She feared this day would come, having to choose between her past and her future, and no matter how prepared for it Blake thought she was, she couldn't have predicted her throat to close up and her mind forget the answer that she had been ready to give since she became a true part of Team RWBY.
"Blake, let's go." Adam's voice cut through her panic. Like a hydra, however, her panic came back twice as bad. He was so sure that she was going with him. Like she was supposed to. Her legs twinged in his direction, but she stayed in place. She was so used to hearing and obeying that tone, it had become muscle memory to move to it, but she fought the urge to, just like on the train. Though, she still seemed as if she was frozen in place.
"Blake!" Her partners' voice shot up her spine like a cold chill. "What are you doing? Get back here!" Yang shouted. Blake still stood there frozen. Two of the people she cared about the most were tearing her in half, not giving her a moment to think or to rationalize something. She felt panicked tears sting her eyes as she looked between them.
Adam's face was unreadable underneath his mask, just as always, but the way he stood, with his full front facing her, his left hand holding onto Blush and Wilt's neck, but it wasn't tight. He wasn't angry with her, nor this situation. He was calm, confident, open, relaxing…
Yang was angry. Blake could see the fire burning in her eyes, but it wasn't directed at Blake. It was at Adam. How dare he even try to take away her partner from her? He drove his partner away, he doesn't deserve her back. Yang loved her more than he ever could. Her anger was just as relaxing as Adam's stoic, calm demeanor.
After further thoughts, Blake wanted to hug her, feel her warmth soaking in her skin, calming her tense muscles, making her heart melt with every beat of her raging heart. Adam may show her more affection, but their relationship would never go further than where they had left off on the train. She'd feel cold, desolate, hollow, and alone all over again. Just remembering how that felt made her skin crawl and her head hang to try and catch a proper breath when she realized it had hitched and stayed stagnant in her chest.
Adam caught sight of this and knew what was going on. He known her for years, knew the ins and outs of how Blake thought, the clues that broke her puzzle box personality. He took a couple steps forward to reach out to her, saying her name again, but with a more pleading tone. He needed her to come back with him.
Yang shoved past Blake, upset and angry at the exchange and shoved the taller man back a couple feet.
"She's not going anywhere." Yang narrowed her eyes dangerously at him. That's what Blake needed. She couldn't decipher her own thoughts right now, she needed someone to tell her what to do right now, and she knew that Adam wouldn't risking ordering her around, especially when they left on such rocky terms. Yang would be the only one daring enough to do it, and Blake had been praying that the blonde beauty would pick up on her mental cry for help.
Adam looked down to Yang as he caught himself. Blake could see the muscles in his face twist and twinge, barely showing signs of knit eyebrows underneath his mask. She could hear a light growl work its' way up his throat in annoyance.
"Is this what Blake feels?" He spoke despite his growing annoyance, casting a look to the smaller teen off on the side. The question, though, hadn't been directed towards Yang, nor sounded like he was hurt, but angry that someone tried deciding for Blake.
"Yeah, it is." Yang gritted through her teeth.
"Then ask her." He growled, turning his head to face Yang sharply.
Blake felt her stomach curl and her chest tighten as angry, waiting eyes turned to her. Amber eyes grew wide and her arms curled against her body as Yang spoke, but she didn't seem nearly as confident-sounding as she had been minutes before.
"Blake… you want to stay with me… right?"
Very rarely would Blake ever describe her as sounding scared. She's only heard it a few times throughout their partnership, usually coming from when Ruby was in danger or if they had odds stacked against them, but even then, Yang had tried to use it along with bubbling anger to her advantage to turn it around. Not here though. Yang really, truly, sounded scared. She didn't want to lose her partner. Her best friend.
As confident as Blake was in the fact that she wanted to stay with Yang and the rest of Team RWBY, her voice came out sounding vacant, almost despondent.
"Of course…"
Blake could almost hear Yang's heart shatter just from reading the expression on her face, but as Yang turned to face Adam, the look on her face changed into a fake smug confidence as she shoved him away.
"You hear that? Beat it. She's staying here." Even though her look read confidence, it was obvious that that confidence lost it's spark and it almost sounded sad. Adam couldn't help but give Yang a wry half-smile.
"You better make sure your kitten doesn't wander off. She's bound to come home eventually, and this place isn't it." He watched her fake smug twist in anger as she cocked and loaded Ember Celicia.
