Author's note: This story was a little something that was inspired by a recent viewing of the movie Bad Teacher. I don't make any direct mention of what inspired this story, but if you're curious, you can ask. The title is sort of an allusion to it. Kind of. If you can't wait for my followup, that is. (See note at end.) Also, this takes place a few months or so after "The Lost Boys" and "The Hive" episodes in season 2. The "M" rating doesn't apply until the second chapter. Figured I'd apply it now, just so you all know where exactly I plan on taking this. (That would be the gutter, my fellow readers.)

Music suggestions: 'Start me up' by The Rolling Stones.

Disclaimer: Don't own Stargate: Atlantis. Or any of its counterparts.

By Way Of Mouth

Sheppard glanced up sharply in surprise when he heard Ronon shout Teyla's name from across the control room. Having been discussing the layout of their upcoming joint mission with Lorne, he'd been standing on the opposite side of the room, about five feet to the right of the stargate, and hadn't been aware of either of his teammates entering the room.

Even from across the room he could glimpse the teasing glint in the Satedan's eyes and rolled his own eyes in mild exasperation. Ronon should have learned by now that Teyla had some very sharp and painful tools in her arsenal, and he wasn't referring to just her bantos rods.

He'd been on the receiving end of one too many verbal rebukings to know that one really couldn't get the best of her. Studying them closely, Sheppard noted that Teyla had heeded Ronon's beckoning call and had made her way over to the tall Satedan, staring up at Ronon with a baleful glare.

It was at that moment that Sheppard recalled Ronon and Teyla having a sparring session earlier that morning. According to both of their attitudes and body language, Sheppard now knew who the winner had been.

Ronon said something, following it with a disconcerting smile. Apparently whatever he'd just said had been intended to make Teyla uncomfortable or embarrassed enough to concede to the additional verbal sparring session and walk away.

Sheppard frowned and took a step forward, prepared to intercede and perhaps give the Satedan a firm reminder of how to act around other people.

His progress halted, however, when Teyla stepped into Ronon's personal space and motioned for him to lean down. Resting one of her hands on Ronon's shoulder for support after he complied, along with a suspicious frown, Teyla then stretched up further to whisper something into Ronon's ear.

A few seconds later, faint but recognizable splotches of color appeared high on Ronon's cheeks and his eyebrows twitched ever-so-slightly upward in surprise. Seeing as how "stoic" and "expressionless" were Ronon's defining personality traits, Sheppard would have given just about anything to know what it was that Teyla had said to unnerve the king of the poker face. Even more so when Ronon's mouth dropped open slightly, as if to speak, only to snap shut again soundlessly as his gaze darted quickly around the room, as if scanning to see if anyone else was hearing what she was imparting in his ear.

Sheppard quickly diverted his gaze to Lorne, just in case.

Cautiously hazarding a look a couple of seconds later, Sheppard returned his gaze to Teyla and Ronon. Apparently finished with whatever she'd had to say, Teyla settled back down to her normal height, patted his chest with mock-sympathy, and stepped away from Ronon.

Sheppard was fairly certain that he'd never seen the Satedan look so unsettled, so...thrown, as Teyla turned on her heel and noticed him for the first time.

Teyla crossed the room with her head down, politely weaving through the crowded gate room towards Sheppard.

"Colonel Sheppard." Teyla greeted with a friendly smile once she reached him.

"Teyla." Sheppard returned in a similar tone. He then ticked his head towards Ronon, who was still standing where she'd left him, a frown of consternation marring his forehead. "What was that all about?"

Rotating slightly to peer over her shoulder at what he'd indicated, Teyla then rotated her gaze back to Sheppard with an unworried expression. "Oh, it is nothing. I just reminded him of why women outnumber men in our galaxy."

"Ah." Sheppard uttered, even more confused. A fraction of a second passed before curiosity won out. "And how is that?"

"Knowing the difference between forthrightness and patience." Teyla replied in a sage, yet faintly amused, tone. Her tone also held the slightest undertone, as if she were holding back on something. A private joke. One, apparently, she'd just shared with Ronon.

"Is it time to go yet?" Ronon grumbled, startling Sheppard slightly. Speaking over Teyla's shoulder, he was once again safely sealed behind his unaffected shield.

"So glad there are no cars in the Pegasus Galaxy." McKay muttered from behind Sheppard, coming around to his left. "Can you imagine what a road trip with him would be like?"

"You do remember our mission to P27-465 last week, don't you?" Sheppard asked in a sardonic tone, twisting to pin a significant stare on Rodney.

"Eight hours in a puddle jumper with you three and a team of obnoxious marines? How could I forget?" Rodney responded in a despairing tone, his attention divided between his teammates and his datapad. Rodney looked up from his datapad at Sheppard's lack of rebuttal, only to find all three team members staring at him with varying degrees of impatience and significance. "What?" Rodney asked cluelessly, looking from one to the next.

"I think Colonel Sheppard is implying that our puddle jumpers are like your cars." Teyla explained graciously, glancing over at John for confirmation.

"Thank you, Teyla. That's exactly what I was trying to say." Colonel Sheppard agreed good-naturedly with a nod and sweeping hand gesture.

Rodney paused to reconsider the mission trip. He then grimaced.

"I see your point."

ooooosoooooo*oaooooooooo*ooooorooooooo

This is my first foray into the Stargate universe. Hope it's up to standard. I also intend to continue this, fill it out, by adding Teyla's or Ronon's POV. I'd like to know if you all would be interested, if it'd be worth it. Thanks for reading!