Prompt: Delphine building up courage across a period of time to finally express her feelings for Cosima, but Cos doesnt feel the same at 1st. I just kinda wanna see some unrequited love and see Del struggling w/her feelings. Up to you if they end up together.
As the countdown reaches 5…4…3…2…1, Delphine wonders what Cosima's thinking when she leans down and kisses her amid the joyful shouts of "Happy New Year!"
She doesn't even know why she does it.
To say she hardly knows the girl with the dark-rimmed glasses and dreadlocks would be quite the understatement. They had just met that night at a grubby local bar filled with undergrads and graduate students who, like them, couldn't (or perhaps wouldn't) go home for the holidays.
She could blame intoxication from the sickeningly sweet, lukewarm sparkling wine (Delphine refuses to call it champagne) that Cosima had procured with a less than legal form of identification.
Maybe Delphine could claim that she just got caught up in the thrill of the night, finally making a friend who shared her passion for science. Or perhaps Delphine just misses her boyfriend, who should have been the one to stand next to her at midnight, but was instead more than 4,000 miles away in France.
Whatever the reason, the impulse to kiss Cosima seizes Delphine and she acts on it. The touch is barely more than a peck to the corner of Cosima's lips. When she pulls back, and their fellow students begin to sing a horribly off-key rendition of Auld Lang Syne, Cosima only smiles at her. It's not the same toothy, Cheshire grin that she flashed when they had first met only a few hours ago. Instead, it's shy and gentle, enough to warm Delphine right down to her toes.
Delphine is drowning in hundreds of pages of Organic Chemistry when Cosima drags her from her library cubicle because, Come on, Delphine, it's snowing. She doesn't understand everyone's fascination with frozen precipitation, especially since they're in Minnesota. It snows all the time.
But Cosima's excitement isn't so easily dampened by such logic. She squeezes Delphine's gloved fingers in her mittened hand and pulls her through a shower of snowflakes to the plaza of the student commons, which is already blanketed in white.
As Cosima demonstrates the finer points on making snow angels, flapping her arms and spreading her legs equidistantly, a snowball fight breaks out. Delphine begins to run inside for cover, until she's pelted on the back of the head by two icy balls of fluff. She turns her head to find the culprit - Cosima, cackling like a 5-year-old.
She begins to slip-slide away from an indignant Delphine. But thanks to her longer legs and all-around better balance, Delphine easily catches up to the shorter girl and tackles her into a shallow snow drift. Although Cosima squirms for freedom, she's solidly pinned underneath Delphine's weight and between her knees. With gleeful revenge, Delphine dumps fistful after fistful of snow on Cosima and down her coat and shirt until she surrenders amid breathless laughter.
Later, Cosima invites her to her dorm room for a mug of her "extra special" hot cocoa chock full of real marshmallows. Not that shitty dehydrated crap, Cosima says. She doesn't exactly explain what makes it "extra special," but it's creamy, sweet, and delicious. Cosima drinks hers with such happy abandon that she doesn't even bother to wipe away the chocolate moustache that forms across her upper lip.
Watching Cosima over the rim of her own mug, warm caramel eyes crinkled at the edges, face flushed in delight, Delphine's heart stutters.
The trees are just beginning to bloom with whites and pastels when Cosima meets Bobbi, a music major with pink-streaked blonde hair and an impressive amount of ink on her chest and down her arms. The pair hit it off and Delphine begins to see less and less of Cosima, a development that puts her in a foul mood and causes her roommate to steer wide and clear of her for several weeks. When she does get to spend time with Cosima, her smitten friend can speak of nothing but Bobbi and Delphine has to bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from scowling. She should be happy for Cosima. And yet…
When Cosima finds Delphine, she's alone and broken hearted in the greenhouse atop the life sciences building, sniffling among the flora. Students aren't allowed there after hours, but almost every biology student has snuck in at some point in their academic career. Despite the high humidity and heat, it's one of Delphine's favorite spots on campus. It's peaceful and quiet among the leaves and petals that glow silver from the moonlight reflecting off the clouds in the dark sky.
Cosima had told her once that long distance never worked. Delphine had thought it a cynical viewpoint. Not cynical, Cosima had replied. Realistic. But it seems like she had been right.
Delphine half wonders if Cosima is there to tell her, I told you so, even though she knows that's not Cosima's style. And indeed she says nothing, just sidles up to Delphine and reveals from out of nowhere an already uncorked bottle of red wine. Delphine vaguely remembers that Cosima is supposed to be out with Bobbi tonight. And yet she's here by her side. Cosima takes a swig of the wine and extends it to her. Wiping tears from her cheeks. Delphine accepts it gracefully, finding comfort in the brush of Cosima's fingers against hers.
