Four things
Sitting out in the hallway, right outside of Felicity's hospital room, Donna approaches Oliver, two hot cups of coffee in hand. They had just wheeled Felicity out for more testing to be done on her. While they were waiting for her return, Donna went to fetch coffee for the both of them, knowing that she would have to have this talk with her future son-in-law.
As she sits beside him, and gingerly hands him his cup of coffee, she decides to approach the topic very straightforward, but gently. Softly, she lays her left hand over Oliver's hand resting on his knee.
"How are you kiddo?"
"she's going to be fine, they just took her back for more testing." He responds quietly.
"Honey, that's not what I asked you, I was wondering how you are." Donna gently probes him.
"As good as can be expected under the circumstances, I'm just worried about Felicity."
" I know hon, but she is strong, it may take a while, but she will pull through this. She has been through a lot in her life, and she is a lot stronger than she appears."
" Believe me, I know exactly how strong she is. She's stronger than all of us put together." Oliver sighs
"It isn't going to be an easy road for either of you. I'm not going to sugarcoat this. Felicity is used to being independent. It is going to take some time for her get to that point again. That is going to be really hard for her to accept. She will probably get angry, and if I know my daughter, she will hold most of that anger inside, until it becomes too much to bear. One day, that well will burst, and when it does, it will more than likely be directed at you. She is more like her father than she knows, you can't let that get to you, you have to know that nothing that she is saying, and nothing that she does, is actually directed at you." Donna begins to give Oliver some advice.
"I will be here for whatever she needs. Whether that is a punching bag, or a shoulder to cry on, I will be right here by her side." Oliver reassures her.
"Oh, I don't doubt that for a second, which is why I am going to tell you something. There are a few things that you may or may not know about my daughter. All of her life, she has learned to not be dependent on a man. Unfortunately, this was a hard lesson she learned from me. So I have tried and tried, to show her that she has nothing to fear, but to no avail. I know, that she has some deep-seated abandonment issues that she will never speak about to anyone. Felicity is always trying to be strong for everyone around her, and she sees her inner turmoil as being weak. What you need to understand, is that all of her life, she has had to take care of herself, she has had to learn to depend on herself only. I worked two, sometimes three jobs, and while I know that I did what I had to do for us to survive, it was hard on her. Then you came along, and for the first time in her life, I can see her giving up some of that precious control. I think a part of her, always wanted to make sure that what happened to me would not happen to her. That thought saddens me, because what she does not realize, is that even though she and I struggled every day of our lives, I would not change a second of it for the world. If you want to know why I am telling you all of this, it's because what I am afraid of, is that this, her injury, will bring forth these strong abandonment issues."
"I would never leave her! I can't live without her." Oliver all but pleads with Donna to understand.
"Believe me, I am well aware of that. Felicity however, may not be. Now she will know logically, that you're never going to leave her, but it will be in the back of her head, that you're staying for the wrong reasons."
"I don't understand" he replies.
"If I know my daughter, and believe me I know her better than she thinks, I can tell you, that she will feel like she is being a burden. That she will feel like the only reason you're staying with her, is out of guilt, remorse, or loyalty."
"That's not….."Oliver tried to counter, but Donna quickly interrupted him with a squeeze on his hand.
"What I am telling you son, is that you need to find a way to reassure her that this is not the case. As much as she will argue, and say that she is not feeling this way, you and I both know that that isn't the truth. Just keep in mind what I've told you, and whatever you do, do not let her push you away. You're the best thing that has ever happened to her. I don't think that I've ever seen her come so far out of her shell, and I never thought I ever would." With that said, Donna got up and left Oliver to his contemplating.
One month later
"I can do it myself Oliver! I don't need you hovering over me! It's just washing my hair." Felicity says in frustration.
"Hon, I know, I was only trying to help." Oliver replied
"I get that, I do, but I need to do this myself! I don't want your help! If I need it, I'll ask for it!" Felicity huffs out, dangerously close to using her 'loud voice'.
