I grabbed my popcorn bowl and ran over to the TV screen, which showed the secret and live recording of Olympus: Dare the Gods. Even though I produced the show, the gods wouldn't let me watch it. So, I set up secret cameras all throughout Olympus and other places they'd need to be with the help of Hephaestus. That's not twisted, right?
"Okay, let's see what this first dare is…" Zeus said as he opened the letter containing the first dare. "Great, it's from that drunk dude! He always sends in the most annoying questions!"
The Olympians nodded in agreement.
"Let's see what it says… Ugh! It's for all of us. It says, 'All of Olympus, I dare you to gather together, watch "Saving Private Ryan" and play "Americans-drinking": For every American dying, each of you has to drink a shot of whatever godly equivalent to liquor with 30% alcohol there is.' "
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!" Dionysus screamed. "BY SWEARING ON THE RIVER STYX, I HAVE TO DRINK ALCHOHOL! THANK YOU DEATHMATCHDRUNKARD! I LOVE YOU ONCE AGAIN!"
Well, I thought to myself, that whole "ALONE!" thing didn't last long…
Anyway, the gods started watching the movie, and, let me tell you, they got drunk. Quickly.
By the end of the movie….
"And so I told the Valdez chick, 'Hades yeah, I wanna do ya! You're all hot and like me and stuff…'" Hephaestus said to a very drunk Hera, both of whom started laughing their buts off.
"Uh… I probably shouldn't tell Leo about this…" I said to myself out loud. By the way, he found out.
-Do you think Leo likes "sorry" cakes?-
The next day, the gods had a great hangover as Zeus read them the next dare.
"This is from the same dude. 'Hephaestus, I dare you to broadcast all of Olympus playing "Americans-drinking" to Camp Half-Blood in high-resolution,'" he read groggily. "Ugh. Please tell me we didn't record it."
The god of forges sighed. "Ninja picked these out. She made sure I recorded everything. I'll send it to them in HD."
"I think they have to know we're sending it to them…" Artemis pointed out sullenly.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the gods screamed in unison.
After Camp had been gathered to see what was going on…
I hid in the bushes of Camp Half-blood as Hephaestus explained Dare the Gods and the challenges to the campers.
"And now we have to show you how drunk we got last night while watching a movie."
Some cheered. Others groaned. Most grinned evilly, excited to see the gods make fools of themselves. I was smiling evilly.
Sometime after the all the gods were drunk, only Dionysus was watching the movie to tell them when to drink, while everyone else was talking to the other gods or goddesses present.
Artemis was talking to Aphrodite, saying: "Sometimes I wish I could just send my hunters after Annabeth and date Percy…"
But Aphrodite quickly replied, "No! I'm still trying to find a way to get Calypso off her island, or at least send Percy back there!"
As the goddesses continued to argue over whom Percy should date, his current girlfriend was fuming. "If they think they are breaking us up, they are so dead!"
I saw Percy turn towards one of the guys and say, "I miss Calypso."
So, anyway, by the time the movie was over, everyone was either laughing, crying (*cough* Leo *cough*,) or both.
In case you were wondering, when Leo heard his dad talking to Hera, at first he looked really mad. Then like his missed his mom. Then like he was pissed at his dad. Then like he missed his mom again… I felt so bad for him!
To end on a funnier note, Hermes had served punch "out of the goodness of his heart," that turned out he had spiked, so pretty much all of Camp had been drunk for the parts the gods had been drunk, so the demigods didn't really remember what had happened. Oh, how the gods thought they had won. And oh, how much I was beginning to like DeathmatchDrunkard again.
-Smiles evilly as people stare at me like I've lost my mind (which I have, by the way)-
The next day, the gods were smiling at Hermes's genius, congratulating him on thinking ahead. Even Athena said it had been smart!
Here comes the good part!
Zeus pulled out the letter with the next dare on it, and read out loud, "Okay… 'Apollo, I dare you to advertise "Americans-drinking" one week straight in advance in Camp Half-Blood to every meal time…' Every meal time… one week straight… NOOOOO!"
After I felt it was safe to come out of my secret bunker for tornados, hurricanes, and extreme world-wide thunderstorms…
"I WON'T DO IT!" Apollo cried as I came back to my laptop where the broadcast was going to.
"You have to. You swore on the River Styx. All of us did," Athena replied glumly, but I could tell she was secretly happy.
Her and Apollo had gotten into a fight of some sort, where Hestia had (obviously) sided with Apollo, and after Athena (wisely) backed down, the "virgin" goddess and not-so-virgin god left the throne room and hadn't been seen until the next dare was announced. And, knowing Athena, she'd probably recorded something no one wants to see. She gets revenge…
"I'll go tell the punks..." Ares said dejectedly.
Did I mention I was having the time of my life?
I switched the camera to the one hidden in Camp Half-Blood as Ares popped up and gathered the campers with a hangover.
"A dare said we had to broadcast our drinking thing to you all week as you guys eat."
He disappeared and the campers started cheering before lightning flashed around the borders of camp.
I switched the camera back to Olympus as the gods all just glared.
"I hate that guy again," Dionysus stated.
