[Chapter I] Equinox of Brainstems
She never really longed for the recognition. Approval from other members of a community that once turned its back on and mocked her father was not something she desired; just approval from the man himself, which was an aspiration that rested six feet underground by now — ever since he attempted to steal her peace offer in the form of a time travel theory and to murder her with his bare hands, to erase the existence of his own unique production — for she was still his daughter even if she had been born with the curse of a higher intellect than his. Once that was lost, why would Kurisu need the prestige and the fame?
She wouldn't. All she really cared about, daddy issues aside, was to have all the necessary tools at her disposal to further ease her troubled, scientifical self. To be able to be given a project of her liking to achieve - a goal you could call it - and freedom to experiment for said goal. She was looked down upon by most older scientists and dreaded by those closer to her age anyway, so science itself was what kept her moving forward in Viktor Chondria. The university offered her everything she asked for.
Yet after three years of going back and forth from Japan, after finding an awfully disfunctional yet perfectly complementary group of people that gathered every so often in an apartment - which was called their 'lab' even though it had little to nothing that allowed it to be considered as such - under the influence and magnetic personality of that one crazy, lanky man... she found something else to hold on to. Something else to long for.
Her friends.
Her boyfriend.
The sole use of the term even within the confinement of her own mind made the fuzz in the back of her neck stand on its end. Slowly coming to understand that she was no longer some lone unit walking a solitary path amidst judgemental stares but a part of a greater item, the long lasting barriers built around her heart began to crumble down into a messy pile of debris. She felt terrible while notifying her decision to her only true friend in the States, yet the green-eyed girl was far from offended. Her senpai already knew by then that Kurisu's fate was deeply rooted in a place thousands of miles away, probably even before Kurisu herself accepted it.
Leaving her would be a sad thing, yes; but she had another short, dark-haired girl who was sweeter than pudding back in Akihabara that she felt just as attached to and who was just as - or even more so - painful to leave behind at the airport knowing they wouldn't see each other for six months. There was also the one maid obsessed over moe, the boy who was prettier and more feminine than any other girl she had seen before, as well as the pervert bulky idiot of Daru. All of them were probably enough to even the score between her place of birth and her current home, enough to make the decision a soul toring one. But once you added him to the equation... it was a done deal.
During the last couple months she might, every now and then, find herself using the others as an excuse to even consider it in the first place. Truth was he alone accounted for enough reasons to entertain the idea of a new life in Tokyo. It could sound disdainful to the rest of the Lab Members because she really, actually cared for them... but he was the one that had her stomach twisting and revolting every time she had to say goodbye before boarding another plane to America.
Things hadn't been easy at all given both of their personalities. Every single sincere and loving dialogue was preceded or surrounded by banters and name-calling. Their scientific discussions and every single debate was tainted by their egos yet felt exciting and endearing at the same time. They started to have them more often through videocalls lately, but that only helped to make the distance even more unbearable. She would not say these specific words out loud and never will, but Kurisu knew deep down that she would not be able to say goodbye next time. It had been nagging on her for a while now along with those words that she had never said to his face before. Expressing how much she cared for him with roundabouts was easier.
Still she consciously tried to force herself into the conviction that she had so much more to lose. Even though she was haunted by her status as a 'prodigy' and a 'genius' because of other people's incapacity to accept such fact, for some reason Kurisu kept finding herself incapable of accepting that her logical mind was long ago overcome by her fragile heart. Emotions had always been but the result of a chemical reaction within the brain for her, after all... so how to admit that said chemicals were stronger than her critical thinking? It was nonsense; yet true at the same time.
That is why she picked up her phone and scrolled through its extremely short contact list until she found his name. Hesitating, she tapped the 'call' button and pressed the artifact to her right ear as she closed her eyes.
It rang once, twice, thrice. Maybe he was busy and she was bothering him. Maybe distance and time itself had taken a toll on their bond. Maybe her own stubborness and the lack of a proper response to his confession had finally pushed him away. He was surrounded by beautiful girls day after day and if you thought about it, well... it would be pretty human to give in to something she was too shy to admit to him while everyone else was too ready to let him know. Ruka was probably the most obvious one but — since he was actually a guy — Faris was clearly the one with the most guts and charm among all of them. It would hardly be a surprise if she had been able to catch him within her spiderweb in the last few months, Kurisu thought. She forced herself to admit that the crazy pink-haired girl was a nice catch for him and was ready to disconnect the call after the fourth ring when it got suddenly answered, catching her completely off guard.
"Assistant! What is it that brought you to disturb my sleep?" A well known voice came through, bringing her back to reality. Completely unaware of the twelve hour difference for a moment, she glared at the clock. It was 1pm her time. He was probably well into a deep unconsciousness by then and regret found its way to interrupt her original intentions. What was she going to say again?
Silence followed as Kurisu struggled to find her composure once more. Her eyes linked to the wall in front of her, still struck due to her most recent line of thought.
"Kurisu?" The voice grew worried on the other end as she waited a little bit too long to answer.
"Y-yeah, sorry I d-didn't realize it was so late." She managed to mumble. Why was she calling that idiot in the middle of his sleep anyway?
"Are you alright? You sound odd. Did something happen?" For a second he sounded distant from the microphone and rasping noises came through as he fought against the sheets in order to bring himself to a sitting position.
"N-No!" She replied immediately. "I'm... fine." And she was, because her sudden confusion followed by the brush on her cheeks was really nothing to worry about. Kurisu put the phone away and shook her head before bringing it back close to her ear. "I... I wanted to talk to you about something."
A sigh of relief was heard on the other side as he could finally let go of his negative thoughts. She already knew how much he worried about her yet still found a way to scare him against her will every now and then. "It's okay, is there anything I can do for you?"
