Journal Entry 99

I can still recall a time before the time of my awareness regarding the boy next door, but honestly, what purpose would that serve? Such events before him, minus my entry into this world, were rather meaningless. Not that anything after him became remarkably memorable, but, from time to time, things did get a bit more...interesting.

A pit of vulgar vomit crusted obscenities of the utmost kind, that Billy what's-his-name…

My neighbor, and best friend.

A naive fool incapable of true darkness, a lost mind, but a soul most pure.

A most curious case, as the moron can barely feed himself, never mind change the world, and yet, I find myself drawn to his kinetic energy, and only recently have I been aware. For years the boy has frolicked in this world, intertwining me in his song and dance of life. A vessel of positive energy, impulsive motivation, and relentless loyalty.

Grim seemed completely baffled at our genuine friendship during his first days. Now he's simply accustomed to it, I suppose. But even in those empty sockets lies an abyss of confusion...the unsolved enigma that he often tries (and fails) to solve. The top tier question printed on the peak of Everest...One that only recently, I've come to question myself.

Why?

What links brains to a lack there of?

Scientifically, the laws would bind us as polar opposites, unable to fight against their attraction. And as cliché as the standards hold, I've spent some time thinking on this. I have seen multiple outcomes for my potential future. I have witnessed power, domination, riches, wrath. I've also seen a weak overweight bimbo that could have only crawled out from the darkest of nightmares. I have seen immortality. I've seen a void where only I exist.

Untapped potential, and my current life choices vastly affect each out turn. It is why I decided to write these entries...keeping tabs on any and all life altering events. My future depends on it.

And what kind of future do I see for myself?

At the moment, I have goals. Upon achieving said goals, only then will I be able to dictate any future plans from there on. But certain rules must always be followed. I can't be too careful. I wasn't born with this brain for nothing.

Unlike Billy.

And the cycle is eternal.

Why?

What benefit do I gain from lingering around such a neanderthal? With a bit of observation and final analysis, I've come to understand one solid unwavering fact.

Billy needs me.

Like air to lungs and mud to pigs, the boy next door requires something of mine that he absolutely lacks. My logic has kept him alive longer than Grim cares to admit. The advice I offer him, though he ignores it ninety eight percent of the time, allows him to function in society...allows him to blend in. It isn't entirely his own fault, as his poor genetics had a hardball hand in it. Like his father before him, Billy's genetic makeup requires a special kind of handling...a stabilizing ingredient that had once served Harold for most of his young life until the torch was passed to a willing, obsessive compulsive Gladys. Always someone to keep the reigns, least they destroy the city by their own naivete. A chaotic stew of absolute desolation, should someone rub him the wrong way.

Spiders and clowns, beware.

But for most of that boob's life, he has managed to ignore the obvious...allowed his heart to swell...and opened it to every and all. A fool's move, really. The world is out to hurt you, and the only way to succeed is to hurt it first, and hurt it bad. But Billy doesn't function that way. He can't function that way. It's against his inner nature.

I am a girl of simple wants.

What I want, I aim for, and what I want, I will get.

But absolute happiness is something I can neither fathom, nor obtain.

According to my research, I've found few answers to dissect my current curiosities. Happiness is not of the paranormal realm. It is misleading, deceitful, proud: all qualities I can respect. I would not have believed in such a concept had I not witnessed it ten years and counting, and genuinely so. The happiness that radiates his very person, the light that fills his eyes, the eruption of pure joy whenever his chest vibrates with that obnoxious laugh of his. The fascination that possesses him upon witnessing something new, the adoration that encompasses him whenever he interacts with Grim.

Grim, a friendship of a binding contract, forced and contained, and Billy still finds the ability to bestow a slew of emotions on the bonehead, and not one of them foul. He throws around the word "love" with attested significance behind it, as if the very definition weren't willing to stab him straight in the chest. He knows no bounds to his emotional overflow...Billy experiences them all at the same time. It's grotesque, befuddling, and absolute.

The rarity that could possibly haunt the corners of my lips has often brushed off with gas or a passing thought. As hard and as hard as I might, it is nearly impossible for me to experience what Billy does on a daily basis. His dreams have more access to that key than I ever will, and I've spent a night or ten pondering on such things. Billy, that moronic dweeb, has something I will never obtain.

It is intangible.

It is pure.

And once, twice, or for ten years counting, it has been expressed towards me.

A relentless loyalty. A desire to truly be my friend. And the one action my body cannot seem to compose, for the universe would truly cave in on itself if I were to try.

To...smile.

The common expression to seal all expressions. Unmistakable. Infallible. Flawless.

An incomprehensible equation for the most brilliant of minds, and yet, that moron managed to crack the code a few minutes after birth with a bit of gas. I've spent a thought or two on the topic, my knuckles tainting white, bones cracking within my skin. Billy, a brainless nitwit, and yet, the uncouth mastermind behind the perception of happiness. I doubt he even owns a single cell in that empty attic to muster an explanation for said conundrum. A conundrum for me, anyway. But I've often believed the human race was a species of liars, faking their own happiness to appease themselves in the face of others. The rotten representations of mankind itself.

