TITLE: A strange mood - one year later
AUTHOR: Rilja (golf_clap@yahoo.com) RATING: PG-13 DISTRIBUTION: Archives are ok, just tell me were it went so I can go look at it. Others please ask first. DISCLAIMER: Spike and all things Sunnydale belongs to Joss Whedon. All hail Joss! FEEDBACK: Yes! Please tell me if I did good, or bad. SPOILERS: Yes, season seven finale. SUMMARY: Spike's thoughts one day. NOTE: Takes place in the summer before Angel season five, or in the beginning of it. Sequel to A strange mood, which can be found at www.fanfiction.net. DEDICATION: To Marta, my dear, as always. You're in my thoughts, miss you.
THANKS: To super quick beta by CheetahsSpot.
I'm in a strange mood today. Walking down the street, the sun beating down on me. I didn't freckle after all. I'm reminded of a night almost a year ago to the date. The night I hit bottom. The soul's guilt eating away at my sanity. The First taunting me. Crouching from shadows in that basement. I almost ended it that night. Now I'm glad I didn't. I got my redemption. I got my reward. A reward I wasn't even looking for. I would have been happy to finally be done, to feel no more guilt, to be forgiven, to be at peace. That was what I was longing for. That was what I wanted. When The Powers That Be came to me and told me that they would return my mortality, give me a second chance, the only thing I had to say was; why? I didn't ask for this, I didn't even want it, but when they explained it, I grasped the offer like a dying man grasps for his last breath. Now when I try to remember all my wrong doings, I do remember them, but there's no guilt. I am forgiven. I am at peace. I get to start over. A second chance to live my life.
That's why I'm heading towards Angel's new lair. To do the right thing. To fight the good fight. Well that, and I'm broke, and I figured I could guilt the old Sire into giving me a starting fund, or at least a job. He is after all the great benefactor, with his own group of minions. He doesn't like to pretend that that's what it is. His lair, his minions, but they are. He always was big on family, and that soul of his won't let him make any real minions, so he adopted some. It's actually quite touching, in a way. And it's quite sad that I'm looking forward to, hoping to, belong to that family. Maybe he can make those lingering feelings of unworthy and unwanted disappear.
I look up and realize that I have arrived. I look up at the tall building and starts to laugh. A glass building. I hope he appreciates the irony, I do. Maybe I should call him out. Let him stand in the doorway, unable to get to me for the sun. That would be a great moment. I once told Buffy; one good day. I think that this might be it.
"ANGEL!!!"
The end.
AUTHOR: Rilja (golf_clap@yahoo.com) RATING: PG-13 DISTRIBUTION: Archives are ok, just tell me were it went so I can go look at it. Others please ask first. DISCLAIMER: Spike and all things Sunnydale belongs to Joss Whedon. All hail Joss! FEEDBACK: Yes! Please tell me if I did good, or bad. SPOILERS: Yes, season seven finale. SUMMARY: Spike's thoughts one day. NOTE: Takes place in the summer before Angel season five, or in the beginning of it. Sequel to A strange mood, which can be found at www.fanfiction.net. DEDICATION: To Marta, my dear, as always. You're in my thoughts, miss you.
THANKS: To super quick beta by CheetahsSpot.
I'm in a strange mood today. Walking down the street, the sun beating down on me. I didn't freckle after all. I'm reminded of a night almost a year ago to the date. The night I hit bottom. The soul's guilt eating away at my sanity. The First taunting me. Crouching from shadows in that basement. I almost ended it that night. Now I'm glad I didn't. I got my redemption. I got my reward. A reward I wasn't even looking for. I would have been happy to finally be done, to feel no more guilt, to be forgiven, to be at peace. That was what I was longing for. That was what I wanted. When The Powers That Be came to me and told me that they would return my mortality, give me a second chance, the only thing I had to say was; why? I didn't ask for this, I didn't even want it, but when they explained it, I grasped the offer like a dying man grasps for his last breath. Now when I try to remember all my wrong doings, I do remember them, but there's no guilt. I am forgiven. I am at peace. I get to start over. A second chance to live my life.
That's why I'm heading towards Angel's new lair. To do the right thing. To fight the good fight. Well that, and I'm broke, and I figured I could guilt the old Sire into giving me a starting fund, or at least a job. He is after all the great benefactor, with his own group of minions. He doesn't like to pretend that that's what it is. His lair, his minions, but they are. He always was big on family, and that soul of his won't let him make any real minions, so he adopted some. It's actually quite touching, in a way. And it's quite sad that I'm looking forward to, hoping to, belong to that family. Maybe he can make those lingering feelings of unworthy and unwanted disappear.
I look up and realize that I have arrived. I look up at the tall building and starts to laugh. A glass building. I hope he appreciates the irony, I do. Maybe I should call him out. Let him stand in the doorway, unable to get to me for the sun. That would be a great moment. I once told Buffy; one good day. I think that this might be it.
"ANGEL!!!"
The end.
