How I Formed the Avengers: Chapter 1
By, Danelle Ros
Nick Fury: Peter Parker, I'm gonna tell you an amazing story. The story of how I formed the Avengers.
Peter: Am I being punished for something?
Nick Fury: No.
Peter: Is this gonna take a while? Because I'm still kinda pissed at the fact that you missed one handsome star on your radar.
Nick Fury: Yes. A couple of years ago, before you were even on our radar, there was a plan, to bring a group of remarkable people, so when we needed them, they could fight the battles, that we never could.
*Opening*
Nick Fury: It was way back then. You know what I do for a living, right? I own a science university in New York called S.H.I.E.L.D, and some of the greatest scientist walked those grounds. Including the remarkable Bruce Banner. The university was doing great, when Tony was being a huge dick (as always).
2 DAH PAWST
*Tony on one knee with a ring in his hand, and Steve Rogers (Captain America) in front of him*
Tony: Will you marry me?
Steve: YES! Perfect, and then you're engaged! You pop some champagne, you drink and toast, you have sex on the kitchen floor!... don't have sex on your kitchen floor.
Tony: Got it. Thanks for the party pooper advice, Steve.
Steve: Are you kidding? It's you and Pepper! I've always been there for you guys. You know, the night you hired her, your first date... other first things... and I don't want you to mess this up
Tony: Hey! In my defence, Jarvis was just doing his job, and he was worried.
Steve: It was the audio Jarvis caught, Tony. You and Pepper were making so much noise, he thought you were being gutted... *smiles* My god... you're getting engaged tonight!
Tony: Yeah... what are you doing tonight?
Nick Fury: What was he doing? Here, your (daddy) uncle Tony was taking the biggest step of his life, and him? Calling up your uncle Clint.
Clint: Hey Steve. You know that I've always wanted to go to Budapest for one of my business trips, but the boss always ignores me? Well now I've got a new favorite... Barcelona! Barcelona seems pretty legit! You know what I'm saying?
Steve: Hey, you wanna do something tonight?
Clint: Ok, meet me in the bar in 15 minutes, and shade up!
Laytar
Steve: Hey
Clint: W- where are your shades?! Just once when I say shade up, I'd wish you put on a pair of shades!
Steve: I did!... that one time.
Clint: They looked hipster!
Steve: You know, ever since I was friends with Tony, it been: Tony, Pepper, and Me! Now it's going to be Tony and Pepper... and me! They'll get married, start a family, before long, I'm going to be that weird pac-man, galaga, listens to the radio five hours a day guy their kids will call
"Uncle Steve".
*Clint hits Steve's head*
Clint: I see what this is about. Have you forgotten what I said to you the night we met?
2 DAW PAWST
*Clint walks up to Steve in the bar*
Clint: Steve, I'm gonna teach you how to live. *Confusion in the air* Clint. We met at the urinal.
Steve: Oh, right... right.
Clint: Lesson one, lose the cheap 50's moped outside. Doesn't go with you shades.
Steve: I'm not wearing shades.
Clint: Lesson two, get some shades. Shades are cool, exhibit A. Lesson three, don't even think about getting married until you're 30.
PWESENT!
Steve: 30, right. You're right. I guess it's just, you're best friend gets engaged, you start thinking about that stuff.
Clint: I thought I was your best friend. Steve, say you're my best friend.
Steve: You're my best friend, Clint.
Clint: Good! And as your best friend, I suggest we play a little game called... "Have You met
Steve?"
Steve: What? No no no, we're not playing "Have You met Steve?"
Clint: *taps on woman's shoulder* Hi! Have you met Steve?
Steve: Hi, I'm Steve.
Jane: Jane Foster.
Steve: It's a very pretty name.
Jane: Thanks, it's Barselonan. *Clint goes fnioewbfwourebfeow*
TWONSEESION!
Tony: Hey!
Pepper: Urgh, I'm exhausted. You left me with a little bit too much work today, you know? You're lucky I love you, ya bastard... hm, you're cooking?
Tony: Yes, I am.
Pepper: Aw *kiss* Are you sure that's a good idea after the last time? You looked really creepy without eyebrows.
Tony: Look, I can handle this; I'm full of surprises tonight.
Pepper: More? Like what, Mr. Stark?
Nick Fury: Tony was a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist, so he was pretty good when it came to thinking on his feet.
Tony: I just shit my pants.
Pepper: W-... What?!
Tony: Um... NOTHING! Nope, that's all of them!... I'm gonna go check the probably burnt omelettes.