Delphine yawns and stretches her arms above her head, barely stifling a groan as her muscles creak from inaction. She's just about done with a thin-layer chromatography experiment when Cosima enters the lab with Bobbi in tow. Peering at the couple through her safety goggles, Delphine grimaces when Bobbi whispers something in Cosima's ear that makes the other girl chuckle.
She knows she should look away, but she finds she's unable to tear her gaze from them, even when her stomach twists as Cosima trails her fingers down Bobbi's arm. And when they lean toward each other for a kiss, Delphine can't quite quell the bitterness that stings the back of her throat.
When summer rolls around, and Bobbi is off to some art internship in New York, Cosima isn't so clueless that she doesn't realize how much she's neglected her friends. She makes up for it by participating in drag shows with art student Felix, attending plays with Theatre Department queen Alison, huffs and puffs along jogging paths with criminal justice majors Beth and Art, and knocks back bourbons with undeclared Sarah.
But for Delphine, Cosima goes above and beyond and invites her home to San Francisco for three weeks, all expenses paid. At first, Delphine tries to politely decline such a generous offer, but Cosima is all too persuasive and Delphine caves all too easily.
San Francisco is so very different from Minnesota, and there's just something about the vibrant energy of the progressive city that reminds Delphine of Cosima and makes her smile. Cosima's parents, like their daughter, are all warmth, intelligence, and charm. They welcome Delphine with open arms. Mrs. Niehaus compliments her—You're just as beautiful as Cosima described—and Delphine's face heats up at the flattery at the same time Cosima's cheeks turn scarlet.
They do the usual touristy things during the day: the Golden Gate Bridge, Pier 39, Alcatraz, and the like. In the evenings, Cosima either takes Delphine to her favorite restaurants and watering holes in the city; usually off the beaten path, but eclectic and eccentric in a way that suits Cosima. Or they stay in, watching movies and stuffing themselves full of junk food until they pass out on her childhood bed.
Cosima and Bobbi speak on the phone nearly every day, and Delphine does her best to avoid eavesdropping on their conversations. She never really succeeds and still grits her teeth whenever she hears Cosima say things like, I miss you too or I can't wait to see you. She notes, however, that she has yet to hear Cosima tell Bobbi, I love you.
The calls become more infrequent over time, at least in Delphine's presence, though the number of texts Cosima types out on her phone seem to increase.
On their last day in San Francisco, Cosima brings Delphine to her "secret" spot on the beach, a secluded alcove where they can watch the sunset. She actually makes Delphine cross her heart and pinky swear that she'll never reveal its location, and Delphine laughs and is all to happy to comply.
Amid the crashing waves against the rock, the salt carried by the breeze tousling their hair, and the backdrop of the blood orange sun, Delphine has never felt so attuned with someone like she is with Cosima, who takes her hand and interlaces their fingers, dark eyes soft with affection.
And that's when it hits Delphine.
I've fallen for my best friend.
A strange look must cross her face because Cosima, concern etched across her face, asks if something's wrong. No, Delphine lies. Everything's just fine. She says nothing further and merely squeezes Cosima's hand, giving her a smile before looking out at the horizon, aching with her newfound awareness.
When the fall semester begins, Delphine immerses herself in academic work to distract herself from her feelings for Cosima, who also is busy with school and Bobbi. Delphine even decides to date again in the hopes it might purge her unrequited love, or at least lessen it. Although Cosima encourages her attempts to "get back in the game," there's a certain tightness around her eyes whenever Delphine tells her about a new dating prospect; and that same tension seems to diffuse whenever the date ends up being a disaster. Delphine tries not to read too much into it.
Delphine eventually meets Paul. He's handsome and kind, but he's not Cosima. No one is like Cosima. But he keeps her mind off her best friend, at least for a little while.
Cosima suggests a double date. It doesn't sound like a good idea to Delphine, who doesn't particularly fancy the idea of watching Bobbi paw on Cosima all night long. She reluctantly agrees nevertheless.
Dinner turns out to be more awkward than Delphine could have ever imagined. The moment they're seated, Cosima begins grilling Paul with question after question about anything and everything, clearly sizing him up and finding him lacking. It feels a lot like sabotage, and it sets Delphine on edge. Makes her stomach burn.