"Get lost before I cave your skull in." She growled through grit teeth.
Adam turned away from Yang, but cast a look to Blake, sending a cold feeling through her body. "You're welcome home anytime." He said.
Blake looked away from him, down to the ground in front of her. She didn't answer, she didn't nod, or shake her head. She just stood there.
After a few minutes, Adam was gone, but the arguments and the yelling and the calling of her name echoed in Blake's skull like nails on a chalkboard.
Yang had pulled her along to head back to Beacon's main campus, and for the most part, they had walked in silence, both being trapped within their own thoughts, that is, until Yang decided to voice them.
"What was that about?" She didn't look at her girlfriend, only looking ahead of them. She wasn't sure she could meet Blake's eyes after that all happened.
"What do you mean?" Blake looked to Yang's profile. She still sounded like she was lost, unemotional. Yang grit her teeth and stopped dead in her tracks to face Blake, which in turn caused Blake to come to the same screeching halt to avoid bumping into her.
"You know damn well what I mean." She hissed. "That- That fucking pause, the fact that I had to decide for you and when you agreed you sounded like you were unsure. What the hell?"
Blake couldn't look at Yang. She knew what she sounded like, though she hadn't meant for it to come out the way it had. But that didn't ease Yang's conscience any.
"I'm sorry…" She spoke. "But I'm here, aren't I? I want to stay here."
There it was, that miserable sounding tone. Yang's teeth grit.
"Blake this isn't like you. I mean, I'm used to hearing you sound vacant already, and that's fine. But now you just…" the words that came to mind made Yang wince visibly. She didn't want to say it, but it was the only way to describe to Blake her tone. "It just sounds pathetic…"
The words punched a hole in Blake's chest. Pathetic? Pathetic? She blinked and looked up to Yang's eyes, a new life in them that wasn't joy or dorky happiness. Blake was angry.
"I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here, because I don't think you realize how long that scene back there has been playing through my head. The possibilities, my answers, the things that can go wrong, where each path would lead me. I thought about every single millisecond of that meeting nearly everyday since I was put on a team with you guys. I was dreading it. I had my answer prepared for a long time now, but it's a bit more stressful to deal with when you're actually in the moment. Life is a lot different than how you imagine it. You cannot be truly prepared for something like that."
Yang's eye narrowed at her. "If you had the answer in mind for a long time, it should have been no problem telling him that instead of making me think that you were going to abandon us for someone you abandoned yourself."
"Yang, I don't think you realize how difficult it is to turn your back on someone who has been there for you for years. Yes, he went down a path I'm not willing to go down, but I still care about him. He's like… I don't know really, but he's important to me and I am to him. It was hard enough to leave him on the train, it was even more so earlier."
There was Yang's hurt expression again. Blake felt her chest want to rip into two.
"So you're willing to risk our partnership, our relationship, even for a moment,for someone you can't describe your actual feelings for?"
Blake's throat itched with a reply, but she swallowed it down.
"Your answer should have been no from the beginning, Blake. We do not have room between us for the tiniest sliver of doubt or fear of losing one another." Yang spoke sharply. "We are a team. Our lives are depending on each other. I don't want to go into a fight with the fear that you're going to leave me for someone from your past. You told me you left him for a reason. It shouldn't have sounded like you were still deciding."
"I'm not leaving, so what are you afraid of?" Blake spoke defensively. "I would never just run off in the middle of a fight, you know that. I would never leave anyone to die or to fight alone."
"How can I trust that if you had trouble saying no to that asshole?" Yang snapped.
Blake's voice hitched in her throat. That was crossing the line.
"He is not an asshole." Blake hissed. "He was abused. Forgotten. Angry. Beaten while he was down. And he didn't want to take anymore of it. Like I said, he went down a path that I was not willing to go down, but that does not mean he is an asshole or the bad guy. You'd feel betrayed, too, if Ruby left you in that state."
"Leave my sister out of this." Yang's shoulders stiffened.
"I'm trying to prove a point to yo—"
"Prove it without involving her!" Yang glared. "Ruby would never abandon me. I'm not like him."
"Assuming you actually know who he is." Blake fired back. "You don't know the first thing about him, Yang, do not make the mistake of judging him when you already have a biased view against him."
