A/N: Hey there guys and gals, Archemedies here, proudly pronouncing myself as complete Homestuck filth. Yep, I am now trash. But I'm happy with it, so nyah. And I decided to start writing for it, because I'm boring and have no social life. So yeah. This'll mainly be one shots centered around a certain ship for each chapter. So, if you have a certain ship you want to see in a certain situation, or a prompt for a one shot, sling it in the reviews or in a PM, and I'll get it done as soon as possible. Any ships are accepted, but it would be better if you could give a situation for them. Or not, I just want prompts mainly. So yeah, enjoy, favorite and follow if you want, review if you have an idea, and as always, stay Jammy.

Story 1: Cat and Mouse

"Fuck me! Shit!"

Karkat slammed his hands to the keyboard, and slumped back in his chair, glaring at the screen with tired eyes. He snatched the clock off his desk, and peered at it, wondering how long he'd been up. The glowing letters swam into focus, revealing it to be close to three o' clock in the morning. Fuck.

He rubbed at his face, trying to dispell the headache he could feel pounding through his skull, with out much success. He looked up, and tried to diagnose the error affecting his code. Preliminary analysis? It was completely fucked. Like, catholic priest in an all boys swimming competition fucked. Wait, what the fuck was that metaphor? Know what, forget it. It was hard enough picking apart a computer system, without trying to simultaneously sift through his mind and its menagarie of politically incorrect imagery. He was attempting to create a code that would...Do something. Not even something, it just had to do anything. It was meant to run, and in the process print out the name of the operator, provided earlier on in the process. But that was far easier said then done in this insufferable operating system.

He was using the standard troll coding language, :ATH. It was an incredibly complex and obtuse language that operated on a system of infinitely repeating loops, linked to the lifespan of an object or creature specified by the coder. Which made it incredibly difficult to perform simple tasks, such as accept an input and read it out. In order to perform such tasks, you had to manipulate the system in order to turn its own processes against it. His friend/killjoy Sollux was near godly when it came to the system, writing complex programs that seemed completely impossible to the uninitiated. Karkat was nowhere near that level, and :ATH just didn't seem to bend in the ways it was meant to, leading him to the series of syntax errors that had been spiking his blood pressure all night. He gave a heavy sigh, and closed the program. He'd finish it at a later date, because he really couldn't deal with it's mindnumbing complexities any longer.

He stood up from the computer, knees clicking and back cracking as he straightened, stiff from having sat still so long. He pushed his chair back, and paced around his room, seeking to get some feeling back into his legs. He looked down at his recupercoon (Or bed, if you want to think of it like that) And debated with himself on whether or not it would be worth climbing in. He shook his head, and turned away. He wouldn't sleep tonight, he could already tell. There was still too much anger, hate and general piss swimming around in his veins for that. He stomped away from his bed, and threw himself back down into his chair, pulling up his trollian messaging tab. His fingers tapped against the desk, as he wondered whether or not it was fine to message her. His eyes were fixed on the name arsenicCatnip, blinking in the corner of his screen. She was shown as online, so she was there to talk to. Ah, fuck it.

carcinoGeneticist (CG) began Trolling arsenicCatnip (AC)

CG: HELLO?
AC: :33 *ac lifts her head from the ground, to stare at Karkat*
CG: OH GOD.
CG: ARE WE REALLY DOING THIS THIS EARLY IN THE MORNING
AC: :33 *ac frowns at Karkat, and her ears flatten*
CG: FUCK.
CG: FINE. I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO ARGUE
CG: *CG LEANS DOWN AND STROKES AC BEHIND THE EARS, HOPING AFTER THAT THEY CAN TALK LIKE ADULTS, INSTEAD OF AUTISTIC WRIGGLERS*
AC: :33 awww.
CG: WHAT? WHAT IS AWW ABUT THIS SITUATION?
AC: :33 you're angry
CG: EXACTLY
CG: WHY IS THAT AWWW
CG: IT SHOULD BE GRRRR OR RAWWR
CG: OR ANYTHING OTHER THEN AWWW
AC: :33 c'moooon
AC: :33 it's adorable
CG: I'VE HAD THIS CONVERSATION BEFORE
CG: NOT ADORABLE
CG: ADORABLOODTHIRSTY
CG: THAT IS WHAT I AM
AC: :33 ?
AC: :33 i get the feeling theres a story behind that
AC: :33 but i dont really want to sit and listen to you grumble your way through it
AC: :33 ill just take your word on it
AC: :33 mr "adorabloodthirsty"
CG: I'M REGRETTING THIS ALREADY
CG: FORGET I MENTIONED IT
AC: :33 nope
AC: :33 I couldnt...
CG: I SWEAR TO FUCKING JESUS IF YOU MAKE A CAT PUN
AC: :33 pawsibly forget it X33
CG: FUCK SAKE

Karkat slapped a palm to his forehead, trying his absolute hardest to stay angry. But he really couldn't. He was trying, honestly, but no matter how hard he wanted to stay mad, or how angry he was when the conversation started, he always ended up with the stupidest, shit eating grin on his face. And today was no exception, as he smiled into his monitor.

