Harry
Potter and the Terrible Author
Chapter 1
Harry Potter is not
my creation this is fan fiction Harry Potter belongs to JK ROWLING
and Warner Bros Enjoy!
Harry: RON STOP YOUR POO POO!
Ron:
Harry I can't help it!
*OUTSIDE BATHROOM*
Hermione :Are you
two alright?
*BATHROOM*
Ron:WE---'ll Be r--ighhht
OUT!
Harry:GOD RON WHAT DID YOU EAT!?!?!?!?!?
Ron:same
assss-----you!
Narrarator:Apparently Ron ate some bad food and got
diarreah.
Audience:EWWW!!
Harry: Who was that?
Ron: HARR---Y
DOoo-ooo Youu knnnow aaa spellllllll for thissss??
Harry: I'll ask
Hermione, HERMIONE! DO YOU KNOW A SPELL FOR
DIARREAH?
Hermione(distantly): Try some U-No-Poo!
*DDA
class*
Snape:Hello, Class
Class:Hello proffesor Snape.
Ron
:( whispering to Harry and Hermione):Hello, Professor
Butthole.
Hermione :( whispering) RON!
Harry*laughing in
sleeve*
Snape: DETENTION WEASLEY!
Ron: YOUR LUCKY PROFESSOR
MCGONAGALL LET YOU BACK IN AFTER YOU KILLED DUMBLEDORE!
Snape:50
POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!
*after class*
Harry:Hey
Ginny!
Ginny:*runs over and kisses cheek* How are
you?
Harry*smiling* great.
Ron*GRRRRR*
Hermione:*whispering*
Ron quit it. at least they don't act like you and
Lavender.
Ron:*Blushes* I am such a cool person.
Hermione: Ron
would you like to hang out at lunch together, tomorrow
maybe?
Ron:Sure!
Lavender:*whispering behind column,
eavesdropping* I'll make you mine, in time, again Won Won
Harry
Potter and the Terrible Author
3:20 AM
Ron: HARRY GUESS
WHAT!
Harry: What Ron?*agitated*
Ron: Hi
Harry: Grrr . . . .
4:50 AM
Ron: HARRY!
Harry WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS WRONG
WITH YOU!
Ron: I'm in love . . . .
Harry: I DON'T CARE, HELL I
DON'T EVEN CARE IF SHE GIVES YOU CRABS GOOD NIGHT YOU BLOODY
RETARD!
6:10
Alarm clock: RING!!!!!
Harry: son of a . . . .
. .
Ron: Did you sleep good Harry?
Harry: . . . *smothers Ron
with pillow*DIE!!!!!!!
Ron: Why must you do this Harry?!?!?!?! WHY
HAVE YOU TURNED ON ME????????
Author: And he wonders why,
Potions
class
Professor Dum As: Hello children today we are learning love
potions
Ron and the girls in class: OMG YAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!
Boys
in class: WTF?????????
Dum As: begin now!
Students: Grrr . . .
. . . . . .
Author: YAY I CAN GET that one Person TO LIKE
ME!!!!!!!!!!!
Person: ???????
Author: You heard nothing
Person:
. . . . . For the Last F***ing time i dont like you!
After
class
Girls: WE LOVE YOU HARRY!!!!!!
Hermione: AND YOU TOO
RON
Lavender: Yes we all love you Won Won but I love you the most.
. . . . . .*Eye Twitches*
Ron: I feel so loved *smiles*
Harry:
GET OFF ME *shoves girl off him*
Girl: HARRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!
Ron: Hermione are you ready for our
date??
Hermione: Of course I am!!!
Ron: *kisses Hermione's
cheek*
Everyone except Ron and Hermione:
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
WWWWWWWWWWWW
Ron and Hermione: KISS MY BIG
BLACK $$
Harry: ???
Author: Dun Dun Dun!
Professor Snape: I
LIKE BEEF JERKY
Everyone: WTF??
Lunch
Ron: *stuffing face*
MMmmmm sooooo good
Hermione: Ron you made me so hot right
now!
