"Are you happy with your life?" The red head looked right into his eyes, daring not to look away. As an adult it scared her how different she was. No, not a pure adult, she was in an even worse part of her life. Eighteen years old and risky as hell, determined to beat back the world with one quick snap of a finger, and scared beyond her years in the insides of her heart. They both were like that. Both questioning, no longer children. And she was always the type to speak her mind. But now it was different. She had consequences that she was well aware of to face. She had deadlines and responsibilities. It all seemed so big and ferocious before, but now it really was. And that scared her. That made her life a living hell.
He picked up his mug and took a few swigs. Not that he actually liked coffee, but it was something to alleviate his mind from the pressing question at hand. In his heart he knew the answer. Inside he wanted to be young and innocent again, beat around black and white bushes filled with acceptable truths, but there was never a clear cut answer anymore. Even if he wanted to give it.
"Do you remember when we were children?" The question he posed as his answer hit her so fast that she almost didn't really hear it, but she was expecting it so much that she jumped the gun with her own retort the second the words left his lips.
"We're still children."
"But are we? You and I both know that-"
"—I don't know. I don't know what to think, what to feel…I'm questioning my every action.."
"Oh, yes…and I fail to see how that makes you a child! I am under the opinion that you've got too much conflicting inside of you to say otherwise."
"Now…just who are you to say that about me?" She slammed her fist against the table, "You don't know me. Maybe you never did know me! Hell, I don't know me…"
"You're scared." Tan skin, golden eyes looked her way, "You've been in and out of love and you're scared. It's not such a big deal when you're younger…but right now you don't know how to feel. You don't know differences that you once thought were so simple and obvious. You're scared and nothing is going to help that until you come to grips with yourself, least of all being in my presence…someone you once loved…damnit, still probably do love, just like I love you!"
"But after all these years of speculation…never knowing whether you'd still love me…a love with you just doesn't feel right. But at the same time it feels like you were the only one I could love. It seems like it was true, above anything else in my life. I never had to be afraid. I never feared death, being alone..any of the evils of life, because I found comfort in what I had. And I let it slip away…right underneath me.." She slipped down to the floor against his desk, bringing her hands forth to cover her eyes. There was silence.
He pushed his chair back and joined her at the front of his desk, kneeling down beside her and bringing her into an embrace.
"You realize…I'm here now…" But he couldn't say anymore. He knew what she knew. There was just too much between them to say what he wanted to say.
"They say time does one of two things. It alters the memory and makes things seem much more despicable.. or it soothes the memory and makes things seem like they were taken out of context. But no matter what I would have to say that certain things can't be looked past. And when it comes to me and you…" She broke the embrace and stepped up, doing what she felt was right, "I'm sorry…but it wasn't my intention to see you ever again."
And with that she stepped over to the door and made her exit.
And on the inside, the psychologist shook his head and sighed sadly. So it goes.
