So I got bored and wrote most of these at work. We've all at some point run the labyrinth, I never left. :P
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Things George is no longer allowed to do in the Labyrinth
1. ALL inhabitants are subjects of the King and thus subject to the King's law
2. "I care because?" is not acceptable response to the King's command
3. Not allowed to unionize Goblins
4. Not allowed to represent Goblins applying for pain and suffer when King kicks them
5. Not allowed to apply pain and suffer leave for making faces at King and having them frozen by King as punishment
6. Will not encourage Goblins to get faces frozen as well for funny/scary face contest and then ask King to judge
7. Anyone uttering the words "You no take candle!" will result in Bog cleaning duty
8. Will remember goblins are more flammable then most other creature
9. Never allowed to use laundry detergent to clean The Bog of Eternal stench
10. Throwing Goblins into the Bog to avoid bath time is a bad idea
11. Llama's are not the harbingers of the apocalypse and can not assemble a goblin task for to "hunt them down"
12. Not allowed to save hunted Llamas from own task force by hiding them in the labyrinth
13. Llamas are forbidden from EVER entering the castle
14. If can not fit in worm's home will politely decline invitation and move on
15. Will not replace worm's destroyed home with Barbie Dream house even if the Jacuzzi comes with real working jets
16. The castle does not need machine gun turrets or harpoons
17. May not send notes to the Royal Tailor to add bulging codpieces to all pant in the royal wardrobe even if they sparkle
18. The foulness of the King's mood has nothing to do with the tightness of his majesty's pants
19. There is no goblin mating season
20. The king will never organize a goblin matchmaking service
21. Will not demand Sex Ed classes for the Goblins
22. Will not teach Sex Ed classes to the Goblins
23. No longer allowed to send love notes from the King to Miss Sarah Williams, especially ones signed your fuffy wuffy owl
24. 24. Mice killed by the King when he is in owl form are not entitled to state funerals, a cross of realm, and their own memorial day all in service to the king
25. Do not have the powers to knight goblins
26. Will take responsibility for teach the goblins any song, which will be repeated loudly and drunkenly for the next 3 weeks
27. Am no longer allowed near the king bedroom without permission and a escort
28. Escort must be over 3 feet tall
29. The Fireys standing on one another whole or dissembled do not count
30. Am not allowed to start any religion
31. Am not the high priestess of the spoon
32. Spoons shall not be liberated around breakfast time or when the King is craving pudding
33. The King can not be bribed with special favors unless special favor includes a full day of silence from all castle inhabitants excluding the king
34. Will not photo shop pictures of Sarah Williams to bribe the King
35. The labyrinth will never host rock concerts nor should any one establish on
36. Am not allowed to play fetch with Ludo on castle ground
37. Dog biscuits are not suitable treats for the Goblins
38. Listerine and hand soap in a spray bottle is not "Goblin Repellent"
39. Am not allowed to sell "Goblin Repellent" to Labyrinth runners
40. Am not allowed to sell maps of the labyrinth to the runners even if its only a solved maze from the back of a children's menu
41. Am not allowed to hold Labyrinth runners for ransom
42. The King does not know what Skyclad is nor does he wish to see a demonstration
43. Am no longer allowed unsupervised visits with the King's mother
44. The fairy's outside the gate are the groundskeepers responsibility to dispose of and not to be hung around the castle as substitute Christmas lights
45. Manicures for the Helping Hands are not part of their benefits package
46. Am not allowed to hold any contest with the prize resulting in "Date night with the King"
47. Can not sell self at the goblin market without the King's permission
48. The King will only pay the trolls a return fee once!
49. Am not the kingdom mascot and do not get a halftime show or own song and dance number
50. The King does not need cue cards when giving runner ultimatums.