Harry: ???
Ginny: Harry can you meet me by the library in
2 minutes?
Harry: ya
Ron: Ginny *loud chewing* Gunna say
sumdin like she louvers yon ow
Harry: sure, ok uhh see you guys
later . . . . .
Library by the supply closet
Harry: You wanted
to see me
Ginny: Yes *moaning from closet*
Harry: Uhh . . .
.
Ginny *kisses lips* I like you Harry *starts Making out*
Harry:
Mmmm . . . . *makes out more*
Ginny opens closet door a scream
emits
Snape: *Girly Michael Jackson Scream*
Mystery person:
Ahhhh!!! *teleports away*
Too be continued . . . .
Person: What
was that you said earlier?
Author: uhh . . . . nothing . . .
.
Person: You screamed it out loud
Author: no I didn't *puts up
to be continues sign again and runs away*
Person: Freak . . . .
.
HARRY POTTER AND THE TERRIBLE AUTHOR By DUCKIE SANDERS
*
legal mumbo Jumbo belongs to JK ROWLING BLAH BLAH BLAH*
*Library
outside the closet *
Harry: OMFG SNAPE?????
Ginny: You got a
lot of explaining to do young man *pulls ear *
Snape: I'm an Adult
I can make out with what ever Groundskeeper named Hagrid I
like.
Harry: Now you tell me his instant who you were smooching
with!
Snape: No!
Author; He just said it . . . . .
retards
*Dormitory 10:37 PM *
Ron: Good Night Harry
Harry:
Goodnight Ron
Neville: Good Night Hermione hiding under Ron's bed
so you can get laid
Hermione*under bed *: Goodnight Everyone
Door:
*slams open *
Everyone: What the hell??
Professor Mcgonagal
(?): Hello boys . . .. And . . .. Hermione
Boys . . .And . .
Hermione: Hello Professor Mcgonagal
Professor Mcgonagal: We are to
leave early tomorrow for our field trip to SELF-ESTEEM
LOWERINGLAND!
Everyone: *Halfheartedly * Yay.
3:21
AM
Mcgonagal: WAKE UP EVERYONE
Harry:
RON!!!!!!!!!!
Ron:*sleeping *
Harry: Oh, never mind *eyebrows
raised *
On the Bus
Harry: I love you so much! *Kissing Picture
of Ginny *
Ron: Harry, why are you making out to a picture of my
little sister??
Harry: I umm love glass . . . a lot . . .
Ron:
Oh, ok cause if you kissed my sister, I'd have to do something I'd
regret . . .
Harry: *gulp * nope, I didn't go near her, nope not
me *sweating *
Ron: good
Ginny: *a run by kisses Harry on lips
runs back to seat *
Ron: Now I'll have to do something I'll regret
*Makes out with Harry *
Harry; WTF?????
Ron: You kiss my sister
you kiss all the Weasly's
Harry: O GOD!
God: Sorry can't help
you there
Harry: some Almighty you are
God: *zaps w/ lightning
* some human you are *blows raspberry that causes 7 earthquakes and 1
tornado *
Harry: Sorry god
God: it's koolio
SELF ESTEEM
LOWERING LAND
Hermione: *crying * I suck so bad
Harry: I'm
some special boy who lived *EMO cutting thing *
Ron: I HAVE NO
BRAIN HELP O GOD!
Brain sucker: I'm full now
Ginny: NO ONE
LOVES ME!!!!!!! *Put gun to head *
Author: OMG WTF they're acting
like Emo people
Person: No they're acting like you, we want you to
be normal
Author: I can't be normal I'm a freak remember?
Person:
I was just kidding
Author: really??
Person: ya and another
thing cheer up *hold hand *
Author: *wakes up from daydream * Aww
Man =(
Jake: WTF is wrong with you???
Author: Huh??