"There isn't much I have to figure out, Blake, it's really not that hard. You're just so afraid to let him go because you think so few people care about you. Let me tell you something, Belladonna, he's not the only one who cares. Ruby cares. Weiss cares. Jaune's team cares. …I care. I care a lot." Yang's tone got a little softer. "Now tell me why is it so hard for you to let one person go? Especially that," she pointed in the direction they came from. "specific person?"
Blake's hands curled tightly. She couldn't muster up an explanation that she didn't already gave Yang. She turned her head, looking off to the side. Her jaw stiffened, and she faced Yang with a sigh. "I don't have to explain myself. I'm here, I'm with you, and I'm not leaving. I shouldn't have to do more than that."
On that note, Blake took her turn to shove her way past Yang and start heading back to campus. Yang was practically fuming, sparks and small licks of flame marching across her skin. Blake's edges seemed to have taken on a darker look, her own aura pulsating just enough to know that this conversation was done and over with. For now at least.
The rest of the walk back to Beacon was silent aside for the occasional snapping twig and huffing breaths coming from Yang. Blake might as well have not been breathing or moving with how quiet she was. Most of the trip, she had been contemplating on just rushing the rest of the way because she really just did not want to be in this part of the forest anymore. Especially not with Yang. The only thing holding her back right now had been the risk of getting in trouble for leaving her partner in the face of danger alone on purpose. On accident is one thing, on purpose was punishable.
Walking into the doors of the magnificent school, Blake and Yang hardly gave each other a sound, much less a look, before they parted ways, Yang going to the training room, Blake to their dorm room for a much needed nap. She was exhausted, physically and mentally, and wanted nothing more at that moment. Yang on the other hand prefers to exert her frustrations and anger through working herself out, expelling each thought or with a punch or huff of breath. It relaxed her when she was exhausted. She didn't have the energy to be upset anymore.
Going up to her dorm, Blake found that Ruby and Weiss were there working on their own things, and they both looked to her as she walked into the room. Ruby was the first one to try and start up a conversation, asking how things went, where she and Yang had gone, and where Yang was now. Respectively, she answered, "fine", "to meet someone", and "I don't know", before sliding underneath her covers and curling in on herself.
Weiss and Ruby looked to one another and frowned. Something was off, especially since Blake obviously didn't seem to care about where Yang had run off to. Unless it came to classes, Blake and Yang hardly left each others side, even more so since they became an item.
"Are they fighting?" Ruby wrote on a piece of paper and gave it to Weiss. Blake might have been exhausted, but they both knew her hearing was exceptional.
"I'm not sure. They seemed fine yesterday. Best to leave it alone for now though." She wrote back.
"But I'm worried, they never fought like this before… it was usually banter."
"I'm sure they'll be fine. Fights happen in relationships all the time. If we get involved right now there's a chance it will only make things worse. I recommend not bringing it up to either of them unless they bring it up to us."
"Alright…"
"Just be smart about it." Weiss handed Ruby the paper for the last time, and heard a long sigh. As calm about the matter as Weiss seemed, she was worried, too. If they were fighting, it could become a hazard to the rest of the team and how they function as a pair. She just hoped they were smart enough to leave personal affairs out of training exercises and the battlefield.
However, anger can cloud even the most rational of minds.
—-
It didn't take long for Ruby and Weiss to put two and two together that Blake and Yang were having some issues and for them to realize that it's already been affecting their teamwork since the day Blake came back into the room exhausted and upset.
They had stopped talking to one another directly. Whenever they tried getting something out of the other, they'd ask either Ruby or Weiss to talk to the other for them when, most of the time, the other was less than twenty feet away. The fighting became loud and aggressive, usually ending with one of them leaving the room in anger, the other following shortly after but going in the opposite direction to avoid the rest of their teammates watchful and worried eyes, as well as Weiss's complaints to take their arguing outside and come back when they like each other again.
Weiss slowly had been able to piece together the basic problem with all the passive arguing that they put her through. It sounded like there was a trust issue going on, which Weiss found odd. They trusted each other with their lives, what could have changed it so fast? It bothered her to a slight degree that she couldn't figure out the source, but Blake was being so damn quiet and Yang refused to talk about it and even changed the subject whenever it was brought up.