Transition
Thor: How dare you touch Jane Foster without my consent!
Steve: (Being strangled) I-I'm... sorry!
*Thor and Jane Foster meet eye contact, smile, and laugh*
Clint: *Letting go of Thor back, trying to save Steve's life* So, um... we're... cool?
Thor: Hehe, why of course young man. Be my name is Thor, by the way.
Clint: Clint.
Steve: *Breaths* S-Steve!:
Jane: Sorry! Thor and I like to mess with people a lot. I guess I got used to it a bit too much, that it was okay to let men be strangled.
Steve: Ya think?! Great, everyone has a relationship with somebody. Just great.
Jane: Aw, well, don't worry! I pretty sure you'll find that special someone early on.
Steve: Really?
Thor: Nonsense! You shall do great young Steve!
Steve: Well, you're clearly drunk (pulls her wine glass away. Hold up glass to bartender) ONE MORE FOR THE LADY AND THE MAN THAT LOOKS LIKE HE EATS FIVE BEARS FOR BREAKFAST!
Transition
Tony: Okay, look what I got (runs to the fridge. Takes out wine bottle)
Pepper: Aw—Tony. Champagne!
Tony: Yeah. (hands it back)
Pepper: (realizing) No, you are too crazy to be drinking this late.
Tony: I'm not crazy.
Pepper: Then don't drunk dial Clint or Steve tonight!
Tony: Fine...
Pepper: You are unbelievable, Tony. No—
Tony: Will you marry me?
Pepper: Of course, you idiot! (hugs him and they fall back)
Transition
Clint: Your brother's the bar tender?
Thor: Yes. His name be thou Loki
Steve: … 'sup Loki?
SEX!
Tony: I promised Steve we wouldn't do that. *Looks up* Sorry Jarvis!
Pepper: Did you know there's a donut under your fridge?
Tony: No, but dibs. Where's that champagne? I wanna drink a toast with my fiancé.
Pepper: aww (claps. They kiss)
Tony: I don't know why I was so scared of this. Pretty easy right?
(Pops cork, hit's Pepper's eye)
Pepper: (YELLS)
Tony : (covers mouth) OH!
TRANSITION
Steve: Why am I freaking out all of a sudden? This is crazy! I'm not ready to settle down.
Clint: (ignoring) how do you find a Barselonan girl? Barcelona is so hard to go to, let again be borned in, now a days!
Thor: 'Tis easy with thy charms such as myself.
Steve: It's always been "don't even think about it till you're thirty"
Clint: Exactly—the guy doesn't even own shades!
Steve: Plus Tony's found the love of his life. Even if I was ready, which I'm not, but if I was it's
like, "Okay, I'm ready! Where is she?" (Spots Natasha Romanoff)
Nick Fury: And there was the devil herself
Nick: It was like something from an old movie, where the sailor sees the girl across the crowded
dance floor, turns to his buddy and says, "See that girl? I'm going to marry her someday."
Steve: Hey Clint, see that girl?
Clint: Oh yeah, you know she just screams mysterious. Man, you should say "hi." She could be nice under all that ice radiating from herself.
Steve: I can't just go and say "Hi." I need a plan, I'm going to wait until she goes to the bathroom, then I'll strategically place myself by the jukebox, so that when she comes….
Clint: Yeah, um *to the lady* hi! Have you met Steve? *Walks away*
Steve: Um, hi.
Natasha: Let me guess, you're Steve?
Steve: Hehe, yeah. So, what's your name?
Natasha: Natasha Romanoff.
Steve: Hello Natasha! So, what do you do?
Natasha: I have a very special skill set. Sorry, can't tell you.
Steve: Oh! Um, ok... um... FBI?
Natasha: You can keep it like that, if you want.
Steve: So, um, do you track down criminals, or threats to the country of some sort? You know, man kidnaps a monkey, and the monkey is missing, so you guys have to find the monkey because it's a crucial part on your experiment- *get's a drink thrown at his face by Natasha* Um, why'd you do that?
Natasha: Now, can't have you thinking about my job that much, now can I?
Steve: So, I'm right? Your job is that?
Natasha: It's up to you to decide. Look, I have to go. Here's my number. Maybe dinner tomorrow at 6? Good, and sorry for throwing that drink at you.
Steve: No! It's ok, really. Um, see ya later!
Natasha: Until next time, Steve.
