A/N: My life has calmed down slightly since October, much faster than I anticipated! The hiatus has turned into will-post-when-I-get-a-chance. Instead of polishing an entire chapter in one sitting, I'm doing small sections when I have a spare moment. Because of this, there will be a lengthy amount of time between chapters so I'm sorry in advance. But, for those of you who have been patiently waiting, I'm pleased to present: King Tut vs Mr. Freeze! :)
As usual, Batman and Robin are loosely based off the 1960s TV show but go back and forth between genres and are sometimes completely out of any characterization. I write it the way it enters my head, which is not always "historically" accurate. Italics usually represent thoughts to oneself but are sometimes used to add emphasis. Thanks for reading!
Chapter 1:
"Riddle me this, my clueless companions," Riddler began and everyone grumbled.
"Shut up, you bizarre buffoon!" shouted the Mad Hatter. Riddler shot him a scathing look then glanced around the table. The other four villains were glaring at him so the green-clad man scowled and finished the riddle under his breath then giggled maniacally at his own wit.
"Calm yourselves, my loyal subjects!" King Tut commanded, raising both hands for silence. This time everyone rolled their eyes.
"I am the Clown Prince of Crime and subject to nobody!" Joker exclaimed, irritated with King Tut's continual posturing.
"This is ridiculous," growled Mr. Freeze. "Is anybody going to actually play or are we all just going to sit around and insult each other? The grand prize is important to me and if you continue to grumble I will declare myself the winner by forfeit!"
The talking stopped and the glares were now focused on the cold eyes of the man in the helmet. Silence reigned for thirty seconds as the villains began glancing around the table.
"That prize will be mine!" both Joker and Riddler yelled at the same time. The evil chuckling from Joker and high-pitched giggles from Riddler were contagious and soon the rest of the villains joined in the laughter.
"But what is the grand prize?" the lilting, feminine voice of the beautiful blonde inquired as she began placing each villain's favorite dessert in front of him.
"Ah, the prize," mused King Tut. "The winner of this delightful card game will have the chance to take out the Dynamic Duo! How fitting that this game is called 'Egyptian Rat Killer' since I am the one who is about to win." A royal grin lit up his face as he imagined what he would do to Batman after capturing him.
"You distracting damsel!" Riddler suddenly cried. "I'm out," he muttered with a frown.
"Oh, boohoo," whined Joker less than ten seconds later. "I'm out, too."
"This is preposterous," snarled the Mad Hatter as his last card was taken by Mr. Freeze.
Mr. Freeze glared across the table. It was true; King Tut was about to win and there was no way to cheat. An idea popped into his mind and he grinned.
"What if," the man addressed the so-called king, "we combine resources? It will be easier to capture them if two minds are working together to form a fool-proof plan."
"Tsk, tsk, frozen felon," replied King Tut. "I don't work with anyone, especially a man who has to keep his body temperature at fifty degrees below zero. However…"
There was a long pause and the other four villains stared at the man, curiosity filling their eyes.
"I have no use for the Bat-brat," the king continued arrogantly. "If they are together when I ensnare the Caped Crusader, you may have the boy."
Mr. Freeze stared at King Tut incredulously. The royal prat was an idiot if he thought that the strongest villain here would be satisfied with capturing Robin!
"You think I would want the kid?!" Mr. Freeze exclaimed. "You really are a fool!" he snarled scornfully.
"I'll take him!" Joker immediately shouted and Mr. Freeze instantly changed his mind. There was no way that ridiculous clown was going to take his half of the Dynamic Duo!
"Fine, I agree," Mr. Freeze growled. He threw his cards on the table and King Tut was declared the winner.
"If you'll excuse me, subjects," King Tut smiled regally, "I must leave you in order to craft a royally perfect plan."
He stood up and frowned when nobody else rose to acknowledge his departure. Shaking his head in dissatisfaction, King Tut turned around and strolled out the door.
The next day – Mr. Freeze's arctic hideout:
"Frosty, Chilly, get in here!" Mr. Freeze commanded. His bumbling henchmen came running around the corner and slipped on the icy ground, landing in a heap at the villain's feet.
"Idiots," the man grumbled as he stepped away from the pile of flesh. The two men lay shivering in the cold air and Mr. Freeze walked over to his dinner table. Grabbing the remote that controlled the temperature, the villain enlarged the area of warmth and his goons quickly recovered enough to stand up.
