Books Come to the Forest
Hello, there. Yes, a simple greeting but we don't know each other. I am known by many names, such as Cuddles, Sunshine, and Rainbow. But you may refer to me as…Rainbow. Alright? Look, I like that name and anyone who is named that so…deal with it. It is best to picture me with a British Accent. Why? Because we're talking about books, alright? It is also best to picture me sitting in a red chair next to a fire place with a disturbing painting hanging above it. You know, the paintings who have eyes that follow you—
I'm getting of topic. Sorry. I'm here to fill you in on details, transitions between chapters, horrible stories about how I was slapped by that turtle, and commentary
-Rainbow
Reading is for the Insane!"Is has come to my attention that a lot of people say that TV is rotting the minds of young children." Bluestar was currently standing on top of a large hamburger that Brightheart was responsible for. The rest of the clan was gathered around, listening intently. "And by 'a lot of people', I actually mean the queens here." She gestured towards the nursery where the she-cats stood, holding picket signs, which said things such as "TV is EVIL", "Our Child's Minds Are Sacred!" and "The Screen of Death".
"Don't you think you're going a little too far?" Longtail flattened his ears as he watched the she-cats protesting.
"Nonsense!"
Bluestar growled softly, then decided to ignore the cats for a moment. "Okay. So, there is another matter that I must attend to. StarClan has granted me the power to speak and berate the author of this, which also counts as me breaking the fourth wall, which I enjoy doing. Anyway, SINCE THE AUTHOR DECIDES TO DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS, Firestar is now the assistant leader of ThunderClan."
The clan remained silent, looking around at each other with shock and confusion on their faces.
"What author?" Millie asked loudly.
One of the cats turned to her, growling. "Who the H are you?"
"Millie. I'm dating Graystripe."
"When did that happen?!"
Bluestar raised her head towards the sky. "SINCE THE AUTHOR HAS INCLUDED SO MANY PLOT HOLES INTO THIS STORY, we must all go with whatever is happening. Such as the fact that Tigerclaw is still here in this clan DESPITE MANY ACTIONS THAT HAVE TAKEN PLACE!"
Graystripe shrugged, then turned towards the direction of Millie's voice. "Do you enjoy the sounds of Rihanna?!".
"What is that?"
There was a silence. "You suck."
"Why am I leader again? Don't I have to be a deputy and before that can happen I have to at least-"
"I wanna be the leader!" Sandstorm wailed. "First rule: we are all sleeping under the stars tonight! No more dens!"
"BLAME THE AUTHOR WHO HAS SO MANY PLOT HOLES THAT IT IS DISGUSTING!" Bluestar once again shouted harshly at the author…who was just focused on confusing the readers, trying to rush through this introductory chapter because it was 5:00 in the morning, and ignoring everything else because she can…
Suddenly, the cats started muttering in anger to one another.
"Why does the kittypet get to be the leader?!"
"Tigerclaw! That is offensive to me, and I would deeply appreciate it if I am not called that again!" Fireheart spat from the rock he was now standing on.
"Come over here and say it to my face!"
"Jackass!"
Tigerclaw looked around, hissing loudly. "Who said that?!" He demanded.
Graystripe giggled quietly as he debated whether or not he should call the evil cat the name again.
"Don't we only get new leaders if the old one dies?! Holy fig, are you a ghost?!" An apprentice screamed in horror!
"That is an excellent song by Chelsea Lankes! I illegally downloaded it!" Graystripe laughed, then screamed loudly.
"AUTHOR, YOU MORON! YOU HAVE FAILED IN MULTIPLE WAYS! HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO CONTINUE WITH THIS NIGHTMARE OF A STORY?!" At this point, Bluestar was jumping up and down, trying to control some of her anger. She briefly glanced down at the war that was quickly beginning below her. "WELL?! COME ON THEN!"
"First of all, you have gotten off topic of what you were originally supposed to say, Bluestar. That's not my fault, that's yours. Second, this chapter has gone on long enough. Third, I am rushing through this because it is now 5:30 in the morning. Fourth, in all the time that it is taking for me to explain all this, you should have told everyone that you're not doing TV shows anymore and is instead working on books. Why? Because you're tired of the constant death threats by the queens saying that TV is evil and so on and so on."
Bluestar continued to look at the clouds in silence, along with the rest of the clan members. "Um…alright then." Slowly, she looked towards the crowd. "How many of you know what a book is?"
When no one raised their hand, Bluestar growled loudly. "Oh, come on! How have you never heard of a book before?!"
"I've heard of one." Fireheart announced quietly. "I just can't read it because…well, cats can't read."
"I thought that was dogs who couldn't read?" Sandstorm shouted up to her mate.
"DAMN YOU, AUTHOR!"
"I have a name."
"Well then what is it?!"
"You will call me Rainbow."
"DAMN YOU, RAINBOW!"
"Bottom line," Rainbow (me) told the others. "You will all do exactly what you did what the TV shows, except for books. Also, on that note: books are sheets of paper in them that tell about fictional or non-fictional events. There are long books, which are called novels. There are short books, which are called…short books. Books can be about anything: animals, people, apocalyptic wastelands, alternate universes, fat men. There are categories that books can fall into: adventure, humor, romance, fantasy, science fiction, etc. Some books can teach you things like how to paint, make origami, make food, fix cars, build things, etc. Graystripe, I see what you're doing."
Graystripe looked around, then slowly lowered the bat that was over Tigerclaw's head.
"Alright, then. This seems like it will be very educational." One of the queens nodded her head in satisfaction.
"Yeah…it won't. Also like how you did with the TV shows, you'll just make fun of stories. The only rule that I have is to not do any Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and the Seven Dwarves or—"
"What about Cartoons?!"
"We are not morphing cartoons into this. Cartoons would be under TV. This is strictly for Books and Books only."
"What about Internet?!"
"Darn it, Bluestar. WHAT PART OF—" Rainbow stopped for a moment. "Yes, fine, I don't care. Internet and Books. Just…let me go to sleep so I can sort this out."
The leader nodded slowly as she looked at Fireheart. "We still need to sort this out." She pointed to herself, then Fireheart, then to herself again.
"What the hell just happened?" Sandstorm cried.
"I don't know."
Um...I...really don't know what I just wrote. I just kept typing and it lead to...this. Sorry if I've confused you. Sorry if you don't understand the references about when the cats acted out TV shows., that's from another story...which isn't finished. I'm tired. It's 6:00 in the morning. Um...good night/good morning.
