be weird and crazy. Hopefully it wouldn't be weird and crazy in a bad way. Hopefully.

Anyway, I realised I did have to make a little note here about Midoya/June. Throughout this entire story, you will see the two names being used, even within the same chapter/segment. That is because I've decided to give Midoya a split personality. So when the name 'Midoya' is used, it means she's the one thinking/talking/acting whatever and when 'June' is used, June is the one doing all those. So, the names are used deliberately to indicate who is in control at the moment.

And that's about it. Hope you enjoyed the chapter; do look forward to chapter updates every week and I'll see you all next week.

Trivial: The weirdest order Kuroro Lucifer had ever given the Ryodan went as such:

"Shalnark, help me find a pink night-slip with teddy bears and unicorns on it on it. Koltopi, reproduce five hundred of that. Phinx and Feitan, steal a couple of beach umbrellas, waterproof tarps and whips. Nobunaga and Franklin, dig a hole eight feet across and ten feet deep at the location I have marked on this map. Machi and Shizuku, fill the hole with flowers, preferably roses please, but carnations would do just fine too. Pakunoda and Bonolenov, find me ten cats, ten dogs, two parakeets, five rats, three pigeons, five hundred cockroaches and one alligator. Hisoka, familiarise yourself with the works of Alfred Tennyson, Samuel Coleridge and John Keats, and learn to speak in a British accent. Ubogin, strip."

Later, everyone, even Hisoka agreed, that was the best mission ever.