Beloved Burdens
Prologue
Watching as the man he loved was lowered into the ground he finally let the tears fall.
How could his everything be gone?
His heart, his soul, his anchor was currently being burried.
He didn't care that the ground was wet and muddy as he sunk to his knees wishing he could just crawl into that hole and they could be together again.
Watching all their friends say good-bye was bad enough, but now as he watched his lovers body become sealed in a new, permanent home, one that he wasn't allowed access to he could barely breath. He needed an escape, to get out of this reality, his reality, he had to get out of there. Pushing himself up he nearly fell sliding twice as he took off running as fast as he could, he didn't care where to as long as it was away from there, away from the truth. Someplace where he could lie to himself and pretend like nothing bad had happened.
"I think I'll go after him." Garcia said hoarsely as she wiped at her eyes, the tears had been constant and she really couldn't imagine when her face would be dry again.
"No, I'll go. Haley and I weren't married when she died, but I think I can relate best to losing a spouse." Hotch shared hurting from both the memory of that loss and the fresh pain of losing a team mate, a friend. Though he knew sending Garcia would cause nothing more than fresh tears between the two.
As he began wandering off into the direction his friend had went he was glad to see he hadn't made it very far and was slouched against a tree a few yards away at the edge of the cementery. "You didn't get to far for how fast you were running." Aaron started not exactly sure where he should start. Condolences never seemed to be enough and after experiencing to many of his own he didn't want to be another "I'm sorry for your loss" or "We'll have you in our prayers."
"Yeah well apparently he took my strength. I.. I guess it's only fair since he already has my heart." He tried laughing, he really did but it turned into more of a bitter sob.
"He wouldn't want you hurting like this. You know he would tell you to live your life enough for the both of you." Hotch tried, hoping he could get the other to open up.
"Well you know what I say?" He yelled letting all his hurt turn into anger. "I say shut up! That's exactly what he needs to do, he's the reason I'm hurting right now!"
"Well then you tell him that. Let him know how you feel." Hotch pushed, he had told Jack to do the same thing, he knew being open and letting everything out was the best way to start healing.
"He's gone Hotch." He slowly pulled himself from the ground not caring that he sounded utterly broken. "If I had known when I vowed til death do us part, that it would be in just three short years I would have never agreed to those terms."
"I know, but just think of the five years you did get together." Hotch tried to comfort. How did you make someone feel better when they had been cheated out of their forever together, their happily ever after?
"He's gone...dead," he barely admitted, "and all I can think is how mad I am at him for not staying, ...or at least taking me with."
Hotch was never one for hugs, but if he was going to give one now was as good a time as any. He held him close praying that his presence would be at least some comfort, that's when he barely heard the softly whispered question. "How do I live without him?" That was one question he didn't think he'd ever be able to answer.
E/N: This is the middle of an idea that has crept up on me, from here it will go back to the beginning and so forth. I would love to hear from you, all thoughts, ideas and criticism are much appreciated!
