Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or anything associated with it.

Rated PG-13 for: Some naughty words, and, uh, underage drinking

AN: Hey folks! I decided to write this thing after reading some other diary like things that just about killed me I was laughing so hard. I thought that maybe I could try my hand at it. Oh, and keep in mind, this is only chapter one! There's still one more to go! So, uh, yeah, enjoy! (Oh, and it may look long, but it's a quick read, trust me)

The Not So Secret Inner Thoughts of One Ronald A. Weasley

September 2, Tuesday

7:00 am

Aaargh. Why does school have to start so bloody early!? Growing boys need their sleep. Twelve hours is not too much, no matter what Hermione says. She doesn't know everything.

If she knows everything, then, then I fancy her!

7:05 am

Which I most certainly do NOT.

7:07 am

I mean, why would I? She's only pretty and smart.

7:10 am

In an annoying, bookwormish "I know more than you do Ronald Weasley" sort of way.

7:15 am

I do NOT fancy Hermione.

3:30 pm

I go asked out today! By a second year, but still, I feel wanted now.

We Weasleys are in high demand. So I suppose it's a good thing that there are so many of us.

Hell yes, Ron Weasley is one of the most eligible bachelors at Hogwarts.

3:35 pm

Right behind Fred and George.

3:38 pm

And Harry.

3:42 pm

And Malfoy

3:50 pm

Bollocks! Who am I ahead of!?

3:56 pm

Cedric Diggory! Ha!

4:00 pm

But he's dead…

4:04 pm

And I'm not so sure that I'm more eligible than he is anyway.

5:00 pm

Harry got asked out by three girls today.

5:05 pm

Damn him.

September 3, Wednesday

1:00 pm

Got in a row with Hermione at lunch today. I'm not surprised, she just HAS to scold me when I'm being perfectly innocent!

I really was.

Okay, so maybe I was trying to turn Malfoy into a toad, so what? He deserves it. That git.

She kept insisting that I would lose us points, AND it wasn't nice. She always insists that I be nice to everyone.

1:15 pm

Not that I like that about her about her or anything.

1:20 pm

I really don't.

3:00 pm

I hate Snape.

3:01 pm

A lot.

September 4, Thursday

10:20 am

I think that there may be something seriously wrong with our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.

Then again, I don't know how that would be any different from our previous teachers.

10:34 am

Like that git Lockhart.

10:38 am

I really hated him.

7:06 pm

What's wrong with putting off my Transfiguration essay to play chess? I happen to like chess!

7:10 pm

Especially when I beat Hermione at it.

7:16 pm

Mwahahaha.

September 5, Friday

4:00 pm

Fred and George will not leave me alone! They've spent the past hour taunting me with "Ron loves Hermione!"

I do NOT! How many times do I have to say it?

I DO NOT LOVE HERMIONE, I DO NOT LOVE HERMIONE, I DO NOT LOVE HERMIONE, I DO NOT LOVE HERMIONE, I DO NOT LOVE HERMIONE…

4:07 pm

Nobody will ever believe me. I give up.

9:42 pm

Fred and George were singing the fifth verse of "Ron loves Hermione (he just doesn't know it yet)" when she walked into the Common Room.

They said that I was redder than my Gryffindor badge.

9:45 pm

Damn them.

September 6, Saturday

10:00 am

I get to sleep in. Finally.

10:33 am

Harry stole this and read it while I was catching up on some much needed sleep. He said that he thinks I fancy Hermione.

10:36 am

That and my life is very boring.

10:40 am

Sod Harry.

10:42 am

He's right though.

10:47 am

I'm never writing in this again. Stupid sodding notebook thing.

September 27, Saturday

3:00 pm

I wouldn't be writing in you, you stupid sodding thing, if we hadn't taken our first Hogsmeade trip today. Usually trips to Hogsmeade are perfectly normal occurrences that involve drinking a lot of Butterbeer and eating so much candy your stomach hurts.

I never knew that Butterbeer could actually start to affect you once you start on your tenth mug. That's all the detail I'm going into.

