(A/N) Ok, so this is my first story really, so please forgive if its not really good and stuff. This is just one of those ideas that's been in my head a while and I really wanted to read a story like this, but I couldn't find one. So I made my own.
WARNINGS - bulimia, eating disorder, depression, anxiety, possibly self harm in the future
please don't read if any of this triggers you, I really don't want to upset anyone, I just wanna write.
This story goes to Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, but can be read if you've only seen Fullmetal Alchemist. Considering this, it contains spoilers for both, so read at your own risk
Chapter 1
Ed didn't feel... right.
He'd felt like shit since the incident with Shou Tucker, though it had only happened about a week ago. They were allowing Shou and Nina to stay at their house, under close supervision, while they decided what to do with Nina and while they for Shou's court date. But even so, Ed had felt different since it happened. Wrong.
How could a man sacrifice his only family, his daughter, for a fucking title? One not even worth much? It baffled Ed.
Ever since he'd realized what Shou had done to Nina, Ed had felt this.. dark cloud, sort of, in the middle of his chest. It was constantly there no matter where he went or what he did. The mass was heavy and weighed down everything Ed did. His arms, his step, his smile. The mass was always there, and always made itself know. Ed hated it. It put a limit on what he could enjoy. Scratch that, it kept him from enjoying anything. From the kind words of his brother bound in armor, to the way he saw the world. Everything to him now was much more pointless than it had ever been, even more so than when he and Al had lost their bodies after trying to transmute their mom. After all, if he couldn't save one innocent girl from her own father, while he was staying in the same house with them, how the hell was he supposed to believe in anything he did?
Ed was depressed. He'd never admit it, but deep down, he knew.
Ed laid on his bed in the dark in his and Al's shared room in the rooms they gave to the members of the military in Central. Even though it was 80 degrees outside and he was fully dressed, Ed was curled up under several blankets. He couldn't find much motivation to anything not truly important anymore. Well, to him, not really anything was important enough to make him leave his cocoon of blankets. He only did what was necessary to keep all the colonel off his back and his brother in the dark about his depression, whether it be going on missions, researching with his brother, or doing paperwork.
Right now Al was out looking for lieutenant Riza. The younger brother wanted to talk to her about what was going to happen to Nina and Shou. I hope Shou rots in hell for eternity for what he's done, Ed thought. He hoped the opposite for Nina. Ed felt he didnt deserve to know such a pure soul. He didnt deserve anything, really. In his mind, he didnt deserve the clothes on his back, much less the chance to have known Nina.
All these self destructive thoughts raced through Eds mind as he laid there. He knew he should get up, do some research, find a way to get Al's body back. But he just couldn't bring himself to. The mass in his chest was preventing him from doing anything but wallow.
Suddenly, the door to the brothers dorm slammed open, causing Ed to nearly fall out of his bed.
"What the hell, Al?" Ed said as he turned towards the cause of all the commotion.
"Brother, we need to go, now!"Al practically yelled.
"What?"
"I was at the command center when all these soldiers started running out to the cars with huge guns, yelling about Scar."
"So?" Ed said, annoyed.
"They were headed for the Tucker estate, brother!"
Ed's eyes widened at that. Without a word he ran out the door, his brother right behind him, to the Tucker Estate.
Ed ran faster than he though possible. What had scar done, why was he at the Tucker estate? Where was Nina? Ed pushed these thoughts away and ran harder.
Finally, Ed and Al arrived at their destination. Which was now a crime scene.
"What happened here?!" Ed asked one of the officers posted outside the house angrily.
The officer, recognizing the state alchemist, replied, "Scar was here. Left one hell of a mess, too."
"Was anyone injured?!"
"The guards that were posted outside are in the hospital with minor injuries, but two bodies were found on the second floor."
Al gasped, taking several steps back. Ed's breath caught in his throat. No no no no no, this cant be happening, he thought. This isnt happening!
Without a word, Ed bolted past both guards at the door, running into the estate and up the stairs, ignoring the yells behind him.
He ran into room with all the soldiers near it, fast enough that they couldnt stop him from running into the room.
The room that held Shou and Nina Tucker's dead bodies.
Blood.
It was everywhere.
The walls, the floor, even the window. Nina's blood was everywhere.
She's dead. She's dead.
"What the hell is Fullmetal doing here?! Get him out, now!" Colonel Mustang yelled.
Ed hadnt even noticed the colonel was here. He couldn't get past how much blood there was. It was like a bomb had gone off inside each of their heads. In Nina's head. Oh god, she's really dead. Oh god!
Ed felt sick. Physically sick. Two officers were just about to grab him to get him out, but they didnt need too. For the third time that day, Ed ran.
He ran down the stairs, out the door, past his screaming brother, past the yelling officers. He ran.
That was all he could do.
He ran with no destination in mind. He ran, and ran, and ran, until he couldn't anymore, and fell to his knees in some dark alleyway, he had no idea where. His stomach did flips, and he ended up puking up his dinner right then and there.
Ed was out of breath, eyes screwed shut from throwing up. After he finished emptying his stomach, he sat against the wall of the alley, panting. It was then that he realized something. Something that would forever change his life.
He realized that he felt better, physically and emotionally better, after puking.