When they finally leave the restaurant and wait for a cab to bring them back to campus, Delphine pulls Paul into a deep kiss. She feels like an asshole for doing it, but can't stop herself from wanting to get back at Cosima for not approving of her date. She breaks the kiss and glances at her best friend, whose jaw is clenched tight, eyes pained as she looks away. Delphine's chest clenches so hard it becomes difficult to breathe.
Paul takes her to bed that night. His lips and hands feel good, and it's been a small eternity since Delphine has gotten off to something other than her own fingers. But her mind remains firmly on Cosima. Even now, she wishes it was Cosima who was undressing her and trailing kisses down the side of her neck; Cosima who was pulling her close and whispering in her ear. When she rides Paul hard and reaches an empty and unsatisfying climax, she wishes it was dark brown eyes gazing up at her instead of blue.
She doesn't stay, making up some excuse about an early class, and he doesn't protest. Instead, Paul asks her point blank if what they have would ever go anywhere. Delphine surprises even herself when she replies with the truth: No, I don't think so.
He only nods, adding that he figured as much, but that he'd still like to be friends. Delphine agrees even though she already knows they won't see each other much again after that night.
But as she's about to turn the door knob, Paul gives some parting advice—You should tell her—and leaves it at that. Delphine stills for a moment before she continues on her way, wondering if her feelings are obvious to everyone but Cosima.
Cosima makes herself scarce over the next few days: doesn't call, doesn't text. If Delphine sees her in the lab, Cosima almost always leaves just as she arrives. Delphine wonders if Cosima is upset about the double date, and then thinks she has no right to be. Cosima was the one who suggested it and then made things uncomfortable at dinner, after all.
After a few more days, Delphine's about to cave when she finds Cosima sitting outside her dorm room one evening, knees bent, back up against the door. She looks paler than usual, with dark smudges under her eyes, as if she hasn't been sleeping well. She gets up to her feet the minute she sees Delphine, apologetic and a tad bit shame-faced. Cosima asks Delphine if she'll take a walk with her. There's no hesitation when Delphine says yes. She would follow Cosima anywhere.
Cosima leads them across campus to a small park, brittle leaves crackling under their footsteps. They sit on a weathered wooden bench carved with various initials, squiggly hearts, and other choice four-letter words. Delphine can just make out Cosima's silhouette in the darkness, hears the flick of a zippo, and watches a bright spark form into a tiny flame that Cosima brings to her face to light a small joint. Cosima leans back on the bench and looks up at the sky. Delphine follows suit, breathing in the pungent smoke and silently admiring the ethereal halo around the waxing moon.
She offers Delphine a hit, which the blonde accepts. Delphine takes a deep pull from the joint, holds in the burning smoke for as long as she can, and then blows it out in a long stream of white. She hopes the drug will help soothe her nerves. She's never felt this way with Cosima. Taut like an over-tuned guitar string.
The silence drags on and on, the two of them passing the joint between them, when suddenly a rush of words spills from Cosima's mouth. I'm sorry for being such an asshole, she starts. I was out of line. I guess I get a little, uh, overprotective of the people I… care about, you know? Delphine's heart flutters, but she says nothing, waits for Cosima to finish. Of course, I know that doesn't excuse it, but I just want you to know that the last thing I ever want to do is upset you.
Delphine takes Cosima's hand and sandwiches it between her own. It's okay, she reassures her. Forgiveness comes easily now that Cosima's beside her and they both look back up at the velvet black sky.
Bobbi slides two medium lattes to Delphine from the other side of the campus coffee bar with a forced smile. Delphine didn't know Bobbi had taken a job as a barista and says as much to the other blonde, whose hair is now dyed purple at the tips.
Needed the cash, Bobbi shrugs. Plus I've got more time on my hands ever since Cos and I split up.
Delphine nearly fumbles her to-go cup and Bobbi arches an eyebrow.
She didn't tell you?
No. Delphine's stomach dips. She didn't.
Figures, Bobbi snorts. Her manager orders her to get back to work, leaving Delphine to wonder what Bobbi had meant.
Delphine meets up with Cosima at the library, nestled between stacks of musty smelling books. She sets one latte down in front of Cosima, who practically moans after her first sip, telling Delphine that she's a lifesaver and that she could kiss her.
Delphine has half a mind to say, Okay, and idly wonders how Cosima would react if she did. But she doesn't have the nerve and merely pulls out her own books to begin studying. Curiosity gnaws at Delphine for the better part of an hour before she can't take it anymore and asks Cosima why she hasn't mentioned her breakup with Bobbi.