But Billy doesn't fall into that category.

I can see fools for what they are, and believe me, Billy is a fool.

But he's a genuine fool. One of ignorance and vacancy. Not by his own choice, but by happenstance.

And the absence of logic has granted him the ability to see the light, as it were. Billy does not think. He reacts. And by his reactions, one can only expect the predictable unpredictable situations he will get himself into. Entertaining on occasion, but that is not the only purpose he serves.

As I said before, I am a simple girl of simple wants.

But try as I might, there is an impossibility in my future. Happiness is, and will always be out of my grasp. I have tasted riches before. A convenient lifestyle eases the quality of life, but like anything else, such things can be accustomed to. Power is satisfying, and I would expect no less. With power comes order. I approve of both. But no matter how hard I try, work, or plan, I will never be able to own an ounce of the happiness Billy contains in his soul. It is self administered. Personal. And illusive.

And so, if I cannot own happiness, I will have the next best thing.

Billy's light has either betrayed him in this lifetime or given him free will to choose. So far, he has chosen me. I've never had the urge to become a best friend, but this was something forced onto me by the boy himself. And with my years of observation, calculations, and notes, I've finally found the reason...the why.

Billy had accepted me long before I accepted him. I am to be myself, like no other before me, or ever will be again. And I proudly take this challenge, as I'm not one to ever back down from one. I will not let him down. I am Mandy, and I never lose.

The pen gently clacked against the desk, the young girl's eyes drifting along her own tight writing with a lazy nod before her door swung open in a jolt, slamming shut as soon as done.

"Hiya, Mandy! Whatcha doin'?"

Eyes never leaving her book, she lightly capped the tip of her pink feathered pen, gently tucking it back into the slot whence it came, "Just adding another entry into my log." she replied monotonously, indifferent to his sudden arrival, or volume in which he chose. The boy's sneakers thudded against her carpet, the muffled thumps ending once his grubby fingers latched on to the back of her chair, lifting himself a bit up and over her carefully tended hair. His tiptoes wavered a bit as he squinted down, head tilting, "I CAN still re-call a time before–"

The leather book slammed, nearly catching his nose in the process.

Shoving her chair our into his gut, she managed to knock him flat on his back as she brushed the cover off, "This isn't meant for the eyes of man, you boob. Besides, I had Grim put a spell on it. Anyone besides me who reads any page in this book will be eternally cursed." she noted flatly, tucking it under her arm, but Billy popped to his knees, swiping the journal from her grip and rolled away, leaping onto her chair, "Oh, peshaw! Eternally cursed is my middle name-ah! So whatcha writin' in your girly diary, Mandy? Mm? Mm?" he teased, wiggling the book above her with an arched brow. She could always punch the smug grin off his face, but mental distortion was always so much more satisfying.

She shrugged casually, "The usual. But it's your call. Might wanna think about that curse though...you'll be hatching spider eggs in your belly and they'll crawl out of your mouth and nose for all eternity."

Any ounce of excitement within the boy's soul sucked right into the floor, face paling as he stared at the leather book flailing its pages slower and slower with his weakened hand. His eyes scrunched shut, should he become victim for simply looking at the corner pages.

"Is that what you want?"

The book flung her way, and he shrunk behind the backing of the chair, pulling on his cap, "No!" he squeaked, voice nearly wheezed.

Snapping the binding shut, the blond child casually marched toward her closet where a small safe lay on her floor and rested the book within, spinning the dial shut. Another realization, another entry. Thus was her life in Endsville.

Brushing herself off, Mandy tucked her arms behind her, shoulders squared.

"So, Billy, what's on the agenda today?"

Knees snapping in place as he stretched on her chair, the boy jumped up and down, color returning with his earnest grin, "Oh! Oh! Double Dutch! Double Dutch!" In his excitement, he nearly broke the backing off her chair.

Eyes widening for a moment, the girl pondered the option, "...Double Dutch?"

"Yea-yea-yea-yea-yea! I can practice my new dance moves and make my daddy proud! Jump, one, two! Jump, yehow!" He spun off the seat, landing in his intended break dance pose before settling into a skip over to her enthused veneer. "We can have Grim spin the ropes!"

Her brows lowered in thought, "You need two people to spin the ropes."

His thumb ran along his lip, "Hmm….well! We can always call Irw–"

Shoving his nose from her view, Mandy took lead toward her door, "Actually, Grim's scythe would be a perfect post to tie the ropes to. We don't need anyone else. Just you, me–"

" –And Grim!" the boy reminded, as if she needed reminding. He stepped in stride alongside her, arms swinging proudly with enthusiasm, and she glanced his way for but a moment.

"Yes, Billy. You, me, and Grim. Just like how it's supposed to be."

The boy chuckled, arms flinging above, "Yay! Full on friendship!"

Her dilated eyes pulled away from the massive smile, narrowing with an approving nod. The only kind she would ever donate to the likes of him, and him alone.


Author's Note: When I say I wrote this ages ago, I mean literal years. I ended up watching a few episodes recently and recalled I had written something for this category. Had to find it and I managed to locate it on a single hard drive out of a few I had. Glad I managed to save it.