Couples Night 2032

John F. Kennedy Airport-International Arrival Terminal.

April 25, 2032. 4:24 pm.

Barney, Ellie, Luke, and Penny are waiting at the international arrival terminal checking the monitors and pacing back and forth.

LUKE: What's going on, here? Dad hasn't called yet. Neither has Aunt Robin, I mean Robin.

PENNY: They said they'd call as soon as their plane landed.

ELLIE: According to the arrival monitor, their flight from Heathrow arrived 11 minutes ago. They took British Airways, right?

LUKE: Yep. They did.

BARNEY: [holding phone, muttering to himself] Ted come on! Pick up! [tries calling Robin] Come on Robin! Pick up! Don't tell me you got delayed at customs by showing your Canadian passport instead of your US passport at the control.

[Luke's phone rings]

LUKE: Hello? Dad? Uh-uh? Uh-huh? Uh-huh. Okay, I'll see you guys in bit. [hangs up] [to Penny, Barney, and Ellie] They just got through the passport control. They're going through customs and they should be out in 15 minutes.

ELLIE: Oh that's good.

BARNEY: Oh, good, she showed her US passport. No Canadian persecution to worry about…that's my job!

PENNY: I had not seen Dad smile this much for 6 years.

ELLIE: Aunt Robin really makes Uncle Ted happy. He seemed like a lost soul after Aunt Tracy's death. And Aunt Robin found it.

LUKE: Actually they found each other's souls.

[cut to 15 minutes later. Enter Ted and Robin.]

PENNY: Dad! Robin! [runs to hug them]

DAD: Penny, sweetheart. Daddy missed you. Did everything go fine at Uncle Barney's?

PENNY: It was great.

LUKE: Dad! Aunt Robin! [hugging] I mean Mom! I mean Stepmom! I mean…

ROBIN: Just call me Robin, that's cool.

LUKE: It'll take some getting used to. So how was your honeymoon, Dad and Robin?

TED: Amazing! Spectacular! Breathtaking! Titillating! An experience I'll never forget!

ROBIN: I have had to go to London multiple times to report from the foreign desk. But this trip to London was the most pleasurable.

TED: We've got footage and photos from the entire trip! We'll show it all to you tonight!

ROBIN: Except the stuff inside the honeymoon suite.

TED: If someone knows how to organize a trip overseas, it's Robin. She planned everything perfectly even to the point of picking the best restaurants. My god the curry, samosas, and Tandoori chicken are way better than what I get at the Indian restaurants in Queens or at Lexington Ave.

ELLIE: Did you guys fight?

BARNEY: Ellie, that's not an appropriate question to ask! … So, guys did you?

TED: Yeah we did once. She left an empty milk carton in the fridge.

ROBIN: [snickers] I do that to remind myself to buy more milk! [elbows Ted]

BARNEY: Some things never change! Can you handle empty cartons for more than 3 years, Ted?

TED: She was my roommate. I can handle it. Let's head to your car, Barn.

[cut to scene in Barney's minivan] Barney is in the driver's seat. Ted is in the passenger's seat. Robin and Penny are seated in the middle row. Luke and Ellie are seated in the back. They are on the highway heading toward Westchester.

TED: Thank you for watching the kids, Barney.

BARNEY: No problem. What are bros for?

ROBIN: Thank you also for taking us to and picking us up from the airport.

BARNEY: Anytime.

ROBIN: [to kids] So, Luke, Penny. Did you have a good time with Uncle Barney?

PENNY: Not bad at all. You know for me, I'm busy prepping for my SATs.

LUKE: Since I did not have any real commitments during the spring break, I helped Ellie rehearse for her end of the year junior high musical. Robin, she is talented! Reminds me of your performances as Robin Sparkles.

ROBIN: Oh, please don't remind me!

TED: Hey! I said it then and I'll say it now! 16 year-old me would have been all over you.

PENNY: And on Saturday, Uncle Barney took us all to see the Broadway musical adaptation of The Wedding Bride.

[Barney's car phone rings]

BARNEY: Answer phone.

Several screens in the car turn on. We see several screens turn on, and on the screens we see Lily and Marshall's faces with giant smiles.

LILY: Hey, Teddy Westchester!

MARSHALL: Hi Robin! How was the honeymoon in London?

ROBIN and TED: [together in unison] Best. Trip. Ever.

TED: We got so much photos and footage from our trip. We can't wait to show it to you guys!

ROBIN: The outdoor stuff, of course.

LILY: Hey! So here's the situation! Daisy is going out of town on Friday to check out the Wesleyan campus.

MARSHALL: She has narrowed her choices down to Wesleyan, Michigan, and UPenn. She wants to revisit the campuses before making her final matriculation decision.

LILY: And Marshall Junior is staying over at Judy and Dad's this coming weekend. So therefore we are gonna do something we haven't done in 8 years. We have decided to invite you and Ted this Saturday for a little…

LILY and MARSHALL: [in unison] …COUPLES NIGHT!

ROBIN: [feigning a smile] Sure we'd love to!

TED: [also feigning a smile] Well, let me see, Penny is spending the weekend at Grandma and Grandpa McConnell's. And Luke is going with Barney to see Ellie's a cappella group concert on Saturday, so sure! We'd love to come!

LILY: Great! I can't wait to see you then!

MARSHALL: And I just don't do gouda anymore. I also do havarti.

ALL: Bye!

[phone screens turn off]

ROBIN: Oh, crap! Couples night!

TED: [grunting] I forgot all about those things! And it was not because of my 6 years of grief.

BARNEY: [grinning] One of those times I say I'm glad I'm divorced!

ROBIN: That was actually one of the things I celebrated about back in 2016 after we reached the settlement.

BARNEY: Actually that's one of the things I celebrated about the divorce, myself! [he and Robin do a high five] Hey, Ted when was the final time you and Tracy did couples night with them?

TED: The last time we had couples night with them was the worst. It was September 27, 2024 at the hospice. Tracy and I were begging them not to execute it. But they were so adamant that they showed up at the hospice without our permission. They said it would help ease Tracy's pain, but that night Tracy asked for a higher dose of morphine.

BARNEY: Whoa! That sucks! Talk about being inconsiderate.

TED: You know something funny, Barn? Even before she got sick, Tracy thought the couples nights were pretty bad herself.

ROBIN: Well 8 years have passed. They may have learned their lessons from other couples during that time.

TED: [chuckles] Yeah! Maybe they won't be so goofy this time!

End of Act 1