3:08 pm

I'm never going to say what happened in Hogsmeade today! Ha, that rhymed!

3:13 pm

I'm a poet and I didn't even…

Do you really want to know what happened?

Of course you don't. You're a stupid book with blank paper in it that I am writing on. You are INATIMATE.

3:16 pm

Then why in the hell am I talking to you?

5:17 pm

I wonder if Hermione will ever look at me again. Or if I'll even be able to ever think about today without going red. Stupid Weasley genes.

8:19 pm

Like I said, we went down to Hogsmeade today. It started out normally enough. Harry, Hermione, and I walked down there with the other students, and stopped by Zonko's to store up on jokes, then Honeydukes to store up on sweets, and then the post office to send Sirius, excuse me, Snuffles, a load of food.

It a was bit chilly, so Harry suggested we nip inside the Three Broomsticks for a few Butterbeers before we headed back up to Hogwarts. Nobody can say no to a Butterbeer, and we were in there within in minutes, ordering the drinks from Madam Rosmerta and her sparkly shoes.

For some reason we all got a little carried away with the Butterbeers, and suddenly I noticed that I didn't feel quite right. The floor was at a strange slanty angle and everything that anybody said was automatically funny.

I now know that I was drunk.

At the time I thought "Are you feeling all right mate?" was the funniest thing I'd ever heard in my sad and miserable life.

I don't know how it happened. All I know is that…

I can't say it.

8:23 pm

And I won't.

8:24 pm

Ever.

8:56 pm

Oh, all right. I KISSED HERMIONE. Happy now?

9:01 pm

I've finally cracked.

September 28, Sunday

12:00 pm

I woke up this morning feeling slightly nauseous. My head was pounding too. Harry told me that the Muggles call it a "hangover".

12:03 pm

I hate Butterbeer.

12:15 pm

Fred and George have become even more voracious in their pestering me that I truly do love Hermione. However, they don't know that I am not feeling well from being drinking so much yesterday.

12:18 pm

Just told them to bugger off.

12:22 pm

They laughed.

4:30 pm

After a bit of pumpkin juice and a hot shower, I started feeling not so horrible. Hermione even did some sort of anti-headache Charm or something. She's looking at me again, which is a good sign. I think she's trying to forget it ever happened.

I can't even remember it.

4:37 pm

Harry offered to tell Hermione that I loved her for me. Why does nobody in this world understand that I RON WEASLEY AM NOT IN LOVE WITH HERMIONE GRANGER!

11:59 pm

Well, maybe just a little bit.

September 29, Monday

7:00 am

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down…

7:04 am

That's a Muggle song. I've heard Hermione singing it a few times.

7:07 am

You shut up.

7:11 am

I'm yelling at paper again.

5:00 pm

Three rolls of parchment. THREE ROLLS OF PARCHMENT!

That bat Snape wants us to write him an essay three rolls of parchment long! Is that man insane? Well…of course he is. But seriously…three rolls of parchment!

5:03 pm

It's due next week. Bloody hell, I hate that man.

5:08 pm

Hermione hates it when I swear.

5:12 pm

BLOODY, BLOODY, BLOODY, BLOODY, BLOODY, HELL, HELL, HELL, HELL, HELL, HELL!!!

6:24 pm

I hate being in love.

September 30, Tuesday

4:30 pm

That's it. It's the end of the line for me. I'm dead, out, gone, I've kicked the bucket, bought the farm, gone to that sweet shop in the sky.

Fred and George KNOW.

As usual, they wasted no time in bothering me about Hermione. They tried a few renditions of the song, but little did they know that my will is too strong to get upset over the likes of a measly song!

Even if I did yell myself hoarse at them the first fifty times they sang it.

Anyway, they finally stopped singing, and Fred said, "Come on Ron, everybody knows you fancy her."

"Everybody but you. Why don't you stop living in denial?" George added.

Then I completely forgot that nobody is supposed to know that I've finally excepted the truth. I just opened my big fat mouth. "Shove off, I know as well as everybody else."

They looked like it had just been announced that their birthday would take place on Christmas, and Halloween, and that their joke shop was wildly successful, and they were going to be millionaires.

