Notes: This story takes place in the Kick-Ass movie verse but in an AU where Kick-Ass 2 didn't happen. It does not take place in the same universe as my other Kick-Ass stories. I will be alternating the point of view of the time frame of the story between the present time (2014) and various episodes in the life of Kick-Ass and Hit-Girl prior to that and after the original movie.
May 2014 – the present
What the fuck am I doing here? I graduated last year and I'm standing at the door to the gym watching my best friend at her junior prom. Junior fucking prom! The real kicker is that she doesn't even know I'm here. I shouldn't be here at all. I should be out patrolling the streets or even hanging out with Marty and Todd and pretending like I give a fuck what they're talking about. College entrance or some shit probably if it's not the new Marvel movie coming out. Instead I'm acting like some creepy stalker looking at her and thinking about how goddam beautiful she is.
When did this happen? When did I suddenly realize that my best friend, my partner who's saved my life more times than I can count, was also the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen? Maybe it started after Katie dumped me, but if it did it was only a sneaking suspicion. Something I couldn't - wouldn't - admit to that lived like a caged beast in the back of my mind.
Maybe it was when she turned sixteen. She was so happy. Her smile always could light up a room and that night it was on at its full wattage. Before her party she took me aside and showed me the dress she was going to wear. She did a twirl and giggled, I swear to god Hit-Girl fucking giggled! She smiled at me and said how happy she was, how she finally felt like a grown-up instead of a little girl and maybe something just clicked over in my head.
Maybe it was when she started dating. Started dating *him*. The goddam captain of the soccer team! Can you believe it? The girl who couldn't give a shit about social status in high school or what the fuck anyone thought about her and she was dating one of the most popular jocks in the school. I might be Kick-Ass when I put on the costume, but in school I was still just a zero sum dork named Dave Lizewski. I got some cred for dating Katie, but that died a violent death when she dumped me so publicly in the middle of the school hallway…and the reason? Well, let's just say that it all comes back in a nice little circle. I was persona non grata for months after that what with the rumours flying everywhere. Even Marty and Todd seemed leery about hanging out with me and Mindy? Well let's just say things were complicated between us then and I'm still not sure things have been straightened out.
So there she is, golden hair cascading down her back like liquid honey…no more ponytails for Mindy unless we're sparring. She's wearing a strapless dress, purple of course, and that boy has his goddam arms around her like he owns her. His hands are hovering dangerously close to her ass and I'm just about ready to go before something inside me pops when they turn around as they dance and her little boyfriend looks over and sees me. And he grins. I swear to god he looks me in the eye and grins right at my face before he looks away.
I can feel the rage boiling inside of me, but I'm in control enough to turn around and walk away. The last thing I need to do is ruin her prom by smashing her pissant little boyfriend's head into the gym floor. I stalk down the hallway clenching and unclenching my fists. I walk by a locker and my arm just springs out on its own and smashes into it, denting the thing all to hell. Fuck, that hurt! I stop for a minute to grab my fist and bend over letting the pain course through me, feeding on it, concentrating on only that. I need to get out of here. I need to get out into the fucking city and cause some havoc.
September 2010
"So how was your first day?"
Mindy shrugged. "Could have been worse I guess. Two dip-shits thought they could steal my lunch money so teaching them a lesson brightened things up a bit."
"Yeah I heard about that," said Dave with a smirk. "Guess they would have been a bit more careful if they knew they were picking on Hit-Girl, huh?"
Mindy stopped in her tracks and looked around before giving Dave a glare. "Easy with the secret identity numb-nuts!"
Dave rolled his eyes. "Oh c'mon! There's no one around and anyway all that stuff is over now, right?"
"Over? Does it look like I'm not breathing here or something?"
Mindy started walking again and Dave stood still for a minute more, confused by her response, before hurrying to catch up with her. "What do you mean? D'Amico's dead, right? That was the whole point. Why would you keep on doing this crazy shit?"
Mindy gave Dave a look like he'd grown a second head. "Are you serious?! The world's a fucked up place Dave and my daddy didn't raise me to leave it like that."
Dave put his arm out to stop her. She looked down at it angrily, but when she saw the look on his face she held back the retort she had in mind and waited.
"Look Mindy, I know you loved your dad, and hell if it wasn't for you guys I'd be dead right now, but you can't keep risking your life like this. You're just a kid!"