Clint: *walks in front of Steve* De-, wait for it, -nied! Denied! Omg. So sorry for laughing man, but omg ha!
Steve: Heh, we're going out tomorrow night
Clint: What? I thought we were playing lazer tag tomorrow night?
Steve: Yeah, I was never going actually, and you don't even need me! You hold the record for most hits and point. Dude, you can shoot a kid from, like, 50 feet away.
Clint: Hehe, yeah...
Furture
Nick: The next night, that bastard Steve took Natasha out for a lovely dinner
Present
Natasha: Dude, that is one bad-ass replica of a shotgun. I wish I could rip it off the walls. My apartment's been a bit bland recently.
Steve: Yeah... hey, um, do you... fondue?
Nick: Peter, when you talk to a girl, don't assume that every person thinks of fondue as sex... but this woman was different.
Natasha: *Attempts to keep food in mouth from laughing* omg I'm so sorry, but... fondue? I love it.
Nick: However, I'm pretty sure Natasha thought of fondue as... fondue.
Transition
Tony: Pepper, I'm so sorry about th-
Pepper: Just... quiet for a moment, please... ow. Stupid eyepatch.
Steve: *Walking into room of Tony's house* Guys. Tonight was amazing. I think I just had dinner with the future Mrs. Rogers.
Pepper: Oh, how nice Steve! What happened?
Steve: I asked if she fondues, and she laughed! We're gonna have fondue!
Tony: Oh god man! It's on! On like the simple bit of matter of Donkey Kong!
Pepper: Wait, Steve, you do know that she said fondue as actual... fondue, right? Not... bangin'?
Steve: What? Aw man!
Tony: Dude! It's still awesome! Pepper, remember the Fondue Theory?
Pepper: Oh Yeah!
Nick: Peter, the Fondue Theory is a theory made up by your uncle Tony and Pepper. Basically, when someone likes fondue, and they meet Steve, the both of them will atleast have a month of full intimacy.
Tony: So... did you kiss her?
Steve: No
Tony: Oh come on Steve!
Steve: What?! I want our first kiss to be meaningful, and amazing!
Pepper: That's understandable. You see, Tony and my first kiss was as meaningful as it gets.
Steve: See?
Pepper: Yeah... so you chickened out like a little bitch?
Steve: What?! No! I didn't chicken out!
Pepper: Steve, even with your lack of knowledge of the media today, I'm pretty sure you
understood that reference. For that, you must know that I'm kinda being honest here.
Tony: Ha! Yeah. Hey, what does she do for a living?
Steve: I don't know. She only said that she had a "special" skill or whatever, and that it was top secret.
Pepper: Omg, FBI in the house man.
Steve: That's what I thought too, but... I'm actually not sure. She actually has to be out of town in a few days.
Tony: Well, when's the next time you're going to see her?
Steve: Tomorrow night!
Pepper: And that's when you're gonna kiss her, and not chicken out, right?
Steve: What? No! Okay, first of all, I did not chicken out! Second of all, I just want our first kiss to be special. You know what? I don't need to take first kiss advice from some pirate who hasn't been single since the first day of work!
Pepper: Steve, anyone who's single would tell you the same thing. Even the dumbest single person alive, and if you don't believe me…call him.
*Calls Clint*
Clint: (Phone) Hey loser, how's not playing laser tag going? Because playing laser tag is awesome! Oh, I killed you Connor; don't make me get your mom! *shoots without looking* Oh! Just got her!
Steve: Hey, listen, I need your opinion on something.
Thor: Son of Barton, we are making such progress with this tagging of lasers game, that I
believe we shall reward ourselves with sustenance!
Steve: Um, is that the guy we met yesterday?
Clint: Yeah, and, unlike you, he ROCKS at laser tag! Well... he mainly just shouts and shoots everything that moves (including me at times) but he's alright. Ok, meet us at the S.H.I.E.L.D bar like usual, and shade up!
At the Bar
Steve: So, these guys think that I chickened out. What do you think?
Clint: I still can't believe you're still not wearing a pair of shades!
Steve: She didn't even look like she wanted to kiss me.
Clint: What's she gonna do? Bat her eyes in morse code? *blinks* Steve *blinks* Kiss me - No, you just kiss her!
Steve: Not if she doesn't give the signal, so to say.
Clint: Hm- *Kisses Tony* Did Tony give me the signal?
Tony: No! (To Pepper) I didn't, I swear.
Clint: But see—at least, tonight, I get to sleep knowing, Tony and Me… never going to happen. You should've kissed her.
