She isn't surprised when Munch is the first one to notice her standing there, in the squad room doorway like she owns the place, when, in all honesty, she has been away from Homicide for so long that it almost hurts to be back.
"The prodigal daughter returns," he says, and there is something in his voice that Kay knows isn't ever there unless something's gone horribly wrong, and the rumors spread so fast that she already knows something is.
"What the hell happened, John?"
She doesn't want to know, really. What she wants is to be able to close her eyes and have this go away and all have been a really bad dream. But what she's thinking is that it better not be what she thinks it is, what she heard it is, and if it is, then please God don't let her lose anyone else.
"Car accident," Munch says, quietly, knowing at once what she means. "He wasn't driving."
Somehow this makes it worse. And somehow, it would have made more sense if Meldrick had been driving, because at least then, there might have been some semblance of his having control of the situation, but no. She has driven with Meldrick before and knows he's awful at it, but the fact that he wasn't driving this time throws her for a loop.
The room spins. Kay grabs the edge of Munch's desk, wondering when she got close enough to do so, and closes her eyes.
"Kay, are you all right?" She can barely hear Munch's voice, and even then, it's in the back of her mind, rather than in the front, where it should be, and so she shakes her head.
"No," she replies, and isn't surprised to find that she's close to tears.
They go to the ER, even though technically, Munch is supposed to stay in the squad room, or at least that's what he managed to get out of what little Gee said before he'd taken off for the scene.
"You know, I could've just gone on my own, John," Kay says, "You're gonna hear it if Gee gets back before you."
"Ballard's supposedly going to cover for me," Munch replies. "Either that, or she just told me she would to get me to leave her alone."
Kay shakes her head at him. "You're not funny," she tells him. "The last thing he needs is more chaos."
"I suppose your experience as a sergeant has taught you that," says Munch, then, looking at her over his glasses, and the move is so familiar that she almost laughs, and would have, if not for the circumstances.
"Anyone in a command position could tell you that," she says, somewhat dismissively. "It's bad enough when someone gets hurt, but then when people start disobeying orders…"
"Gee never actually said specifically that I had to stay in the squad room, and in any case, I should think he'd make an exception considering it's you that I'm hauling around."
Kay rolls her eyes. "Nice, Munch," she says. "Using me as an excuse to get out of trouble, yet again."
"Hey, I've never actually used you as an excuse to get out of trouble, thanks," says Munch, pretending to be hurt by this. "Besides, you know as well as I do that you were probably the first person Gee was gonna call once it occurred to him."
This is probably more than likely, Kay thinks, and turns to stare out the window, trying not to think about the night she and Meldrick spent together, sprawled out across her bed, because it's the same night he told her that there wasn't really anyone left but her, and asked her if anything happened, would she be there?
She'd told him yes, which is why she goes tumbling out of the car in front of the hospital before Munch actually comes to a stop, which he gives her a look for, but doesn't say anything, choosing instead to go find someplace to park.
Gee is the first person that Kay actually really sees when she enters the waiting room, and he gets to his feet and walks over to her.
"Sergeant Howard," he says, because he can't really call her 'Kay' in this kind of situation, because technically, she's not really supposed to have a relationship with Meldrick, and he's not really supposed to know about it, but he does. "I was just about to call you."
"Department grapevine's faster," Kay replies, her voice shaking just enough for her to notice. "How is he?"
Gee looks away, and she feels the sinking feeling that she felt earlier when she first heard the rumors about "one of those Homicide idiots" getting into a wreck.
"He's alive, we know that much," he says, finally. "Closed head injury; they've got him on the table to relieve the pressure inside his head."
A muffled sob escapes Kay at this, because she starts to think of how hard Meldrick's head had to have hit the windshield for something like that to happen, and she doesn't want to think about it, but the thoughts won't go away.
The next thing she knows, Munch is there, and his arms are around her, so she turns, and hides her face in his shoulder, because it's all she can do.
"You want coffee?"
Since they got there, Kay hasn't moved from where she finally sat after somehow managing to pull herself together again. Munch, on the other hand, has been back and forth to the squad room at least three different times, the last time being when he took Gee along, so their lieutenant could run things from there.
"I'm fine," she tells him, even though she isn't. "Thanks, though."