Jake:
you just zoned out and started doing a kissing face
Author: No
reason *puts to be continued sign and runs away *
Everyone: Freak
*thinking * She's got to quit doing that
Author: KISS MY FAT $$
*thinking* Also i can read minds
Harry Potter and the Terrible
Author Chapter 4
The Library the next day
Harry: I wish some
thing interesting would happen
Girls in Bathing suits:
WOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Harry: so bored
Avril Lavigne: Anyone want1
million dollars???
Harry: *bored * I'm gonna see what Ron and
Hermione are up to
Dormitory
Ron: *makingoutkissyhour* I love u
so much
Hermione: you make me so hot * more makingoutkissyhour
*
Harry: *walking in * Hey guys . . .. WTF!?!?!?!?!
Hermione
and Ron: Harry!!!
Ron: we didn't know you where coming . .
.
Hermione : We would have stopped
Harry *edging away * ok, um
I just came to say hi. . . . so um . . . hi *runs away *
Ron: umm
. . . HI!
Choir : *omen music * Pooorrr Harrrry
Pottttteeeeeerrrrrrr!
Author :*singing bad * POOR HARRY
POTTY!!!!!! LOL whoops POTTER!
Jake: ok . . . .
Santana: U
suck
Author: BITE MY ASS!
Elizabeth: YEA!!!!
Author: When
did this become a friend meeting??? MY STORY GO AWAY ALL OF YOU
*whispering Except That Person *
Person: Why me???
Self esteem
lowering Land
Bunch of 12 year olds: *sobbing * O GOD HELP
ME!
Ginny:*slurping ridiculously themed slurpee * Mmmm
Emo-tastic!
Author: Emo-tastic is that even a word???
Ginny:
Let's just say it is
Author: You're the character
Harry:
*running over * Hey Ginny!
Voldemort: HA I will kidnap your
girlfriend
Ginny: Son of a B*tch
Voldemort: *running away
carrying Ginny * HAHAHAHA! *Maniacal Laughter *
Ginny: *still
drinking slurpee * O well
Harry: NOOO!!!!
Author: to be
continued . . . . . .
Elizabeth: *slap * U got what u
deserved
Author: =( oww
George Bush: The War in Iraq is totally
justified cuz were different from dem
Author: sure it did . . . .
and Aliens live in my basement BITE MY ASS MUTHA F*CKA!
To be
continued . . .
Part 5 or chapter 5
The Dormitory
Harry:
Crap, Voldemort is always taking or killing people I like WTF!
George
Bush: I don't know maybe you should declare war.
Harry: How would
I do that???
George Bush: Have someone blow the base of a tower
and send 4 planes to them. And blow them up. Then say that the
Iraqis, uhh . . . . I mean Voldemort did it.
Harry: Go to hell.
Ron what do you think?
Ron: I don't know but find my sister or
I'll call Fred and George over and we'll do something we'll regret .
. . .
Harry: PLZ NOT THAT AGAIN!!!!!!
Ron: me, Yali, Mike, the
Author, Bunny, Jake, and Hermione will even help you
Yali: Yeah
boi!
Mike: yep
Author: I got nuthin else 2 do
Bunny:
whatever
Jake: ehhh . . . . . . ok I guess
Hermione: We will be
the fellowship of the badly written characters
Author: Hellz
ya
Hogsmeade
Hermione: Okay Voldemort's layer is in
America
Author: how do we get there?
Mike: dunno
Yali: ummm
drive?
Harry: We'll fly everyone grab a broom stick
Author: woo
hoo!!!!!!!!!!! *Already 1000 ft in the air *
Everybody else: Holy
shit!!
Broom: *breaks * screw you!
Author: Aww man
Person:
*catches *
Author: Koolio!
America, Voldemort's lair the
dungeon
Author: some heroic mission
Yali: ya
Mike: . . . .
. . . yep
Harry: What now
Bunny: I don't know
Harry: we're
screwed
Jake: crap I knew I shouldn't have come
Author: sorry
everybody
Hermione: not your fault
Ron: Ya *singing *don't
worry, be happy
Voldemort: So you are now all in my clutches
*brings in TV *
Harry: what's going to happen 2 us?
Voldemort:
you are going to watch 123 straight hours of . .. . .