"Just a kid who took down the biggest crime family in New York! Look Dave, I'm sorry you feel that way. I thought you wanted to help people…well this is the best way I can help them."
"By getting knifed in an alley somewhere? You're acting delusional!"
"No, by wiping crime off the streets so normal people are safe."
"Normal people? We *are* normal people, Mindy."
Mindy cocked her head to the side and smirked. "Now who's delusional?"
They started walking again and Dave shook his head. "Ok, fine so we're a little bit different from other people. I still think we've done our bit for society. Shit Mindy, I'd hate to see you get hurt!"
"Aw that's sweet Dave thanks, but I've already got one over-protective parent trying to steer my life, I don't need it from you too."
"So you're really living with that cop now?"
"Yeah, Marcus. He's my dad's old partner and he looked after me while daddy was in jail."
"Does he know about your, uh…"
"Yeah he knows."
"And he lets you go out and do that shit?!"
"Of course not dumb-ass, I've been staying in for the time being, biding my time, but do you think he's really going to be able to stop me from doing what I want? I know how to play the game. He can think I'm a pretty little princess having a grand old time in seventh grade all he wants while I get out on the down-low and do some good. It'll be a win-win for everyone."
"Does he know about me?"
"What? That you *used* to be a superhero wannabe? No, of course not. I told you: secret identities are sacred, I wouldn't betray that trust."
Dave sighed. "Thanks."
"So since you don't have any interest in fighting the good fight what the hell are you doing following me home anyway?"
Dave shrugged. "I dunno, I just wanted to check in on you. See how your day went. I thought…I thought we were friends."
Mindy seemed surprised as she looked at Dave, she actually stopped again for a minute before starting to walk again.
"Friends? Yeah, I guess…I guess we are."
"Well hey," Said Dave holding out his hands, "I'm not trying to force myself on anyone here. If it's that weird I can just…"
"No! No, it's ok. I just," Mindy looked down at the ground shyly, "I've never had a friend before."
"You've never…? Really?!"
"Shut up! I've been kind of busy ok? I always had Daddy and we had training and our work. It didn't leave a lot of extra time for…other stuff."
"Shit, I'm sorry Mindy."
"Don't be sorry, I don't want your pity party."
"Fuck. I believe you've never had a friend if this is how you treat them."
Mindy stopped and glared at him. If Dave didn't know better he'd almost think she might start to cry. Instead he flinched back, wary of an attack.
Mindy seemed to struggle with herself and he could see her trying to turn the glare into something else. Finally she said, "Look Dave I'd love to be your friend ok? I just…I'm not a normal kid, ok? I thought you of all people would get that. You'll just need to cut me some slack, alright?"
Dave nodded, putting on his best goofy grin and hefting his backpack higher up on his shoulder. "Sure Mindy, don't worry I get it...sort of anyway."
They started walking again and the silence between them was almost comfortable.
"I'll miss you out there."
"Huh?"
"On the streets, moron. I've always had a partner, someone to watch my back. With daddy gone it'll be a whole different game."
Dave snorted. "Me? You said it yourself, I was always just a superhero wannabe. You and Big Daddy were the real deal. I'd probably be more of a hindrance than a help to you out there anyway."
Mindy shrugged. "You saved my ass when it counted."
"Only because you told me what to do. I don't have any of the training you have. I'm just an asshole in a wetsuit out there."
"Yeah, you're green…in more ways than one," she added with a grin. "But you know what? You've got heart. You're one brave motherfucker Dave."
"Yeah?"
"No shit. And you've got potential, even daddy noticed it."
"Really? I always thought he didn't think very much of me. I mean, what was the deal with all that Ass-Kick stuff anyway?"
Mindy snorted. "Daddy's sense of humour was always a bit…off. Look he was a pretty territorial guy and I think the thought of another suit out there doing what we did made him nervous. He didn't want any unwanted attention brought to us and you were all about the attention."
Dave shrugged. "Not on purpose…but I guess it did work out that way."
"Yeah. But you know what? He knew how much bravery it took to do what you did. *Especially* because it was obvious you didn't have any training, not despite it. I think he kinda respected you…even if he did think you were kind of a useless pussy."