Delphine watches the muscles of Cosima's throat constrict as she swallows hard. Oh, you know, she averts her gaze, it just never came up.
It's a thin excuse and they both know it.
Do you… want to talk about it? Delphine reluctantly asks, even though she knows that if Cosima had actually wanted to talk about it, she would have brought it up before now.
Not much to talk about. She thinks I… Cosima shakes her head, exhales loudly. It just wasn't working out.
Why? The question pops out before Delphine can stop herself.
I dunno. It just wasn't. I mean… why did you stop dating the beefcake? You never really said. Cosima pins Delphine with an intense stare that makes her heart race.
Because he's not you, Delphine thinks. Instead, she merely shrugs one shoulder and turns her attention back to her books.
It's chilly in the station as they wait for the train that will take Cosima to San Francisco for the holidays. Delphine claps her gloved hands together to regain some feeling in her numb fingers.
Are you sure you don't want to come? In her long red winter coat, Cosima bounces on the balls of her feet from the cold. You're more than welcome and my parents would love to see you again. In fact, I think they might like you more than me.
Delphine wants nothing more than to spend the break with the Niehaus family, but she had signed up for a winter intersession class in the hopes of graduating early.
Maybe next year, she says.
Cosima lets out an exaggerated sigh. Fine. I'll be holding you to that.
Okay.
Cosima steps into her personal space, wraps her arms around Delphine's shoulders, and pulls her into a warm hug. Delphine's own arms encircle Cosima's waist and she buries her nose in her dreads, inhaling the comforting scent of sweet earth and warm spice, reveling in just how right Cosima feels. They stay like that for longer than what may be deemed appropriate for friends.
A booming voice over the loudspeaker announces the imminent departure of Cosima's train, but neither of them release their grip on the other. Without thinking, Delphine presses her cheek against Cosima's and kisses it. Repeats the action on the other cheek and pulls back slightly. Cosima's eyes flicker down to Delphine's lips.
Their mouths are mere centimeters apart. Delphine doesn't know what possesses her, but she can't stop herself from closing the gap. Cosima stiffens and inhales sharply when their lips meet. Her hands slide to grip Delphine's shoulders and she pushes back slightly to break their kiss, eyes wide with surprise, mouth hanging open.
Cosima's less than ideal reaction feels like a bucket of ice water over her head.
Merde.
Heart thundering wildly, Delphine releases a stunned Cosima, breaks free from their embrace, and sprints away. She can't even bring herself to turn around when she hears Cosima calling after her.
Delphine wonders yet again how she ever let Felix convince her to go out on New Year's Eve, and to a masquerade no less. All she had wanted to do was wallow in her empty dorm room with her heavy heart swollen with regret. She hasn't contacted Cosima nor has she heard from her best friend since their disastrous kiss. But Felix was nothing if not annoyingly persistent, and Delphine had allowed him to drag her out into the cold winter night.
Listen, he had said. If Cosima is too stupid to appreciate what she could have, then it's right time for you to find someone who will.
It's a beautiful party, even Delphine can admit that much. The dimly lit ballroom is illuminated in violet and indigo emanating from crystal icicles and snowflakes hanging from the ceiling. The women wear long evening gowns, the men in tuxedos, their faces disguised behind elaborate masks adorned with jewels, feathers, and lace.
Blonde hair swept up, Delphine is draped in a floor-length sheath dress that shimmers in silver, her own mask embroidered in platinum and gold. Felix is strapping in his dark slim-fitting suit and mask with plumes every shade of the rainbow. She slips a hand in the crook of his elbow as they stroll around the room. She can already tell he has his eye on several choice morsels, so she lets him loose.
Several men ask her to dance and she politely declines, content to people watch, nibble on hors d'oeuvres, and sip on punch secretly spiked with vodka that Felix had snuck in.
It's a little past 11 o'clock when she first sees the woman in red.
She's positively stunning in strapless crimson that fits snugly around the curves of a well-toned body. Her matching sequined mask covers an elfin-shaped face, while a pair of gloves runs the length of her forearms to her elbows. A sheer veil hides her hair and floats behind her as she walks. She could be Scheherazade.
There's something about her… something that makes Delphine's mouth go dry and her pulse transition to a staccato beat. Perhaps Felix is right after all, she thinks. But Delphine loses sight of her in the crowd and disappointment sinks in her gut.