They just stood there, staring blankly at him while rubbing the feeling back into their arms. Mr. Freeze rolled his eyes and shook his head. It was so difficult to find good henchmen these days. There were too many famous villains and not enough intelligent goons.
"I have the perfect idea," Mr. Freeze declared. He waited for a reply and, when none came, sighed loudly. "Don't you want to hear it?!" the man demanded. The other two men slowly nodded and the villain grinned.
"So, we know that the professor-turned-villain won the game and the right to attack the Dynamic Duo." He paused for a reaction then yelled, "Right?!"
The two men nodded again and Mr. Freeze attempted to find a simple way to describe his plan. It was obvious that these two would need slow, uncomplicated explanations.
"We will offer King Tut something he cannot refuse; force him to participate in another competition. Then, when I win that contest, I will have both members of the Caped Crusaders and the ability to play them against each other!"
The villain laughed loudly and was surprised when two pairs of green eyes lit up and the henchmen began chuckling.
"But what are we going to offer him, Boss?" the shorter of the two goons asked.
"That, Frosty, is an excellent question. I have finally finished my anti-hero freeze ray!"
There was complete silence and the henchmen just stared at the villain again. Their mouths were slack and their eyes were full of questions.
Sighing again, Mr. Freeze began to explain. "I will use the weapon on both members of the Dynamic Duo. Its power will turn them into villains. Then they will be forced to fight each other and I will make sure it is a fight to the death!"
"Will it last forever?" Chilly asked and the whitened eyebrows of the villain rose in surprise. Another good question!
"No, not yet," he responded. "That part still needs to be worked out. However, the person who wins the fight will be so distraught that it will be easy to convince him that he is no longer a hero. Obviously, that person will be Batman."
"So, uh, how are you going to get that king guy to let you have the Dynamic Duo?" Frosty inquired.
Grinning, Mr. Freeze replied, "I will offer him my ingenious anti-hero freeze ray. There is no way he, or anyone for that matter, would turn down something like that! But, he will have to compete against me in order to get it. I don't quite know what the competition should be…" the villain trailed off thoughtfully. Walking away from his henchmen, he began focusing on setting up a contest that he would be able to easily win.
King Tut's mobile palace:
"Why, my subservient servants, can I not think of a perfect plan to capture the Bat and his brat?" King Tut lamented as he lay against the satin cushions of his lounge chair. Nobody responded and the villain rolled his eyes.
"Why must I have such loyal yet foolish servants?" he grumbled in displeasure. A ringing sound came from behind him and he covered his ears.
"What is that infernal noise?" he shouted. It immediately stopped and fifteen seconds later one of his henchmen stepped around the sheer curtain that separated the living area from his royal bedroom.
"Your Majesty," the man began, "there is a Mr. Freeze on the phone. He said he would only talk to you. What shall I tell him, your kingliness?"
"Bring me the phone, you silly slave!" King Tut cried and the receiver was soon in the flabby flesh of his right hand.
"Speak now, villain, or face my wrath," King Tut growled into the phone, irritated with the interruption.
"I have another proposal," came the calm, icy voice of Mr. Freeze.
Rolling his eyes, the larger man asked, "What is it this time? I'm not giving you Batman and now I'm thinking about not even giving you his sidekick!"
"But wait!" cried Mr. Freeze. "I have something you might desire to use against the Dynamic Duo."
"Tell me," King Tut demanded and listened carefully as Mr. Freeze explained his anti-hero freeze ray and how it worked. The villain's eyes lit up – he could force Batman to join him in his felonious exploits and the Bat-brat would be gone forever!
"I'll take it!" King Tut declared.
"Not so fast, Professor," Mr. Freeze replied. "You must first win a competition."
Growling again, the faux King of Egypt stated, "I already won a competition. Are you saying that I must face you again in order to have your innovative weapon? Ridiculous."
The last word was muttered but the wheels in King Tut's brain were rapidly turning. He wanted – no, needed – that weapon and if he had to win another contest then so be it.
"What do you have in mind?" King Tut inquired.
"A chase!" the other villain stated confidently. "Whoever catches them first wins both the heroes and the anti-hero freeze ray!"
"What if only one is captured? Am I just supposed to let him go and try again?" The large man's words were laced with sarcasm and he rolled his eyes.
"Hmmm, I didn't think of that," Mr. Freeze admitted. The phone was silent as both men attempted to figure out a solution.
