1. Just Shut Up Already

I don't know about you, but I feel really dumb about writing this. You see, when you're like me, everything in life is completely clear. Nothing is ever vague. It's always crystal clear. It's sort of like a, you say, "jump," I say, "how high" kind of thing. Don't worry if you aren't following me. Nobody does. So that's nothing new.

Number two on my list of obvious abilities that I don't want to be talking about is my humanity. Take one look at me, and you'll know that I'm not real. Hey, it's a hard knock life, right? Right.

For those of you out there who are shaking your heads right now, wondering if I'll ever stop being this mysterious, the answer to that question is no. I'm not going to stop being mysterious because I think it's kind of funny. Hah! I'll bet you just grimaced, didn't you? Yep. It's all CRYSTAL clear.

Now, to save myself all the time of describing unnecessary events, a bear just attacked me. A BIG bear. Right, so I'm heading south along the highway and this girl just pops up outa nowhere. It's like one minute the road's all deserted and creepy and the next, she's there.

Now, she wasn't a bad-looking girl: kind of cute maybe. A little short for me, but cute. Her hair was pretty cool. I wondered how she did that: got her hair all streaked blonde without it looking too fake. Okay, okay. I know my grammar's kind of on the suckish side, but hey! I've got way better things to do than go around with a grammar book in my survival pack.

Oh yeah, there's something I forgot to mention. I'm half wolf. I won't waste time with all those schmancy metaphors that your teachers would probably drool all over. I've been wolf since I was thirteen. It's probably something to do with puberty I'm sure.

So anyway, this girl is just walking down the side of the highway, I've just been attacked by some wacko combination of Yogi and Booboo Bear, and to top it all off, there's now a semi rattling down the road right in the girl's direction. Get all that? Yeah, me neither.

So I couldn't just let the semi crush her, right? I took two giant bounds and rammed her off the road, perhaps a little too forcefully. Remember that bear I was talking about just a second ago? Well get this: I landed right on the elephant size wound he gave me. Take that, karma.

So I was howling in pain (oh yeah, I was in wolf form) and pinning this girl to the sidewalk. She looked uncomfortable so I let her go and licked at my wound. I'm a wolf! I can't help what instinct tells me. Plus, a dog's mouth is WAY cleaner than a human's. Proven fact.

Let's all take a few seconds to let those of you with weak stomachs go barf your guts out.

Okay. We good? Good.

Now I don't know what the girl's problem was, but she just looked at me like I was Lois Lane and I'd just saved Superman's life, thus harming his ego tremendously. She seemed to gather the fact that I was a wolf and I think she let it go. I'm not sure. I really don't get girls.

She muttered to herself, "Wolves are said to be smart anyway." Probably trying to fix her oh so damaged ego. In fact, that's exactly what she was doing.

Kay, so here's the thing. When you're part wolf, like me, you can kind of sense other people's thoughts or emotions. It's complicated. I can't read their exact thoughts or even get back history, but I can you know, tell when they're lying or know their intentions/emotions. This all goes back to the crystal clear thing.

I know what you're thinking, and no, I'm not psychic. That would be totally awesome, but I'm not really psychic.

Back to reality.

The girl gathered up her things, which looked like they'd been run over by, well, a semi, and stood up. She leaned down again and looked into my eyes. "Oh my God, I can't believe I'm asking this of a wolf, but are you all right?"

Startled, I let my eyes widen, forgetting that a wolf wouldn't usually have that sort of reaction. "You're not, are you?" she whispered, stroking behind my ear. God that felt good.

Okay, this was getting creepy. No one was ever able to see through my pretences, wolf or not. It was simply unheard of, unlikely, and impossible. Okay, maybe not impossible, but you get my point right? It was a new thing for me.

She looked at me and I wondered if she was half expecting an answer. Of course not. Her thoughts said otherwise. She was too self-righteous to think that. Or at least she was trying to be.

