A/N: This is kind of a sequel to Playing Hooky? Not necessary to read that to understand this- I think y'all get the gist. Enjoy. Mistakesmine.
He sat silently on the cold bench in the middle of the Central Park watching the few people in the park. He had no idea how long he'd been sitting there and barely registered the cold through his t-shirt. He stared blankly after a couple strolling around the park after the late-show at some theater. A man walked through but seemed like he had no place to go. Three homeless people were scattered around, picking up various objects and studying them before deciding whether to discard or keep them. The cold wind blowing burned his eyes but his stare never faltered yet moved to examine the ground. He barely noticed what was going on around him.
"Thought I might find you here," a voice said in front of him. His gaze turned up to the owner of the voice before returning to the ground. The voice-owner sat next to him.
"Danny, you've got to talk to somebody," the voice told him. "Don't shut yourself off- we all know what lot of good that'll do." Danny said nothing, moved not an inch. "At least put this on," the voice pleaded.
Danny finally turned and saw a warm jacket being offered to him. It was then that he noticed how freezing it was and how he was shivering. He distinctly remembered the particular jacket being offered being left in his locker at the lab.
"How'd you get in my locker?" he asked quietly, taking the jacket and shrugging it on.
"I've still got the combo you gave me."
"Oh."
"Danny, talk to me."
He sighed. "What do you want me to say? Am I sad? Yes. Am I angry? Yes. Can I guarantee I won't do somethin' stupid? No. What the hell do you want me to say, Lindsay?"
"I don't expect you to say much, Danny. But there's got to be something. There's always something and you can't hold it in. Danny, I know the way you work and it's not good for you to put this wall up."
"Why didn't cha send Flack or someone? Why are you, Montana?"
"Because from where I stand, you need a friend. You need someone you can spill your guts to. I know you and I know you hate to show you're hurting like this. And that's why I didn't send Flack. You can't be afraid to break down once in a while and if you can't do that in front of Flack, I'm here to step up to the plate. That's why I'm here."
She watched him as he processed and fought with himself. She knew he desperately wanted a shoulder to cry on but she also knew he would go to all lengths to avoid crying on any shoulder. She saw his shoulders slump and then begin to rise and fall with silent sobs. He was watching the ground again. Immediately, she reached out and hugged him. It surprised Lindsay when he hugged back so quickly. After a while and after his sobs had subsided, he pulled back, furiously wiping his eyes. She could hear himself inside his head cursing himself for crying in front of someone.
"He's really gone, Lindsay. Louie's really dead," Danny croaked. Lindsay gently rubbed his arm. He needed to talk and she didn't think she should interrupt. "It's crazy. When we were all in there- Ma, the doc, when we were all in Louie's room and the doc just cut the rope, the first thought that ran through my mind was 'What if he only needed another minute? What if he was goin' to wake up thirty seconds from then had we not pulled the plug? What if we just killed him?' It's crazy but it's all I could think about in the hospital."
They were both silent for a bit. He once again resumed staring a hole into the ground while Lindsay watched him.
"Dan, you can't think like that. It does nothing to help you. What if they had found him sooner? What if you hadn't had that smoke that night? What if you had been there? Danny, the what-ifs never stop." Pause, no response. "You can come up with a thousand what-ifs but not a single one will change the past. You can question all you want but a question or an answer won't bring Louie back."
"I guess you should know, huh?" Danny half-joked. Lindsay could tell he still wasn't convinced, but it was an effort.
"Damn straight so you better listen to me, cowboy." That earned a smile, a real smile- not just an appeasing one.
"Thanks, Montana."
"Anytime. Now let's get you home and inside before you get any sicker. You're bound to have caught a cold already." Lindsay stood, pulling Danny up with her. She was fully aware that things were over between them yet just as fully aware that he needed somebody right now. As much as he would hate to admit it, he needed somebody and she was the one he'd open up the most to. And Lindsay was ready and willing to be there for him, despite their past. She started to move off in the direction of his apartment, expecting him to follow. Instead, he stood in place where she had pulled him up and shifted awkwardly from foot to foot. "Coming?" she asked curiously.
"Uh, Linds…uh…about goin' back to my place-"
"Danny, I'm not here as your girlfriend or your ex-girlfriend. I'm here as a friend so there's no reason to feel awkward about you place," she interrupted, guessing as to why he was so uncomfortable.
"Nah, that's no it. It's just well, things were kinda crazy for a while, I mean my ma couldn't swing the money and I had no better choice…"
"What's going on Danny?" Lindsay's brow furrowed in concern.
"I ain't got a place. I sold my apartment a month ago to pay Louie's bills." He lowered his head, not wanting the sympathy. She didn't have a reason to feel bad for him, she wasn't connected to him anymore.
"Oh Danny," Lindsay sighed. She stepped back towards him and hugged him. Again, she was surprised when he hugged back. She couldn't believe that he had no place on top of everything else going on. "Where've you been living? Do you need a place to stay?"
"Nah. I been at my ma's for a while and Flack let me crash at his since Louie…" he trailed off. He said nothing for a few seconds, but looked around slowly, not wanting to look Lindsay in the face. It'd be too hard to hold together. "I think my ma gets that I gotta do this on my own. She's got her sister stayin' with her for a while so she's alright. I'm good at Flack's but thanks."
"Ok, but the offer still stands. You ever need a place, door's open alright?" Danny nodded, his hands shoved in his pockets. "Then let's get you to Don's- I was serious about you getting sick."
As they walked off silently to Don's apartment, Lindsay thought that maybe this time that wall wouldn't be so high. Of course it'd still be there- that was a given regarding Danny; but maybe it wouldn't be so tough to get over.
