In life, there is a moment in your youth where life suddenly begins and I'm not talking about your first breath of air. With nothing in particular to trigger it, your brain turns on like a switch and though we were clearly created long before, we knew of nothing until that switch had been flipped. Our gears turned and we could recall everything up until we hit that wall. That's what I liked to believe, anyway. But I had experienced this phenomenon twice in my existence, I think. Everything before this new life was now a vast, black and empty space.
It's terrifying, really. To wake up and suddenly not remember what you had done the day prior, who gave you the name you couldn't remember and if there was any chance at all that a faceless person was searching for you, heartbroken over your sudden disappearance. But without the knowledge of any emotional connection, you can't find yourself to feel sorrow for them. Only yourself. Because in the end, that's all you have. I was not thriving for people I may not ever see. People that might not even be around anymore. I was here for me.
My family was nothing but a story to me. An imaginary world I had created to give me something to go back to when I closed my eyes for the night. None of it was real.
But this..
This was my reality.
Just under three years ago, I woke up in a box. I wouldn't have even known it was a box if I hadn't gone into a panic at the darkness, throwing myself around to cover as much space as possible to understand my surroundings. More than once I had collided with some large object, sending me tumbling forward and smacking my face into the wires that held me hostage. Quickly regaining my composure, I had picked myself up and grabbed at the sides, shaking them violently and doing all I could to pry it apart. I could feel something brushing against my knuckles-wind. But rather than it sweeping by sideways, it was going downward, like my coffin of metal was rising higher and higher. I sat back on my folded legs, still not letting go of the wires as I looked up to the blackness, sighing as I felt the rushing air cool my warm face, drying the sweat from my skin.
"Please," I screamed, begging. My high pitched voice breaking as the sound of metal on metal clanged and screeched flooded into my head.
"Please-someone-anyone," I said as a final plea, my throat now raw and vocal chords weak. Fingertips running down the unstable wall, hands falling to my side before I fall fallen to the side, letting exhaustion take over and deliver me to empty dreams.
Some time later, I was unsure of how long seeing as I had no concept of time here, I had awoken, though I thought I was dreaming. A dull, blue light had seeped into my vision and for a moment, I felt the smallest sense of relief, though that was terminated as I looked down to where the light had come from. Below me, a set of bulbs flickered to life, traveling upwards and heading straight for me. Once I had seen how high up I actually was, I had almost wished for blindness.
I laughed at the thought now.
How ironic.
As I stared down towards the pit beneath me, I felt myself sway. My face growing hot and my stomach churning even though I was almost positive it was empty and without much of a warning, I felt the flames of the internal fire lick at the walls of my esophagus and bile soon followed after, spilling from my lips and falling into the pit. My arms were shaking, struggling to support me as I vomited once again. Acrophobia and claustrophobia-two things I now knew about myself.
There was a rattle in the gears that hoisted me towards the sky-ceiling-whatever, before the agonizingly slow pace had been increased in an instant, the pressure of the air forcing me back down. Terror filled me in an instant and I began to hyperventilate, imaging my body being hurtled into the sky and left to fall to my death or crushed into the roof of whatever building this was.
I had hoped for the latter.
Or neither. Neither would have been preferred.
With great struggle, I was able to flip myself onto my back and was met with one of two fates I had envisioned become a reality. The rusted, thick steel ceiling was fast approaching and I couldn't hold back the screamed that shook my entire being, throwing myself into fetal position and waiting to collide with death. And as the cage shook to a halt I felt my arms curl around me even tighter, anticipating the crunch of bones I would only hear for the smallest of seconds. But there was only light.
Cracking my eyes open, curious, I watched with a furrowed brow as it crept along my skin, the microscopic hairs on the back of my hand now visible as they shined, though it was soon covered and hushed voices followed soon after. Whipping around, I saw nothing but black silhouettes of various heights and sizes. I saw small grins and and sparking eyes stare down at me.
"I'll get her-" I heard one man say, his arms unfolding and preparing to leap down, but was held back by another with his arm. "No, no. I-I got this one, Alby." "You sure?" I watched as the one with the tussled curls nod, looking down to me with concern. His partner seemed hesitant, but in the end agreed and stepped a little ways from the opening, but not far enough to leave my sight. The man next to this Alby character squatted down low, his arms resting over his legs, hands hung in the air.
"I'm comin' down now, a'right?"