Author:
WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????
Everyone: *panicking * TELL US YOU OL
FAGGOT!!!!!!!
Voldemort: GEORGE BUSH MAKING OUT WITH BILL
RICHARDSON WHILE HAVING A 7SOME WITH NSYNC!!!!!!!!!
To be
continued . . . . . .
Harry Potter and the Terrible Author
Dungeon
3:24 AM
Everyone except the author: *sleeping *
Author:
*Swinging from chains * WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Ron:
*waking up * I'm so sleepy . . . . .
Author: no sh*t Sherlock
Voldemort drugged us
Everyone: *waking up * uhh . . . .
Author:
morning star shine
Yali: Wtf?????
Author: We were drugged
Yali:
BMA!
Everyone: *gasp * All the cookies are gone!
Pearish and
Kyle: WE CAME TO SAVE THE DAY!!
Author: kool, got any
food????
Hermione: *cough * Fat ass *cough *
Author: *sobbing *
Just cuz I'm a lil over weight
Hermione: Sure *rolls eyes * sure
*cough * 1 hundred (incoherent) *cough *
Author: What, got a cold
skinny? (lol I wouldn't actually say this lol)
Pearish: *punches
Hermione * CAN WE GO NOW?????
Ron: HEY THAT'S MY GF!!!!!!!!
Yali:
Who cares???
Everyone: ya! *JAIL BREAK
*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Outside the dungeon running
on the grass
Ginny: WOO HOO!!!!
Voldemort: not so fast, raises
light saber, come on Harry Trotter *bad attempt at name calling
*
Harry: bring it B*tch
Kyle: ya!
Jake: I'm leaving c'mon
Kyle
Kyle: Aww man. . . .
Harry and Voldemort: *fighting
*
Voldemort: I am your brotha from anotha motha *bad attempt at
sounding gangster *
Author: *pushes up glasses, nasal spray * bad
star wars quote
Everyone: NERD!!!
Mike: yep
Author: I don't
really care no more
Yali: ya boi! (Lol I so needed to do
that!)
Author: just because of that this is the final chapter!
(not the ya boi part, but the nerd part)
Ron: Aww man
Hog warts
*the usual five minute sum up *
Mcgonagal: Ok now that Harry
f*cking Potter saved the day again, it's time to eat our arses off
and Hermione and Ron do kissykissymakeouthour.
Ron and Hermione:
Hellz ya!
Harry: WTF I kill Voldemort, again, and I don't even
have a Gf cuz she broke up with me for kissing her brother!!!!
WTF
Pearish: hello Harry . . . . can you pass the butter
Harry:
*in love * ok
Author: she's 11
Harry: *spitting soda out his
nose * sorry
Jose: hey Pearish
Author: lol (don't kill me ok??
I'm just the writer) Alas everyone has a boyfriend or girl frend in
real life, except me
Louis: hippie *with GF (idk her name, I think
it's Giovanna?? Jamie?? Fred???lol jk) *
Author: communist
Mike:
yep *on runescape *
Yali: (just for the hell of it) Ya boi
(lol)
Lavender: Hey Won Won
Ron: WTF I HAVE 2
GF'S?????
Hermione: *dumps Ron *
Author: so alone
Elizabeth
and EJ (Ooooooo FERGIE GOT A BF!): Kissymakeouthour
JK ROWLING
(for those who don't know, the creator and writer of harry potter):
I'm suing you!
Author: not my day *runs off with to be continued
sign puts up The End sign *
The Courtroom
Judge: how does the
defendant plead??
Author: Not guilty, Mr. Judge lady man sir . . .
I mean mam!
Judge: Has the jury decided
Forman: we have your
honor
Author: *head between legs sobbing *
JK ROWLING:
*smirking *
Forman: we find the defendant . . . .
Outside
Courtroom
Reporter: , how do you feel about the
verdict??
JK ROWLING: I find it fair and reasonable
THE
END
I lurved it!
i hated it (Well fine then
be like that!)
Hoped you liked it ^-^