Some time after that, the unofficial break that Blake had said that they were on became official. They still loved each other, but whatever it was that was causing this mess just wouldn't let up. It became suspect that they tried talking about what happened where lingering ears couldn't hear them, though things only became worse and more problems arose rather then settling the main issue, such as Blake's constant reading or passiveness, Yang's constant aggression and obsession over keeping her hair in perfect condition, Blake's lack of an attempt to let people know what's going on in her head, and Yang's growing lack of a rational bone in her body. Trying to keep up a relationship under such pretenses had been near impossible and only made it harder on the two of them. Without the pressures of that, it would hopefully make things easier to handle. It's amazing how wrong they were.
Training became harder and harder to go through with one another, and soon needed the rest of RWBY to be in attendance because of the fact that Weiss seemed to be the only person who managed to keep them on target and not at one another's throats. Ruby was practically tearing her hair out at trying to keep everything stable and have maneuvers run smoothly. Weiss and Ruby were becoming stressed out with having to pick up the excessive slack that Blake and Yang were letting go.
—-
Weeks passed after the Adam incident, and if someone hadn't known Blake before this trouble in her and Yang's partnership, they would have had no idea Blake actually had a voice. She practically went mute, dark circles hung underneath her eyes and no matter how much she had been sleeping, they weren't going away. Yang had become more aggressive. They were sick of their fighting just as much as Ruby and Weiss had been, but they couldn't stop. Every conversation ended with some degree of disagreement, and someone just stopped the conversation. They couldn't handle having such a metaphorical distance from each other. It pained them every day it had gone on, but they knew if they were to be any closer than an arms length apart, it wouldn't end well for anyone. No one knew what to do. Then one night, when Blake had gone to sleep, she didn't wake up the entirety of the next morning.
The stress that this fighting and separation had caused her to have something of burnout. While people were worried, they almost expected it, hoped for it. She was exhausted and slept all the time, falling behind in classes, skipping meals, she needed a long rest.
However, the news had not gotten to Yang. Someone had to tell her, regardless of her reaction. Ruby volunteered to go considering the blonde beauty probably wouldn't be upset with her if she tried pulling her away from whatever it was that she was doing, and right now, if Ruby's suspicions were correct, Yang would be working with the punching bag in the training room.
The younger sister walked over to the weight room, sighing in relief as she found that she assumed correctly and walked in the room. It's been sometime since she actually watched Yang train, but she knew that Yang was never this aggressive with her swings. She was across the room from her sister, but she could still hear the loud pounding of her fists against the punching bag along with huffs of breath escaping her lungs. She's been so agitated lately…
Ruby sighed and started making her way over to her, trying to pick out the right words to say. By the time she made it to Yang's side, the taller blonde paused mid-swing and dropped her arms with a tired smile.
"Hey, sis, what's going on? I haven't seen you in here for a while. What's going on?"
Ruby swallowed hard, her ears starting to ring a little bit with paranoia in regards to how Yang would react to hearing about Blake's condition. Not that it was bad right now, she just felt that Yang should know, whether or not they were experiencing complications in their relationship.
"Ruby?"
"Blake, ah, Blake is kinda in the infirmary…" Ruby didn't want to stall the conversation, it'd only make it obvious that something was up and probably get Yang upset. Best to just lay it out on the table
Yang's eyes narrowed in question, but Ruby heard worried panic in her voice. "What happened? Is she okay?"
"Yeah! Yeah, she's fine, the nurse says she's stable. She said something about a burnout of some kind and she just needed to sleep for today and maybe tomorrow." Ruby perked up a little bit hearing the worry.
Yang pressed her lips together in a thin line and let out a heavy sigh. "I'll go see her in a little bit. If she's resting I probably shouldn't bug her. But… you're sure she's okay?"
Ruby nodded. "The nurse thinks it might be stress related, and it just got too much for her, I guess. But… I have to admit, I didn't think you'd be this worried about her after, you know, how things have been going…"
Yang looked to her. "I know we haven't been on fantastic terms lately, sis, but I still care about her. I never would wish her harm. I just cannot stand how stubborn she is, it's like she refuses to see everything from my side…"
Ruby shrugged a shoulder lightly. "Maybe she feels the same about her end. Look, I don't know what happened in the forest, but obviously it was something big, that much everyone can tell. But to be fair, you've both been kinda jerks to each other the past few weeks, even Weiss sees it."