Though I had been warned, the moment he leaped down there was a mess of noise all around me. The sound of his boots colliding with the metal, rattling it while I had clambered to the sides, pressing my back tightly to the corner, my chest heaving and completely drowning out the sounds of laughter from above. Remaining crouched, his hands immediately raised, showing himself as unarmed, but I felt no comfort. He began to slowly inch forward with his hands still up, reassuring that he wasn't going to hurt me. When I moved further, he would pause, his light eyes studying my movements very carefully and slowly, a single arm lowered down, his hand offered to me.
"My name is-" With blinding speed I moved towards the side, taking hold of any and everything I could and pulling it down so that it fell on top of the boy. He cried out in either pain or surprise but at the moment, I didn't care. I took advantage of the distraction and ran for it, not worrying about the pain as my body collided with the wall. Leaping up, I gripped the edge, fingers sinking into what felt like soil before lifting myself from the prison, pushing past the bodies that willingly let me go. My legs took charge and the wind whipped through my face as I focused on one thing-getting as far from here as possible. I took comfort in one thing-I may not know who I am but running came so naturally. It felt like my feet were barely touching the ground.. Like I was flying.
My lungs filled with the fresh, crisp air and my skin warmed beneath the sun as I raced across a field, heading straight for the woods I had planned to take shelter within. I heard the others shout after me. Some encouraging my action and others screaming for me to turn back around, sounding actually concerned over my destination. I didn't care. I wanted to hide. I wanted safety, if that was even possible here. Wherever 'here' was.
"Get her, Aib! Go, you shank! Go!"
My heart was pounding radically behind the rib cage that acted as shelter, pushing against it and for a moment I considered if the organ could actually burst from a chest. God, what a way to die.
I could hear him behind me. His thunderous footsteps as he followed after and heavy breathing were growing more and more audible and I wasn't quite sure if it was my adrenaline or a gust of wind that carried me, but I had begun to lengthen our distance. He seemed to notice and was determined to not let me escape another time.
With a cry, he lunged for me. His strong hands grabbing at my feet, thus sending me straight into the ground with a great thud, knocking the air from my lungs, but I didn't give up. Desperation filled me and I did all I could to wiggle and crawl out of his reach but he was incredibly persistent. The second I had kicked him away, his hands were elsewhere, refusing to give me freedom. After a long and painful struggle full of angered screams, he had managed to get me to sit on my knees, back pressed to his chest as he fought for my hands, crossing my arms over my chest.
"It's okay, Greenbean, it's okay. I promise I'm not going to hurt you."
I gave in. I gave up in this impossible journey where I was clearly outnumbered. I was screwed.
My fists were moved into one of his, still held to my chest while the other crept up to my face, smoothing the tangles back and guiding me towards steadying my breath. To this day won't admit it, but in that moment I admired how rough and dirtied they looked. It showed that he was a hard worker and apparently, I enjoyed that trait. So far, I was up to three facts about myself.
With the storm residing in my chest slowly fading, my sight had been returned to me and I was able to see the world around me more clearly, though there wasn't much of it to see. In front of me, a seemingly endless forest and stretched along its boarders were strange, hand crafted buildings made with a mix of wood and stone, looking to be about half finished. There was a fairly decent sized pen filled with livestock, resting in the mud or casually wandering about and nipping at the ground and scattered gardens all across the field, mostly next to the small areas of water and only six visible bodies. They stood at the hole I had jumped from, struggling to hoist the barrels and crates that had been delivered.
This entire scene was fairly bland, to me. It looked like a simple farm. It was the lack of hills and landscapes or blue sky in the distance that really caught my attention. It was darkness.
It was the end of this world.
I felt my captives arms loosen around me, but refusing to completely give up his hold, not entirely trusting me just yet. "You're not gonna run again, are you?"
"N-nowhere-nowhere to run to," I choked out in disbelief, my burning and tearful eyes staring at the enormous walls that caged us in this hunk of land, the moss and ivy decorating it's otherwise boring grey surface. The stains of the Earth smeared over its base and slowly creeping upward but never going higher than a few feet, which was nothing when you took in the entire picture.
"Wh-where-" "The Glade," he breathed, arms unhooking and allowing me to slump in defeat, completely entranced and terrified by the structure built all around us and in order to see it all, I spun in circles, my knees digging holes into the ground as I went and before I knew it, my chest began to heave once more though I wasn't taking in enough air, making me feel woozy. I unknowingly placed a hand on the boys leg, keeping myself steady as I swayed to the side. His reaction was one of compassion, rather than him swatting me away.
His warm hands cupped my face, pulling me to face him though I was still focused on the thick stone.
"I'm so sorry."