"I've got it!" the frozen felon announced loudly. "You cannot use one as bait to trap the other. They must be captured together or the anti-hero ray is forfeit and will be destroyed. If you do catch only one, do with him what you will but without the weapon."
"How do I know you will keep your word about said weapon when I win?" King Tut demanded. "After all, you are a villain and I do not trust you."
"We will both leave a henchman in a secure facility with the anti-hero freeze ray. That way, the villain who wins will have a man to bring it to him."
Mr. Freeze waited impatiently as King Tut thought about that. Both mentally decided to send their strongest goon to ensure a successful outcome when the villain who won was ready for the weapon.
"I agree," King Tut said regally. "I will send a man to warehouse number seven on Juniper Street tonight. The chase begins tomorrow at sunrise!" he declared and hung up the phone. Now he really needed a good plan, and fast.
"Three, go to the warehouse and don't let that anti-hero freeze ray out of your sight!" the villain commanded and the muscular henchman bowed before racing out the door.
Mr. Freeze, meanwhile, packed up his newest invention and gave it to Frigid, his largest man. "Get to the warehouse and keep it next to you. Do not, under any circumstances, allow King Tut's goon to take it away from you. Understand?" he demanded. The man nodded, clutched the important weapon to his chest and took off.
"Destroyed?" Chilly asked, confused that his boss would wreck something he had just completed.
"I have another prototype," Mr. Freeze stated with a shrug. "It's not even close to being ready but it will at least force them to have a small argument. Disagreements can turn into fights, even between a crime-fighter and his sidekick. But, I'm going to capture both of them anyway so that question is moot."
Frosty glanced at Chilly and muttered, "Idiot."
You're both idiots.
Mr. Freeze rolled his eyes and left the room.
The Batcave:
Batman was in the Portable Freezing Chamber, shivering as the temperature reached ten degrees. Fourteen-year-old Robin was standing next to the door, alternating between yelling out the numbers and words of encouragement.
"Ten degrees, Batman! Just a little longer! Down to five, now. You're almost there! Three, keep breathing, two, you got this, one, hang on, zero!"
The Boy Wonder flung the door open and a nearly frozen Batman tumbled out of the icy box.
"You did it! Zero degrees!"
"Nnnn…ot c…c…cold enough, ol' chum," the Caped Crusader stuttered through his chattering teeth. "Mr. Ffffreeeze has to…to stay at fif..fifty below zzzzero."
Alfred draped a blanket over the man's shoulders as Robin began rubbing his partner's freezing arms. The numbness in his body began to fade and eventually the shivering stopped.
"But how do you know if you can survive fifty below when the Portable Freezing Chamber only goes to zero?!" Robin exclaimed.
"From what I experienced in there," Batman replied as he looked back at the chamber, "I wouldn't even be able to survive zero for an extended amount of time. Not even with my Special Thermal V Long Underwear and my anti-freeze Bat-suit. It's a good thing we are testing equipment during this unusual break from criminal activity."
Shaking his head, the Caped Crusader walked away from the Boy Wonder and headed for the Bat-changing area. Robin watched him leave, discouragement written all over his young face.
"Holy human popsicles, Alfred," he whispered. "If we can't find some way to combat the temperature then we'll be dead before we even begin to fight!"
"An excellent observation, young sir," Alfred replied solemnly.
"Robin, please check the State Pen Occupancy Report," Batman suddenly stated as he exited the Bat-changing area. "I have an odd feeling."
Robin heard the slightly concerned tone of his partner's voice and immediately went to the machine.
The Boy Wonder flicked and twisted and pushed all the correct knobs as Batman strode over. Three seconds later a card slid out of the exit slot. Picking it up, the man glanced at it then handed it to Robin.
"It's just as I thought," he murmured.
"Holy jail break, Batman!" Robin exclaimed. "Riddler, Joker, King Tut, Mad Hatter and Mr. Freeze!"
"Yes," Batman replied. "What an interesting group of villains. Could they be working together? Too many egos, though," he mused softly.
The Caped Crusader began pacing around the Batcave, deep in thought.
BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.
Alfred was right next to the Batphone but Batman was almost there.
"Yes, Commissioner?"
"Batman, I have terrible news," the commissioner began.
"Five villains have escaped from the penitentiary and are probably currently on their way to Gotham City," Batman quickly stated.
