Disclaimer: not mine! Okay so the challenge by Jen was as follows:

(1) must be set around series 2 episode 02/04 - old and cold, (2) include the following items a lawn mower, white roses, oranges, bubble bath and diet coke. (3) be no more than 1000 words and no less than 500 (it's 862 to be precise) this is the result enjoy! :)


"All I said was in the time I have known you lot you have never appeared to be nurse material" Sandra Pullman said flicking though the Bertie Campbell case files.

"What do you mean?" Jack asked.

"The way you three have been waiting on Esther hand and foot, cooking for her, catering to her every need".

"Well, it's just as much for Brian's benefit, you know I don't think he has a clue how to look after himself and Esther well she deserves a treat while she is recovering" Gerry said explaining why they had been round the Lane hold pretty much every day after Esther's accident.

"It is very sweet of you, I just didn't think you had it in you" she said.

"I know what it is, she's jealous" Brian said.

"No I am not!" she protested, though her face clearly said the opposite.

"Look I tell you what Guv, why don't we attend to Esther's needs and then head over to Jack's place and pamper you this evening, I dare Esther wouldn't mind a night to herself" Gerry suggested.

"Why my place?" Jack asked annoyed his house had been sublet for the evening without his consent.

"Well, cos it's bigger than my gaff" was Gerry's reply.

"Ah, boys, it's really sweet of you but you don't have to" Sandra said feeling the slightest bit guilty at the fact they were going to a lot of effort just for her.

"Yes, we do, you just hinted that you wanted us to pamper you too" Gerry said, being the 'expert' in women he knew how to read between the lines.


Sandra arrived at Jack's house at seven on the dot. When she rang the front door she was greeted by Jack, Brian and an apron wearing Gerry.

"White Roses for the lady" Jack said offering Sandra a big and very expensive bouquet.

"Gosh, boy's you really did not need to have gone to all this trouble, a bottle of white and a curry would have sufficed" taking the beautiful display of flowers she was really taken aback.

"Well, you wanted to be pampered-"Jack started.

"I never said that".

"You didn't have to, we could all see how much that Kitty Campbell is winding you up, so we thought what you really need is a night away from talk about work, let your hair down" Gerry said taking her coat and handing it to Jack.

"Jack, will you pour Sandra a glass of wine and Brian will you help me in the kitchen please?" Gerry delegated, as he was probably the most qualified host out of the three geriatrics.

"Why do I have to help you with the cooking? You know I'm no good at it Gerry" Brian moaned.

"Because Brian, you are the one with the poorly wife, c'mon it's an easy recipe, you can make this for Esther" Gerry said. "Jack where are you going?" He asked the oldest of the men noticing he was putting his overcoat on.

"We forgot the wine, didn't we!" he snapped annoyed as he could see this special evening for Sandra ending in disaster.

"Jack while you are out you couldn't fetch me a diet Coke could you please? I have been craving one all day" Sandra said giving him a two pound coin.

In the kitchen Gerry wasn't too pleased with the help he was receiving as Brian was constantly asking why Gerry was all the things he was.

"For gawd's sake Brian will you stop waffling on for five minutes and pass me that bag of oranges over there please" he said trying his best to stay calm.

"I have never understood why people take fruit out of contest, I mean who really needs oranges in a main course"

"Because it's Duck a l'orange, that's why, Brian, the recipe calls for it".

Before Brian could answer his train of thought was right off the track as they heard an almighty crash coming from Jack's garden.

"What was that?" Sandra called from the lounge where she was making herself rather comfortable.

"It's alright, it's just Jack he's just tripped over his own Lawn Mower, it's alright he's okay" Brain commented.

"Yeah but is the wine?" Sandra called.


All four of them sighed in turn with content.

"Gerry, that was delicious, I can defiantly say that you boys have well and truly looked after me this evening. I never thought I would see the say" Sandra said licking the remaining chocolate sauce off the plate with her finger.

"I'm glad you have enjoyed it, Guv'nor but it's not over yet" Gerry winked.

"Is it not?" Sandra said not knowing what else they could possibly have in store for her.

"We picked up some nice pampering stuff for you on the way back from Brian's some scented candles, a face mask and even an expensive bottle of bubble bath, so while we are doing the washing up you go and relax" Jack smiled.

"Ah bless you, you three are something else do you know that" she said kissing them all on the cheek. "Right I'm off to pamper myself, enjoy the washing up" she winked.