Yang scowled lightly, but then it relaxed with a small groan.
"I have been a bit of dick, haven't I?"
The corners of Ruby's mouth tipped upward just slightly. "Just a bit." She held her thumb and index finger closely.
"Just a bit?" Yang asked.
"Well… maybe a little more than a bit, but to be fair, Blake might have been one just as much. So it cancels out. Sorta." Ruby smiled sheepishly.
Yang smiled a little bit, grabbing Ruby's hood and pulling it over her head. Ruby wheeled her arms in surprise and quickly shoved her sisters hand off her hood and pulled it back behind her neck. She scowled deeply, which in turn only made Yang laugh. Wow, Ruby didn't realize how much she missed hearing her sister laugh and have it be genuine.
"Get outta here, you dork." Yang grinned. "I'll be out in a few."
—-
Even though Yang knew that Blake was still more or less unconscious, she was nervous walking into the infirmary. She wasn't exactly sure why. Maybe it was because she prayed that Blake didn't hate her for all the things she's said and done over the past long while. She really hoped that she didn't hate her…
The nurse at the desk looked up when she heard the door open and smiled stiffly to her.
"Are you here to see Ms. Belladonna?"
"Uhm, yeah, is that okay? I mean, she's okay… right?"
"Of course! Of course!" The nurse assured her. "She just needs to rest for a while, and from what I'm told, she needed it."
"Yeah…" Yang responded absently looking around the room for her. The nurse noticed that she didn't seem to interested in the small talk, she just wanted to see the girl in the back.
"She's back here," the woman guided her towards Blake's bed. "If she wakes up, please let me know, okay?"
Yang nodded absently again, not entirely hearing what she said due to the blood roaring in her ears. She had no idea what to say or do; she never had to do anything like this before. Should she apologize? Should she just sit by her bed? The blonde didn't exactly think her plan through, but it was too late to back out now. The nurse left her there, which almost annoyed her for some reason. She felt she should have gotten some cue cards or some kind of prompt to start out this visit, but here she was, left to her own devices.
"Uh… hey…" She started lamely. "I'm, uh, I'm not sure if you can actually hear me or not, but… I, uh, kinda figured it would be shitty of me to not stop by and check up on you… especially when I've been kinda shitty the past while… But I'm here now… you're old pal, Yang…"
It wasn't until now did Yang realize how miserable she felt without Blake awake and by her side. She's been so angry and frustrated with her that she forgot how much she loved having her around.
She grabbed a nearby chair and pulled it up to the side of the bed where Blake lay sleeping. She hunched her shoulders, her elbows leaning on her knees. Yang hung her head, trying to think of something else to say.
"I guess I should probably start by apologizing… everything that happened… I just… I don't know where to start… I haven't been able to think through it all… I still can't." She looked up, watching Blake. She kept expecting Blake's eyes to open and tell her everything was fine and okay, but no matter how much she prayed, it didn't happen. Yang felt tears sting the corners of her eyes. She can't do this one-sided conversation crap, it was only a movie thing, just like she thought. She couldn't sit next to her best friend and talk like nothing happened. Apologize and hope that Blake hears her. She just wanted her awake again.
She just wanted everything to be back to normal.
She sighed, intertwining her hands across the back of her neck, letting the stray tears fall and drying them before she decided what to next. Yang was tired, exhausted actually, she didn't have the mental stamina to do this and make it sound good. What she really wanted was a nap and to hold Blake against her against while doing so. She just wanted to relax for the first time in weeks. And so that is what she did.
Yang, still clad in her sweatpants and tank top, quietly slid into the bed behind Blake, pausing when the slightest sound came from the bed, hoping to not alert the nurse in her direction. After a minute, she found herself lying in the bed comfortably with Blake just a few inches away. She carefully pulled the smaller teen against her and wrapped an arm around her waist while the other snaked underneath her side to intertwine her fingers with Blake's relaxed hand. She forgot how much she loved laying like this with her. Yang pressed her face into Blake's hair, breathing in the smell of gunpowder that she loved so much. A tired smile worked it's way across Yang's features. The talking would have to wait. Lying here with Blake right now is the only thing she wanted. She lay a small kiss on the back of Blake's neck and nuzzled into the spot.
"I'm never letting you slip away again, Kitten… I promise…"