Steve: Augh, I should've kissed her. How about when she comes back from her business trip thing?
Pepper: Steve, she's probably going to be away for a week. That's like—a year in hot girl time. She'll forget all about you. Mark my words: you will never see that one again.
Thor: Little man, I believe you should reclaim more faith in thy lips, and sweep the lady off her feet.
Steve: You're right. Thanks (what's your name again?) Thor! I'm gonna go to her apartment right
now! I'm gonna go, kiss her, and I shall sweep her feet.
Tony: Steve, to be honest, it's kinda after midnight. As your voice of reason, I'm gonna advise you: that's freakin' crazy!
Steve: I never do anything crazy! I'm always waiting for the moment! Planning the moment! Well she's leaving in a couple of days, this may be the only moment I'm gonna get! I gotta have the guts to take the leap!
Clint: Did I congratulate you two yet (Raises glasses to Pepper and Tony)
Steve: I'm doing this *Gets up*
Pepper: Let's go! *pulls Tony*
Tony: Word up!
Pepper: We're coming with you.
Thor: Hast thou given thy permission for me to go as well?
Steve: I guess so. I see a long friendship with the both of us actually, hehe… Clint?
Clint: Alright, but under one condition.
Taxicab
Clint: Look at you, you beautiful bastard, you've put on your shades! This is totally going on my blog!
Steve: *to cab driver* stop the car, pull over right here. Gotta do something. Um, what's your name again?
Coulson: Coulson. Phil Coulson.
Steve: *Runs into restaurant to take the shotgun on the wall off* Excuse me. Pardon me.
Waiter: Hey, HEY!
Steve: *Jumps back in taxicab* go, go, GO! *looks at confused friends* Everybody brings flowers.
Later
Steve: Ok, moment of truth. Wish me luck.
Pepper: Kiss her, Steve. Kiss her good
Tony: Kiss the crap out of the girl!
Clint: Don't drop dead on the ground Steve. You can do it! You're wearing shades for crying out loud!
Steve: Tony, remember this night. When you're the best man at our wedding and you give a speech, you're gonna tell this story. *exits cab*
Clint: Why does he get to be the best man? *Shouts out* I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND!
Steve: *knocks on door, doors open*
Natasha: Hey!
Steve: Hi! Um, *looks at shotgun*
Natasha: You... wanna come in? That's not real, right?
Steve: No! And, um, sure. *walks in*
Cab
Tony: He's in!
Clint: So, Coulson, you seem like the kind to have been in Barcelona.
Coulson: Um, you do know that my physical appearance has nothing to do with the places I've been in my life, right?
Clint: Right...
Coulson … It's lovely.
Clint: Omg really?!
Steve
Natasha: So, Steve. Why are you here in Brooklyn at one in the morning in - shades...
Steve: I was just hoping we could have... fondue. You said that you liked them...
Natasha: Would you like some Gin and Vermont with your fondue?
Steve: Are you trying to get me drunk?
Natasha: No... is just customary to present your guest with a beverage. However, in a way, I suppose so. *Walks in kitchen*
Steve: *Mouths and looks up* Thank You!
Cab
Pepper: Look, I gotta go to the bathroom.
Tony: Ok. See ya. *Makes room for Pepper to move*
Thor: So, son of Stark, I am getting the vibe that you are bestowing you love for this woman, Pepper? With proof of that ring of yours.
Tony: Hehe, yeah.
Thor: And I also hear of this "Theory of the Fondue?" What is that about?
Tony: Oh, it was hilarious. This one time (actually all of the time really) Steve would always ask a girl if they fondued.
Thor: Go on?
Tony: Meaning...
Thor: ...Oh! Ha! Oh how humorous this man is with his yearning to be part of a coitous.
Clint: Yeah, I think this conversation stops before it gets too awkward.
Thor: … Congratulations by the way on thou proposal.
Tony: Thanks!
Clint: Augh, if only you stuck with the 30 rule. Come on Tony! Isn't that too much responsibility on your hands? For christ's sake, you're running STARK Towers, Tony! I personally think you're making a mistake here.
Tony: Look Clint. I'm not waiting until I'm 30 to marry Pepper. I mean, I love her, and I've just been waiting for this moment ever since I first laid my eyes on her when she first walked into Stark Towers. Yeah, she's wonderful, amazing, clever, and pretty easy on the eyes. I'm marrying her no matter what. *Everyone notices that Pepper heard all of that since she's kinda out the cab window*
Pepper: *Pulls in Tony's head to kiss him* me too.