CG: YOU KNOW WHAT?
CG: I AM NOT EVEN MAD ANYMORE
AC: :33 wat? were you mad?
AC: :33 like, madder then usual?
CG: YES
CG: I WAS FUCKING INFURIATED
CG: MY RAGE WOULD CURDLE THE FUCKING MILK YOU ARE PROBABLY LICKING OUT OF A BOWL AS YOU TYPE
AC: :33 awww
AC: :33 dont do that, i dont like curds
CG: WELL, I'M NOT GOING TO NOW. I'M NOT FURIOUS ENOUGH FOR THAT.
CG: SADLY
CG: I COULD STILL FLIP THAT SWITCH THOUGH
CG: IF THIS FUCKING PROGRAM DOESN'T END MY LIFE BEFORE I CAN BE BOTHERED TO
AC: :33 are you coding again? you know thats not good for your mood
AC: :33 or blood pressure
AC: :33 is good for me though X33
CG: WHAT? HOW?
AC: :33 i get to deal with you
AC: :33 and that is...
CG: NEPETA DON'T YOU DARE
AC: :33 pawsitively purrfect X33
CG: NOT EVEN ONCE
CG: NO. YOU HAD TO DO IT TWICE

He couldn't help but laugh though. As much as he insisted her puns annoyed him, they were good. They never failed to raise his mood. And speaking of raise, he turned to see the sun just peaking over the horizon, it's rays burning across the arid landscape.

AC: :33 admit it, you laughed
CG: I REFUSE TO COMMENT.
AC: :33 so you did?
CG: NO COMMENT.
AC: :33 you laughed
CG: NOPE
AC: :33 yes
CG: NOPE
AC: :33 yes
CG: NOPE
AC: :33 nope
CG: YES
CG: SHIT
CG: FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
AC: :33 hehehe
CG: WAIT
CG: WHAT
AC: :33 what?
CG: YOU ENJOY TALKING TO ME?
AC: :33 what?
CG: JUST NOW. A FEW LINES AGO. YOU SAID TALKING TO ME WAS:
CG: "pawsitively purrfect"
CG: FUCK I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST TYPED THAT
CG: EVEN AS A QUOTE
CG: HELLO?
CG: WHY HAVE YOU STOPPED ANSWERING?
AC: :33 nothing, just my lusus wanted me.
CG: OH, OKAY. WHAT DID IT WANT? BELLY RUBS?
AC: :33 yeah
AC: :33 belly rubs
AC: :33 hey, the suns up, you should probably get to your cocoon. you know, to sleep
CG: OK?
CG: YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY?
CG: HAVE YOU FINALLY CAUGHT RABIES FROM ALL THOSE FUCKING ANIMALS YOU CHEW ON?
AC: no, im fine, honest.
CG: WELL, OK THEN.
CG: BYE?
CG: TRY NOT TO DIE WHILE I'M GONE.

carcinoGeneticist (CG) ceased Trolling arsenicCatnip (AC)

Karkat frowned at his computer, before shutting it down and standing. He was worried, he really was. There was obviously something wrong with Nepeta. And he had an idea of what it was. And he wasn't sure how he felt about it.

Nepeta, meanwhile, was wrenching her fluffy hat from her head, and stuffing it into her mouth, chewing away at it in immense frustration. Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it! She would have sworn, long and hard, if she was that kind of person, but she wasn't really. Instead, she compensated by continuing to gnash at her hat, and kicking her legs in a rather juvenile tantrum.

"Nooooooooo"

She'd done it now. She really had. Damn.

She stood from where she'd been leaning against her lusus, and jammed her hat back on her head. She'd pulled a complete blunder. What was she thinking? Talking to him was "pawsitively purrfect"? He was sure to figure it out. And then, when he actually questioned it, she'd frozen up, and just sat at her laptop, having a miniature panic attack until she finally got her act together. And now he probably thought she was weird. Well, weirder. She just had to mess it up...

She stood, and stomped over to her "shipping wall" her beloved pairings branched across the stone. And in the center, the holy grail, the rosetta stone of her cravings.

A picture of Karkat and Nepeta, a crudely drawn heart circling them. And beneath the picture, the phrase:

OTP.

Oh well. It wasn't likely to happen anyway. Ruining it wasn't that bad, when it wasn't going to happen in the first place. Oh well.

Karkat, meanwhile, was standing by his bed, debating a new course of action that had come to him. She was nice, and not bad looking, certainly, and...Well, she was the counter point to his admittedly toxic personality. Never failed to make him smile, when in all honesty he'd rather frown. Shit. Alright, he'd do it. Ok.

He went over to the computer, and sat down again. He placed his hands over the keyboard, and he typed.

Nepeta was banging her head gently against her wall and trying her best not to cry when her computer beeped for her attention. She plodded over to her laptop, and dropped to the floor, sitting against her lusus as it lay on the floor.

carcinoGeneticist (CG) began Trolling arsenicCatnip (AC)

CG: 3

carcinoGeneticist (CG) ceased trolling arsenicCatnip (AC)

Karkat shut off his computer, and leant back into his chair, blowing out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. Alright. Yes. And he promptly slumped asleep in his chair, as Nepeta buried her head in her lusus' fur and squealled into it's side, long into the night.