Dave smirked. "Gee thanks." Despite his words he felt a warm glow inside. Big Daddy thought he was brave? "Even so, I don't know if I'm of any use to you as anything other than a meat-shield."
"Hey, those can come in real handy when you need them," said Mindy grinning evilly at him. "And maybe right now you're not exactly Batman, but you can change that you know. Anyone can be trained…and like I said: you've got the potential that might make the time worthwhile."
Dave didn't say anything, he just put his hands in his pockets and kept walking, his head down as he seemed to become engrossed in the pavement.
Finally Mindy stopped and Dave didn't even realize she wasn't beside him for several steps.
"This is me," she called from a few feet away.
He turned and saw her standing awkwardly in front of an ordinary looking house.
"Uh, ok," he said, not sure what else to say.
Mindy kicked at the ground then looked at him with a half-smile. "So…see you tomorrow?"
Dave returned her grin. "Yeah, you bet."
May 2014 – the present
Wearing the suit always feels so much better these days. Well, it usually does. When we're out on patrol together it might actually be worse, but now that she's got a 'real' life…you know that thing she scoffed at for years and said was a waste of time? Now that she has one of those I get out on my own a lot more than I used to - despite her constant objections - and then I can just forget. Forget and let go.
Case in point: I am *really* enjoying this dust up with Mr. Let's-pick-on-the-superhero-to-prove-our-street-cred and his crew. These guys must be from out of town because it's been a long time since anyone who knew anything actually had the balls to taunt me about the union suit and what a pussy I looked like.
Unluckily for these guys I am *not* in the mood to take any shit from anyone.
I didn't even bother wasting much time with the first two guys. I just took out my batons and smashed their jaws, followed by a couple of quick kicks to the head as they keeled over. I think they were out cold before they hit the pavement. My dander was up, though, so I decided to play with the third guy before letting myself really enjoying dancing with their mouthy boss.
He pulls out a switchblade, like that's supposed to scare me or something, and I let him take a few swings to gain some confidence.
"You feeling good about yourself?" I say encouragingly.
The thug glares at me and makes another angry swipe. "Never fight angry," I say (with some irony I must admit given that I'm currently furious and running on a full tank of rage).
I grab his arm as it sails past me and twist it before making a nice clean break mid-way through his ulna. He screams as the bone protrudes from his jacket and it gives me a warm fuzzy. I'm feeling so good I decide to twist his injured arm a little more and the blubbering wail that escapes from his frothing lips positively makes my heart sing. I've imagined every injury I've dished out tonight being inflicted on one guy, who unfortunately is not here and who I am never likely to be able to touch in this way, and I'm giddy with vengeful joy at the images floating through my head.
That's probably why I take too much time swinging around the guy I'm currently occupied with and don't see the big boss man coming in from behind to bash me in the head with a lead pipe until it's almost too late. I manage to let go of the guy I'm holding onto and he goes flying into a wall where his face makes a satisfying thwak and then I curl forward enough that the pipe hits me in the shoulder instead of the head. It still hurts like a son of a bitch.
I lash out with more speed than the asshole is expecting and grab onto the pipe. He looks like a big guy and his blow showed that he's strong, but I'm stronger. I prove it by twisting the pipe out of his grip and following through with a backhanded swing that sends him sprawling on the ground.
I throw away the pipe and walk over to him as he struggles to get up.
"Fuck…fuck," he pants, "I'm sorry dude, you're fucking hard core. Man you fucking owned us…I admit it! I'm sorry!"
"Yeah me too," I growl. "You picked the wrong fucking night to try and be a big goddam bully. I am going to hurt you so much you'll remember it for the rest of your miserable little life…however long that might be."
The guy actually whimpers and if I was in a healthier state of mind I might have actually had some pity on him, but all I can see right now is Trevor grinning at me from across her shoulder and I want to dish out some fucking serious pain.
The fear in his eyes is sending a wave of endorphins through my body. Fuck, I don't think I've ever been this angry. I don't think I ever really understood how Mindy felt sometimes when she was out here wading in blood until recently. Now it's all I have. I know what it's like to need the violence to keep me sane…or at least to keep me level. I don't think I'd even be able to function as Dave right now if I didn't know I had this waiting for me on the other side.
"C'mon man, you're a hero, right? How can you do this to me? I said I'm sorry…I surrender!"
