Author's Note:
This is just a quick reaction fic in whatever universe Previously Unaired Christmas took place in.
TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of sexual assault
"Kurt?" Blaine's voice was heavy as he sat on their bed, legs curled beneath him, after a long day of school and work. The New York City sky was as dark as it got and Kurt had just finished up his nighttime routine. "We need to talk."
Kurt looked down at him, a smile quickly turning to frown as he wrapped his arms around himself. "That's the voice you always use when you have something to tell me I won't want to hear." He settled hesitantly onto the bed in front of Blaine.
Blaine took a deep breath, then Kurt's hands in his. Their eyes met. Blaine's dark gaze was piercing, but also nervous. Kurt's stomach flipped. "Kurt, I know it's no big deal for each of us to have our little secrets we keep from one another. But there are sometimes big important secrets and I don't think we should have those between us. Not anymore."
Kurt's brow drew tight and a heaviness settled in his chest. "Blaine, what are you talking about?" His voice was rough and wary.
"And I totally get why you wouldn't tell me then," Blaine continued, "it was Christmas, we were broken up and it was none of my business, but Kurt. We've been engaged for a year, we get married in six months and-"
Kurt buried his face in his hands, finally understanding. "Oh my god, I'm going to kill Santana," he snapped.
"It wasn't Santana, it was Rachel," Blaine said softly. He took Kurt's hands from his face and held them tight. He wasn't angry, just hurt. "Kurt, why wouldn't you tell me yourself what happened the night you were robbed?"
The feelings of that night returned like it was yesterday and Kurt's face twisted in an expression that broke Blaine's heart. "God Blaine, I was so embarrassed, so ashamed."
"It wasn't your fault," Blaine insisted.
But Kurt saw things very differently. "Of course it was! Everything I did that night, Blaine, it was so not me, but I just wanted to break out, try something new. I was single…" he trailed off look down, shame overwhelming him.
Blaine reached a hand to cup Kurt's cheek, to beg for his beautiful fiancé to look at him again. "You were single, Kurt, you had every right to enjoy yourself, I don't fault you for that."
Kurt wouldn't look though; he bit his lip and shook his head. "Maybe it was because I was mad at you, maybe it was to prove to myself that you hadn't cheated because I wasn't adventurous enough for you, or maybe it was just to forget for one night-"
"Kurt, it doesn't matter if you did it because you wanted to roleplay Rudolph and Santa and just have a good time with a hot older guy, that doesn't matter to me." Blaine smiled softly, trying desperately to reassure him.
"Then what are you upset about?" Kurt asked, confused.
"I'm upset that you were sexually assaulted and you haven't felt like you could tell me. I don't even know if he hurt you."
"Oh." Kurt's cheeks burned red but he forced himself to look at Blaine, who looked closer to tears than Kurt ever wanted him to be.
"I thought you trusted me," he said, gripping Kurt's hand, squeezing like his life depended on it. "I thought I made you feel safe."
"You do Blaine, I promise you always have," Kurt said. "It wasn't about you, it was about me. I didn't want…" His throat closed tight and he swallowed. The words were hard to say. "I didn't want you to look at me differently."
Kurt felt Blaine's hand raising his chin, forcing their eyes to meet. Blaine's were shining with warmth, pride and love, so much love. "How I do look at you?" Blaine whispered.
Tears pooled at what Kurt saw. "Like the sun rises and sets with me."
"That's because it does. Everyday. And I've known about this all along, since the day I told Rachel I was proposing, and it never, ever changed how I looked at you, and it never will." Blaine leaned in and brushed their lips, soft and slow until he felt Kurt relax beneath him and deepen the kiss on his own. Blaine welcomed it, welcomed everything and anything that Kurt was willing to give him and when Kurt took him in his arms and broke the kiss to rest his head on Blaine's shoulder, Blaine enveloped him, holding him so close that he could feel Kurt's heart beat beneath his. It was the best feeling in the world. "I love you so much Kurt," he sighed.
"I love you too," Kurt answered, but a sudden thought interrupted him and he pulled away. "Wait, is this why you've never wanted to…"
"Yes," Blaine blushed knowing exactly what Kurt was asking. "All I ever want when we're together is for you to feel safe and comfortable. And if we'd…tried it…when you didn't know that I knew, well…"
Kurt nodded. "I wouldn't have felt safe and comfortable."
"Exactly."
A brief smile flit across Kurt's face then turned to a smirk. "Well, all that's changed now."
But Blaine shook his head. "Kurt, that's not why I wanted you to tell me," Blaine insisted.
"I know." Kurt's eyes sparkled. "It's just a good side effect I think. If you wanted to…"
Blaine's cheeks flushed lightly. "I would if you wanted to," he said.
"I do," Kurt breathed.
"Okay," Blaine smiled. "But not tonight. Tonight I just want to hold you in my arms."
Blaine laid down and opened his arms. Kurt snuggled in close, as content as could be with his cheek resting on Blaine's chest. Safe and comfortable. "Exactly where I belong."
