ERAGON
Chapter 1 Don't Throw rocks
(Eragon
Originally written by Christopher Paolini*legal stuff it belongs to
him blah blah blah* NOT MINE! My spoof howeva!)
Arya: *running *
Oh no Durza is following me I have to get rid of this rock!
Durza:
GIVE IT TO ME BETCH!!!!
Arya: FOCK UUUUUUUU!!!!!! *Throws Rock *
(what did I just tell you?)
The Spine
Eragon: *humming merrily
* OMFG LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT ROCK!
Rock: Haha loser *hits deer
*
Deer: *dies * oh shiznit!
Eragon: cool a rock that's smoking:
I'm going to keep it even though it looks like it's so hot it would
burn my hand off!
Author: Wow what a retard, at least he isn't a
pretty boy he is pretty though . . . *goo goo eyes *
Eragon:
Focker (though she is pretty) What I didn't think that!!!!!
Author:
I'm so desperate =(
The Farm
Egg: *crack! *
Eragon: Oh
SHIZNIT!
Maury: THE TEST RESULTS FOR THE PATERNITY TEST ARE
IN!
ERAGON: ANNND???
Maury: YOU ARE THE FATHER!
Eragon: Oh
Shiznit!
Studio Audience: Ooooooo!
Author: Lmao! OOO I LOVE
MAURY AND JERRY SPRINGER . JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY!
Audience: ???
Freak??
The Bar
Brom: *drunken daze * And The Unicorn Focked
the lizard and dragons were born, ANY FOCKING
QUESTIONS??!!??
Kindergarteners: Yea what's a donkey
show????
Brom: well the answer to that is . . .
Eragon: Wait
tell me about dragons!
Brom: Ok they fly and they're magical, wait
why are you asking so many questions about dragons?
Eragon: No
Focking Reason old Faggot! (Lol)
Brom: Ok *suspicious *
Outside
the bar
Eragon: Mmmm sure is quiet
Brom: *being all sneaky *
yep
Eragon: Whoa! Old man quit sneaking up on me like that. . . .,
yo *trying 2 be "hip" *
Brom: *looks at wrist * Hey your
a dragon rider!
Eragon
Chapter 2 The Biiiiiigggg Journey and shiznit
The
Farm
Eragon: HEY GARROW! IM HOME!!!
Garrow: *dying * ok . . .
Good Bye Eragon. . .
Eragon: OH NO THE PLOT TWIST!!!
WHY?!?!?!?!
Author: Shucks sorry about Garrow
Eragon: its
Koolio I didnt like him anyways but I need something to declare
revenge on so . . .
Saphira: Yo whitey get yo Ass over here!
*kidnaps Eragon *
Eragon: NO!!!!! Garrow
Saphira: *lands in New
Mexico *
Las Vegas, New Mexico USA
Eragon: What is your problem
*kicks Dragon *
Saphira: Just FO that Im going to leave yo ass
behind see ya white bread!
Pearish: Hey Eragon!
Eragon: Woo
hoo! TANG!
Pearish: Whats that?
Eragon: you heard
nuthin
Author: Sure . . . . . .
Yali: *look who came to visit
lol * Yeah Boi!
Everyone: lol
Jake: OOO Its Eragon!
Nerds
from all around the USA: OMG YAY *FAN Girl Scream *
Fan girls:
*even louder fan girl scream *
Pearish: So what are you doing here
Eragon?
Eragon: My Betch dragon left me here *drooling over
Pearish *
Author: How come she gets all the guys =(although I only
want one *drooling over (SOMEONE) *
Someone: Ok . . . Get the
Fudge away from me!!!!!!!
School The Very Next day
Principal:
Well Eragon since you are an r-tard you will have class with the 7th
graders
Eragon: But Im 15!!!!
Principal: in that case . . ..
Youre still with the 7th graders
Schedule: Hmmm . . . . . 1st
period home room
Homeroom
Teacher: *sleeping * Uhh professor
Snape! Oh YA!
Class: *deeply disturbed * Yep hes off his
rocker
Eragon: How the hell did I get here??
Jake: Nergal
Fleeg!
Author: If I had a choice I wouldnt be here Id be at my
computer
Computer: its true
Kyle: 6th graders kick A$$!!!!!
8th
graders: we say otherwise
Yali: WELL I SAY OTHERWISE Pulls OUT
MACHINE GUN
Schedule: Mmmm To be continued . . . .
TO BE
CONTINUED. . . . . .
Eragon
Chapter3
GOTH
/ EMO kids who end up betraying everyone
Leaving Las Vegas
on Saphira after escaping Yalis Machine gun
Saphira: Im sorry lil
white boy
Eragon: its ok I just hope we dont run into that freak
author again
Author: Guess who?
Everyone: Oh crap . . .
.
Author: wazzup wit my peeps?
Eragon: oh god, kill me now
God:
Nah dont feel like it
Author: so anyways back to the story . . . .
Eragon: dum dee dum dum dee going to the Varden going to meet a
hot elf lady and a Goth / Emo kid with a tragic past who will
eventually turn out to be my brother who betrays me for the guy Im
trying to kill in the first place dum dee dum dum dee *sing song
voice *
Brom: hey was up Im coming with you and Im gonna die so u
get to meet your betraying brother
Audience: With this crappy
author who needs to read the books? She just destroys all plot points
and gives constant spoilers so when you read the book it sucks
Author:*takes it as compliment and not sarcasm* thank you!!!
*gets beat up * oww . . . . It hurts here
Somewhere . . . .
Brom:
Good bye Eragon . . . *keels over *
Eragon: crap another dead
geezer
Murtag: just because Im all Goth / Emo Im gonna help you
bury the dead guy wheres my special burying old dead guys
shovel
Eragon: cool thanks . . . . and you are
Murtag: no prob
the Goth / Emo kid who turns out to be your betraying older brother,
so wheres this hot elf lady you were talking about earlier?
Author:
Im right here *ugly and fat * Hey boys *licks finger puts on fat a$$
and makes sizzling sounds *
Everyone: EWWW *vomit *
Janitor:
stupid fat wh*re cant you write one story without me having to clean
up your audiences vomit and/or feces/urine
Author: who are
you?
Janitor: the one who cleans after all your mess you didnt
think lil pixie faggot faeries with mops shoved up there asses
cleaned up after you, did you?
Author: umm no of course not *sobs
because her beliefs where thrown down the drain * nope =(
Yali:
*with gun * I hope you didnt think you could escape me?
Author:
Nope *sobs some more (why my beliefs and dreams?) *
Yali: here sis
have a gun were gonna blow there asses off to Japan
Author: COOL!
Youre the best big sis ever * both shoot and kill everyone *
Both:
WOO HOO WE KILLED THEM GO US OH YA!
My house with my
Bros
Author: ANNNND thats how Eragon ended and why no sensible
adult will let you watch it!
Twins: You Jackass you really think
wed believe that cock and bull story?
Author: WHY MY BELIEFS??
*runs away sobbing *
blah
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