Chapter 1

It was funny; the day my life changed forever was no different to any other. There was no ominous, portentous sign in the air - it was just all very normal.

Work was mind numbingly boring, no major disasters; I had packed up my things and left the bank with a cheery wave to Angela, my colleague and about the only person I had anything in common with.

Of course the traffic was horrendous and as I sat in the line of slow moving cars I made a mental inventory of the fridge at home, trying to decide what to make for dinner.

Finally I made it home; walking through the door I saw a big black suitcase against the stairs. I frowned a little and went into the living room to find Jacob.

He was standing looking out of the window; he seemed lost in thought, not even noticing when I entered the room.

'Hi darling,' I said and when he turned his usually dark, warm eyes held a fierce determination I had never seen before. Suddenly a chill ran down my spine.

'Bella, we need to talk,' he stated flatly.

'Okay.' I knew my voice held a slight tremor; all kinds of scenarios were going through my head. Maybe Billy was ill and Jacob needed to go back home.

Oh god what if it was my dad? My panic rose every second waiting for him to say something.

'I'm leaving Bella.' I let out a breath, almost with relief before my mind actually registered the words.

'What do you mean, you have to go somewhere for work?' Jacob's eyes softened a little at my words and he came to stand in front of me, picking up my cold hands to hold them within his large, warm ones.

'No Bell, I'm leaving you.' My eyes widened as I took in what he had just said. 'I don't love you in that way any more, we have more of a friendship now and I just think this is for the best. Carrying on isn't fair on either of us and although I will always care for you our relationship is over.' My knees sagged a little, and Jacob lowered me on to the sofa, hovering over me for a second in seeming indecision.

'Is there someone else?' It had felt like the words would choke me but I got them out.

David lowered his head and I watched his shoulders slump slightly. 'Yes,' he whispered. 'It's Leah.' He ran a hand through his short, inky black hair and looked up at me. 'We love each other very much.'

What do I say to that, congratulations? And his secretary? Talk about cliché.

'You should go,' I murmured, not looking up at him. I watched him shuffle his feet before he finally stepped out of the room. My ears strained as I listened to him go out into the hall, I heard him pick up the suitcase and pause, then his footsteps continued to the door and as it closed behind him the sound echoed through the room, shattering my heart.

My thoughts were chaotic; so many random things went through my mind. Jacob and I had been together for so long, fourteen years to be exact. People would always ask when we were going to tie the knot and we would look at each other and say that we didn't need a piece of paper to know we would be together forever.

Of course it was Jacob who was opposed to marriage, called it silly and liked to point out just how many of his work colleagues were divorced.

Curling into a ball I wrapped my arms around my knees and rocked slightly.

What was I going to do now? I was thirty-four, nearly my whole adult life had been spent with one person and we had shared so much together.

I thought about how he helped me through my mom been diagnosed with cancer when I was twenty-two and her subsequent death two years later. He had been my rock then and I hardly knew what I would have done without him.

Then there was Jacob's accident, he had always had a thing about motorcycles but one day while he was riding his pride and joy he had skidded and gone off the road. He was in intensive care for several months and for a while I thought I was going to lose him and that thought had nearly killed me. We had pulled through that together and the revelation that because of the damage he suffered we could never have children. That hadn't mattered to me because I had my Jake and although I had always imagined we would have kids he meant more to me.

I watched the fingers of dawn creeping across the sky, my gritty eyes adjusting to the approaching daylight.

When the time came I rang work and told them I wouldn't be in. Angela agreed I sounded terrible and then I laid back down, my unblinking eyes staring into space.

The distant noise of my phone ringing jolted me up, looking down into my bag I picked it up. Alice's name flashed across the screen over and over and as much as I didn't want to talk to anyone I knew she would just keep calling.

'Hello,' I croaked and heard silence on the line for a second.

'What happened?' Instead of her usual excitedly loud greeting Alice sounded quiet, she knew something was wrong.