"Do I look like the fucking cops?!" I bark. "You want to go prowling around alleys and pick on civilians to get your kicks? Fine. Then you pay the piper when he comes calling asshole."
His eyes get a harder edge to them when he realizes I'm not going to back down. I gotta respect that even if I think he's a worthless scumbag who'd rather just prey on the weak.
"Tell you what," I say stepping back and opening my arms. "I'll give you the first hit. I won't even count that sucker blow with the pipe. What d'ya say tough guy? That fair enough for you?"
He doesn't waste his time on an answer, just launches himself at me and tries to grapple me to the ground. Not a bad move all things considered…I was expecting a punch, so he catches me off-guard. Luckily for me I've trained to get out of pretty much any hold someone can dish out and this guy is so scared he's almost pissing himself. I think he's just hoping to get me out of the way so he can get the hell out of here. I have no intention of letting him move one step out of this alley.
As he tries to push me into a wall to knock the wind out of me I grab him by his torso and lift him as I heave myself backwards. I slam into the ground, but he he's so shocked that he let's go and goes flying, his back smashing against the wall he was hoping to use.
I quickly roll to my feet, ignoring the pain, and walk slowly towards him. He's lying on his side gulping in breath with heavy gasps. "Please dude…I'm sorry…"
I grab him by his greasy hair and pull his head up. I swear to god I'm looking Trevor in the face. "You can fucking die for all I care asshole!"
I smash his face against the wall again and again. I hear his teeth crunch and after about the fourth time his arms and legs stop flailing. I keep smacking his head into the brick and there's a smear of red paste and bone matter on the wall before the low whistle and clapping I hear behind me brings me back to myself.
"Holy shit Ass, I gotta say I appreciate the gusto there! I don't often see you let loose like that. What'd he do, try and rape a little girl?"
I stand up in shock as I watch Hit-Girl walk into the alley. I feel a sense of guilt and shame steal over me before I remember that I haven't actually been smashing the face of her boyfriend into a brick wall. "What? No, he, uh…he pissed me off."
She looks around at the rest of the bodies sprawled out across the alley. "Wow. You really let yourself go tonight, huh?"
I shrug. There's not really much on point that I can say that is going to sound good here.
"I wish you wouldn't go out on your own you know. You could get into some serious trouble, especially if you're taking on four guys at a time regularly."
"I can take care of myself," I say. "I didn't have anything better to do tonight anyway."
Hit-Girl smiles. "I had a great night."
"That's nice," I say, not really inviting any further info.
"Yeah," she sighs. "Don't you remember it was my junior prom? I thought I might see you tonight." Well thank god at least her little fuck-face boyfriend didn't tell her he saw me gawking at her. "Trev got a limo and corsage and everything. It was just like I had imagined."
"Oh yeah?" I say arching my eyebrow. "I didn't know you were wasting time imagining shit like that." It comes out a bit harsher than I intended. I think.
A spark of anger flashes across Mindy's eyes and I'm almost happy, hoping for a fight, before it's replaced by something else. "Kick-Ass? What's wrong?"
Fuck. Is she going to be worried about me after I've gone to all this trouble to piss her off? Well, I'm too angry to reign myself in at this point so I go for broke.
"Wrong? Nothing's fucking wrong. I'm following the example of my mentor aren't I?" I sweep my arms across the carnage around me. "While she's out dancing to whatever crap the kids are listening to these days I might add. Aren't you impressed?"
Mindy looks uncomfortable. "You don't need to impress me Ass. You know I respect you."
I close my eyes. I did *not* need to hear that. I don't want her fucking *respect*.
She gives me a look. "What flew up your ass anyway?"
"Oh nothing," I respond, "I just remember being told what a waste of time my life was every time I brought up stuff like that to you. I never thought I'd see the day Hit-Girl was swooning over a high school dance. Did they play Justin Bieber?"
"Fuck, Ass can't you at least pretend like you care here? I had a nice night, ok? Haven't you been telling me for years that I needed to live outside of the mask? Well, here's me saying you were right. Enjoy it."
"Fine," I manage to mutter. "I'm surprised you even managed to come out."
Mindy smirks. "I know. It wasn't until I told Trevor that I had to go on patrol and make sure you didn't do anything stupid that he even let me go."