Ed didn't know how or why, but he felt slightly better after throwing up in that alley. It was like a sudden calm washed over him as he sat there next to his puddle of vomit. A calm he hadn't felt since his mom was alive. This feeling, whatever it was, made it easier to think, easier to breathe. So thats what he did.
Ed sat there in the alley for a good hour, not crying or wishing he were dead, just thinking. About how hard he was going kick Scars ass, about how he would fix his brother. Ed didn't know where this sudden motivation came from. But one thing he did know now is that he was an idiot for running away like he did, because now his brother would surley go looking for him, maybe even the colonel, and with Scar still out there, Ed feared for their saftey. So he forced himself onto shakey legs and headed towards central command, wherever that was.
After wandering for 20 minutes, Ed found his way to central command. He was hoping to a non existant god that the Mustang had the sense to take Al and himself to central command rather than go looking for Ed.
Thankfully, as Ed walking into the building, an officer immediatly told him he was wanted in Colonel Mustangs office right away. Ed thanks the officer and hurridly walked to the colonels office.
As he walked to Roy's office, he felt the eyes of every officer on him. Ed kept his head down and walked faster, not allowing himself to dwell on what the officers were thinking about him. That was yet another side effect of the mass in his chest. It made him feel like everywhere he went, everyone was staring and thinking horrible things of him. As he walked to the colonels office, however, he didn't feel this as much as he usually did. He knew they were looking at him, but he wasn't as worried about what they were thinking about him as he usually was. As he neared his destination, he realized what had lessened this. It was the churning of his empty stomach. He knew it sounded crazy, but it was comforting, somehow. It gave him something to focus on, and Ed liked that.
He didn't even stop outside the colonels office to ponder over just how much trouble he would be in. Nope, he walked straight in, no hesitation, all thanks to the empty churning in his guts.
The colonel was sitting at his desk, phone in hand. Ed would have guessed he was about to make a call. Ed let out a sigh of relief as he saw his brother sitting on the couch across from the colonel.
"Brother!" Al shouted. "You're alright!" Alphonse jumped out of his seat and ran to his brother, nearly choking him as he hugged him.
"Al, let me go." Ed said, his voice muffled by his armored brother. Al finally released him, them proceeded to punch him in the face.
"What the hell were you thinking, you idiot! Running off like that, Scar is still out there!"
"Jesus, Al," Ed said, rubbing his check. "Think you could have hit me any harder?"
"Fullmetal, where were you?" Mustang piped in, setting the phone down on the receiver.
Ed hesitated, not wanting to go into detail about what had happened with Roy. "It's none of your business." He said.
"Brother," Al said, about to scold his brother for speaking to the colonel that way. Roy interrupted him before he could finish.
"First of all, Edward, unless you want to loose your job, I wouldn't speak to your superiors that way." Ed gritted his teeth at that, but said nothing.
"Second, considered I sent several of my own men out to find you, while Scar is still at large, I think it is my business where you were."
Ed sighed. He was right, he did owe the colonel quite a lot. "I was in the east part of the city. I was.. I mean, I wasn't there purposely, I just kind of, ended up there." Ed took a deep breath, looking down at his feet. "After I saw the, uh... the bodies.. I just, I don't know. I wasn't thinking. So I ran, and I ended up in an alley in the east part of central where I realized I shouldn't have been stupid enough to run away like that, then I came back here." Ed left out the part about him puking being the reason he was able to think clearly. It really wasn't important, right? "I'm sorry, colonel," Ed said, looking back up at Roy. " I didn't mean to put anyone in danger."
"Anyone but yourself, you mean?" Ed clenched his jaw, but said nothing. Roy sighed. "Go back to your room, Ed. Get some food, sleep. I'm giving you two days leave, but after that I want you back here ready to work. Got it?"
Ed was taken back, as was Al. Ed was expecting to get chewed out, maybe even punished for running. He certainly wasn't expecting to get time off. "Uh, yeah, sure Mustang."
"Ok, good. Now get out of here." With that, Ed and Al walked out of Roy's office and towards their room.
After a few minutes of walking, Alphonse spoke up. "Brother, are you alright?"
"What? Yeah, why?" Ed asked.
"Nothing, it's just, your legs are trembling. You look like your about to fall over."
"I'm ok, Al. It's just because I ran so much earlier. We're almost to the room, I'll be fine."
"Ok, Ed, if you're sure."
And, true to his word, a few minutes later the Elric brothers arrived at their room. Ed immediately collapsed on his bed, not even bothering to take off his shoes or pick up the blankets that had fallen on the floor earlier that day.
"Brother, the colonel said you should probably eat something."
"I'm ok, Al, I just really want to sleep. I'll get something later, ok?"
"Ok, but I'm holding you to that, Ed."
"Whatever," Ed said, his eyes drifting closed. He was asleep in minutes.
Alphonse walked over to his older brother, gently sliding his boots and coat off him, then picking the blankets off the floor and covering Ed up with them. "Goodnight, brother," Al said as Ed drifted off into a deep sleep.
(A/N) So, what did you think? Anything anyone has to say would be greatly appreciated, Id like to learn to improve, and feedback is always nice. Thank you so much for reading. I should post the next chapter soon, most likely in a day or two. Thanks again, I really appreciate it.
