"Yeah, mmhhmm..." said Ron thoughtfully," I don't know what that freaky thing is but it looks a mix between a lemming and a penguin". "By golly" exclaimed Hermione (who had turned into some sort of hillbilly over the summer).

Harry had woken up with a... lets just say, strange thing, sleeping next to him under his comforter. Like Ron had thoughtfully said, it did look like a mix between a lemming and a penguin, it even acted like a lemming, and it copied every move Harry made. After some time of talking of what to do with it, the thing (I really need to come up with a name for it don't I.) started talking. It said, "I do say old chap, I think you should treat me like your king, for I am Femme, King... or was it Queen? Anyway, I am Femme, King or Queen or why not both of all Lemguins.

After many days of fanning Femme, and rubbing Femme's feet, or even being copied by Femme, Harry decide to trick him into killing himself, a good idea indeed. So the next morning Harry said, "Femme, I'm going to jump out of this window and die, with my broom". So Femme followed Harry out of the window and killed him while Harry flew high in the sky and did a victory lap around the tower, but a dreadful something happened when Harry flew into the window, Ron pulled out an AK-47 and pumped him full of lead. The author doesn't feel like explaining why so he won't tell you.

And They All Lived Happily Ever After...
...Kinda Sorta in a way