All throughout the week, the campers watched their parents be drunken idiots. Their children had a laugh. Or two. Or a thousand. It may/may not have been loud enough to be heard in the Underworld.
-Now does the audience understand why I smiled evilly? The gods didn't escape their children knowing how stupid they are when drunk.-
"Just say the damn dare," a very grouchy Artemis said. Someone had invited the hunters to one of the viewings without her knowledge, and… well… it didn't end well for the goddess.
" 'Zeus, I dare you to place yourself on St. Peter's Square in Vatican City and declare as loudly as you can that the Pope's not the representative of God on Earth, the idea of monotheism's wrong, anyway and that you're the King of Olympus, ruler of the REAL god/goddesses - without using your powers at all anytime while following through with the dare.' Σκατά."
The gods snickered at the dare, but I was laughing so hard I started crying. "I'm going to have the greatest time EVER!" I screamed.
I checked to see if I had a camera for where he was going, and it turns out I did. I pressed it hurriedly.
Zeus walked into the middle of the very crowded square and pulled out a megaphone Hephaestus had given him, saying he'd need it.
"May I have your attention please?" he yelled into the megaphone. "Thank you.
"This is going to sound a little crazy, but I'd just like to tell you all that I am Zeus, the Greek god of the sky. You should know that monotheism is wrong, as I am in front of you now. Hades, the whole IDEA of there being less than 102 gods is just insane.
"The Pope isn't a representative of God on Earth, and if he were he'd be a demigod. So, you can tell him that he isn't as great and powerful as he thinks, and all of your race needs to come and bow down to us once again! Build back up our temples! And, most of all, you MUST –" the god was interrupted. By a convenient tomato that I have no clue how it got there at all and Demeter and I had nothing to do with it. Also, on a completely unrelated topic, sarcasm is so beautiful, don't you think?
Some random guy in the crowd shouted out, "If you're really a god, you wouldn't have been hit!" He laughed a little, but the others glared.
"He's obviously mentally disturbed," the beautiful woman, who seemed to be the man's wife, said. "There's no need to throw my mother's – I mean, some randomly appearing tomato at the poor soul."
The man smiled and his eyes turned darker. With a hilarious jolt, I realized it was Hades and Persephone.
"You're right, darling. I'm sorry," he said, and though it sounded sincere, he was obviously lying.
"The poor man has no way of proving this unorthodox theory anyway, so there's nothing to worry about, now is there?" the wife said sweetly.
Moment of truth.
Thunder rumbled off in the distance, and the clouds turned slightly darker, but nothing else happened. Except, of course, Zeus looked really pissed, and I was pretty sure I could see sparks coming off him, though the mortals wouldn't notice.
"Well, before I leave, I'd like to make a little shout-out," he said happily. Σκατά. "To ninjagal2000, I would just like to tell you that αν δω ποτέ το πρόσωπό σας ή να βρείτε την ταυτότητά σας θα κάψει όλη την πόλη σας στο έδαφος σε μια καταιγίδα που θα είναι μεγαλύτερη από κάθε άλλη δει ποτέ από τον άνθρωπο ή ζώο! Και το ίδιο ισχύει και για εσάς, Θάνατος Κρασοπατέρας αγώνα!"
I smiled a little to myself. I love how they assume I understand what they were saying! I just know a couple curse words…
Oh, how I was really beginning to like DeathmatchDrunkard.
Wait… I remember those questions he sent in. Scratch that, I still hate him.
Zeus came back to Olympus after he had walked away from many glares until out of sight.
"This is going to haunt me for all eternity."
-I'll make sure of it.-
The next day, Zeus smirked as he read the next dare. "'Hades, I dare you to go to a Al-Qaeda training camp with at least fifty people and tell them that there aren't seventy virgins awaiting them in the afterlife, but a few centuries in Charon's outer office and the Fields of Punishment (or Asphodel) after that - without using your godly powers at all save for getting within 300 feet of the camp and suspending everything moving to kill you in the air until you've finished telling them this.' THIS WILL BE AMAZING! REVENG IS A BITCH, BROTHER!"
I smiled slightly. Zeus cursed in English…
Hades glared, but disappeared instantly.
Sadly, I did have a camera for the Al-Qaeda place, and, instead of warning my government that I can spy on some terrorists (I'm American, by the way,) I decided to just let Hades do his thing. Hehe… whoops. (AN/ if I did have some camera at a terrorist base, I would tell my government.)
So anyway, back to Hades.
He walked up to the base for 534 terrorists (it was the smallest camp he could find.) He jammed all their guns, and continued to walk up until he was face-to-face with one of the men.
"كنت غبية حقا. ليست هناك سبعين العذارى في انتظاركم بعد أن تموت. لا، عندما تموت أنت في أرض بلادي. حسنا، من الناحية الفنية، عليك أن تكون في الأراضي تشارون حتى تذهب إلى أسفل إلى العالم السفلي، حيث أعتقد أنني سوف نرسل لك كل مباشرة إلى حقول من العقاب. الأساطير اليونانية هو حقيقي، وليس لديك حماقة. قبل أن تسأل، أنا لم يسمح لي لاثبات أي شيء من هذا، ولكن سأكون أكثر من سعيدة لمجرد قتلك مع مكافحة اليد الى اليد بحيث يكون لديك فرصة أسرع من اللعنة الأبدية الخاص بك."