Coulson: Awwwww
Steve
*You see Natasha and Steve slow dancing with music in background*
Natasha: I think I like your "Fondue Theory".
Steve: I think I like your Shotgun.
Natasha: I think I like your nose.
Steve: I think I'm in love with you.
Bar
(After Steve tells them the story)
Pepper, Tony, and Clint: What?
Nick Fury time
Peter: What?
Present at Natasha's place
Natasha: What?
Cab
Clint: Why are we still sitting here? Let's go! We can still make last call. What do you say Pott's? (Pirate Accent) Yo, ho ho and a bottle o' rum? (Silence) 'Cuz you're a pirate…
Pepper: Okay, eyepatch gone *takes off eyepatch* And we can't just abandon Steve. If it doesn't go well up there he's gonna need some support.
Tony: It's been like twenty minutes. You think they're doing it?
Pepper: Ok, forget about the support. We're going to the bar.
Thor: Thy lady has a wise thought. Coulson, to the Bar we go! Onwards!
Coulson: You got it. *Drives away from apartment building*
Steve
Steve: So... you're leaving in a couple of days... going to some secret boot camp to save some endangered orphans?
Natasha: Steve, only an idiot would say "I love you" on a person's first date.
Steve: I know! I'm so sorry! Oh, god, I can't believe I said that. Why did I say that? Who says that? I should just go. (Gets up)
Natasha: Hold up. *Get's up* Wait a minute. *covers the strawberry with melted chocolate* can't leave without eating one I guess.
Steve: Fondue. Thanks. I love you. What's wrong with me?! *Furiously takes bite* Ow! Hot! However very delicious.
Bar
Thor: Aren't you concerned for your comrade, my friends?
Tony: Naw. Steve is an idiot, but he's not stupid.
Steve
Steve: *Steve and Natasha walk out the front door of the building* When you tell this story to your friends, do you mind avoiding the word "psycho?" I prefer eccentric.
Natasha: Good night, psycho *smiles*
Steve: *Realizes his friends left him* Great. Umm… how do I get to the F Train?
Natasha: Oh, um—two blocks (comes out) that way (points) and take a right.
Steve: Thanks. *Natasha begins to walk in* You know what? I'm done being single. I'm not good at it. Look, obviously you can't tell a woman you just met you love her. But… it sucks that you can't. I'll tell you something though, if a woman—not you… just some hypothetical woman—were to bare with me through all this. I think I'd make a damn good husband. Because that's the stuff I'd be good at. Stuff like making her laugh and being a good father... keeping her FBI career a secret from society. Having good fondue.
Natasha: Everyone thinks they do good... fondue. *giggles*
Steve: I've got references... and I understand them too.
Natasha: Good night, Steve. *Shake hands*
Steve: And I'm a good hand shaker
Natasha: that's a pretty great hand shake. *Looks him in the eyes*
Bar
Steve: And that was it, probably never going to see her again. (Silence) What?
Tony: That was the signal!
Pepper: That long lingering handshake—you should've kissed her!
Clint: There's no such thing as the signal. But yeah—that was the signal.
(Coulson appears)
Coulson: Signal *nods*
Thor: The man be right! You should have swept the lady off her feet! Remember our chat earlier on thy day?
Tony: *Sees Loki walk by* Oh! Loki, the champagne please? *get's handed champagne by Loki* Thanks.
Loki: You're welcome. *to Steve* You should've kissed her.
Steve: There was no signal!
Tony: *Opens bottle without any injuries*
Pepper: Aw! You sure you're not g-
Tony: Trust me, Pepper. I got this. *Toasting* To my fiance!
Pepper: To the future!
Coulson: To one hell of a night!
Thor: To more memorable moments with thou new friends of mine here!
Steve: That was NOT the signal.
Nick: I asked her about it years later, and yeah, that was the signal. He could've kissed her. But that's the funny thing about destiny. It happens whether you plan it or not. I mean he never thought I'd see that girl again. But it turns out that he was just too close to the puzzle to see the picture that was forming. Because that Peter…
Nick Fury Time
Nick …is the true story, of how 3 out of the 6 Avengers met two more of the members for the very first time.
Peter: Five out of Six? I thought that this was how you formed the Avengers! And how does uncle Tony getting married have anything to do with you forming them?
Nick: Peter, just sit down your ass, ok? I'm getting there. Like I said... it's one long hell of a story.
FADE to BLACK
