Author's note: It took some time to get this up here, but I hope you find that it was worth it. This is the sequel to "Messages on the Wall" and you will have to read that first to understand what is going on in this fic. This the aftermath: what they are going through as they try to return to normalcy. I decided to write it the same way as the fic that preceeds it for linking purposes. Please read and tell me what you think!
Disclaimer: I don't own the turtles & company and I'm sure you already know that. My OCs, Caden and Annie, are MINE along with the plot.
Raph's POV:
It's been a whole month now since we were prisoners of the Shredder and none of us are over it yet. I shouldn't expect much, those slave camps were torture, but I hoped the memories would go away once we were back together. We're not the same anymore and I hate that part the most. My eyes stray from the television and land on Mikey as he walks behind the couch. It's hard to tell what's going through his head these days. He's so quiet now. I'll never admit it but I miss the old Mikey. Maybe a few of his jokes would brighten the lair a little, but I don't see that happening anytime soon.
"Hey Mike?" I call before he can get too far away. Mikey turns and looks over at me. "Is Don still in his lab?"
"Last time I checked," Mikey says. That's another problem. There's only three places Donny could be at any given moment: his lab, the dojo, or topside. The last one worries me the most. Donny's taken it upon himself to rid New York's streets of the scum that live in it. A job usually reserved for me. This new side of him really scares me. What if he gets hurt? I never thought Donny would follow in my footsteps like this. He's supposed to be a pacifist! I glance over at the door to Don's lab.
"Couldja check fer me, Mike?" I ask.
"I guess," Mikey says as he walks over to Donny's lab. I would've checked myself, but I don't think I'll ever be able to enter Donny's lab again. I hate this fear. I almost can't handle using my own sais! They called it the infirmary at the slave camps, but that's not what I'd call it. They tortured me there until I broke. I never thought I could break like that and if it hadn't been for Master Splinter, I might still be locked in my own head feeling empty and worthless.
"Hey Donny?" Mikey asks as he knocks on the door a few times, "You in here?" There's no answer so Mikey opens the door and looks in. He closes it again soon after and nods in my direction. "He's there."
"Thanks Mikey," I say. I turn back towards the television but I'm not really paying any attention to it. It might as well be turned off for all I care. Keeping tabs on Mikey and Donny is supposed to be Leo's job, but I'm the one who ends up doing it because Leo's out all the time now. As soon as Leo was able to walk again after almost getting fried to death, he's been leaving the lair and doing who knows what only returning after everyone's gone to sleep. I try to stay up so I can confront him, but he's very good at avoiding me. I wouldn't even believe he even comes home if I hadn't noticed the slight changes that indicate he moved something around. He should be here helping me with Mikey and Don. I wonder if he even cares about them- about us- anymore.
I hear the door to Donny's lab open and turn just in time to catch Donny exiting the lair. I quickly get up to follow him, grabbing my sais off the table on my way and sticking them in their rightful place in my belt. I don't want to leave Mikey, but Donny's behavior could end up getting him killed and I got to make sure that doesn't happen. Master Splinter can keep an eye on him while I'm gone.
Donny's POV:
All this anger; I can't concentrate. All I can think about is Hun and how he had treated me. I thought that when I killed him, the anger would go away, but it didn't. It only got worse, because now there's no subject to direct my anger at. This anger confuses me. I have to get rid of it somehow. With a few chosen materials, I quickly leave the lair and go topside. I climb to the top of the nearest rooftop and listen to the sounds around me. I sit down and look over the ledge at the people below and the cars honking their horns as they try to maneuver in the late night traffic.
"Mind if I join ya?" I hear Raph say from behind me. I barely flinch. I had a feeling he had followed me but I was really hoping he didn't this time.
"Go away, Raph," I say in a low monotone. Raph chooses to ignore me as he sits down next to me.
"Why don'tcha talk ta me, Don?" Raph asks, "I can help ya."
"I don't need any help," I say, "I just want you to leave me alone for once." I stand up and turn my back to my older brother with my arms folded across my plastron. I hope he'll get the message and just leave, but he doesn't.
"If I leave you alone, you'll end up getting' yerself killed," He says, "Ya can't just go runnin' off like dat and start bashin' in heads when yer blinded by rage!"
"You used to."
"Yeah, I know. I'm a bad example, but this isn't you, Donny. Ya don't hafta do this. Shit, I don't hafta eitha. I don't wantcha messin' up like I did. Leave dat job ta me, got it? Dat's all I'm askin' of ya."
"You're starting to sound like Leo." I say as my face darkens, "I don't wanna hear it. Don't go following me, ya hear?" I take off running and jump over to the next rooftop. I don't really care if Raph does follow me because I plan on losing him.
Mikey's POV:
When I saw Raph leave the lair like that, I knew Donny had managed to sneak out again. I hate it when they leave me alone like this. It's easier for the memories to return. Stuff I'd rather not remember. I thought that after a whole month, everything would be back to normal, but what is normal really? It's been too long since things had been really 'normal' even before the day we were captured and separated three months ago. Now it's just worse though. Leo's never here anymore, Donny's acting more like Raph, and Raph's acting more like Leo. I just wish Leo could stop hiding away and do something about our breaking family. He always had all the answers. Maybe he can mend our bond that the Shredder had brutishly broken. As my memories threaten to take over, I find myself in front of Splinter's room. I knock on the sliding door and wait.
"Come in, Michelangelo," Splinter says from inside. I walk in with my head bowed down and kneel in front of him.