'He left me Alice.'

'That fucking, cocksucking asshole, bastard, son of a bitch cunting wanker …' the expletives went on for a while but I barely listened. Alice was tiny, with a beautiful face reminiscent of Audrey Hepburn; she kept her dark hair short to emphasis her delicate looks but god the woman could swear like a sailor.

'What are you going to do?' She finally asked when she finished her tirade.

'I really don't know.' Tears were clogging my throat as I said the words.

'I'm coming over.'

'There is really no need...' but the phone had already gone dead. I sighed before sitting up and waiting for the hurricane to arrive.

'Bella ' I must have closed my eyes and dozed off because the next thing I knew Alice was stood in front of me; she bent down and hugged me fiercely.

'What happened?' she asked and I told her everything - the shock of his announcement and how he now loved Leah.

'I don't understand, I mean I love him with everything I am, how can he just say that's it?' Alice looked at me with sympathy, stroking my hair and telling me how special I was and that Jacob was a fool.

'Bella maybe you should get away for a while. I know how much you hate your job and this could be your chance for a new start.' She drew back, her dark eyes looking at me with such warmth and love.

'I can't start again, I'm thirty four.'

'Exactly, you're still young,' she insisted.

'I'll think about it,' I muttered to appease her.

'I have to get back to work but I'll come over tonight and we can talk some more. I know it doesn't feel like it now but this could be the best thing that ever happened to you.' I gave her a weak smile but silently hated her for saying those things. Alice had never had a serious relationship so she obviously had no idea what I was going through.

Alice and I had met at college and despite been polar opposite in looks and personality, she was beautiful and outgoing and I was very average and introverted, we became friends. She now worked as a nurse at the Children's Memorial Hospital, her love of life and innate joy in all things made her a natural with the kids.

Although I had known Jake for most of my life it wasn't till I left for college that he began to pursue me. We grew up together and hung around a lot but while we were kids he didn't really show that much interest in me. I always thought he was handsome, so tall, and with his striking good looks I suppose I did have a crush on him but thought nothing would ever come of it.

When I went away to college in Washington he started visiting all the time, it was as if he didn't want to let me get away from him. Jacob ended up getting a job as a mechanic near the college and we moved in together after a few years. Then it turned out he had a knack for selling, his charismatic personality made him unbeatable.

When the company he worked for wanted him to move to Chicago to head up the sales team there he jumped at the opportunity. Even though I couldn't help but wish he had consulted me, I left my job at the library, which I loved, and moved with him. I found a job working as a cashier at one the banks in the city, I didn't really enjoy it but it was something and living in Chicago meant I was near Alice again. We had kept in touch since college and she was still probably the closest friend I had ever had.

Alice was polite to Jake but I knew she never cared for him, she once told me that she hated the way he controlled me and that he showed a lack of respect in the way he never really consulted me on anything. I could never explain to her just how much he had helped me when my mom had died or make her understand just how safe and loved he made me feel most of the time.

Standing up and looking in the mirror above the fireplace I grimaced a little at my reflection. It was no wonder Jake had lost interest in me. I took in my bushy, unstyled hair and my podgy, pale face with a wince. I suppose I hardly noticed the extra weight I had put on over the years but now I saw every imperfection. While Jacob had only grown more handsome I had turned into a hideous hag. I had never been anything special but how had it come to this?

Mulling over Alice's words for a while I went upstairs and started packing some things, maybe getting away wouldn't be a bad idea after all. Jake had always been so busy that we hadn't had a holiday in five years, plus being in this house surrounded by things we had bought together was just too painful.

Picking up a map of the continental US I closed my eyes and spun my finger around finally stabbing it down and opening my eyes to see where I was headed.

A mirthful laugh escaped my mouth when I saw where my finger had landed. Well the fates had spoken so I guess I had no choice, even though it would be hard to find a place that was less suited to someone like me.

a/n posting this for Chilly, she asked me to agggggges ago.