Almost shaking with anger, Lisbon pulled up to the Airstream and turned off the ignition. She sat for a few minutes, still gripping the wheel tightly with white knuckled fists, trying to gather her thoughts.
Silently she climbed out of her car and rapped quickly 3 times on the hard metal door, afraid that if she waited much longer she would change her mind.
The door was pulled open straight away, and she just knew he had been stood on the other side waiting for her to knock. With gritted teeth she looked into his eyes. They were emotionless and dark, his lips pulled into a tight line. His mask was up again and in full force.
He slowly moved aside, creating space for her to enter the trailer. She stood her ground, not sure if she could or if she even wanted to move.
Hot, angry tears began to gather in her eyes she spoke.
"I dropped everything for you Jane." Her voice was strangled, and she wished the words would sound as harsh as she needed them to. "Twice. I had a life in Washington, I was happy. You dragged me away from it y-you- you knew I couldn't say no to you." She paused for breath. Jane took this opportunity to interject.
"Come inside Lisbon." His calm tone made her seethe with anger even more.
"I never should have got off that plane." She choked. "God Jane, I knew you were selfish and fragile and arrogant. But I thought- I just thought maybe-" She trailed off, allowing a single tear to roll down her cheek.
Hurt had clouded over Jane's eyes. He wanted nothing more than to hold her close to him and never let her go. But he simply couldn't let himself. He was no good for her. This was the exact reason he had tried to let her go with Pike, his presence in her life caused her nothing but pain. But she was right. He was selfish. Too selfish to let her go.
"Teresa" His voice was soft as it cut into the quiet of the night. Tears brimmed in his eyes. The stabbing pain in his chest made him wonder if maybe walking away from her would hurt him just as much as losing her to her job.
"What, Jane?" She tiredly rubbed a hand across her forehead. "I'm sick of your lies, your empty promises, your manipulation…"
"i've tried Lisbon, you know I have." He moved a half step closer to her. "I'm afraid I might just be too broken to fix."
She couldn't bear hearing him talk like that. Although her anger towards him was still trying to escape, it became overpowered by her need to comfort him.
"No-one can be too broken" She said gently, placing an arm on his elbow. "We can work through this, just like you said."
"That was before Vega." HIs gravelly voice broke, and he looked down at his feet, seemingly ashamed of his emotion.
The reminder of the rookie agent's untimely passing shocked Lisbon, and she couldn't speak for a few minutes. She knew that all the misery and hopelessness she was feeling that had stemmed from losing an agent on their team, had to be hitting Jane 10 times as hard.
All of a sudden Jane forcefully pulled Lisbon into his chest and clasped his hands around her so tight, that all she could smell was his shirt. It smelled faintly of cologne and sweat and it was purely Jane. She buried her face into his shoulder knowing that she could not lose this, she couldn't let him walk away from her.
He began peppering small kisses into her hair, never loosening his grasp around her torso.
"There is nothing worse than losing the one you love Teresa" He whispered against her neck, his breath warm against her skin. "If I have to go through that again, I at least want it to be on my terms."
"Do you know how stupid that sounds?" She asked, looking up into his sea green eyes.
He hummed softly and brought her even tighter, as though the thought of losing her required his arms to protect her.
"Jane, your biggest fear is losing me. Do you know what mine is?" He nodded softly.
"Me leaving you again."
The silence of the trailer was overbearing. The only sound to be heard was Jane's laboured breathing.
"So why would you?" Lisbon could barely choke out her question. He knew. He KNEW. Of course he did, how could he not? But he was still willing to do it anyway. To destroy her. That isn't love.
"I couldn't leave you Teresa, not now." He ran a hand down her shoulder, trying to erase the goose pimples that had formed. "I know what I said but I- I know it's what I should do. If I wasn't horribly selfish I should just leave your life and cause you no more hurt. But I can't. I hate that I can't. I hate hurting you, but I love you too much to let you go."
"You've left before." She spoke, her voice small.
"And I would have stayed away, if it wasn't for you. Every day that I live without seeing you is empty, pointless. My darling. You are the only light in my dark dark life, and I wish that I could be everything you need me to be for you."
"Jane the only thing I need is your presence. As long as you're with me, I have everything I will ever need."
"You don't need your job?" Jane gently moved his hands to her shoulders and leaned her back slightly so he could get a better look at her. Her green eyes were big and round and honest. Her lashes wet with tears, and her lip slightly trembling. Her hair was mussed where he had subconsciously been running his hands through it in an attempt to comfort her, and her cheeks were stained with salty tracks.
"I love my job-" She started. "But I don't need it." She brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "Though I probably shouldn't, I love you Patrick Jane, and I need you as well."
"I need you" He growled, possessively bringing her closer to him again. "I don't want you to resent me for making you leave though Lisbon."
She laughed slightly.
"Oh Jane." He looked at her with keen interest. "If I was ever going to resent you for anything, don't you think it would have happened by now?"
He let a small smile overtake his lips.
"I'm sorry for the way that I've treated you Teresa. You know I will spend the rest of my life earning your forgiveness." Using a thumb, he wiped some fresh tears away from underneath her eye.
"I know you're sorry. I know you couldn't help it." She spoke evenly. "We love each other, that's all that matters. We are strong together."
"We are strong together." He repeated, leaning towards her and letting his lips brush hers.
"So what do you want to do?" She asked into his neck.
"Now?" He asked.
"For the rest of our lives."
He smiled at her lopsidedly and kissed her again.
"This." He replied, taking her hand and leading her towards the bed.
She grinned, and her hands automatically went to work on his shirt.
"I could live with that" She bit her lip, pulling across the curtain.