"Raph left after Donny again, sensei," I tell him.
"I see," He says, "Could you poor some tea for the two of us, then?"
"Sure," I say. I stand back up and I look over at Master Splinter. Even I can tell his health is deteriorating. Even since we got back for the slave camps, sensei rarely leaves his room. He's just not able to get around so easily anymore. I hope he doesn't die; not now. My brothers and I still need him.
Leo's POV:
Another day has gone by and I still can't face my brothers and sensei. Am I just some lousy coward? How could I ever explain to them I'm not as 'fearless' as they believe I am? That I was scared when it seemed my life would end? I had gotten so close to it before Raph had managed to cut me down from the chains that had bound me. Donny once told me that the smoke could kill you quicker then the actual flames themselves. I actually wished it would be quick. It would have been a fair punishment for letting my anger get to me like that.
I remember very little after killing that guard that had been beating my sensei. My anger had literally blinded me. For the briefest of moments, life carried no meaning to me. I didn't care about anything. When the anger decreased, it was replaced with a more incapacitating feeling. I felt empty and drained of all energy. All these feelings; it's all I can remember of my ordeal- I think I might have unconsciously blocked most of it out- but I vividly remembered the fire. There's no way I could forget that part. Every night I'm forced to relive the feeling of helplessness as the fire consumed me; the burns that stopped hurting after awhile. It's a nightmare that won't leave me alone. I barely can get any sleep when I'm at the lair. I have too much guilt- too much fear. The only place I can forget about all that- or at least dull the images and emotions threatening to overcome me- is losing myself among the anonymous people strolling through the streets of New York; a place to hide where I'm just as anonymous as they are.
My slow pace in a street full of rushing pedestrians causes me to get bumped around a little, but I don't take notice. Too many thoughts are vying for importance in my mind. The slight twinge of pain from my still healing burns on my lags causes me to wince. I'll have the scars for life just to remind me of my imprisonment and how close I got to death. It's not that I need them to remember anyway. The physical scars I can handle. I've already dealt with so many in my past that a few more will not be a problem. It's the thought of how vulnerable I had become and how reckless I was. I don't know how to deal with the consequences of that. How could I when I wasn't acting like myself at the time I felt those things?
I don't know if my life will ever be able to even resemble what it used to be. I thought that once we were free of that place, life would go back to normal, or at least we could get back to being a family again. Maybe it's my fault we're not as close as we used to be. I should be there making sure my brothers are adjusting back to normalcy well, but I can't; not now. Caden says I blame myself too much and he may be right.
That thought stops me in my tracks: Caden. I wonder how he's doing. The last time I saw him, he was dating Annie. A small smile crosses my face as I picture the two of them together before I force myself to start walking again. They had probably gone out again tonight and I don't want to end up running into them. Not when I'm vulnerable like this.
Casey's POV:
I watch April out of the corner of my eye hoping she won't notice. I've been keeping an eye on her ever since we escaped from that prison. She's different now and it's not too hard to figure out why. I don't know if that punk had managed to rape her or not, but I know he got close before I managed to kill the scumbag. The only thing that keeps her going now is Annie. April doesn't know that's why I come over all the time now. I tell her it's because my television at my apartment don't work no more and I can't miss my show. She seems to be buying it for now. It's either that or she just doesn't care.
The front door opens then and Caden and Annie walk in holding hands and laughing. Annie runs over and hugs April while Caden walks over to lean against the couch with his hands in his pockets. I remember Leo had given him that deep blue bandana Caden's wearing. That was before Leo had gone Awol. I never see Caden without that thing.
"How was the movie?" April asks as she places her hands on Annie's shoulders.
"It was great! I got Caden to watch that new comedy!" Annie babbled.
"Yeah, and it wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be." Caden says, "Maybe I can get it on DVD and watch it with Leo and the guys…if Leo ever comes home that is…"
"Cheer up, Caden," April says, "Leo's going through some tough times right now."
"Well I should be going home right now." Caden says.
"I'll take ya," I say as I stand up from the couch right when my cell rings. "Hang on," I say as I reach for it and flip it on, "Yeah?"
"Casey," Raph says, "Don's run off again. Couldja keep an eye on Mikey at da lair? I think this is gonna be a long night."
"I was just gonna drop Caden off anyway." I say.
"Great, thanks Case."
"No prob'em, man," I say, "Ya sure ya don't need me ta help ya wit' Don though?"
"I can handle 'im as long as I keep 'im in sight." He says, "Say hi ta Caden fer me."
"Will do," I say before hanging up. I turn to look at Caden and say, "Raph says hi."
"He's cool," Caden says, smiling.
"Don ran off again?" April asks me.
"Yeah, it seems ta be becomin' a pattern wit'im," I say, "It's almost every day now."
"I hope he doesn't get hurt." She says.
"Well I gotta get goin' Ape," I say, "Bye Annie."
"See you later, Casey," Annie says, smiling, "Call me later, okay Caden?"
"Sure," He says as we walk out the door, his smile disappearing.
"Hey, whatcha thinkin' about?" I ask him.
"Sensei's behavior is really startin' ta worry me, dude." Caden says, "I mean he doesn't even train me anymore! I want Leo back to what he used to be; before he was almost killed."
"I'm sure he'll come 'round eventually." I say, "This is jus' da way Leo is."
"I hope he does. He's no fun anymore."
Author's note: So please review so I know your views on this fic. I already have a few chapters writen, but I need encoragement to actually get around to posting it. That's why THIS one took so long to post! REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!
