Cell Block Tango - Yaoi Style
Cast: Sasuke Uchiha, Edward Elric, Cloud Strife, Light Yagami, Kaoru Hitachiin and Shuichi Shindou
Sasuke: Believe it.
Edward: Six.
Cloud: Sword.
Light: Nu-uh.
Kaoru: Host Club.
Shuichi: Eiri.
repeat x6
Bandleader: (overlapping) And now, the six merry murders of the (Kumoricon/Sakuracon) Jail in their rendition of the Cell Block Tango.
All: He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
Kaoru: I betcha you would have done the same!
Sasuke: Believe it.
Edward: Six.
Cloud: Sword.
Light: Nu-uh.
Kaoru: Host Club.
Shuichi: Eiri.
repeat x2
Sasuke: You know how people
have these little habits
That gets you down? Like Naruto.
Naruto liked to say catchphrases.
Yeah - Believe it.
So I came home this one day
And I am really irritated, and
I'm looking for a little bit of sympathy
and there's Naruto lying
on the couch, singing out
catchphrases. Yeah, that one,
BELIEVE IT. So, I said to him,
I said, "You say 'Believe
it' one more time..."
And he did.
So I took some kunai off the wall
and I fired threw warning shots...
Into his head.
All: He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have heard it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!
Edward: I met Roy Mustang outside
Risembol about two years ago
and he told me he was single
and we hit it off right away.
So, we started living together.
He'd go to work, he'd come home,
I'd fix him a drink, we'd have dinner.
And then I found out:
"Single" he told me. Single, my ass.
Not only was he married...
Oh, no, he had six wives.
One of those Coronals, you know.
So that night when he came home from work,
I fixed him his drink, as usual.
You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic.
All: He had it coming
He had it coming
He took a flower
In its prime
And then he used it
And he abused it
It was a murder
But not a crime!
Cloud: Now, I'm standing in the kitchen
messing around with some materia,
minding my own business.
In storms mister Zack Fair in a jealous rage.
"You been screwing Areith!" he says.
He was crazy and he kept on screaming,
"You been screwing Areith!"
And then he ran into my sword
He ran into my sword ten times!
All: If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!
Light: What am doing here?
They say Misa-Misa held down Ryuzaki while I murdered him.
But it isn't true, I am innocent.
I don't know why they don't see it's Kira.
And I'm not Kira - Kira killed Ryuzaki, not me!
Kaoru: Yeah, but did you do it?
Light: Nu-uh! I'm not Kira!
Kaoru: My brother Hikaru and I had this double act,
and our friend Haruhi traveled around with us.
Now, for the last number in our act,
we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row.
one, two, three, four, five, splits, spread eagles,
back flips, flip flops, one right after the other.
So this one night before the show we're down at the Host Club at Ouran,
the three of us screwing around, having some laughs, and we ran out of ice.
So I go out to get some.
I come back, open the door, and there's Hikaru and
Haruhi doing Number Seventeen -- the spread eagle.
Well, I was in such a state of shock,
I completely blacked out, I can't remember a thing.
It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands
I even knew they were dead.
Kaoru: They had it coming
Others: They had it coming
All: They had it coming all along
Kaoru: I didn't do it
But if I'd done it
How could you tell me that I was wrong?
All: They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming
Karou: All along
I didn't do it
But if I'd done it
How could you tell me
That I was wrong?
Others: (overlapping) They took a flower
In its prime
And then they used it
And they abused it
It was a murder
But not a crime!
Shuichi: I loved Yuki Eiri more than I can possibly say.
He was a really cool guy... sensitive... a writer.
But he was always trying to find himself.
He'd go out every night
looking for himself and on the way
he found Tohma, Hiroshi, Ryuichi and Suguru.
I guess you could say we broke
up because of artistic differences.
He saw himself as alive
and I saw him dead.
All: The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming
All along
All along
'Cause if they used us
'Cause if they used us And they abused us
And they abused us
How could you tell us
How could you tell us That we were wrong?
That we were wrong?
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had
Himself
To blame.
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha
You would have done the same!
Sasuke: You pop 'Believe it' one more time!
Edward: Single my ass.
Cloud: Ten times!
Light: Not Kira.
Kaoru: Number seventeen -- the spread-eagle.
Shuichi: Artistic differences.
Sasuke: Believe it.
Edward: Six.
Cloud: Sword.
Light: Nu-uh.
Kaoru: Host Club.
Shuichi: Eiri.