Commissioner Gordon was speechless. How did Batman know that already? He, the commissioner of the Gotham City Police Department, had just found out two minutes ago!
"Commissioner, are you there?"
The Caped Crusader's voice snapped the commissioner out of his stupor.
"Yes, I'm sorry, Batman. I shouldn't be surprised that you already know. We haven't seen any of them or heard of any abnormal activities. I was just going to make you aware of the situation but, as usual, you are on top of it. Thank you, Batman."
The Batphone receiver in Batman's right hand paused in mid-air. He heard the 'click' on Commissioner Gordon's end but was too focused for it to register. Could those five particular villains actually be working together? Maybe it was a complete coincidence.
The receiver was suddenly pulled gently from his hand and replaced on its holder. Batman opened his deep-blue eyes that had automatically closed in concentration. Alfred was walking toward the Well-Known Criminals File and Robin was already at the Current Criminal Activity Bat-disclosure Unit. The machine was whirring away and the Boy Wonder had his hands on his hips with impatience strolling through his eyes.
Ding. Robin grabbed the card and raised his eyebrows skeptically.
"What is it, old chum?" Batman asked as he walked over to join his partner.
"It says 'Egyptian Rat Killer'. That's it, there's nothing else!"
"Egyptian Rat Killer? I've heard that phrase before. But where…" Batman trailed off as he began searching his mind for the elusive memory.
Suddenly Robin snapped his fingers. "I've got it!" he exclaimed. "Remember that summer camp I went to last year?"
The teenager shook his head in exasperation. That question was rather foolish; of course Batman would remember that particular experience.
"Robin."
Batman filled the short silence and the Boy Wonder was pulled back on track.
"It's a card game! There was a group of three or four kids that always wanted to play 'Egyptian Rat Killer' when we had free time!"
"That's it!" Batman declared. "How, exactly, is this game played? What are the rules, how does one win?"
Shaking his head again, Robin replied, "I never learned to play it because there were so many other, better things to do. Sorry."
"No need to apologize, old chum, I'm not surprised. Now, where would five villains go to play a card game? And what an odd combination of villains. I could see Joker and Riddler working together but King Tut, Mr. Freeze and the Mad Hatter?"
"It's a mystery to me, Batman. And why is it just a card game? How would they come up with a plan by playing cards?"
"I'm not sure, Robin, but it's a mystery we must solve."
"Maybe they just wanted to play cards. Maybe they aren't planning anything. Maybe they're starting a club for villains who escape from the State Pen."
The last sentence was followed by a youthful grin and Batman almost rolled his eyes in amusement. The man folded his arms across his chest and shook his head.
"I don't think you're on the right track, Robin. When have any of those villains come to Gotham City without at least a partial plan for some crooked scheme?"
"You're right," the Boy Wonder replied, unconsciously imitating his partner's actions.
Silence reigned as both crime-fighters attempted to figure out why a group of five cunning criminals would get together to play a card game.
"A competition," Batman finally murmured. "They wouldn't play for fun; there must be a prize. But what prize could be that important? There are no new exhibits opening at any museums or galleries, no famous jewels being displayed, no prominent people coming to town."
Batman paused when he heard a tiny gasp. He looked over at his partner and was surprised to see wide eyes full of pride and surrounded by small dots of concern.
"You have an idea, chum?"
"Us," Robin declared. "Every villain wants to defeat us, right? That's something they all have in common!"
Smiling slightly, Batman stated, "That's true but we are plain, ordinary crime-fighters. I hardly think that we could be considered worthy to be a prize. Remember, Robin, pride comes before a fall."
"Gosh, yes, Batman," the teenager acknowledged the wisdom with a nod of his head.
Ding. Another card dropped out of the exit slot in the Current Criminal Activity Bat-disclosure Unit. Robin picked it up and this time his eyes widened in astonishment.
"Holy disappearing act, Batman! Joker, Riddler and Mad Hatter just left the Gotham City limits!" he exclaimed.
"They left?!" Batman responded incredulously. "Why would those three leave without taunting us or committing any sort of crime? Besides the fact that they escaped from the penitentiary, of course."
"Another mystery to solve," Robin stated.
"Hmmm," Batman agreed. "But the more important one is regarding the two that are still in our fair city: King Tut and Mr. Freeze."
"A dastardly duo, Master Batman, if they are working together," Alfred commented.
"Indeed," the Caped Crusader murmured in agreement.
