I'm so tired of being
here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to
leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence
still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These
wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's
just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe
away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of
your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But
you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By
your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it
chased away all the sanity in me
I've tried so hard to tell
myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me, I've
been alone all along
It had been a week but it seems like only moments to him. He couldn't believe it had happened, why had he allowed it to happen? He was supposed to keep her safe but he failed he had cost someone he cared about to lose their life. It wasn't supposed to happen this way, not at all like this.
But she was still dead, lost to him for good, never again would she pop her head out of the well with her gigantic backpack. Never again would he see her smile, hear her laugh or hear "Sit!" A life without her just didn't seem like living at all….
His claws dug into his palms drawing blood as he sat high up in the crook of a tree as usual. Hidden from all in his perch was the only place he wanted to be. He didn't want to be with rest of his band, they couldn't help him since the only one that could was gone.
Why did I let it happen? It's all my fault she's dead!
He told himself bitterly as he started to remember. The last touch had been her hand going limp, slipping from rubbing his ear to hit the wet ground as the heavens opened and rain fell down in torrents. He had clutched her tight to him then, willing her to open her eyes and yelling her name. But it was all to no avail, his Kagome wasn't going to wake this time, she was gone and he knew it but he refused to accept it just as he hadn't when Naraku's spike had run her through. No, it hadn't happened, he had told himself as he dove toward her after the strongest force his sword had ever conjured ended Naraku's life. She had to be fine, she just couldn't be hurt, he wouldn't allow it.
She had tried to calm him, telling him would be okay as he felt the warmth seeping from her body and saw the color fading from her face. She was dying but seemed to not accept it as much as him, whispering that they would be after the shards again in no time. He had bit his lip then, drawing blood as he tried to hold in the howl that was growing within him. Her hand was on his ear trying to soothe him then but it only caused a shudder through him. Then she went cold and his world seemed to die with her.
He didn't let go of her limp form for several hours, nuzzling her neck and whimpering as he still hoped she would come back to him somehow like she always had. He would've given anything to be sat right now. He only let go when Miroku and Sango had been convincing him for ages, then collapsing as grief-induced exhaustion overtook him.
Back in the present, they had buried her back in Kaede's village. Inuyasha hadn't been able to bear it, taking to the trees where he could be alone with his grief and inner demons. He had been like this for a week, doing nothing but stay in the tree, blaming himself for her death, only moving when the needs of the body had to be met. His mind just wouldn't stop plaguing him with his loss. They had only just begun getting close before he lost her, Kagome sleeping with him at night in his tree, sit was hardly ever heard and their lives seemed to just be getting started. When he closed his eyes, he could almost smell her wondrous scent, feel her weight on his lap and hear her gentle voice whispering his name but all these would never be again. Above all though, his second biggest regret was not telling her he loved her. He had planned to that day but then Naraku cut such plans to ribbons. He could still remember her watching his face as he tried to tell her but then it all happened, a blur until the moment she was struck, a time when everything seemed to have frozen entirely for what had seemed like an eternity for him until he was able to come to her aid, far too late though, if only he had protected her better…..
He growled softly thinking of when he had to go tell her mother since he was the only one able to go through the well. The woman had of course started crying immediately, making Inu feel all the worse for not being able to protect Kagome better. Souta hadn't done any better, soon Inu had them both hugging him, which felt a little comforting but still reminded him of what had happened, she was dead because of him. When the pain became too much, Inu said his goodbyes and gone through the well to further delve into his thoughts alone. The trees felled and ripped apart were near his tree as was a youkai that had made the mistake of crossing his path and looking for a fight. Pretty much it wasn't hard to find the hanyou based on it even if the person searching didn't know him well. The rest of the group left him alone for now, letting him grieve and decided it would be best to leave him alone when they saw the damage he caused.
But today the group could stand waiting for him no longer, the little fox demon, Shippo yelled up to him for quite some time before Inuyasha plopped down to the ground. The hanyou was quite silent as he regarded them all with an indifferent look, eyes hidden under his bangs and his face unreadable. Miroku tried to break the silence with a suggestion to ease his friend's thoughts for a time since Inuyasha had of course taken it the hardest of them all.
"Why don't we take a dip in the springs? Would do us some good to get warm with the snow around…" He said while watching the snow that began to fall again, flakes flitting all around them in a leisurely rate, soon to cover everything with another icy blanket with time.
The hanyou only nodded blankly before heading in that direction, not looking to see if they followed, he didn't care really. Nothing mattered to him anymore, she was gone, and he didn't have a thing to care about. But as he walked, something caught his attention, making him sniff the air and prick his ears sharply forward before the hanyou sprang off into the woods.
