Disclaimer: I wrote it but credit goes to JK Rowling and Monty Python
It was late afternoon by the time the cart made it to the shrieking shack. Fittingly, the cart was pulled by two threstrals, both of which many who remained at Hogwarts after the final battle could now see. Two Ministry officials had the gruesome task of hoisting the bodies onto the cart so that they could be returned to family and properly buried.
The cart halted just outside the shack and waited as Minerva McGonagall maneuvered the floating corpse of Severus Snape out the door. As she motioned his body toward the cart the supposed corpse opened his eyes and spoke.
"Wait, Minerva, I'm not dead."
"Yes you are, Severus. Now into the cart with you."
"But I'm not dead, I feel fine," replied the man with the gaping snake bite in his neck.
"No you don't."
"Here now," said one of the officials, "We can't take him if he's not dead."
"He will be in a few minutes," replied Minerva confidently.
"In fact," continued Snape as he tried in vain to return to the ground, "I think I'll take a walk."
The Ministry officials watched as he twisted and flailed in an effectless attempt to remove himself from the floating spell.
"He looks pretty alive to me," one of them said uncertainly.
"He's very close to death," Minerva insisted.
"Look, we can only take them when they're really dead."
"Severus," said Minerva, turning to her colleague, "You have to di in order to tie up loose ends in book 7. It's far too messy and complex if you remain alive."
"But I'm fine. Look," and upon saying that Severus Snape did a lively jig in mid-air.
"Severus, you are dead."
"No, I'm-"
"Avada Kedavra."
Minerva and the Ministry officials watched as Snape's body crumpled to the ground.
"Now he's dead."