Over the next half hour, Delphine catches only glimpses of the woman in red out of the corner of her eye, only for her to disappear again. It's enough to make her wonder if the woman is merely a figment of her alcohol-fueled imagination. She doesn't see Felix again either—most likely lured away by a pretty face and a hot bod.
At 10 'til, Delphine feels a hesitant tap on her shoulder. She turns and is met by dark eyes framed behind scarlet. It's her. The woman's eyes trail down the length of her body, appraising her, undressing her. Heat pools low in Delphine's stomach. When her hungry gaze returns upward, Delphine parts her lips to speak, but the lady in red places a slim, gloved finger against her mouth to silence her. She winds her arms around Delphine's neck, caressing her nape and pulling her close. Delphine's hands automatically rest on the jut of her hip and they begin to sway, much too slowly to match the beat of the loud dance music.
The countdown to midnight barely registers in Delphine's fuzzy mind, not when the woman slides her hands from her neck to her jaw and pulls her into a kiss just as the partygoers on the dance floor greet the New Year. The touch of soft lips snaps Delphine out of her trance. This is wrong, Delphine thinks through her buzzed haze. The wrong lips. The wrong woman.
She pulls away gently, not wanting to startle her companion, who is slow to open her now glazed and unfocused eyes.
I'm sorry, Delphine says, breaking the dam, unable to stop the deluge of words. You're lovely, but I'm… I'm in love with someone. No, not someone. My best friend. And I… I may have scared her away but I have to make sure before I… I try anything with anyone else. She cringes as she finishes her ramble.
The woman just stares at her for several long moments before her lips stretch into a wide grin that makes Delphine's chest twinge at its familiarity.
You…
She reaches behind her head, tugs at a thin ribbon, and unties her mask, pulling it off and removing the veil to reveal the face Delphine loves above all.
Cosima? Delphine feels light-headed with both relief and trepidation. When did you…?
I got in earlier, she explains. I wanted to see you right away, but Felix told me I needed to make up for, she adopts a fairly passable British accent, being a silly twat. Took me a while to find you. And when I did, I thought for sure you'd recognize me.
Delphine shakes her head, embarrassed that she didn't.
Cosima rakes her teeth across the corner of her bottom lip. I'm sorry… about what happened at the train station. Truth is I… I've been in love with you for, like, forever. Maybe even since I first saw you at that crummy bar. But you were with François, and then Bobbi happened and Paul and I just… I never thought I'd actually have a shot with you. Like ever. So when you kissed me, I… I freaked.
Delphine can hardly believe her ears. It all feels like a dream.
So you are no longer… freaked?
No.
And you…Delphine's heart pounds so hard that her entire body vibrates with each beat. You love me?
I do. Cosima slides her hands back around Delphine's neck, brings their foreheads together. I love you so much.
Tears prick at Delphine's eyes and she laughs, mashing their lips together in an excited kiss.
Confetti and streamers float around them. Horns blare. Noisemakers rattle. But they hear none of it.
They're too lost in their own world.
They make love until the early hours of the morning. Cosima is equal parts tender and passionate, gentle and frenzied, and Delphine feels like her heart could burst at any moment. They eventually collapse onto each other, trembling from the aftershocks of pleasure, just as the faint light of dawn seeps through the blinds.
When Delphine opens her eyes, she wonders if she's still dreaming. Cosima lies in her arms, head resting on the side of her chest, warm breath ghosting across her skin. She pulls her even closer, runs her fingertips along the curve of Cosima's shoulder blade and down her bare back.
Heart beyond full, she presses a kiss to Cosima's forehead. She's never felt so satisfied, so content in all her life.
Cosima shifts slightly and slowly opens her eyes. Blinks once. Twice. And when she realizes where she is and who she's with, her mouth forms a lazy grin.
Hey you, she greets, tracing a finger along the arch of Delphine's eyebrow before cupping Delphine's jaw and caressing her cheek with her thumb. Delphine closes her eyes as Cosima nuzzles the tip of her nose and kisses her sweetly.
Bonne année et bonne santé, she murmurs against the smile on Cosima's lips.
Happy New Year.
A/N: I meant to finish and post this on Jan. 1, but better late than never, right? To the tumblr anon who sent me the prompt, I hope you enjoyed my version of a multi-chap fic condensed into a one-shot! haha I'd like to extend a very very special thank you to hellacophine, tatarrific, and twig-height, who beta read this story on short notice and are just the most awesome people ever; and an extra shout out to tatarrific and Palaras Andhek for letting me bounce ideas off them and for sharing their takes on the prompt. :)
