A/N: This is written for my friend Middy (contemplating being nocturnal) as it was her birthday a while ago. I hope you'll like this! And, I've never written something from Hunger Games before, so...
Also, thanks to mew-tsubaki for the splendid beta-work!
Finnick's Vow: A Somewhat Soliloquy
once everything was as it should be
her hair flew around her head
her eyes shone like suns
she was your sun
you danced on the beach
she collected shells
and you laid
with your eyes closed
listening to the waves
she sat down next to you
you opened your eyes
and saw her hugging her knees to her body
she smiled
you stayed on the beach all
night
because she was your best friend
(even though she was so young)
and you would always stick together
because she had asked you that one time
and you had agreed
then the morning came
with all that you had wanted
to ignore
forget
hide from
you stood in the crowd
together
her hand clutching yours so tightly
but you clutching hers even tighter
you saw nothing
but the man's purple hair
you heard nothing
but him shouting Odair! Finnick Odair!
you felt nothing
but her hand not being in yours anymore
after that nothing was as it should be any more
people were smiling at you
cheering at you
and all you could think of was
annie
and the fact
that you were going to
kill
people
to
get
back
to
annie
you broke down one night
in your room
two nights before it would all start
you cried
you weren't old enough
you weren't good enough
you weren't brave enough
but then you swallowed
and stood up and looked out the window
because the stars you saw
were watching annie
for you
you could do this
the next morning you saw something you had missed before
you had seen the people watching you
but you hadn't seen them watchingyou
you felt like prey
but it hit you soon
why they looked at you like that
and you flashed them a smile
and they blushed
they freakin' blushed
you knew this meant something
you could use this
so when the day came
that day
you didn't look at the cornucopia
you looked at a camera
and raised an eyebrow
you could only imagine them
gushing over you
but it was more than enough
this would be helpful
then you fought your way forward
grabbed a rucksack
slammed your fist into someone's stomach
and ran
as fast as you could
after that, it passed in a blur
you had a knife in your hand
you had blood on your fingers
and you didn't know how much time had passed
but it had to be days
gifts were sent to you all the time
and you winked
you took your shirt off
you stretched your muscles
and heard them gasp
in your head
it worked
so well
you came home
you came home
you came home
to annie
to your family
and you were so happy when the sun was up
that you completely forgot
about the eyes that stared at you in the night
dead
because of you
but you were home
so you could ignore it
you were happy
again
but not for long
you should have known
you should have known that Snow wasn't
smiling for nothing
you blamed yourself
for not realizing sooner
but what was there to do?
nothing
so you followed him
and you didn't show that you were
scared
or even disgusted
now nothing was as it should be and you seriously doubted it ever would be again
you were bursting on the inside
and smiling on the outside
you held their hands on the outside
and killed them on the inside
you kissed their lips on the outside
you spit in their faces on the inside
you cried on the inside
you breathed their names on the outside
but then it was all nothing
when you compared it to what happened next
it was reaping
and it was
annie
that
was
chosen
you
could
not
believe
it
when you sat on your bed
and watched the emptiness next to you
that had always been there
but now was more profound
than ever
you decided
that she was going to live
you told her all you could think of
and yet you felt as though it wasn't enough
and sometimes it felt as though
she didn't listen
then the day came
and now nothing was as it should be, so far from it that you couldn't remember how it had been from the beginning
she was on tv
of course she was
she was prettier than ever
and yet you didn't recognize her
her eyes were filled with something else
they were hard
and you didn't want to think of why they were
she ran so fast
you cursed the camera men for focusing on some big hulky type that was breaking a girl's neck with his hands
because you wanted to see her
you had to see her
and yet you didn't want to
because
your hands shook like mad
it was crazy
it was a screwed up world
it wasn't fair
you couldn't take this
but you had to
so you focused on annie
you focused on smiling to the audience
making sure that your shirt wasn't buttoned all the way up
and she got her gifts
and she continued living
she befriended a boy
at first something burned inside of you
but when he killed people for
her sake
you felt like kissing him
they made a great team
or rather not
annie didn't do much
neither did he, not really
(not compared to those other slaying machines)
but they could hide
and so they did
nothing happened for a while
days, months, minutes
it didn't matter
because it was bound to happen, something
anytime
now
there weren't many left
many had been killed
the hulky type from the beginning
more and more of them
and it was as though
they (she) (you) balanced on a line
as thin as air
and when it broke
you hadn't expected it to be like this
it wasn't Snow's doing
it was the game
as simple as that
the boy and annie were walking in the forest
when
suddenly
a girl jumped forward
shrieks
screams
a blur
then annie laid on the ground
sobbing
and you didn't understand
whatisthatinherarms
WHATISTHATINHERARMS
you can't—you don't—it can't be—it's wrong
but it was
(the girl was gone in a heartbeat
and, damn, she couldn't have brought that…
headwith her?)
and when you saw annie beginning to scream
howl, almost
more and more as the time passed
you smashed your fist into the screen
and didn't mind
the blood that
dripped down your arm
you have to get annie home
now
you don't know how
you don't know if it's possible
you don't know
but you will
and then the idea hits you
and it works
you knew you could seduce
of course
but this time is different
it's so easy
it takes nothing
(or maybe it does takes a lot
as usual
but this time you think of her
and it doesn't matter that it's not her skin you're touching
because you know
that if you do this
she'll get home
and that's all that matters)
and you get exactly what you want
a flood
water
drowning kids
(were there really that many left? how could you have missed that?)
and a swimming annie
it's perfect
(but no one else think it is)
(not enough violence for being the final)
(boring)
(bad tv)
but annie
a
n
n
i
e
survives
and now you're clutching her hand and you don't ever—never want to let it go again
in fact
you vow never, ever to loosen your grip
