'Everything depends on it. It's like what we said, we have to be brilliant. We have to be brilliant.' Repetition. Erratic breathing, panicked movements, darting eyes.
'Dr March.' A stern voice, harsh but firm words. A struggle for the instruments filling the woman's hands. 'Dr March.' Repetition. Routine. 'Dr March. Put it down.' Gentle hands, extracting hard cold objects. 'I need you to turn around and walk away. Do you understand?' The gentle hands were back, firmer this time, urgent. The woman nodded, she had to leave. She had to go out. Find the air. Find the sky. Find the stars.
'What the hell happened?' She was fuming. 'She was fine this morning.' The powerful woman stormed into Guy's office.
'Jac, you don't need to know.' He wouldn't look up, kept staring at the blank paper in front of him.
'I sure as hell do. I need a reason for why I had to prise a scalpel out of your daughter's hands before she did some major damage to a patient.' Jac glared at him, palms flat on his desk, waiting for a response. 'I'm waiting.' It was then she noticed the bruises littering his knuckles. The hint of red on the cuff of his shirt.
'I get the ruthless thing guy, I do.' Things were starting to click. Cogs were turning, conclusions being drawn. 'You sacrifice anyone, with one exception. Your own daughter. So I am asking you now, to tell me what happened. So you don't end up having to sacrifice her too.'
'Tristan Wood.' Two words.
'On the board?'
He nodded in response.
'What about him?' She had a horrid feeling settle in her stomach. Guy looked up. Tears, emotion and disgust. She knew. She closed her eyes. She shook her head slightly, and left. In search of a fallen colleague; a fallen friend.
The sky was dark. Littered with glistening stars, each one telling a different story. Lighting up a different life. Staring at the stars was like staring at another person's life. Seeing them shine brightly meant that there were people out there having good days.
Sirens were blaring, the wind was blowing, and people were breathing.
It smelt like petrol. Like hand sanitiser. Like pine trees.
She could taste mint.
She could feel the goosebumps, she could feel the shivers. She could feel the cold.
'I know a woman.' The stern voice had returned. It was softer, but still the same. 'She has bipolar. She treats it, she comes to work.' Her head turned. She saw pale skin, contrasted by deep red hair, highlighted by razor like cheek bones. 'Sometimes she has a bad day. Sometimes something can happen that means she can't treat it and carry on like normal. That's ok. That's allowed.' Gentle hands again, stroking softly, in a pattern. She brought her knees up to her chest and closed her hands tightly around them. She was small. She needed to feel small. She needed to disappear.
'You are here. I am here. Together.' A hand had reached her back, slowly rubbing in clockwise circles. 'You are not alone Zosia.' She looked up. That was her name. The woman had used her first name. 'I know.'
She was struggling for breath again. Gasping for air, she clutched her chest. The woman carefully guided her head down, and spoke.
'Deep breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Nice and slow.' She repeated this mantra as Zosia regulated her intake of air.
Jac was unsure as to how much time had passed. She didn't mind. She continued rubbing clockwise circles on the younger woman's back.
'The stars are like humans.' Jac was surprised at how calm Zosia's voice was. Monotonous and steady. 'Some shine more brightly than others, on some days they are hidden by dark clouds. Shadows of their existence.' Zosia leaned back into the bench, and stared at the sky once more. Jac mirrored her actions. 'When the stars don't shine, it means the dark clouds have taken over. Like humans. When humans don't shine like they should, it means something dark has stopped the glow. They get desperate trying to break through the darkness sometimes. They want to shine, and see things like they should. They want to see the silver lining.'
Jac listened intently. Drawn in by the sheer vastness of the representation in the speech. She continued herself.
'But sometimes it's hard. Sometimes the darkness doesn't want to disappear. So the star needs help. On its own, it isn't strong enough. Multiply the light and there might be a chance. Two stars shining together can break through a bigger cloud of darkness.'
Zosia looked towards her boss. Her mentor. She continued her routine. Tapping each finger with her thumb, on both hands. Back and forth, contemplating Jac's answer. Maybe two stars shining together could indeed break through. She needed another star though.
'Maybe you're right. But I can't see another star.' She conceded, tilting her head slightly, the wind brushing against her skin. Blowing the auburn hair of her companion into her neck. Her routine was stopped by those gentle hands again. Clasping them tightly, Jac sat forward and looked directly into Zosia's eyes.
'She's right here. Your second star.' Jac took one of Zosia's hands and placed it over her own heart. 'Strong as anything, this one. She's had to do plenty of her own cloud destroying, so has an excellent curriculum vitae.'
Zosia's lips turned up in the slightest movement. She gave a small nod, and sat back again. Returning to her stargazing. Jac stayed upright, watching Zosia. Breath back to normal, relaxed facial muscles, and soft eyes. Jac reached out to touch the tight bun formed on the back of Zosia's head. Seeing no reaction, Jac began to unpin the knot. She pulled the hair from its prison, and let it fall free. Blowing in the wind, catching the light of the stars once in a while.
A few hundred metres away, the bruised man looked out on the pair of women through a window. He watched as Jac calmed Zosia, how she talked to her… He almost felt envious. Before he realised that he had no right to feel that. Looking down at his blue knuckles he sighed. Guy was scared. No, he was petrified. But the scene he was watching, calmed him slightly. His daughter would be safe. She would be cared for. There was no cause for worry there. He had neutralised the other problem, but was apprehensive of the inevitable repercussions of such actions, like the drastic ones he had taken. He looked up towards the sky and wondered. Was a dark cloud approaching the stars tonight? Only time would tell.
