Title: "In My Life"

Pairing: Tohma/Ryuichi

Rating: R for drug usage, language and content.

Summary: After Tohma's marriage fails combined with the stress of his job he seeks comfort in drugs. Things seem hopeless, but with Ryuichi's help perhaps he can overcome his own addiction.

Disclaimor: I don't own any of these characters so you don't sue.

A/N: I hope you all can look past the fact that this story is out of the ordinary. I promise there will be proper buildup and reasoning behind the controversial nature of the story. This story could not have been written without Kit's Ryuichi influence.

"In My Life"

By: make me shiny

Prologue

After the first hit. The first feel of it. I was hooked.

It was the only thing that took away the stress and pain of my job and of my failed marriage. I know now that it was the worst thing for me. He was right all along. In his innocence, he was always right. Ryuichi. I can't even count all of the times he asked me to stop. I would always brush his request aside. I didn't care what it was doing to me or to my body. All I cared about was my next fix. Looking back on it all, it seems so uncharacteristic of me. However, back then, nothing felt more right. Through those full three years, I always thought that I was in control, when in reality it controlled me. He saw that. He noted it and never failed to point it out. I wish I had listened to him. I wish that I could take all of the pain that I caused him in those years back.

It was my life. That was what I kept telling him. But it was his life I was messing with too. It wasn't until he showed me exactly how pathetic I was being that I realized my fault. His voice in those few minutes was what I needed to break me from the spell that the drug held me in. I was like its prisoner: caged and captive. I was a slave to its will. He set me free. I can still hear his song. I can still feel it coursing through my veins. His song was the only drug I needed. Why did it take me so long to see that?

Three years of my life were wasted.

Wasted on as Ryuichi put it so well,

Hopelessness.