It was the last day of school, and I was in my last class

I was talking to my really cool teacher

I thank him for a Spirit-ful year

He says, "It was Shrek-tastic to be with you"

No

It can't be

I turned towards him

It was just as I suspected

It was Shrek this whole time

I lunged after him, trying to lodge a horseshoe into his ogre throat, but it was no use

As I opened his mouth, his breath, the smell of onions came over me

The stench was so bad, it made me lose hold onto Shrek and fall to the floor

Then, Shrek ripped his tight jeans and pants off and spread his bum-cheeks wide open, then Fiona, Donkey and Puss in Boots all emerged, and all four of them surrounded on me

"You, baddie laddie, should have checked yourself, before you shrieked yourself, but it all ogre for you now", Shrek said with a bad temper on his face

Just as I thought I was about to be beaten to death by this gang, Spirit crashes through the door

Finally

Without a moment's hesitation, Spirit bit onto Shrek's exposed willy, ripped it off, and threw it out of a window

Shrek, now willy-less, ran after it, but fell to his death

Fiona prepared to fight back, to avenge her husband's demise

Just as she was jumped into the air to do a Kung Fu kick at Spirit, she, somehow, froze in mid-air

Spirit, who saw this as an advantage, walked away from the spot where he could have been ambushed by Fiona

Then shockingly, Fiona, somehow, unfroze and ended up slammed against a wall

The impact caused a large cupboard to tip over, fall on Fiona and crush her, killing her

Puss pulled out his sword and hissed, "Fear me, if you dare"

But Spirit suddenly started to trample all over Puss until he became nothing more than what looks like roadkill

Donkey tried to run away, but Spirit bit onto Donkey's tail, just like Shrek's swamp sausage, and fling him out the same window

Donkey fell to the end of his life, as he violently landed on the ground, right next to Shrek's corpse

Spirit than looked at me, at he began to smile

I ran to him and hugged his head

I was in pure relief

Afterwards, I climbed onto his back and he took me home

Spirit is Love

Spirit is Life