(AN/ it made more sense when I translated it into Arabic then when I translated it out…)
Hades walked away from the men that were stunned anyone would threaten them like that.
When he got back to Olympus, everyone stared at them. Hermes spoke first.
"Well, you didn't make that nearly as funny as when Zeus got hit in the face by a tomato."
Everyone started laughing until Hades got hit in the face by a… wait, was that a grape? Oh, another! AWESOME, SOMEONE'S THROWING A TON OF GRAPES AT THE LORD OF THE UNDERWORLD! HOLY HERA, THEY'RE BEGINNING TO JUST BLOW UP IN HIS FACE! THIS IS AMAZING!
A laugh escaped Zeus. "I think that's better than tomatoes!" and, just like that, all the gods started laughing at Hades' grape-covered face.
I thought to myself, This was fun.
-But this will be better. (Smiles evilly… again.)-
The gods were all assembled in the Throne Room, chatting quietly. Zeus stood up and pulled up the letter with the next dare.
Unlike how I had made all the previous envelopes white, this was now alternating blue and pink.
Zeus, unaware of the world-changing event that was about to happen, said, "This is the next dare." He opened the envelope cautiously, afraid I would have sent in another twisted dare from DeathmatchDrunkard. I had, and this one would be just as fun as the ones before it. (All the previous dares were from him. I think I didn't put that. I'm just going to start putting that in the AN at the end…)
Zeus read it to himself, squinting in slight confuzzlement. (that's how I say confusion.)
"What is wrong, Father?" Athena asked worriedly.
"There must be some mistake… this is addressed to our children. It reads, 'All of the demigods (you may select five representatives), I dare you to watch all three parts of "Lord of the Ring" in a row, without falling asleep, prolonged stays on the loo or however else you might try to cut some time short.'"
The gods stared.
"No… not Lord of the Rings. None can watch such intensity nonstop! It is impossible! They – they could die! One is not meant to see so much awesomeness all at once!" Apollo exclaimed gravely.
Zeus gulped. "It has been written, so it shall be done."
"WAIT!" Athena screamed. "Since when do demigods have to partake in these dares? NEVER! So, they don't have to do this!"
"I'll go ask ninja…" Hephaestus said, pulling out a laptop.
A couple seconds later, a message popped up from Ihavemasteredflame. It read, "Demigods? Can they?" He knew I was watching…
I typed back quickly. "Uh... yeah. You see… they signed the contract… and the contract is abiding for all godly challenges… so… yeah. Tell them they can thank Annabeth for getting them to sign it! :) hehe… huh… er."
Hephaestus read my message and looked up. "They signed our contract."
"NO! ANYTHING BUT LORD OF THE RINGS! PLEASE, NINJA, HAVE MERCY ON THEIR SOULS! I mean, I wouldn't… but that's not the point! PLEASE! THEY COULD DRAG NICO INTO THIS!"
I typed a quick message to Hephaestus.
He read it out loud, his face paling. "She knows who should watch it."
"WHO?" the gods screamed.
"Rachel the Oracle, Percy, Jason, Reyna, and Leo." He read all the names gravely.
"You mean… not only will they see all of the Lord of the Rings, but both Greeks and Romans will partake? Are… is she INSANE? HAS SHE NO PITY FOR THESE POOR DEMIGODS WHO HAVE SAVED HER WORLD?"
Nope. I thought to myself.
"I shall inform the chosen ones this grave turn of events." Hera said. She disappeared to camp, and I switched my camera over to that.
"Demigods, I have gathered you here today to tell you of a task. This task shall be greater than any you've ever faced, so you must be brave. The ones have already been chosen for this quest. Will the following five please come forward to receive what they will need for this journey. Rachel. Reyna. Leo. Jason. Percy."
The five stood nervously.
"Wait! If Percy's going somewhere, I'm going with him!" Annabeth shouted.
"And I'm going with Jason!" Piper shouted.
"I'm not leaving my friends!" Frank shouted bravely.
"And I'm not leaving them, either!" Hazel shouted.
Nico shrugged. "Eh, what the Hades. Sign me up!"
Hera looked around. "I don't know if all of you can do this.." she pulled out her phone and messaged me.
"Is there a limit to the number of demigods able to participate?"
My reply was swift and concise. "No."
"You all may take part," Hera said sadly. "But now that you have agreed, you cannot back down from the roads that lay ahead. Oracle, do we have a prophecy?"
"I want to know what the crap is –"
Rachel's eyes turned Oracle Green (that's right, it's its own shade now.)
"Ten demigods shall partake in the dare,
Half who had simply fallen into the snare.
The movies are long, and the danger is true,
And what they see, none can undo.
Beware, for its contents stings.
Beware, I warn, the Lord of the Rings."
Okay. I've never done this before, but… this will be continued on the next episode! :) Don't kill me or hate me or anything. What'd you think of the first Dare the gods? Hm? Tell me in the reviews! Till next time!
-ninja