Farewell cruel world, I don't have long to live.

6:07 pm

They've decided to wait until tomorrow to tell her.

6:11 pm

I'm still dead.

October 1, Wednesday

7:00 pm

I LOVE HERMIONE GRANGER!! Yes, that's right, I love her! I don't care who knows it anymore! I'll tell the world!

After class, Fred and George approached her, those sodding sods. "Hey Hermione," they grinned at her.

She looked at them in absolute confusion. "Hello."

Then they told her about yesterday. I hate them. "He said he knows as well as everybody else, Hermione. So, what do you think you're going to do about it?"

I was pretending very hard to be interested in the chess game in front of me. Then, she turns to me and asks, "Is that true?"

Well, what was I supposed to do, LIE to her!? When she was looking at me like that? I tried to say yes, but I couldn't talk, considering I was about to die, and I just nodded at her instead.

Fred and George were laughing like mad.

"Well, in that case, you two can just forget about me helping you. If you can't keep secrets, neither can I. So, Fred, you'll just have to find out a way to ask Angelina out on your own." That shut Fred up, but it just set off George even more. "And you, George Weasley, good luck with Alicia."

Both the twins were looking a little horrified, while Harry had nearly collapsed on the ground from laughing.

"It's not funny, Harry." He kept laughing. Hermione's eyes narrowed. "Harold James Potter…I will certainly NOT help you ask Ginny to the Halloween Ball anymore!"

That caused an uproar in the common room. Even Fred and George started laughing again. Harry's eyes nearly fell out and rolled around on the floor.

7:20 pm

Hahahahahaha.

7:28 pm

If Harry hurts my sister, I will rip off his testicles and wear them as a hat. And laugh at the expression on his face.

7:34 pm

Hahahahaha.

7:46 pm

That's kind of disgusting.

October 2, Thursday

10:00 am

Dumbledore officially announced the Halloween Ball at breakfast this morning. I think I might suck it up and ask Hermione. Harry and Ginny have been smiling shyly at each other all morning.

It's disgusting.

4:02 pm

She hates me.

4:06 pm

She hates me, she hates me, she hates me, she hates me, she hates me, she hates me, she hates me, she hates me, she hates me!

4:10 pm

I, Ronald Weasley, am the bloodiest prat at Hogwarts.

4:16 pm

She still hates me.

October 3, Friday

11:07 am

She wouldn't look at me this morning, except for a nasty glare that didn't make me feel to secure that I would be in one piece by the time the day ended.

At lunch yesterday I thought I would as her to the Halloween Ball, you know, before some stupid Bulgarian internationally renowned Quidditch player got to her. I couldn't just, well, ASK her, I would have to warm up first.

"Hi Hermione." Note that I didn't use her despised nickname. I sat down next to her at the table. "You look, er, nice today."

Then she smiled, Hermione smiled, at me. "Thank you, Ron."

"Listen, er, about the, um, Halloween Ball. Would, er, you, um, like to…uh…go with me?" I could have just stopped there, and I wouldn't be hated right now. But, no, being the prat I am, I KEPT GOING. "You know, unless Vicky asked you, or you already promised to go with Malfoy or something. I wouldn't want to impart on your love for the Incredible Bouncing Ferret." And, of course, now that I was insulting her, I wasn't stuttering like an idiot anymore.

Her face darkened. "Why do you have to tease me like that, Ron? It's not funny."

Tease her? Oh hell, she thought that I was KIDDING about asking her to the ball! Just so I could make a jibe about stupid Viktor Krum and Malfoy, the King of all Prats. "It wasn't a joke, I-"

"You what? You thought that I would actually go with Viktor, who is not even here, or, or Malfoy? If you're so obsessed with the both of them, why don't YOU take them to the Halloween Ball!" Then with that, she stormed out of the Great Hall.

Open mouth, insert foot.

12:23 pm

Harry had better watch it, or the Boy Who Lived will become the Boy Who Was Unable to Have Children.

1:34 pm

She still hates me.

~~~~~~~~~

One more to go! Reviews are appreciated.