She smiled slightly, catching me off-guard. I wondered if she was possibly schizophrenic. Then she reached back and scratched behind my ears again. Regrettably, I think my eyes rolled back in my head slightly. It just felt so good… one of the few downsides to being half wolf.

"I've always loved animals. My grandpa was a zookeeper," she said quietly. Her voice sounded almost wistful. "My grandpa's dead of course." Ah. So that's what it was. Her thoughts suddenly made sense. And no, I'm not going to tell you why until absolutely necessary.

I'm not even sure what compelled me to do so, but I put my head in her lap and nuzzled her. Don't worry, I felt embarrassed, after I'd already done it. To my surprise, she giggled and then began rubbing circles absently on my back.

"You're so soft," she marveled and then placed her cheek against my fur. She then turned and inhaled my scent. Oh brother. If I'd been human, I'm not sure how I would have reacted.

I don't think through half of the decisions I make, but I knew right away that the one I was about to make was a bad one. About two seconds afterward.

I sort of acted on impulse, you know? I never really stopped to think about what I was doing. I just sort of stood up, (or stood up as best you can on four legs) and just sort of…morphed.

Now morphing isn't as weird as it sounds. It's not like in movies where there's like a whole process and they show the hair growing out through your arms. It's really just sort of a flash of light and then BAM! You're morphed. The first time's always the hardest, but after that? Not so much.

So I stood there and the girl watched the soft but sudden burst of light and then I was there. In human form.

She gasped and staggered back a few steps. It wouldn't take a moron more than three seconds to realize that she was taken aback. I watched warily, realizing suddenly how stupid I was. Why couldn't I just be smart for a change? Why couldn't I be normal?

She looked at me, her eyes like daggers. She was not happy at all. I could tell that it was because she had confided something she wouldn't normally have admitted to anyone else. She had confessed a weakness.

Now I know some of you are like me and think that her worries are totally stupid and unjustified, but put yourself in her shoes. To her, admitting weakness was like admitting that you'd been lying about liking chocolate ice cream to your chocoholic best friend. Or something like that.

And of course I felt bad. I may be part wolf, I may be full of myself, but even I wouldn't stoop that low. Though I knew someone who would. (No I'm not going to tell you who it is until I feel like it)

"Um…hi," I stuttered, trying to sound sure of myself and apologetic at the same time, which let me tell you is not half as easy as it sounds.

"Hello," she replied and her voice was so cold that it almost sent shivers down my spine.

"So…your grandpa died, huh?" I mentally smacked myself for saying that one. Why couldn't I just shut up already?

"Yeah, what's it to you?"

"Well, I wanted to…you know…make you feel better about it. I know what it's like to lose someone you love." And in fact I did. My dad had died in a plane crash back when I was in eighth grade. Now here I was, almost sixteen and I still couldn't shake the feeling of sorrow that washed over me whenever I heard his name. It was like a hole had ripped a place where my heart had once been and only left enough of it beating to love my mom and keep me alive. From what her emotions were telling me, she felt the same way too.

"I don't need anyone's help," she replied icily and I bent my head in shame.

"I know, but I just wanted to make sure. Be a good Samaritan and all."

"Did I look like I needed anything at all to you?"

"Yeah, actually, you did," I shot back. Now I was pissed.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" she asked like a silver-tongued rapier.

"Well, I could've just let that truck crush you. That would have been just perfect, don't you think?"

She glared at me, her eyes full of sheer hatred. If looks could kill.

"This conversation is over," she said, again spitting daggers.

"That's funny, I was under the impression that it had never begun," I spit back. The thing about me is that since I can read minds, I usually hit below the belt with my comebacks. This wasn't particularly my best one, but she was definitely offended. And that was that I needed to make my brilliant exit. I turned my back to her and stalked off into the forest without one look back.

I was so pleased with myself that I half wanted to turn back and give her my best evil laugh.