Oliver throws his hands up in a surrendering gesture and backs out of the bathroom. Thirty minutes later, he hears a crash from the bathroom, and goes running in to help. Then he stops at the closed door and hears her sobbing. As he was about to open the door, he remembered his conversation with Donna. "She will need her independence back, you will have to allow her to find it" she had told him that day in the hospital hallway. So instead of bursting down the door, he slid down to the floor with his back to the door. He knows she will call him if she needs him. He also knows that she is aware of his presence. So he waits patiently. An hour later, he hears some shuffling around, and knows that she is about to leave the bathroom, so he gets up and makes his way to sit on the edge of their bed in the adjoining room. As she comes out, and sees him there, he can see her look up with the red rimmed eyes from crying, her cheeks are flushed, and her hair is wet and matted against her head. She says nothing, as she wheels over to him, and quietly hands him her hairbrush. He knows she won't admit it, but it still hurts her to have to reach up to brush or wash her own hair. Her handing him her brush, in his mind, is a small victory. As he makes his way around her wheelchair, he squats down some and gently starts untangling the knots.
"I'm sorry" she whispers.
"You have nothing to be sorry about." He replies
"I just hate that you have to do all of this for me. I hate that I have to rely on you to do these things for me"
"Let me ask you a question. If the roles were reversed, would you mind doing these things for me?" Oliver softly asks her.
"Of course not! I would do anything for you." Felicity tells him with conviction.
"So how could you possibly think or feel that it would be any different for me?"
"I guess it wouldn't be, I know that logically, but I can't help feeling that…"
"Felicity" Oliver softly interrupts her with a sigh, as he places her brush on the dresser behind him, and walks around to kneel in front of her, taking both of her hands in his.
"I am going to tell you something, and I know that it may not seem like it today, and it may not be tomorrow, but one day, when I say it to you enough, maybe then you'll realize exactly what I mean, and that I do mean it. I am going to say this to you every single day for the rest of our lives. There are 4 things that you need to know."
She looks at him with tears streaming down her cheeks and he releases her hands and cups her tiny jaw in both of his hands.
"You are strong"
She scoffs
"You are beautiful"
She tries to look away, but he holds her firm.
"I love you"
She lets out a sob
"You will never be alone again."
Then she just completely broke down. Oliver reached down and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her into his lap as he gracefully sat on the floor. She was now laying across his lap, with her arms wrapped around his neck, sobs wracking her tiny frame. Oliver tucks her head beneath his chin, tightens his arms around her, and silently cries with her. This had been the first real connection they have had in over a month. He was so thankful to see his Felicity breaking through again. Even if only a glimpse.
"So does this mean that I can talk you into an ice cream and Netflix night?" Felicity asks him, while looking up at him with mirth in her eyes.
"I think that can be arranged. Although, before we do that, we may want to finish up with your hair, because as Thea would say, it's a hot mess." Oliver tells her then chuckles softly.
"Hey! You said I'm beautiful remember? No take-backs!" Felicity scolds him and slaps his chest.
"And I meant every word, but I'm afraid that if we don't finish what we started, we may have some rodents decide to take up permanent residence in it!"
Then she laughed. The first time he had heard her laugh in a very long time. It was absolute music to his ears, and brought joy to his heart.
A year later, at their wedding, when he said his vows to her, he uttered those 4 phrases again.
"You are strong"
"You are beautiful"
"I love you"
"You will never be alone again"
She cried.
Then two more years pass by, and he never forgets his promise, he whispers those words to her every single day, but they seem to mean even more on special days like this day. The birth of their first child. There daughter. As he leans over and whispers to her,
"You are strong"
"You are beautiful"
"I love you"
"You will never be alone again."
"Thank you" he tacks on a fifth one.
And again, for the last time, as she lay fragile, in her bed, surrounded by her kids and grandkids, before she takes her last breath, he leans over her, with his hand pushing her hair back, he whispers
"You are strong"
"You are beautiful"
"I love you"
"You will never be alone again"
"Thank you" and
"I'll see you soon my love."
It is then that she draws her last breath, holding hands with the man she loves, the one man who never left.
