Author's Note: Okay, a dozen other people are probably doing this, but I wanted to give it a shot. Note, I am a firm believer in Siri surving Magus's attack. Therefore she will appear in this series.

A Hole in the Heart

Chapter 1

Anakin walked slowly back into the temple, his hand clenched around all that he had left of Ahsoka. His heart felt like someone had thrust a lightsaber through it. Obi-Wan was waiting for him just inside, and when Anakin walked in alone, he looked at him sadly.

"I'm so sorry Anakin," he said. "I know it doesn't help, not now, but I always believed in her."

"You're right, it doesn't," Anakin muttered. He began to stalk off, but Obi-Wan stopped him.

"Listen to me Anakin, I understand what you're going through," Obi-Wan said.

"You!" Anakin laughed harshly. " No offense, Master, but out of all the mistakes I've ever made, at least I never left the order! How can you have any idea what I'm going through!"

"I had a life before you met me, Anakin," Obi-wan said sharply. "I have a past like anybody else, most of which you don't know about." He looked down and added softly, "some of it I hope you never do learn." With that he left. Anakin looked after him puzzled. What had Obi-Wan meant? Anakin walked off, in the opposite direction of his former Master. When there was a question about Obi-Wan's past, there was only one person to go to.

Anakin waited patiently until the door opened. Siri smiled when she saw him.

"Anakin! I just got the news!" Siri said. "I'm so glad your padawan's name has been cleared! It's a shame about Barriss of course, Shaniel went to go speak with Zaina, and I was just on my way to see Luminara, but I can spare a few minutes. Where's Ahsoka?"

It was only then that Siri noticed Anakin's dark, and solemn face.

"What's wrong Anakin?"

Anakin didn't want to tell her, he didn't feel like telling anyone. It would be all over the temple before the end of the night though, so he might as well start getting used to it.

"Ahsoka has decided to leave the order," he said. "She's gone."

"Oh, Anakin, I'm really sorry."

The look in Siri's eyes, one not of pity but of sympathy, of understanding, brought to Anakin's mind a name. Ferus. Ferus Olin, Siri's former apprentice. He had left the order shortly before he would have taken the trials.

"Come in, do you want something warm to drink? Tea?" Something in Anakin's face answered the question. "Nope, you need something stronger. Caf it is then."

Anakin followed Siri into the apartment, and collapsed onto the couch while Siri hurried to prepare a pot of caf. When it was done, she prepared two cups and sat down beside him. Anakin curled his hands around the steaming sup, letting the warmth seep through his fingers and relax him. Siri waited patiently for him to relax before speaking.

"You have a question for me I assume, something about Obi-Wan?" she prodded.

Anakin took a sip before responding. "How did you guess."

"I know you, and I know Obi-Wan. Now, ask away."

"What happened in Obi-Wan's past that Ahsoka's leaving might have reminded him of?"

Siri blinked, and took just a second to long to reply. "I don't know."

"Yes you do," Anakin insisted. "Please, I argued with him, and said he didn't understand what I was going through. Then he got all quiet. I know there's something. Please tell me."

With a sigh, Siri put her cup down. "It's not really my place to say, no one talks about it anymore, especially now."

"About what?" Siri studied Anakin's face for a moment.

"When Obi-Wan was a padawan, he went on a mission to Melida/Daan. He and Qui-Gon went there to recue Master Tahl. When they got there, they fell in with the children's faction. The children were tired of their parents fighting for reasons no one could really remember, so they were taking a stand. This touched Obi-Wan somehow." Here Siri paused, and looked down at her hands. "When Qui-Gon returned to the temple with Tahl, he came back alone. Obi-Wan had decided to leave the order, and fight alongside the children of Melida/Daan. No one really knew what happened, but Obi-Wan told me once that he and Qui-Gon had actually drawn their lightsabers on each other. Neither had the will to make a move against the other though. Obi-Wan handed over his saber and ran off."

Anakin's breath caught in his throat. Obi-Wan had actually drawn his lightsaber on Qui-Gon? "Then what happened? He obviously came back."

"Of course he did," Siri said. "After the children's government they'd set up broke apart, and his friend was killed in a blaster fight. He called to Qui-Gon for help."

"And Qui-Gon went?"

"He did. Obi-Wan had broken his trust, and to an extent his heart, but he would never abandon Obi-Wan. After it was all resolved there, Obi-Wan returned to the temple. It took a while, but they rebuilt the bond between them, and it was even stronger then before." Anakin stared down at his hands again.

"You think Ahsoka may come back?" he asked.

"I think the reason she left was to discern what the Force has in store for her without some poky council members watching her every step. If the Force leads her back here, then she will return to you Anakin, just give her time." Anakin nodded. Then he stood up.

"I suppose I should go apologize to Obi-Wan," he said sullenly, "again."

"That would be wise," Siri agreed. "He saw what happened to Qui-Gon when he left, I think he's afraid you might react the same way. He doesn't want you to lose the hope that Qui-Gon lost when he left."

"Thank you, Siri," Anakin said as he headed for the door. "For everything."

Anakin paused at the doorway and turned back to Siri. "When Ferus left, did you hope he might come back?"

Siri shook her head. "The situation was different. I had already prepared myself to let go of him, as prepared as I might have been at least. I just didn't think I'd lose him the way I did." Anakin nodded, and left to find Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan was sitting in the room of a thousand fountains, breathing in the fragrant and calming air. Yoda had said it himself when Anakin took Ahsoka as a padawan. Anakin was ready for it, but he wasn't ready to let go. He had never dreamed that Anakin would have been forced to let go this way. He wondered if Yoda had. There were footsteps coming up the path toward him, and he knew without looking who it was. Anakin stood to his side, silent for a moment.

"I'm sorry, Master," he said. "My actions were uncalled for."

Obi-wan was silent. Anakin knew. He could tell.

"Siri told you," he said.

"She didn't want to, I convinced her."

Obi-Wan sighed and motioned to the empty seat beside him. Anakin took it, studying Obi-Wan's face.

"I didn't want you to know because I didn't want you to get your hopes up," Obi-Wan explained. "If Qui-Gon hadn't forgiven me, and taken me back, I would never have returned to the order. Each situation is different, there are no guarantees. Jedi will leave, and some may never return."

"But the order is Ahsoka's life," Anakin insisted. "She will return, she has too. I can't see her doing anything else."

"Possibly," Obi-Wan agreed, "but her faith in us has been shaken, Anakin; and even if she does come back, the council will have to agree to let her return."

Anakin bowed his head. He would not give up hope. He would never give up hope that Ahsoka would come back.

TBC

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