There it was again, his unselfish caring tone. Many things flashed through her mind then, many that he could do that the very thoughts made her face grow even redder. She gasped and brought a hand to her chest while trying to accomodate her own imagination. "Yes... yes there is something." Kurisu spoke, smiling unknowingly as she did so.
"What is it?" He still sounded worried despite her silly effort to calm him down, which she found to be understandable. The so called mad scientist had gone through so much trauma to build a world in which Mayuri was alive and she herself was breathing and able to have this conversation that worrying was an inherent part of his self now.
"Calm down, everything's okay. No agents of any organization have come near me so stop holding your breath already." She mocked, the image of him blushing because of her words warmed her heart.
When he gasped for air it was clearly audible through the phone. "I-I was not worried!" He claimed, though both knew it was not true. "Just tell me what's going on, Assistant!"
She chuckled, bringing a hand to cover her lips as she did so. "What are you doing this Saturday?"
"Ah? Well... I'm supposed to graduate next month, so I'm probably going to be working on this final thesis of mine. I shouldn't have chosen the concept of worldlines as a subject, you know? I thought it would be easy since I have so much experience but..." He hesitated, even though she already knew about the theme of his latest work and his doubts concerning it. "... I feel like I've said this before, but I don't know how to make this believable without letting too much information, dangerous information go through. If I mention the events from other worldlines it could trigger the creation of another time machine and I..." That was his biggest fear. He fought to his wits end for a world where time machines did not exist and where both Mayuri and Kurisu could be alive and healthy to build upon. So he had hitten a dead end and she quickly realised Okabe needed her as much as she hoped right now.
That gave her the strength to go on.
"I could help you with that." She whispered with a noticeable hint of relief before suddenly and unwillingly switching over to her well known tsundere speech. "I-It's not that I'm glad I can assist you or anything!" Quickly slapping herself on the forehead as she noticed how the conversation trailed off, Kurisu cleared her throat and gathered the courage to say what she originally wanted to say.
"I'm flying over there this weekend. The plane arrives Saturday around 4pm and I-I..." She stuttered, inhaling as much oxygen she could in order to keep her words in the right track. "... I'm thinking of staying. Y-you know it's not because I want to live near you a-at all but..." Damnit! Why was it so hard? They were supposed to be a couple already!
He knew, though, as soon as he heard her. Reading through the lines had gotten a lot easier given that he had spent so much time with her including those several, painful wordlines in the Alpha Attractor Field. Okabe could distinguish whenever she was trying to say something without doing so.
"You're moving to Tokyo?!" He almost yelled, words ringing in Kurisu's ear as she sighed in relief. As much as she could sometimes hate the way he read her like an open book, she was grateful for it this time. It made things so much easier for her.
"Yes! I-I guess so..." Stumbling a little, she continued to explain. "The Tokyo University of Science offered me a spot as a higher rank scientist in their research department and... and..." Without noticing exactly when or why, she stood up leaving behind the comfort of her mattress. His somewhat sped-up breathing was easy to notice as he was most likely knowing of what her next words would be. "It's only twenty minutes away by train from Akihabara, so... I could rent an apartment close to the Future Gadget Lab."
That was everything he dreamt of and even more. Kurisu living in the same city as he did? Even if they didn't get their relationship to move forward he felt his heart bursting out of his chest. Having her that close and being able to visit each other any day instead of only during the summer or Christmas vacations seemed so wonderful that Okabe felt unworthy of it. After all, he was the one to bear with the weight of her own death in another timeline, and Mayuri's in so many other ones. He had even sacrificed his friends' dreams in order to reach a wordline where the future was not some dystopian destiny either ruled by a tyrannic organization or decimated by a third World War. He still felt responsible for all of that as his memory would not let go of any scene he witnessed in other lives.
Silence dragged on and Kurisu started to regret the whole thing. Those dreams and déjà vu memories she had all along were still just that, she thought. Memories of a distant and parallel self that didn't bind any of them together anymore. She slowly pulled the phone away as his reply suddenly stopped the motion of her hand.
"I would love to pick you up at the airport." The words sounded rushed and his voice a tone higher than usual as he pushed them past the knot that formed in the middle of his throat. "A-And y-yes, I could use your help." They could not glance at each other due to the uncomfortable distance that separated them, but both were standing up now and staring at an empty spot between the lines of time and space. "What is a mad scientist without his beloved assistant after all? FWAHAHAHAHAHA!" The title no longer bothered her anymore, but the creepy laugh did. Hououin Kyouma was a pain in her butt most of the times, but still an endearing part of Okabe Rintaro's personality that she loved nonetheless. Because she loved him for what he was, craziness and scars included.
"Oh shut it already, I'm not your assistant and I'll move to Akihabara only if we stop with the name-calling once and for all!" She found herself crossing one arm over her chest while the other one still held the phone in her ear. "We'll be on first name terms from now on or I'll stay in America, insane mad scientist!" Somewhat and somehow, she was grinning and a slight laughter escaped from her mouth after threatening him that way.
"I think I can agree to those terms, perverted genius girl." The tone of his voice was unexpectedly joyful and honest, as an immediate signal to her that Hououin Kyouma had left and Okabe Rintaro was back on the line.
"Done deal, Rintaro." She giggled, bringing herself to lay on her bed once again as she awaited the final response.
"Done deal, Kurisu." He replied, causing her cheeks to turn redder than they ever were before. "I love you." That last sentence brought down the only remaining bits of her own will, pushing her to finally say those elusive words she had avoided for so long.
"I love you too, idiot."
Note: Hello everyone! Hope you enjoyed the read. This is the first light story I've ever written in English so I would definitely like some feedback. I'm not sure if I'll continue to develop this into a multichapter thing, but I'd be willing to do so if you guys like both my writing and the scenario this story is set in.
Thank you all for reading!