"You are not 'fine'," says Munch, coming to finally sit down beside her. "You can't think about it like I know you are, Kay."
"I can't help it," she says, the words coming out more harshly than she means them to. "Damn it, John, if I don't think about this like a cop…"
"I know what you mean," Munch tells her, cutting her off gently, "But you can't do that, because if you do, it'll mean you're ready to accept the fact that he might not make it."
"He's going to make it, damn it. He doesn't have a fucking choice, and I swear if he leaves me now…"
She cuts herself off this time, and looks away. "What if he does?" she asks, letting the bravado slip away for a few seconds. "What if this is really it?"
Munch shakes his head at her. "It's not it," he says, firmly, "Meldrick's too damn stubborn to die."
Kellerman shows up as night starts to fall over the Baltimore streets. He sees Kay before he sees Munch and walks over to her, hugging her tightly for a brief moment before letting go.
"I just heard," he says quietly. "I'd have been here sooner otherwise, but…My God, I just…"
"He wasn't driving," Munch tells him, before Kay can say anything. "We don't know too much about what happened."
"But it was a car wreck," says Kellerman, and swears under his breath. "Damn it, I swear this city…every freaking day…"
"There's a reason why Baltimore is the city that bleeds," Kay says, shortly. "We could lose everyone in this place, and it still wouldn't be enough."
She is tired, now, and irritable, and she knows that she probably should have taken Munch up on his offer to get her coffee, but she doesn't really think she'd be able to hold anything down. She tries to remember when the last time she felt like this is, and realizes that she really can't, because she hasn't, ever, and it almost scares her.
"It's so damn cold in here…" she says, more to herself than the other two, but they notice, anyway, and the next thing she knows, Kellerman's putting his coat over her shoulders.
"Thanks," she says, and he nods, briefly, coming to sit.
"He's going to make it," he tells her. "He's gotta make it."
Both men are asleep when news finally comes, and Kay actually has to push herself up out of the seat when the doctor finally comes out to ask which one of them is Sergeant Howard.
"I am," she replies, her voice shaking again. "What can you tell me?"
"Detective Lewis made it through surgery," comes the reply. "He's still under heavy sedation, and will be for a few days. Other than that, there are a few minor cuts and bruises, but he'll be fine."
Relief spreads through her faster than the panic that had settled earlier, and she has no idea why this is, but she doesn't really care.
"Can I see him?" she asks, not caring that she sounds anxious. The doctor gives her an appraising look and then nods.
"He's in the Intensive Care Unit, and we'll probably keep him there for a few days before we move him to a normal recovery room. I'll take you to him."
The doctor turns, then, and Kay glances back towards Munch and Kellerman. Both men are still sleeping, and she knows that they will know where she has gone if they wake up and she isn't there.
Going down the hallway to where Meldrick is in the ICU is almost intimidating, even though a few years ago, Kay had found herself wandering these same halls, to go and see the other two who were shot in the apartment building stairwell with her. When they reach the room that he's in, she hesitates, somewhat, but not long enough that the doctor notices.
Pushing the door open, she steps inside, and thinks vaguely that if anyone tries to pull the fifteen-minute time limit crap on her, they're gonna hear it.
But no one does. Fifteen minutes come and go, and Kay remains where she is, silent and unmoving, unlike when she was in the waiting room, where she had to say something to every cop that came through looking to find out what had happened.
There is none of that here, though. Only the sound of machines beeping and making other noises that she doesn't recognize, and the sight of Meldrick with bandages around his head, looking for all the world like he's asleep, but she knows better.
"Don't you dare die on me now," she tells him, "And I know you hear me. I been sitting in that waiting room too damn long for you to take off on me now."
There is no answer, but she doesn't expect one. Despite this, she continues to talk to him, anyway.
"I'm gonna sit here until you open your eyes again," she says. "I got the vacation days to do it, too, Meldrick, and you know I do. I'm not going anywhere."
His hand is cold in between hers and she doesn't know why this is, because he's alive, for heaven's sake, and it's not supposed to be cold like this, but it is, and not for the first time that day, she finds herself blinking back tears.
"I keep my fingers crossed, you pull out of this, ok?" she says, quietly, almost desperately, wanting the answers that she still knows she isn't going to get. "I'll be here when you wake up."
