Dear Mario,

I have been locked up inside this smelly tower for days waiting to be rescued. SO WHERE ARE YOU! I am so bored in here with no one to talk to except that oafish reptile, who is always tying me up and poking with his exceedingly large claw. And it's not like there is anything to do in this stupid tower. I mean, Bowser doesn't even have cable and the only videos he has are Barney tapes and an exercise tape from the eighties. (Apparently, it's his cousin that stars in them). Now that I've watched them for the millionth time, there is nothing to do.

But what is taking so long? Jump on a few goombas, run through the level, kill Bowser and rescue me. Is that so hard? I know Toad is no help, but I think you have an idea which castle I'm in. It's the big black one in the 6th level that I'm always captured in! It's nice of you to come to save me and all, but could you step on it?

Sincerely, Princess Peach

PS: I made a list of things I would like you to pick up along the way

- New Shoes

Six pack of Dr. Pepper

Comb

Conditioner

'Fifth Element' DVD

DVD player

Some Twinkies

Hairdryer