A/N: This is my first fic ever and I'm just trying this out but let me know what you think and if you want me to continue. Corrective criticism and ideas are always welcome! Also, warning you right now that LB/Tegan sex is briefly touched upon because come on now, let's leave those sexy smutty feels for T&S!

Chapter 1: I Get So Jealous

Sara's POV

I can't even remember when this happened to me. When I fully allowed my brain to succumb to my immoral and unethical longing for the ocean to take hold of me and drown me out at sea. It's something that's racking my brain as I sit across from the ocean itself and her overly affectionate lover playing with Tegan's fingers as the two engage in conversation like I'm not even here. My hazel orbs fixated on the square blocks of ice floating in my drink, much like my desire floating atop all others in my brain. How did she get here? Better yet, why and how did I allow her to? I've always been the sensible and responsible one out of the two of us yet here I am pining over the one person most unsustainable for myself. The one person I can never actually have or openly be with. It's sick and is making my stomach churn... or maybe that was the two shots I had already downed in hopes of surrendering all thoughts to the alcohol now heavily surging through my veins. Either way I was feeling less than exuberant to be in this swanky downtown bar acting as a third wheel.

I watch reluctantly as Lindsey's lips grew nearer to my sister's, the music playing overhead making it impossible to hear what she was whispering and the smoke coming from those playing pool just a few feet away clouding my line of vision to make lip-reading possible but the content of her sweet nothings were no secret based off of the smirk inhabiting Tegan's lips. I have to redirect my gaze elsewhere to keep myself from rolling my eyes but no matter where I turn the two of them remain in my peripheral vision only causing insult to injury.

"Hey Sar, Linds and I are gonna catch a cab back to the hotel. Do you wanna-"

I cut her off before she can even offer to bring me back with them. I know it's out of pity and even more so I know that in the back of both of their minds they're hoping for me to say no. Giving them what they want I put on a happy face and force a smile as I wave them off. "No, you two crazy kids have fun. I'm just gonna finish my drink and then maybe try to get some writing done back in our hotel room." I use the word our as a weapon to remind Tegan that the two of us are sharing a room and I expect her back there later and also to remind the two not to use that room for their little sexcapade. I wrap my hand around the glass now covered in condensation not that it's much of a bother against my now clammy hands and take a long sip concentrating on nothing but the feeling of the alcohol working it's way past my lips, on to my tongue, and then burning on through my esophagus.

"You're sure?" I hear my almost identical counterpart ask; her hand affectionately falling on my forearm, a gentle squeeze following the gesture. The skin on skin contact is more than I can take, nearly pushing me off the edge and despite my instant and, unfortunate for me, noticeable goosebumps I somehow have to find a way to compose myself and muster up a response- one that sounds like I approve of the woman I'm desperately and sickeningly in love with going off with another woman. Lacking effort to fake the same smile I had before, nothing but my eyes shot up to meet Tegan's gaze. "Just go." I say flatly- urging her to get out of here before she can hurt me even more.

As if knowing to take that as a threat her hand is recoiled from my arm and finds a spot on LB's lower back as she escorts her out of the tiny booth and to their feet. "Catch ya later, Sara." I hear Lindsey offer as a goodbye and I nod. "Yeah, later." It's not as friendly as usual but with a soft tone it's inconspicuous enough for them not to ask questions. Watching the what I believe to be happy couple walk through the doors I take to my drink as a parched animal in a desert would take to finding a pool of water, desperate for it to course through my veins and rid me of my ridiculous jealousy. She's not yours, Sara. She never will be. She can't be, now stop being so fucking sick, perverted, and ridiculous. You have Stacey, think of her.

Tegan's POV

I have no idea what's gotten into Lindsey. Sure she has always been desperate for me, almost as desperate as I've always been for her but pushing me into the cab and crawling in to have her way with me despite the fact that we could severely either turn on or traumatize our driver seemed a bit out of character for her. We were good at keeping PDA minimal but not tonight. Perhaps it were the shots of Patron she had taken with Sara earlier on in the night. It wasn't her drink of choice and I wasn't so sure I had ever seen her in a tequila inebriated state and I wasn't sure whether to thank or curse Sara for this; either way I had quite the little vixen on my hands tonight.

Lindsey went to work on my neck as I near breathlessly told the driver where we were headed. I'm sure in his mind it seemed appropriate for us to be headed to a hotel considering we can't take our hands off of each other. She has taken to whispering in my ear what she wants to do to me once we get back to the hotel room and I can feel my boxer briefs grow wetter by the second. The tequila is definitely something to thank Sara for. I haven't seen LB this worked up since the beginning of our relationship when discovering each other's bodies was still new and exciting. Since we were now all too familiar with one another, I can't lie, or relationship has been lacking passion and excitement. If only I had known a different kind of booze were to spice things up I would have resorted to it a long time ago.

Nimble fingers undo the button of my dark wash skinny jeans and push their way inside, her fingers too eager to even tease as she applies instant pressure to my clit at the spot she knows, all too well, drives me completely insane. "Fuck, Lindsey." My teeth sink into the crook of her neck to keep my mouth busy and my faint moans, that I try to hold back, muffled.

Watching the hotel roll into view I sigh in both relief and disappointment. I was growing close to cumming but knowing I wouldn't be able to keep that quiet was where the relief had settled in. Pulling her hand out of my pants I teasingly sucked her fingers clean knowing just just how to get her going to make sure this continued once we got upstairs. Dodging knowing glances from the driver as he opened the door and allowed us out we quickly made our way up to the hotel room where Lindsey was quick to finish what she started. Saying it was the best sex we had in a long time would be an understatement. I'd say it now held the title for the best sex I had ever had, period. That should have had my mind swirling in a dreamy haze of my lover that was nestled in close to me, right? So then why did it have me lost in guilty unacceptable feelings of wishing that it could have been Sara, instead? I thought I had buried those feelings long ago. I thought I was allowing myself to be completely happy with Lindsey because after Sara she was the next best thing that I could ever have. But that look Sara gave me back at the bar, earlier... I could sense the pain in her eyes but what was it for? It's not like it could be possible that she could actually want me, too. Not with the way she was always so quick at separating us and insisting we're different people and need to be individuals. If she wanted me as badly as I wanted her she'd be just as quick to cling, wouldn't she?

Forcing my twin out of my mind I kiss my sleeping girlfriend's head and hold on to her a little tighter, joining her in an alcohol induced slumber forgetting Sara's indirect request that I join her back in the room tonight and more so the pact that we had made years ago never to make each other stay in a hotel room alone for a night.

Sara's POV

The empty bed in our hotel room has made it impossible for me to focus on anything else. Not even writing a song over my jealousy has proved effective to get me out of this sour mood that I'm in. 3:40 A.M. tells me that Tegan has no intentions on honoring the rule that we had made for each other years ago and I can't help but feel betrayed and less important to her. It's not something that I'm used to and something I'm not sure I'll be so quick to forgive. Defeated, I throw my pen and notebook to the side and get into the bed that's comfort would have been much more appreciated if I had someone to appreciate it with. Instead I'm left with nothing to do but sigh and stare at the empty bed next to me wishing my sister's voice bidding me goodnight could be the last thing I could hear. Not my own thoughts cursing up a storm at her blatant disregard for me and my feelings. Sleep won't come easy, that I'm sure of.. and that's if it even comes at all.