My stomach drops and I swear that the alley starts spinning when I hear her say that. My reaction makes her realize what she said and she mutters, "Fuck" as her eyes go wide.
"You…you told him who you are?"
She nods. "Sorry Ass, I meant to tell you I just…"
She just stares at me watching as I start to shake. I don't think her telling me they fucked would even be this bad. It was the last thing I had - we had - and now it's his too. I think I'm going to be sick.
"C'mon Kick-Ass, did you think I would never tell him?"
Now his look at me in the gym makes so much more sense. I'm not just Mindy's weird older friend who she used to hang out with. I'm her partner in her secret life and despite all that he's won her.
"And what did you tell him about me?" I almost whisper.
She looks like she's been caught out, but she musters herself quickly. "Nothing, ok? But…"
"But…?"
"But it didn't take too much for him to put two and two together. It just went off in his head like a light bulb. He said he *knew* there must be a reason I still hung out with you."
I clench my teeth. "Mother puss bucket!"
"C'mon he was just joking," she says weakly.
I look at her and she actually steps back at the look in my eyes. "FUCK! How could you do that to me?"
"Dave, shit c'mon, what the hell is wrong with you?"
"Code names!" I bellow at her. "Rule fucking number one *Hit-Girl*!"
Now she looks hurt. And mad.
"What is your fucking damage *Kick-Ass*?!"
"My damage? My damage is that I don't have a fucking partner who's got her head in the game because she's swooning over goddam little boys at school and letting them in on my secret fucking identity!"
"What. The. Fuck?! And I suppose that's different from you carrying around a hard-on for Katie 'captain of the cheerleaders' Deuxma how exactly?! I mean how long did you fucking wait to tell that slut who you were so you could get in her pants?!"
"That was *my* identity and I learned from that one fucking mistake. You'd think you might have picked up the lesson since you're so goddam smart! Who have I even looked at since then?"
"Well you sure as hell carried it around, on patrol even, for long enough that's for sure!"
"Well it got stamped out pretty goddam effectively due to 'more important things', didn't it?!"
She widens her eyes. "You are *not* blaming me for that!"
"If the shoe fits!"
"You fucking asshole!"
"Me?! Oh, right. I was just the one creeping around my senior year with the label 'pedophile' hanging on my back all because I had to protect someone's secret identity. I suppose that was my fault was it?! I got a lot of fucking support from *all* of my friends then, didn't I?!"
She steps back, looking like she's been stung. "You said…you said I should keep my distance. That it was better for everyone."
"Yeah I didn't fucking mean you had to ignore me and become captain of the fucking pep squad!"
She looks up at me, biting her lip. "What's going on Kick-Ass? What's this about?"
I step back, realizing what I have to do. "It's about decisions."
She glances up at me, her arms crossed over her chest. "What does that mean?"
I sigh. "It means I think it's time I did something that's been a long time coming."
"What's that?"
"Said good-bye."
She stands there staring at me for a minute as if she didn't hear me. Either that or she doesn't believe me.
Finally she says, "Good-bye? What does that mean?"
I try to soften my features. "It means 'good-bye'. I've got to figure out my life Hit-Girl and there's just too many damn…distractions here."
"Where…where would you go?"
I shrug. "I dunno. I have a few ideas. Does it really matter?"
She looks at me like I've gone crazy. "Does it matter?! How can you fucking say that?! Of course it matters. What about us? What about Hit-Girl and Kick-Ass?"
"I think we've had a good run. You certainly don't need me anymore and I need…well, I don't really know what I need, except maybe some space."
She still looks confused and worried. "What did I do wrong? Why are you so mad all of a sudden? Why do you want to throw this all away?"
I walk up to her and it's all I can do to keep myself from taking her in my arms and telling her everything I've been feeling. But that would be selfish and I've already been selfish enough tonight. Anyway, it would just cloud the issue and wouldn't be doing either of us any favours. It certainly wouldn't salvage the partnership of Hit-Girl and Kick-Ass.
Instead I just look at her. "You haven't done anything wrong Mindy, I have. I forgot that I need to grow up and figure my own shit out. That's not on you, it's on me. I'm sorry…for what I said."
Before she can respond I turn around and climb up the nearest fire escape. I don't think I can handle looking at her anymore.
