A/N: Hi, there is a bit of Link-bashing, but it's all in the name of humor, I swear. *shifty eyes*.

Link's REALLY bad day.

Link walked along the river bank, feeling triumphant at his … triumph over King Dodongo. Just as he was about to blow up several conveniently placed boulders which just so happened to block the only route to the Zoras, an owl showed up and bored him to death.

Again.

After respawning several times, Link finally blew up the boulders, revealing a chicken, oh, sorry, cucco, several small rocks placed unnaturally in a circle, some bushes, a wrought iron fence (please don't ask the authoress how it got there, she hasn't a clue), a patch of obviously special dirt, and an unnaturally pale, flabby, hairless guy who was chomping on… something.

After heartlessly murdering the plants and blowing up rocks, he went up to the fat man, who appeared to be eating something suspiciously resembling crack.

"(chomp, chomp, chomp), How about some magic beans? They aren't selling very well… how about… 10 rupees for 1 piece?"

Despite the fact that it was obviously overpriced crack, Link bought one. He then puzzled for roughly 2 hours over what to do with the bean. After he finally planted it, apparently with his bare hands, Link watched as the small plant grew at an unnatural pace. Thank Din he didn't eat it though…

The Hero of time then attempted, and failed, to jump over the river. He narrowly avoided being shot by an octorok before being dragged downstream by the river's current. After dragging himself out of the presumably freezing water, he then waited another two hours trying to figure out just what to do next. He didn't dry off during this time, just because it adds to his misery and the authoress felt like it. The Authoress also happens to write in third person and ramble excessively.

Link finally picked up the chicken (Yes, the authoress is fully aware it's really known as a cucco. Deal with it, you nerds), and flew across the river, completely disregarding several of the laws of physics. After the chicken pooped on his hat, the hero promptly got shot down again by the octorok. He got pulled downstream and even more soaked. The authoress does not know just what happened to the chicken, nor does she care because the *naving* thing can go drown itself for all she cares.

Suddenly, link heard a cucco crow bloody murder, and with that, the hero of time was beset upon by roughly half a dozen angry fowl. Just to make things worse, the octorok then came over and shot link into the water, causing him to have some nasty-as-all-heck bruises, and nearly drown again. This vicious cycle continued until he finally reached the other side. (Haha, get it, "The other side"? As in, why did the chicken cross the road? …. The authoress fails at humor.)

That was when Link saw the many platforms and such he'd have to climb to get to the Zora's domain.

He fell in the water again, this time swearing a blue streak.

A/N: I'm sorry for the link-injuring, I could not resist.